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Klaus Paragon

Started by: Madness_Brothers | Replies: 23 | Views: 4,487 | Closed

Madness_Brothers
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Oct 9, 2016 7:37 PM #1463843
So, shall we dance?


Name: Klaus Paragon
Titles: The White Haired Death God, The Assassins Killer, La Santa Muerte -the Saint Death-, Head of the Paragon Corps.
Age: 24
Race: Human
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 160lbs
Alignment: True neutral
Sexuality: Bisexual, almost turning into homosexual

Abilities (Click to Show)


Weakness (Click to Show)


NPCs (Click to Show)


About/ Story (Click to Show)


Demo (Click to Show)


personality (Click to Show)


Appearance (Click to Show)


Battles: None.

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Kamiroo Wolf
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Oct 9, 2016 8:06 PM #1463847
Neat character with a really interesting kit to it!

Look forward to seeing you in battles in the future
RichardLongflop
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Oct 9, 2016 8:12 PM #1463848
I see this char and I see a character that most folk wouldn't like to challenge, but it's fine because I'd imagine there are a few chars around that are about your level. I hope that you stick around here and, as you develop and write, work your way up and evolve into someone everyone else can see themselves being a friend to.

Stick around, yeah?
Madness_Brothers
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Oct 9, 2016 8:18 PM #1463849
S: Kamiroo, Richard. Thank you. In fact I was still a little skeptical about posting a gladiator, as I saw what happened with the Goddess Alexandra and I thought that Klaus would also be rejected, but I guess not. I don't really have much experience writing in English, but I'll try to work up harder along my brother.
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Oct 9, 2016 8:38 PM #1463853
*appears in flash of thunder and lightning
YOU CALLED? XD
Anyways, misconceptions are what makes Alex a bad character in the eyes of most, and as such Klaus is fine. He has nothing that would make him seem incredibly unfun to write against if you don't read it correctly, and as such he wouldn't suffer from the problems Alex has.
Crank
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Oct 9, 2016 8:42 PM #1463854
First and foremost, welcome! I was hoping you guys were going to make a guy! Whose is this though, or are ya sharing?

Anyway! First question is what do you mean by different types of fire? Are you going to have your own list, or do you mean natural fire and the flames of other characters (Leelee, for instance)? Klaus seems to be very interesting, but the dancing fighting styles seem like they'd be difficult to write! Mad respect for your ambition with that, and best of luck!

Kinda would've liked to see a little action in the demo. I like story-line and all, but again, the style seems tricky to type out so an example would help a lot.
Vern
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Oct 9, 2016 8:44 PM #1463856
Quote from Madness_Brothers
S: Kamiroo, Richard. Thank you. In fact I was still a little skeptical about posting a gladiator, as I saw what happened with the Goddess Alexandra and I thought that Klaus would also be rejected, but I guess not. I don't really have much experience writing in English, but I'll try to work up harder along my brother.


What happened with Alexandra is a problem of a very different nature. We can see you put your back into this idea and we can tell you're eager to learn so we're here for you and you don't have to worry about any of that. If you're uncertain just read my posts there and you'll understand.

That being said, it's a solid entry character. I'm sure you'll manage to get a few battles with him and from there you can see where that takes you ^^.

I only have a few remarks. Firstly, I am assuming you have at least watched some animes or read some mangas cause I can see you drew inspirations from them.

I have three questions for you, and I just want you to ask yourself these questions ;

Why the scythe? It's a pretty unwieldy weapon to begin with and other than that it's a huge cliche in edgy anime-ripoff characters and that's certainly the impression some of us get from it too.

Why the white hair? White hair is unnatural, obviously, and your character isn't an albino. Once again the reason I'm asking you this question is because it's often associated with the edgy, anime subculture of characters, though you were wise enough not to go for red eyes.

Where does his dark side come from? It seems a bit out of place ; People are usually serious and cold when it comes down to it, and being heartless seems a bit odd for a guy who always tries to see things positively.

Anyways those are just my impressions and opinions. Do with them as you will, and I'll be looking forward to your fights then.
TheOrigin

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Oct 9, 2016 8:47 PM #1463857
Am I the only one curious as to why he put the sexuality of the character there
Crank
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Oct 9, 2016 8:51 PM #1463859
It's been in there a few times. I think Chrome has his in there for one, but it's fine. Maybe not necessary, but it doesn't hurt. Like, some people have theme songs. Again, not required, but they aren't bad.
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Oct 9, 2016 8:54 PM #1463861
When Vern Purposefully ignores you... heheheheheh lel. Also I agree with Crank actually: what is said fire?
Kamiroo Wolf
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Oct 9, 2016 8:54 PM #1463862
Quote from TheOrigin
Am I the only one curious as to why he put the sexuality of the character there


Well, sexuality is not a required field to specify though it does aid in suggesting how this character would interact with others in the world, I guess. *shrug* Also, cuz he can
Madness_Brothers
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Oct 9, 2016 8:55 PM #1463863
S: Actually, Klaus was based on experiences that I had and research, not an anime.
The white hair can be achieved with a genetic problem (like mine) as the heterochromia can also attack the pigments of the hair.
The scythe is associated with vengeful acts and as he lose his father in front of him, then that generate that he would want to avenge his father.
The dark side would come as he would be traumatized by the assassination and as he would want revenge, he would become like cold. Though he tries to not let it see.

Even though he looks like the typical anime guy, I'm with you in that.
Madness_Brothers
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Oct 9, 2016 9:01 PM #1463864
S:Double posting as I didn't saw the others.
.The different fires could be the ones of other gladiators, though I would use them if I battle with them.
The sexuality was just because I like to pur the sexuality of my OCs (Don't ask why)
The dancing styles actually, I think that I am the only one that also described the movements of my characters (with movements, I mean all. Even waving.) Even though I only did it in Spanish, though I would figure out how to do it in English.
RichardLongflop
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Oct 9, 2016 9:03 PM #1463865
Ah. I think I may know what genetic problem you're on about. Does it also often cause deafness? Waardenburg syndrome. Not complete deafness, but still. And aye, one may think that white hair is a bit... blech, but these things can come across better when you give a proper reason why. Like that genetic defect.

I mean, heck. I have a habit of giving my characters grey eyes because I have 'em.
Vern
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Oct 9, 2016 9:13 PM #1463869
Quote from Madness_Brothers
S: Actually, Klaus was based on experiences that I had and research, not an anime.
The white hair can be achieved with a genetic problem (like mine) as the heterochromia can also attack the pigments of the hair.
The scythe is associated with vengeful acts and as he lose his father in front of him, then that generate that he would want to avenge his father.
The dark side would come as he would be traumatized by the assassination and as he would want revenge, he would become like cold. Though he tries to not let it see.

Even though he looks like the typical anime guy, I'm with you in that.


Right, I'm glad you caught on. If you put things like that they make more sense, it shows you've stopped to consider your things, though the scythe is still obviously a conscious preference. But your dancemoves seem to support the fact that it is a rather inconvenient weapon so it's all good.

Quote from TheOrigin
Am I the only one curious as to why he put the sexuality of the character there


Who the hell are you? D:
And yes, you're probably the only one. There's nothing wrong with it, that's for sure, and it gives us crucial info on his character.

Quote from xXx_Mlg69pus5ysl4y3r420_xXx (Dooms)
When Vern Purposefully ignores you... heheheheheh lel


I'm not sure what you're on about? If you're referring to your own thread I already told you I was done there. If you're referring to the comment you made before I posted mine in this thread, I would like to point out I was still carefully typing out constructive feedback and considering my words while you decided to just blurt something out, so of course I'm not gonna take your post into consideration if I didn't even see it.

Quote from Richard
I mean, heck. I have a habit of giving my characters grey eyes because I have 'em.


That moment when brown eyes in characters are the rarest thing ever.

EDIT : OH here's something I forgot to say earlier so I'm editing it in ;

Madness, if you don't want to give off that edgy anime-trashu vibe, perhaps not make his titles 'The White Haired Death God' and The Saint Death. Didn't your dude say something about not being a reaper anyways?
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