under the red moon
my lifless corpse lay
no more days
to say i love you
now you see
the true side of me
deep within thistourmented soul
lies a hero
truly i have died for a great cost
but at what loss
you take my hand
but you drop it in the sand
just like my heart
it turns to ashes
cause you burned it away
today was gonna be the day
that evrything was gonna come out
but now you shout my name
in pain


tell me what you guys think and if you would like to see more

Nice. I like the fact that this poem could be sung by either a boy or a girl.
If you've got more then keep 'em coming!

I would at least make sure you don't have any typos and that everything is spelled right before posting this like it's done :p It's important to have those fixed, because errors will throw somebody right out of the immersion of reading.

"Truly I have died for a great cost / but at what loss"

The poem is pretty good, but those two lines seem off. There isn't much reference to the cause or reason of the death. Unless it's a metaphor for heartbreak or something.

What's the significance of the red moon? Usually it symbolizes something that happens rarely, but I don't think that fits in this poem.

truly i have died for a great cost
but at what loss

do you mean "cause"?

you take my hand
but you drop it in the sand
just like my heart
it turns to ashes
cause you burned it away

wait what did he/she do to your hand again?

today was gonna be the day
that everything was gonna come out
but now you shout my name
in pain

What's going to come out? Are you raping him/her?