Quote from RichardLongflop

Ah. I think I may know what genetic problem you're on about. Does it also often cause deafness? Waardenburg syndrome. Not complete deafness, but still. And aye, one may think that white hair is a bit... blech, but these things can come across better when you give a proper reason why. Like that genetic defect.

I mean, heck. I have a habit of giving my characters grey eyes because I have 'em.

Actually, it is just chronic Heterochromia, my father's family has it as a genetic disorder. My mom and my adopted brother also has it as I donated some of my blood to them (long story), and it is hell.

It attacks the pigments of our skin, eyes and hair as if it was a virus, though it rotates, sometimes the hair, sometimes the skin, sometimes the eyes. It also make us have unnatural colors that you would say that we are sick. One day, I woke up having the sclera of my eyes slightly purple and my iris being light brown. I just say that I dyed my hair, use contact glasses or I use whitening creams or I took to much sunlight, only my closest friends knows it.

Glad you did it.

I'll be blunt. I didn't think it would turn out to be this good. I was being, you know, diplomatic (?).
But nonetheless, great character! Very balanced, well scripted and very interesting. Definitely a fun opponent to take a crack at.

When schedule opens up, expect Serena to show up for a challenge. ;)

Quote from DelorMaximus

Glad you did it.

I'll be blunt. I didn't think it would turn out to be this good. I was being, you know, diplomatic (?).
But nonetheless, great character! Very balanced, well scripted and very interesting. Definitely a fun opponent to take a crack at.

When schedule opens up, expect Serena to show up for a challenge. ;)

S: Well, thanks Delor . I'll be happy to have a fight with you. :D

Quote from Madness_Brothers

I just say that I dyed my hair, use contact glasses or I use whitening creams or I took to much sunlight, only my closest friends knows it.

And you just told a bunch of strangers on the internet...?

Quote from Malacal

And you just told a bunch of strangers on the internet...?

S: Malacal, well neither of you know me IRL, and besides, I think that there are people on this forum that revealed their diseases and no one actually cared about.

As for Madness, yay, I did it too (the movement description thing... kinda).
As for Vern, nice job with the name. Although I would have added more blazeit and other completely unnecessary memes. Also I'm done on my own thread as well. YAY!

Quote from Madness_Brothers

S: Malacal, well neither of you know me IRL, and besides, I think that there are people on this forum that revealed their diseases and no one actually cared about.

I just found it incredibly ironic.

Honestly, pretty damn good for a first-time job. Congrats.

I'm not huge on extensive complements, so take that first sentence for a lot, because I don't give them out glibly :P.

Critiques --- not tons to critique, because the sort of vague shortcomings a char like this has can either be fixed by learning from experience in writing, or you'll move on to a new char. I can tell you are ready and willing to work to have the best material possible.

I would say to work on your proof-reading, big time. I understand English isn't your primary language (extra creds for writing in a foreign language, btw...I can't do that). Still, there are TONS of times here where I can tell you knew what word you wanted, but misspelled just because you weren't careful. You wrote "hid" for "his," and I know you understand the word "his" because you used it plenty. You wrote "with" for "white" and I know you understand "white" because you used it. That sort of thing.


Otherwise, I'm a big curious about the weight thing. I did/do a ton of sports (mainly outdoor sports) that have kept me slim since I was a kid, because my parents did. Still, without any fat on me, at 15 and 5'4" I weighed 150 lbs (and I'm more on the lean side of things...not that stout). To be 6'2" and 24 and only be 149 lbs tells me one of two things -- either this dude is "i'm super sick/about to freakin die nothing but skin and bones" skinny, or you don't have a proper understanding of the mass indicated by a pound.