So here are my and Applecharms works for our wrhg. This wrhg is our first so please judge our works fairly and give some critics on our works thank you.

ravellers.

"Where do you think he is?" Ginn huffed as they trekked through the grass plain.

"He couldn't have gotten far... he hasn't walked for a thousand years, he has to be out of practice." Leif replied, glancing around to look for the brown stickman.

She didn't wear her scarf and held Gem lightly in her right hand, though tight enough to be ready for an attack.

Ginn nodded, the dark grey man using Rowan, his dead stick as a hiking staff. His white pupils gleamed against black. A blotchy scar ran over his left eye. A set of dark veins webbed from below his right eye to down to his shoulder.

Leif brushed her dark green hair away from her face, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead.

It had been three days since they had left the Dojo to look for Dairu. And so far, nothing yet.

"So, you're that lot whose been searching for a young man?"

Startled by the sudden voice, both whirled around to face the newcomer.

He was a young man shrouded by a dark green cloak, that matched his irises that shimmered from the shadow cast by his cloak.

Ginn raised Rowan instinctively, the sharp edge aimed at the mysterious man. Rowan pulsed with a darkish aura.

Dark magic, The demon within the man's head spoke. Interesting.

"Who are you?" Ginn narrowed his eyes as he stepped protectively between Leif and the man.

"John," The man said, casually bringing his hand inside his cloak, drawing out his weapon from its sheath. "John Moore. Half human, demon and angel."

He pulled out an Italian Rapier. The thin and long blade attached to a fancy handle and colours. He slashed a figure 8 in the air before him. The weapon leaving a swish sound as it cut through the air.

"Look," Leid said, breaking in between them. "We don't want any trouble, we're just looking for-"

"I know you're that girl and man I heard about. You're searching for a boy." He said, inspecting the length of his rapier. "And people like you... do not impress me."

"W..What?" Before she could ask anymore, John slashed at her. Leif yelped, swiftly leaping back.

Angered by the intension of attack, Ginn threw himself at the foe.

This will be fun, The demon grinned within John's mind. A mix of a mortal and dark magic.

Let's make this quick, The angel replied.

The fusion of demon, human and angel ran up to meet the young man, weapon at ready.

Ginn stabbed Rowan into the ground, using it to spring over John Moore. The viking stopped and spun back, thrusting forward.

Ginn soared over the blade and as he fell to the other side, shot a burst of dark magic at the seemingly 23-year-old.

John sidestepped, letting the blast fly past. "I've fought since the times of vikings. I've been in the wars accumulated over these few eons."

He readied his rapier. "I am very interested to see what your generation has to offer."

John gleamed a white light, going Angellic, he shot forward with his highly raised speed.

Ginn looked around him with caution, the man circling him so fast, he was a blur that seemed to be everywhere at once. John emerged from behind, driving his rapier into Ginn's shoulder.

Ginn yelped, turning to face him when John had already sped behind him. He struck again, causing the grey man to yowl again.

This carried on for a few seconds. Then at the 7th second, John skidded to a stop, his burst of speed ending. He breathed slightly heavier, having used his abilities drained his strength easily.

Ginn was on his hands and knees, panting.

"Ginn!" Leif called, trying to reach him.

John stepped towards him, taking a darkish shine as he brought his fist forward.

Using his demonic punch, sent Ginn flying backwards, crashing horribly against a large rock. Upon impact, the peak of the rock broke off, crushing down onto Ginn, pinning him there as he gave a blood curdling scream.

He struggled frantically, grimacing. But all to no avail. He fell limp, breathing heavily as he stared at John Moore's blurry figure.

"Demonic Punch," John Moore mused. "Very effective against mortals."

Leif scowled, storming towards him, Gem clutched tightly, extending as a long sword that ate into the ground, leaving a trail of scratched earth.

"This won't be long either." John said, turning to face the approaching 14-year-old.

Leif swallowed her fear, only courage remaining. Ginn struggling under the large debris was enough to fuel her determination.

"Stop it, just let us go." She said, levelling her voice. "We really don't want any trouble."

"You gangsters always disappoint me." John replied, preparing his weapon. "Following and attacking the weaker."

"What are you-" Leif closed her mouth before finishing, bringing up Gem to meet the Rapier, stopping it from a hit to her head.

John parried away the strike and dropped down, attempting to slash at her legs.

Leif leapt into the air, Gem raised, she fell back down towards the cloaked being.

John rolled away, letting her leafy sword enter the crusty earth, unfortunately getting it stuck.

With widened eyes and panicked face, Leif pulled at Gem, attempting to pull it free from the ground's embrace.

Seizing the opportunity, John ran to her, fist encased with darkish flames.

Oh ho ho, foolish mortal, The demon chuckled. She's done for.

The wind was literally knocked out of Leif as she was struck in her upper torso. She gave a pained yowl as she was knocked to the ground, rolling backwards.

She came to a stop on the earth, huffing as she desperately regained her breath.

She brought one hand to her chest, where a bruise had formed. Wincing, she stared back at her opponent.

John Moore walked forward, standing between Leif and her Gem, still stuck in the ground.

"A very important rule I learnt in World War I," John said as he raised his rapier, looming over her. "Never lose your weapon."

He jabbed downwards, only to strike empty air. Leif had thrown herself to the side and quickly stood up, staggering on her feet.

"Another tip," Leif panted, eyes transfixed on John. "Don't hurt my friends."

Leif feigned left and struck right, throwing her body weight against the startled man. John Moore crashed onto his back, stunned.

Leif got up and made a dash for Gem.

John rolled onto his belly and eyes fixed on Leif, threw his rapier.

The weapon cut through the air, striking Leif in the back.

She gasped, blood forced from her mouth as she crashed forward, a stab mark on her back.

She crashed into the ground before rolling to a stop, a trail of blood behind her.

John walked over, reclaiming his blade from the ground. He walked past Gem, who was still wedged between the ground's jaws. He though he could see the leaf tremble slightly, a faint glow as it seemed to struggle from its bound.

Leif shuddered as she slowly crawled onto her hands and knees.

"I don't know who.. you think we are...but... I can tell you...that... we are not... gangsters..." Leif gasped, wincing, barely holding herself up. More blood dripped onto the grass at her hands. "And we do... not prey... on the... weaker..."

John grunted, continuing to advance. "But you are hunting a boy aren't you?"

"Yes... but it isn't-"

"Well, that seems to be unfair to me."

John readied his rapier as he drew closer.

Leif trembled, staring up at him. Her eyes fell close. "I can take being blamed for something I have not done..."

Her eyes opened again, a gleam of gold. "But leave my friends out of it."

Her palms took a golden sheen as they pressed against the red tainted ground.

Before John Moore could move, vines stretched out from the earth, straight at him. They grabbed him by his arms, pinning them in the air. Another vine reached out, slapping his weapon from his hand.

A vine appeared next to Gem, pulling it free.

Having been released by its trap, Gem reverted back to original state and flew into Leif's open hand. Leif staggered to her feet, chest heaving for breath.

John looked at his situation and closed his eyes. "This isn't enough to stop me."

A shockwave erupted from the green cloaked man.

The vines dissipate as the energy stretches out to them.

Gem deflects as a shield, protecting Leif as the shockwave breaks out.

John Moore picked up his rapier, staring back at Leif, both heavily breathing.

Huh, this one isn't down yet. The demon commented. She's a little tough one.

I need to be careful, John thought, staring back at the green girl. My abilities are draining my energy. I need to finish this quick.

Leif looked towards the direction of Ginn.

The grey man was still pinned down his lower torso by the huge rock. He's limp, hands dangling over the rock, head laid down. His breath shallow, blood marks where the rock had struck his chest.

Leif winced, I need to hurry. Ginn needs to get out of there.

Gem extended as a long leafy sword, the hilt strongly clasped by Leif's right hand.

John tightly grasped his rapier.

Both staring each other down.

John's green eye shone as he took a dark aura. His fist encased in black flames. But instead of a demonic punch, the energy flowed throughout his arm, onto his rapier. He aimed the weapon at Leif.

Leif's neck was suddenly warmed by a dark green scarf, fading in on its spot against her skin. It shimmered gold, spreading onto her eyes and Gem. John swore he could see a white girl appear next to her as time slowed around them. She wore an orange scarf and had brown hair. Her grey eyes sparkled as she placed a comforting hand on Leif's shoulder.

"You can do it, Leif." She says warmly, before dissolving into the air, taking the slowed time with her.

Then it happened.

Both shot forward, at the speed of light.

A golden trail surrounding Leif shot forward, to meet up with the darkened trail of Demonic John Moore.

A loud CLANG reverberated off the area, the sound of metals clashing ringing across the landscape.

Both pushed hard, desperate to overcome the other.

John pushed, slowly bringing his rapier down on Leif's sword.

Leif struggled, grunting as she tried to push back.

She let go, moving to the side and swinging Gem back in an arch, slashing John across the chest.

John's eyes widened at the change in attack.

Time froze for a moment.

John's startled look, Leif's blade slicing through his torso.

Leif's glowing gold eyes, blazing with determination.

John was thrown back, a cloud of dust kicking up as he crashed into the ground, rubbing in a trail before he skidded to a stop.

All stood still.

John slowly opened his eyes to see Leif walk towards him, sword in hand, eyes blazing.

"Go ahead," He muttered. "Finish me off."

But she walked past him.

Stunned, he turned, seeing where she was going.

Leif grabbed the rock pressing down on Ginn, Gem gripping the other side.

Three vines appeared, sharing the grip load.

All pulled, yanking the large debris off the grey man.

Ginn coughed, falling forward onto his hands and knees.

Leif bent down, stopping him from falling down. "Are you alright..?"

Ginn nodded weakly but was cut off by a grimace, his hand flew up to touch the spot on his chest were blood stained.

"You're hurt. Sit down." Leif helped her partner into a sitting position, against the rock.

"W..Wh...huh..?"

John stared. Why didn't she finish me off? They're gangsters aren't they not?"

Leif caught his gaze, staring back at him. "What?"

"Why didn't you..."

"Kill you? Yeah, you see, I don't do that." Leif replied, pressing a glowing Gem to Ginn's chest.

"But.. aren't you-"

"Yes, we're looking for a boy, Dairu. He's dangerous and we need to find him before he hurts anyone."

John closed his mouth, looking down. "Oh. I see."

"But.. you said you heard about us? A man and a girl hunting down a boy? What did you hear exactly?"

"Er... well.." John slowly sat up, seeing how all aggressiveness had left the area. "I heard about a man.. who had a spear and a girl with amber eyes were looking for a boy, Saurus I think."

Leif and Ginn exchanged glances.

"Hunter..?" Leif muttered. "But then the other...?"

She shook her head, facing John. "No, thats not us. Saurus is our friend."

"Oh, I...I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.."

"No, its alright." Leif said softly, bandaging Ginn's wound. "Given the circumstances I can understand the mistake."

John slowly stood. "Well then... again, I'm sorry... for attacking you and your friend."

Ginn glanced at John, a look of fear in his eyes.

But something else, a small fire burned in the back of his eyes, rage and anger.

"Its okay, I'm Leif by the way. This is Ginn."

"John Moore," John repeated. "I'm headed to the Dojo."

"We just left, its just on ahead." Leif said, pointing in the direction of the city.

"Right... thanks."

All three said nothing.

John sheathed his weapon, patting the dust from his cloak, he walked on, towards the direction Leif had advised him.

Looking back at them one last time, he disappeared across the grassy plain.

"You alright?" Leif asked, helping Ginn up.

"Yeah..." He panted, a hand thrown over Leif's shoulder for support.

"We'll head on a bit and then set up for the night. You need rest."

"I'm fine."

"Ginn, you're bleeding."

"... since you're beaten up pretty bad, yeah we'll take a break."

Leif chuckled. "Right right. Okay, sure."

Leaning against Leif, Ginn walked forward. Both walking in the opposite direction of John, one of the few toughest foes they had met.

But little did they know, that was just the first of the obstacles they'd face.

And little did they know, the enemy was among them.[/spoiler]



mean she is tough you know, plus how can you beat her in your current conditi-““Shut it Mike,” John retorted in a hoarse voice. “Well alright, but are you sure you got those two under control?” Mike asked, his face a showing a bit of worry for John.

“Yeah, just shut it Mike!” John exclaimed, making his face glow a bit red, but soon turned pale oncemore. Mike sighed. “Don’t make any more foolish mistakes John. You might be older than me but you’re still a bit stupid.”

Before turning into golden dust, drifting through the wind. After a few seconds of Mikes departure John howled in pain as a strange purple aura began to envelope his entire body.
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“How much longer Storm!” Leif complained, her feet already failing her. “Just a few more meters,” replied Storm, smiling at how easily Leif got tired. “Are you sure?” Leif asked, her face showing some hope. “Yeah, we’re almost to the dojo,” Storm assured her, making Leif jump in excitement. “I thought you were just tired a while ago?” “I was, till you said we’re almost there!” shouted Leif, her voice sounding so giddy.

Before they knew it, they were standing a few blocks from the dojo. “I don’t remember it being this way?” said Leif, as she looked dumbstruck at a small house like structure, which had a sign on its entrance which said: Hyun Hotel. “Leif over here,” said Storm, who pointed at a, you are here map. “Looks like they built a building near the training dojo.” ”So do we go in?” Leif asked, still a bit hesitant. “Sure,” said Storm, as she entered the building. “Storm wait, oh come on!” Leif due to being left by Storm, she had no choice but to enter.

When Leif entered she was shocked on how big the building was on the inside.
In this brief moment Leif went back outside to double check. As soon as she went back inside she said, “How is this possible!” ”Mic wizards magic?” Leif looked at her side and saw Storm staring at a picture of mic wizard with words encrypted on it saying: Give thanks to mic wizard for making the Hyun hotel’s magic possible.

Leif was about to say something when another voice said, “Ah, glad to have you back here Leif. How was your stay in Stickpage city?” Leif turned her head to the direction where the voice came from, a

Welp! Proof that less is more! I'm voting for AppleCharm!

@Fellowman, your story wasn't awful. It was hard to follow at times, switched between perspectives, misused a few words here and there, and seems like it would have made a much better animation than story... but it wasn't awful. The reason I'm voting for AppleCharm is because, where your story had an abundance of unnecessary parts and choppy explanations, his was short, sweet, and much easier to follow.

I'm by no means a writing guru, but some things you could try to work on are organization and character development. The only character I actually felt in the story was Zoriath and that's because... idk I like angels? But even he and a few other characters felt like, as mentioned above, they were apart of some cheesy anime or Hyun's Dojo animation. As for organization, I would recommend cutting apart areas where characters are speaking and helping to clarify just who it is that is talking. It might have just been me but I had an admittedly difficult time at the point where they greeted Bob in the Hyun Hotel. I didn't know who the fuck was speaking when xD and please excuse my language.

All in all, I appreciate the work each of you put in to the story, but there were times where Fellowman's was just too much and too little at the same time.