Serif Winters(Crank) vs. Dex Omni(Kamiroo Wolf)

Started by: Kamiroo Wolf | Replies: 6 | Views: 1,888

Kamiroo Wolf
2

Posts: 393
Joined: Aug 2015
Rep: 10

View Profile
May 14, 2016 1:34 AM #1448674
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND WELCOME TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOODBATH! IT'S YOUR HOST WITH THE MOST HIMSELF, DEX OMNI HERE ACCOMPANIED BY THE HERO OF NEW SALEM, SERIF WINTERS! The line between hunter and prey blurred, who will come out on top(as if we even need a poll to decide)?!

Ok, all seriousness, I got wrecked. I already know I did. I could tell the moment I started reading that I should have taken this more seriously @_@. Welp, lack of confidence and shitty introduction aside, let's get on with this:


Crank's Story(Serif vs. Omni)(Numbers removed)
Spoiler (Click to Show)
to the blanket of pure white snow, but as Serif spat more from his busted lip, it seemed to lose it’s artistic touch. Gripping the knife at his hip, the staredown stood steadfast between his cyan set and glaring greens he gazed at. Across from him, a man his height and equally bald tightened the vice on his ice saber, conflicted scowl forcing his brow into a scrunched mess as it tried gaging his foe. Panting from the day’s adventure, an innate determination fueled Serif’s basically unblinking intensity. He was going to attack, and Ira knew it.

“Don’t.”

He did. In a swift dash, Serif closed the foot remaining between them, ripping the blade from its sheath and forcing Ira to swing his own. The thick hides he wore kept Winters from freezing as he rolled on the ground to dodge, slashing his knife and cutting deep into the muscular man’s side before knuckles bashed into his eye, sending him into another pair of somersaults towards the sharp decline. Sprinting after him, Ira rose his edge high, but as Serif rolled to his back, he tore a bola from beneath his layers, gripping one stone while sending arcing the other up to meet the glitch’s wrist, coiling around the armed arm. A vicious yank robbed him of his balance and sent the sword into the snow, but at the very least, Ira was able to aim his downfall, tackling the seated Serif and sending them both over the edge.

Although the fall was brief and the snow was soft, the sticks and stones it concealed threatened to break their bones with their bodies’ bash. Their grunts echoed in the mass nothing as both men struggled to regain their footing, only the inked was just a moment slower. On his hands and knees, a swift kick found the gap between them, bruising the gladiator and forcing him back to his back, soon feeling the full weight of his foe on his chest. Glare from the sun seeped into Serif’s eye as he looked up at Ira, Earth’s star casting him as a dark silhouette as he rose his fists, viciously bring them down at the black, blue and orange man under him.

The first strike felt like it rocked what remained of the world, Winters’ cheek burying deep into the snow as pain blasted into his brain, while the next shut down his entire sense of hearing, leaving him with nothing but a ringing in his ear. He could feel the sudden splatter of something wet and warm from his cheek, only to freeze him in the blistering cold, but as his eyes cracked back open, they fell upon his knife, a few feet away, half buried in the snow. Squirming beneath his enemy, Serif was able to force him off his body, but Ira still remained in the gap between his legs, pounding on his eye until it threatened to seal shut. His brain pulsed with anguish every time his heart beat, but as adrenaline flowed through his body like a drug, he focused on the next incoming strike.

Like a viper, his left hand seized the sleeve behind Ira’s incoming fist moments before the right buried its fangs in the elbow. A dark calm radiated from Serif as his lifted his hips and Ira’s confidence felt its first blow as he felt the man’s legs wrap around his waist, forcing him to crouch his chest and legs in, while his arm was torn to the gladiator’s chest. With petrifying swiftness, the hunter’s legs opened and slammed shut, locking in beside his neck and left armpit before squeezing his knees and flipping him to his back as well, initiating a tug of war over Ira’s limbs.

Although he was deaf in one ear, he still felt the bone break in his arms and the shrill shriek the anguish it exploded pierced through his other. With a quick release, Serif quickly rolled to his knife, and upon snapping his palm upon in, forced himself back to his feet. Crimson trickled down his cheek and traced his jaw as he staggered back to Ira, the man’s bright green eyes bouncing somewhere between between seething and pleading.

“You don’t have to do this.”

Serif’s light blue eyes were like a layer of ice as he looked down at him, blade already stained in his blood, “Either both of you can live, or both of you can die. It’s up to Ida if she wants to fight me, or save you.”

Wait!

Light glimmered off the knife as he slammed it down, impaling it down in Ira’s stomach, snapping his eyes open in horror. Agony rushed up his spine and into his mind, but as he went to howl, a gurgle of blood was all that came out. Tucking into a ball as Serif withdrew his blade, the gladiator barely took a second glance. “Don’t make that decision for her.”

An all encompassing hatred boiled Ira as gore welled from his open wound, but as Winters limped to scale the incline, he couldn’t force any of the curses he needed out. Crimson was dribbling between his fingers as he fought to keep the wound pressurised, but as they shook in the freezing temperatures, he had no idea how long he’d be able to keep it up. His breath shook as Serif climbed to the top, but upon reaching it, it held. As bad as his limp was, Winters stiffened suddenly at whatever he was looking at, but his swift lunge was met by a hail of gunfire. Squirts of his blood fell over Ira’s head like streaks of rain, and as Serif toppled forward out of sight, one thing kept a grin from creeping into Ira’s cheek.

The woman’s shocked scream that accompanied the man’s howl.

...And then the gunshot that silenced it.

:::18 Hours Earlier; 1:58 PM:::


“I apologize, didn’t order this.”

“Someone ordered it for you,” The answer was replied with a casual shrug as the barista behind the counter pushed the 20oz paper cup closer to the space-stained gladiator.

“In that case, I don’t enjoy being in another’s debt.” In kind, Serif pushed in back.

“I don’t think he cared about it’s cost.” Back to the gladiator’s side.

“I don’t want this.”

“My boss is going to be mad if I have to throw it out, it was almost twenty bucks.”

“What? How?

“It’s expresso.”

Serif squinted. “Do you mean a latte?”

“It’s all expresso.”

The warrior needed a few moments to process, blinking slowly before looking between the coffee cup and barista. Finally heaving out an exhale, he grabbed the cup, noticing its full weight while shaking his head. “You have my thanks.”

Turning around as he was bid goodbye, his gaze scanned the cafe, looking for the apparently painfully rich man whose appearance was described entirely as ‘you’ll know it when you see him’. In a city with a handful of the gladiator population however, that didn’t mean much. Right off the bat, there was a seven foot tall man with an even bigger broadsword strapped to his back, who was sitting across from a maiden whose eyes were literally glowing, with her bright pink hair somehow waving weightlessly without any source of air. A little ways away from him was a man more bandaged than a mummy, and then in a far off corner, another was dressed in bright enough sparkling colors to give someone a stroke. He however, was the one who motioned to Serif.

“Dexter Omni?”

“Please, my friends call me Dex,” Arising from his seat to greet the gladiator, the superstar-looking man gestured to the chair across from him, “Have a seat, you must be Serif Winters.”

“My friends call me Feet.”

“Alright Feet-”

“-Serif.”

A scoff forced itself out of Dex as he processed the disrespect. “Well, now that that’s out of the way, I was told you wanted to be part of my little game?”

“‘Want’ is a strong, inaccurate word,” Serif leaned back in his chair as the game-show host crossed his arms, “But I will do what I must to obtain what I need.”

“So tell me, what is it that you need? The stick out of your ass, or did you just lose it trying to get rid of whatever crawled up it and died?”

“Access to the RHG database. All the files they have, and all the footage they have on everyone who works for them.”

“That isn’t standard?” Serif’s eyes narrowed; Dex chuckled. “Oh so it was, you just lost it! Sure, that’s fine, I can make that happen. Do you know how this works?”

“I’m transported to a land to survive in.”

“Or die in. Statistically, to die in,” The host’s grin broadened as Serif’s arms crossed, “But essentially yes. Just kill all the enemies in the biodome of your choosing, and you’ll be sent right back to where you were. The whole thing is in a digital reality type thing, so don’t worry about killing anything there, nothing but you is real!” Receiving nothing but deadpan, Dex’s smile started to fade. “So, I suppose the last question I have, is where do you want to die? I’ve got a city, desert, volcano, snow and ice or ju-” His eyes seemed to light up as a thought struck him like a thunderbolt. “Actually, how about we do that one? Snow and ice? Since typically I pick out who gets to be the guests in my show, I think it’s only fair that if you’re making my choice, I get to make yours. Whether you give me the cold shoulder or not, I don’t think I can cheat my viewers all my winter puns, now can I, Mr. Winters?”

“The sooner we start, the sooner we end.”

“Which I’m sure will be very soon. Now,” Clapping suddenly, Dex practically jumped from the seat to his feet, “Let’s get somewhere private so I can introduce you to my damn machine.”

:::::::::::::::2:15 PM:::::::::::::::


A groggy, lightheadedness spun Serif’s world as his eyes focused on the fresh, glaring light. The blinding bright forced him to a squint, but as the moments passed and it hardly diminished, he was forced to accept that the new world was as white as well, snow. Blinking into something closer to focus, he lifted a hand over his brow to cast some form of shadow over his eyes, he was able to confirm he was, indeed, in a barren, hilly wasteland of freezing white. Dead trees scattered his surroundings with only a few live pines between them, and only the mountain range miles away seemed to be of note. Black stone could be seen from its sharp drops, and it appeared to be the only place that nature thrived in the bright white deadlands.

Ladies and Gentlemen!” Not even a minute in, the bone chilling cold was already shaking the inked man to his core, crossing his arms so tightly they could’ve been welded together as Dex’s voice boomed from all directions, “It is my pleasure to introduce our newest contestant: Serif, The ‘Hero’ of New Salem, Winters! Don’t change the channel on this guy, he won’t even last as long as you do!

’I won’t last?’ A light scoff echoed as the gladiator trudged forward, ungodly amount of espresso in one hand as the other snaked under his vest, withdrawing a metal bola from within. Already so late in his mission, time hardly mattered anymore. Whatever was going to happen to Olivia already would have, it was just a matter of finding her alive, or just ...finding her… Shaking his head violently, he needed to take another swig of his steaming liquid, giving his body an invigorating burn as he neared the first hill on the way to the mountains.

And now that you’ve seen the odds, let’s get started with our first wave, something a hunter should be familiar with! Well, almost anyway.

Surrounded by the vast nothingness, any sound could’ve easily traveled from miles away, but as a trio of howls reverberated throughout the BMICS, Serif doubted they were anywhere but close. Stopping in his tracks as he heard snow crush beneath a charge of twelve legs, his eyes darted for the nearest tree, and upon sight of the dead oak within ten feet, broke into a sprint of his own. He didn’t need to look over his shoulder to know what was upon him. Vicious dash suddenly accompanied by the mad barks and growls of rabid wolves, growing ever louder, Serif could feel the bests gaining on him. Tucking his drink into elbow, he jerked out his knife with his then free hand and wedged the blade into a small crevice along its edge. Striking down on the hilt like his hand was a hammer, the halves of the sphere cracked open in a slight splash of gasoline, dripping down his jaw before he pivoted as fast as possible.

Feet away from him, the full image of what was on his heels violently ambushed him. Almost twice the size of a normal wolf, each with hellishly long, snapping teeth, three godless monsters were rushing him. Blood of a fresh kill stained their pure white coat, thickest nearest their fangs and claws, pack leader preparing to dive into the air as Serif’s back met the tree. As if he’d seen worse from the wild however, with nothing but a cool intensity, he gripped each ball of his bola, pressing down the functioning one’s button before whipping it at the mutated muts. Gasoline arched the first rotation the weapon took, soaking the monsters in its fluids, as well as the hunter and the tree behind him, but when Serif rolled up the trunk like a magnet scaling a fridge, the second orb’s thrusters ignited in a haunting flash.

Guttural growls and booming barks shifted instantly agonized screeches as their thick fur pelts burst into flames. Already airborne, the pack leader bashed into the bark, sending the base of the trunk into a blazing inferno, chasing behind the pyro as the dying animals thrashed helplessly on the ground. Outrunning it with ease however, shifting one hand back to his beverage, Serif raced to an outstretched branch thick enough to carry his weight while digging a longer, stone bola out from within his leather. Staring at the beast lucky enough to have been spared by the brunt of the oil, the warrior waited until it quelled the last of the flames before plummeting from his perch, arching his weapon halfway down.

Within instants of each other, rope coiled along the monster’s neck and the inked man landed on it’s burned back, yanking his bola like cruel leash. Snapping and bucking at him with an unrelenting fury, the gladiator clung for dear life as he tightened his grip, threatening to cut off its air supply. After a time that would’ve made any cowboy proud, the wolf finally slowed, but the moment it did, Serif jerked its neck to the side, forcing it to turn left, and then forward immediately afterwards. Within seconds, he claimed the wild animal as his mount, racing onwards towards the mountains like a sunset.

:::::::::::::::7:03 PM:::::::::::::::


“Are you sure Dex is here?” Speaking in a hushed query, the bald warrior’s digital green eyes met those of his sister, sharing nothing but iris color with him, “I h
Kamiroo Wolf
2

Posts: 393
Joined: Aug 2015
Rep: 10

View Profile
May 14, 2016 1:43 AM #1448675
Too much in some places, too little in others(my story), hopefully I can read and review Crank's this weekend ;o

If there's anything wrong with the formatting in either of them please tell me ;-; I'm not used to being the one posting the stories so I prolly missed or fucked something up.
Crank
2

Posts: 1,849
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
May 14, 2016 3:52 AM #1448679
Heh, how'd you copy the numbers?

Spoiler (Click to Show)
to the blanket of pure white snow, but as Serif spat more from his busted lip, it seemed to lose it’s artistic touch. Gripping the knife at his hip, the staredown stood steadfast between his cyan set and glaring greens he gazed at. Across from him, a man his height and equally bald tightened the vice on his ice saber, conflicted scowl forcing his brow into a scrunched mess as it tried gaging his foe. Panting from the day’s adventure, an innate determination fueled Serif’s basically unblinking intensity. He was going to attack, and Ira knew it.

“Don’t.”

He did. In a swift dash, Serif closed the foot remaining between them, ripping the blade from its sheath and forcing Ira to swing his own. The thick hides he wore kept Winters from freezing as he rolled on the ground to dodge, slashing his knife and cutting deep into the muscular man’s side before knuckles bashed into his eye, sending him into another pair of somersaults towards the sharp decline. Sprinting after him, Ira rose his edge high, but as Serif rolled to his back, he tore a bola from beneath his layers, gripping one stone while sending arcing the other up to meet the glitch’s wrist, coiling around the armed arm. A vicious yank robbed him of his balance and sent the sword into the snow, but at the very least, Ira was able to aim his downfall, tackling the seated Serif and sending them both over the edge.

Although the fall was brief and the snow was soft, the sticks and stones it concealed threatened to break their bones with their bodies’ bash. Their grunts echoed in the mass nothing as both men struggled to regain their footing, only the inked was just a moment slower. On his hands and knees, a swift kick found the gap between them, bruising the gladiator and forcing him back to his back, soon feeling the full weight of his foe on his chest. Glare from the sun seeped into Serif’s eye as he looked up at Ira, Earth’s star casting him as a dark silhouette as he rose his fists, viciously bring them down at the black, blue and orange man under him.

The first strike felt like it rocked what remained of the world, Winters’ cheek burying deep into the snow as pain blasted into his brain, while the next shut down his entire sense of hearing, leaving him with nothing but a ringing in his ear. He could feel the sudden splatter of something wet and warm from his cheek, only to freeze him in the blistering cold, but as his eyes cracked back open, they fell upon his knife, a few feet away, half buried in the snow. Squirming beneath his enemy, Serif was able to force him off his body, but Ira still remained in the gap between his legs, pounding on his eye until it threatened to seal shut. His brain pulsed with anguish every time his heart beat, but as adrenaline flowed through his body like a drug, he focused on the next incoming strike.

Like a viper, his left hand seized the sleeve behind Ira’s incoming fist moments before the right buried its fangs in the elbow. A dark calm radiated from Serif as his lifted his hips and Ira’s confidence felt its first blow as he felt the man’s legs wrap around his waist, forcing him to crouch his chest and legs in, while his arm was torn to the gladiator’s chest. With petrifying swiftness, the hunter’s legs opened and slammed shut, locking in beside his neck and left armpit before squeezing his knees and flipping him to his back as well, initiating a tug of war over Ira’s limbs.

Although he was deaf in one ear, he still felt the bone break in his arms and the shrill shriek the anguish it exploded pierced through his other. With a quick release, Serif quickly rolled to his knife, and upon snapping his palm upon in, forced himself back to his feet. Crimson trickled down his cheek and traced his jaw as he staggered back to Ira, the man’s bright green eyes bouncing somewhere between between seething and pleading.

“You don’t have to do this.”

Serif’s light blue eyes were like a layer of ice as he looked down at him, blade already stained in his blood, “Either both of you can live, or both of you can die. It’s up to Ida if she wants to fight me, or save you.”

Wait!

Light glimmered off the knife as he slammed it down, impaling it down in Ira’s stomach, snapping his eyes open in horror. Agony rushed up his spine and into his mind, but as he went to howl, a gurgle of blood was all that came out. Tucking into a ball as Serif withdrew his blade, the gladiator barely took a second glance. “Don’t make that decision for her.”

An all encompassing hatred boiled Ira as gore welled from his open wound, but as Winters limped to scale the incline, he couldn’t force any of the curses he needed out. Crimson was dribbling between his fingers as he fought to keep the wound pressurised, but as they shook in the freezing temperatures, he had no idea how long he’d be able to keep it up. His breath shook as Serif climbed to the top, but upon reaching it, it held. As bad as his limp was, Winters stiffened suddenly at whatever he was looking at, but his swift lunge was met by a hail of gunfire. Squirts of his blood fell over Ira’s head like streaks of rain, and as Serif toppled forward out of sight, one thing kept a grin from creeping into Ira’s cheek.

The woman’s shocked scream that accompanied the man’s howl.

...And then the gunshot that silenced it.

:::18 Hours Earlier; 1:58 PM:::


“I apologize, didn’t order this.”

“Someone ordered it for you,” The answer was replied with a casual shrug as the barista behind the counter pushed the 20oz paper cup closer to the space-stained gladiator.

“In that case, I don’t enjoy being in another’s debt.” In kind, Serif pushed in back.

“I don’t think he cared about it’s cost.” Back to the gladiator’s side.

“I don’t want this.”

“My boss is going to be mad if I have to throw it out, it was almost twenty bucks.”

“What? How?

“It’s expresso.”

Serif squinted. “Do you mean a latte?”

“It’s all expresso.”

The warrior needed a few moments to process, blinking slowly before looking between the coffee cup and barista. Finally heaving out an exhale, he grabbed the cup, noticing its full weight while shaking his head. “You have my thanks.”

Turning around as he was bid goodbye, his gaze scanned the cafe, looking for the apparently painfully rich man whose appearance was described entirely as ‘you’ll know it when you see him’. In a city with a handful of the gladiator population however, that didn’t mean much. Right off the bat, there was a seven foot tall man with an even bigger broadsword strapped to his back, who was sitting across from a maiden whose eyes were literally glowing, with her bright pink hair somehow waving weightlessly without any source of air. A little ways away from him was a man more bandaged than a mummy, and then in a far off corner, another was dressed in bright enough sparkling colors to give someone a stroke. He however, was the one who motioned to Serif.

“Dexter Omni?”

“Please, my friends call me Dex,” Arising from his seat to greet the gladiator, the superstar-looking man gestured to the chair across from him, “Have a seat, you must be Serif Winters.”

“My friends call me Feet.”

“Alright Feet-”

“-Serif.”

A scoff forced itself out of Dex as he processed the disrespect. “Well, now that that’s out of the way, I was told you wanted to be part of my little game?”

“‘Want’ is a strong, inaccurate word,” Serif leaned back in his chair as the game-show host crossed his arms, “But I will do what I must to obtain what I need.”

“So tell me, what is it that you need? The stick out of your ass, or did you just lose it trying to get rid of whatever crawled up it and died?”

“Access to the RHG database. All the files they have, and all the footage they have on everyone who works for them.”

“That isn’t standard?” Serif’s eyes narrowed; Dex chuckled. “Oh so it was, you just lost it! Sure, that’s fine, I can make that happen. Do you know how this works?”

“I’m transported to a land to survive in.”

“Or die in. Statistically, to die in,” The host’s grin broadened as Serif’s arms crossed, “But essentially yes. Just kill all the enemies in the biodome of your choosing, and you’ll be sent right back to where you were. The whole thing is in a digital reality type thing, so don’t worry about killing anything there, nothing but you is real!” Receiving nothing but deadpan, Dex’s smile started to fade. “So, I suppose the last question I have, is where do you want to die? I’ve got a city, desert, volcano, snow and ice or ju-” His eyes seemed to light up as a thought struck him like a thunderbolt. “Actually, how about we do that one? Snow and ice? Since typically I pick out who gets to be the guests in my show, I think it’s only fair that if you’re making my choice, I get to make yours. Whether you give me the cold shoulder or not, I don’t think I can cheat my viewers all my winter puns, now can I, Mr. Winters?”

“The sooner we start, the sooner we end.”

“Which I’m sure will be very soon. Now,” Clapping suddenly, Dex practically jumped from the seat to his feet, “Let’s get somewhere private so I can introduce you to my damn machine.”

:::::::::::::::2:15 PM:::::::::::::::


A groggy, lightheadedness spun Serif’s world as his eyes focused on the fresh, glaring light. The blinding bright forced him to a squint, but as the moments passed and it hardly diminished, he was forced to accept that the new world was as white as well, snow. Blinking into something closer to focus, he lifted a hand over his brow to cast some form of shadow over his eyes, he was able to confirm he was, indeed, in a barren, hilly wasteland of freezing white. Dead trees scattered his surroundings with only a few live pines between them, and only the mountain range miles away seemed to be of note. Black stone could be seen from its sharp drops, and it appeared to be the only place that nature thrived in the bright white deadlands.

Ladies and Gentlemen!” Not even a minute in, the bone chilling cold was already shaking the inked man to his core, crossing his arms so tightly they could’ve been welded together as Dex’s voice boomed from all directions, “It is my pleasure to introduce our newest contestant: Serif, The ‘Hero’ of New Salem, Winters! Don’t change the channel on this guy, he won’t even last as long as you do!

’I won’t last?’ A light scoff echoed as the gladiator trudged forward, ungodly amount of espresso in one hand as the other snaked under his vest, withdrawing a metal bola from within. Already so late in his mission, time hardly mattered anymore. Whatever was going to happen to Olivia already would have, it was just a matter of finding her alive, or just ...finding her… Shaking his head violently, he needed to take another swig of his steaming liquid, giving his body an invigorating burn as he neared the first hill on the way to the mountains.

And now that you’ve seen the odds, let’s get started with our first wave, something a hunter should be familiar with! Well, almost anyway.

Surrounded by the vast nothingness, any sound could’ve easily traveled from miles away, but as a trio of howls reverberated throughout the BMICS, Serif doubted they were anywhere but close. Stopping in his tracks as he heard snow crush beneath a charge of twelve legs, his eyes darted for the nearest tree, and upon sight of the dead oak within ten feet, broke into a sprint of his own. He didn’t need to look over his shoulder to know what was upon him. Vicious dash suddenly accompanied by the mad barks and growls of rabid wolves, growing ever louder, Serif could feel the bests gaining on him. Tucking his drink into elbow, he jerked out his knife with his then free hand and wedged the blade into a small crevice along its edge. Striking down on the hilt like his hand was a hammer, the halves of the sphere cracked open in a slight splash of gasoline, dripping down his jaw before he pivoted as fast as possible.

Feet away from him, the full image of what was on his heels violently ambushed him. Almost twice the size of a normal wolf, each with hellishly long, snapping teeth, three godless monsters were rushing him. Blood of a fresh kill stained their pure white coat, thickest nearest their fangs and claws, pack leader preparing to dive into the air as Serif’s back met the tree. As if he’d seen worse from the wild however, with nothing but a cool intensity, he gripped each ball of his bola, pressing down the functioning one’s button before whipping it at the mutated muts. Gasoline arched the first rotation the weapon took, soaking the monsters in its fluids, as well as the hunter and the tree behind him, but when Serif rolled up the trunk like a magnet scaling a fridge, the second orb’s thrusters ignited in a haunting flash.

Guttural growls and booming barks shifted instantly agonized screeches as their thick fur pelts burst into flames. Already airborne, the pack leader bashed into the bark, sending the base of the trunk into a blazing inferno, chasing behind the pyro as the dying animals thrashed helplessly on the ground. Outrunning it with ease however, shifting one hand back to his beverage, Serif raced to an outstretched branch thick enough to carry his weight while digging a longer, stone bola out from within his leather. Staring at the beast lucky enough to have been spared by the brunt of the oil, the warrior waited until it quelled the last of the flames before plummeting from his perch, arching his weapon halfway down.

Within instants of each other, rope coiled along the monster’s neck and the inked man landed on it’s burned back, yanking his bola like cruel leash. Snapping and bucking at him with an unrelenting fury, the gladiator clung for dear life as he tightened his grip, threatening to cut off its air supply. After a time that would’ve made any cowboy proud, the wolf finally slowed, but the moment it did, Serif jerked its neck to the side, forcing it to turn left, and then forward immediately afterwards. Within seconds, he claimed the wild animal as his mount, racing onwards towards the mountains like a sunset.

:::::::::::::::7:03 PM:::::::::::::::


“Are you sure Dex is here?” Speaking in a hushed query, the bald warrior’s digital green eyes met those of his sister, sharing nothing but iris color with him, “I haven’t heard a sound since we arrived a half hour ago, and that devil is anything but silent.”

“You don’t believe me, Ira?” A joking smile passed from the girl to her ‘twin’, replying with one in kind as he gently shook his head.

“I beleive anything you tell me, Ida, it’s just that this is out of character for him,” His arms crossed as they finally entered the cavern the young hispanic woman led him to, “I mean, Dex is a huge piece of shit, like, he’s the one that clogs the toilet, and he talks even more shit than he is. Going silent for this long is just… Odd.”

“He’s on the cusp of giving up and needed a breather. He’s furious, frustrated, and needed to wash his hands of this
Vern
2

Posts: 381
Joined: Jan 2015
Rep: 10

View Profile
May 16, 2016 10:55 PM #1448889
Judging from the number of votes I'm assuming to have been the first to fully read both pieces.

Since giving a full CnC review for both pieces would be too costly time-wise, I'll try to be brief ;

I've always liked Crank's writing quite a bit. This time's no exception, though I darn myself for reading through the wrongly formatted version for half the way until I scrolled down and noticed Crank had put in a revised version.

Now, I enjoyed reading both pieces, but Crank's was definitely the one that really pulled me in. Reading through his didn't take me much effort (although there certainly were some parts where the writing got a bit too cluttered and vague). The writing felt in place and the articulation of his characters was pretty spot on, I'd say. He even did a mighty fine job portraying Dex. Ira and Ida sorta came "out of nowhere" but it didn't feel particularly intrusive, and I think that without them the story would've felt a bit too empty, so definitely a good job there.

Kamiroo, you certainly shouldn't be too harsh on yourself when it comes to this. Realize that Crank's been doing this kinda thing for way longer, and your progress and skill are solid. Remember, the number one most crucial thing for writing is confidence and motivation, so don't let it all get you down too much ^^.

That being said, your piece was definitely well-written, and in general your sentences were easier on the eye and the mind which is certainly something positive. I'd argue that sometimes Crank lets himself be carried away just a bit too much. That, or I'm just stupid (probably both). Still, there were a few parts written in such a way that it'd take me a few times to wrap my head around it, on the top of my head I recall that mostly being in the beginning with the whole ghost business, and then near the end when you're killing off Dex (that whole part was really confusing).

Story and character wise, however, it felt more lacking when put next to Crank's. It seems as if you used this battle more as an introduction for what I'm guessing are your future new wRHGs. The action as a whole felt lacking, and so did the whole "adventure" aspect of it. Right off the bat we're served some introductory sequence with Annabella and Seriff, though it felt a bit lackluster and the whole ghost-business felt a bit off. Right after we see Serif practically die immediately without putting up much of a fight. Seriff felt more like a side-character in this, like some red-shirt nameless goon used to set it all in motion. It left me empty and sad :'c. Other than that even Dex himself doesn't really feel all that important in this all, and he feels just a tad bit too erratic. The portrayal of the characters as a whole felt a bit lackluster, but well that's something I struggle with too and you'll only ever learn it all from experience :p.

My only/biggest regret with your story, Kamiroo, is that you basically used it as a setup for your new wRHGs. Dex Omni was something fresh and unique in a sea of characters that feel quite indistinguishable from one another, and it stings to see him go. Don't take this the wrong way but I can't say I'm as impressed by what's up next since I fear for what it will likely become. But who knows, maybe you'll surprise me.

One last thing I'd like to point out to both of you is length. While the pieces were both certainly not bad they're quite hefty and long. I myself have come to realize that length does not entail quality. Quite the contrary, really. I'm figuring this battle doesn't have any votes yet because all the others are yet to pull themselves through both of these pieces, so perhaps that's something to watch out for in the future for the both of ya? :P

Well don't let my words get too much on either of you. I still enjoyed reading them (if I didn't I wouldn't have read em) and am certainly eager to read more from the both of you. So good luck and be sure to keep writing :D.

I guess this is a good moment to stop typing... Yeah...
Kamiroo Wolf
2

Posts: 393
Joined: Aug 2015
Rep: 10

View Profile
May 17, 2016 12:35 AM #1448895
Quote from Vern
Judging from the number of votes I'm assuming to have been the first to fully read both pieces.

Since giving a full CnC review for both pieces would be too costly time-wise, I'll try to be brief ;

I've always liked Crank's writing quite a bit. This time's no exception, though I darn myself for reading through the wrongly formatted version for half the way until I scrolled down and noticed Crank had put in a revised version.

Now, I enjoyed reading both pieces, but Crank's was definitely the one that really pulled me in. Reading through his didn't take me much effort (although there certainly were some parts where the writing got a bit too cluttered and vague). The writing felt in place and the articulation of his characters was pretty spot on, I'd say. He even did a mighty fine job portraying Dex. Ira and Ida sorta came "out of nowhere" but it didn't feel particularly intrusive, and I think that without them the story would've felt a bit too empty, so definitely a good job there.

Kamiroo, you certainly shouldn't be too harsh on yourself when it comes to this. Realize that Crank's been doing this kinda thing for way longer, and your progress and skill are solid. Remember, the number one most crucial thing for writing is confidence and motivation, so don't let it all get you down too much ^^.

That being said, your piece was definitely well-written, and in general your sentences were easier on the eye and the mind which is certainly something positive. I'd argue that sometimes Crank lets himself be carried away just a bit too much. That, or I'm just stupid (probably both). Still, there were a few parts written in such a way that it'd take me a few times to wrap my head around it, on the top of my head I recall that mostly being in the beginning with the whole ghost business, and then near the end when you're killing off Dex (that whole part was really confusing).

Story and character wise, however, it felt more lacking when put next to Crank's. It seems as if you used this battle more as an introduction for what I'm guessing are your future new wRHGs. The action as a whole felt lacking, and so did the whole "adventure" aspect of it. Right off the bat we're served some introductory sequence with Annabella and Seriff, though it felt a bit lackluster and the whole ghost-business felt a bit off. Right after we see Serif practically die immediately without putting up much of a fight. Seriff felt more like a side-character in this, like some red-shirt nameless goon used to set it all in motion. It left me empty and sad :'c. Other than that even Dex himself doesn't really feel all that important in this all, and he feels just a tad bit too erratic. The portrayal of the characters as a whole felt a bit lackluster, but well that's something I struggle with too and you'll only ever learn it all from experience :p.

My only/biggest regret with your story, Kamiroo, is that you basically used it as a setup for your new wRHGs. Dex Omni was something fresh and unique in a sea of characters that feel quite indistinguishable from one another, and it stings to see him go. Don't take this the wrong way but I can't say I'm as impressed by what's up next since I fear for what it will likely become. But who knows, maybe you'll surprise me.

One last thing I'd like to point out to both of you is length. While the pieces were both certainly not bad they're quite hefty and long. I myself have come to realize that length does not entail quality. Quite the contrary, really. I'm figuring this battle doesn't have any votes yet because all the others are yet to pull themselves through both of these pieces, so perhaps that's something to watch out for in the future for the both of ya? :P

Well don't let my words get too much on either of you. I still enjoyed reading them (if I didn't I wouldn't have read em) and am certainly eager to read more from the both of you. So good luck and be sure to keep writing :D.

I guess this is a good moment to stop typing... Yeah...


Quite frankly I'm just grateful you took the time to read both of them.

As for my next wRHG, they won't be coming for quite some time, but I doubt it'll be whatever you're imagining. Once again, though, thanks for reading our stories! ^_^ Ima edit the OP to fix Crank's story now.
Kamiroo Wolf
2

Posts: 393
Joined: Aug 2015
Rep: 10

View Profile
May 22, 2016 2:31 PM #1449331
Oh geez, where are my manners? Congrats Crank on your win ;o
Thanks again for the battle.
Vern
2

Posts: 381
Joined: Jan 2015
Rep: 10

View Profile
May 22, 2016 3:23 PM #1449335
Only two votes? Wow I'm disappointed, it's worth the read really.