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Lord Altaer of the Abyss (Alphaeus) vs. Zalgo (Veir)

Started by: Alphaeus | Replies: 7 | Views: 1,203

Alphaeus
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Feb 12, 2016 10:10 PM #1437273
Finally, the battle has arrived!


Altaer, Lord of the Abyss (link in my Sign) has met Zalgo the Fraysan in battle!




Alphaeus's battle

(this is NOT Gdocs)



Veir's battle

(this IS Gdocs)

For those who can't use Google:
Veir's Battle in written form (Click to Show)
Veir
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Feb 13, 2016 12:09 AM #1437287
I got absolutely rekt
Alphaeus
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Feb 13, 2016 12:20 AM #1437290
Well, I'm sure if you had more time, you would have done better. I've seen your other works. You didn't do terrible, though, even with the way it is.

EDIT: Veir, you're not supposed to vote, ya know?
Malacal
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Feb 14, 2016 1:50 PM #1437524
he's not supposed to vote, but he also didn't exactly vote for himself
Crank
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Feb 15, 2016 10:24 PM #1437889
Great battle you guys!

Alphaeus, I really enjoyed the pacing and progression of yours and found that you did an excellent job conveying characters and making them human. I personally can't think of anything I would've liked to see added to it or done differently, and greatly look forward to the next chapter for your character!

Veir, I'm on the run so I'm mostly spark noting so I can edit this more in a bit, but even though yours was comparatively short (nothing wrong with that), it was still a pleasant read! I get that you had a lot of ground to cover, but a lot of the transitions seemed a bit empty, and the meeting of the two characters felt a bit unnatural. The other thing is more less because it's something I see a lot. If you don't read many of the battles you might not realize this, which is fine, but there are several times that people end the story with everyone unconscious. Now I'm not saying anything against ties, especially against stronger opponents, but if that is the case, I'd rather the draw either leave a significant impact on the character (maybe too early to tell now, in fairness), or if it was a more drawn out fight so it feels earned on both sides.

Just my two cents.

Again though, great job to your both!
Veir
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Feb 17, 2016 11:54 AM #1438265
Thanks for the advice Crank. My idea for the battle was that Zalgo was facing off against an enemy that was MUCH more powerful than himself, which is something he's not used to. I also now realize that because of my poor writing I failed to get across the point that Zalgo didn't die. He defeated his enemy while he himself only passed out.
Alphaeus
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Feb 25, 2016 9:51 PM #1439540
Well, this is going to close in about 8 hours, and I doubt that there are going to be six sudden votes on Veir's side.

I give him my congratulations on a great battle, and look forward to any further work with him!

With that, I claim this as my first win!! :D
Chromium7

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Feb 26, 2016 12:49 AM #1439573
voted for zalgo! :o
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