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Bulwark-The unbreakable

Started by: jirocho1 | Replies: 19 | Views: 4,191

jirocho1

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Dec 13, 2016 8:55 AM #1470165
Hero Name: Bulwark

Real name: Jericho Cross


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In progress (Click to Show)



Not the best writer but i figured this would be a good chance to become better at it.
Ficlles
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Dec 13, 2016 10:28 AM #1470171
I think it's fairly decent. But, Im new here, so I know nothing.

Dont take what I say too seriously.

But it seems decent (I think)
Alphaeus
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Dec 13, 2016 1:12 PM #1470177
Hey, this is pretty good.

I like the concept of a character built entirely around defensive maneuvers (although I'm going to presume he can use his shields aggressively too).

All in all I don't have much CnC to give. Just paying attention to your grammar, particularly sentence structure. Sometimes it helps to read your work aloud and think about how it sounds versus other books (I use Clive Cussler as my reference books usually. Can't best the master.).

I haven't read your demo (don't usually until I need to know more about the char) but from the background it seems you've got a good grasp on a good char.

Nice job, and welcome to the Writer's Lounge, dude!
ErrorBlender
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Dec 13, 2016 1:23 PM #1470178
Oh hey! Its the dude from Hero RP! If you remember Cecile, my current wRHG is similar to her in terms of ability. Bulwark's abilities are fairly alright so I have nothing to say against them. :)

Welcome to the lounge, fellow RP dude.
RichardLongflop
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Dec 13, 2016 7:35 PM #1470207
I already love this guy. Your personality there may be seen as cliche and overdone, but in reality it's perfect for defensive chars like this. Your offense is non-lethal, only being protective. And because of that, it's very fitting that he is a protector.

I hope you stick around! Would like to see stuff from this guy in future.
jirocho1

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Dec 14, 2016 2:49 AM #1470239
Thank you guys, im glad you enjoyed Bulwark. Ive been planning out his powers for awhile and what not. In his orginal state his powers were just the buckler and tower shield.
Urako

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Dec 14, 2016 2:53 AM #1470240
I would like to agree with the others that Bulwark is a pretty cool character and a pretty fitting name for him as well. But if it's alright with you, could you tell me what made him decide to join RHg or if he's (in universe) officially joined at all?

Quote from RichardLongflop
Your personality there may be seen as cliche and overdone, but in reality it's perfect for defensive chars like this. Your offense is non-lethal, only being protective. And because of that, it's very fitting that he is a protector.

I hope you stick around! Would like to see stuff from this guy in future.


I found that there are two basic "shield" archetypes and they're on both ends of the spectrum. Those who selflessly want to protect others, and those who are selfish and do everything for self-preservation. It appears this character is the first of those and a pretty good character at that.
jirocho1

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Dec 15, 2016 4:40 AM #1470433
Hes always looking for a challenge and a way to test his skills.
Fellowman

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Dec 15, 2016 5:56 AM #1470437
As the others have said, this char is actually really good! The fact that he was born in a monastery and was raised by monks made me like your character a lot more. So with that said and done, I'd like to say goodluck with your char and have fun!
Ciel

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Dec 15, 2016 6:51 AM #1470439
This is a pretty solid character - pun not really intended.
I agree with Alphaeus in that checking of sentence structure is required. However, I'd like to point out also that in your demo, you type 'I' as 'i' sometimes, and misuse some punctuation marks. It is to my understanding that you would like to take this chance to get better at writing, and I hope that you will succeed at this.

The main concern I have is with your strength of "immense pool of energy and stamina". Perhaps you'd like to clarify a little more on this point, as it could very well potentially nullify your only listed weakness of "taking blows head on", as it could be explained off as he took damage but still has enough energy to continue the battle with minimal damage due to his sheer immense pool of energy and stamina.

That being said, I look forward to seeing you around in battles. Perhaps I'll get a chance to read your works?
Azure
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Jan 2, 2017 7:06 AM #1472170
Wanna battle?
jirocho1

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Jul 29, 2017 7:59 AM #1482357
Aye guys sorry for my hiatus im down to battle
FalconX578
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Jul 29, 2017 11:54 AM #1482360
Hey jirocho, was wondering if you wanted to battle. Just pm me if ya do. At any rate, it's good to see you back.

EDIT: Welp, glad to have a battle with you jirocho, may the best writer win, but let's not forget to have fun.
jirocho1

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Sep 21, 2017 9:08 PM #1484058
for anyone wondering I gave Bulwarks powers a bit of an update due to the recent battle figured I should expand on his power.
FalconX578
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Sep 22, 2017 6:17 PM #1484081
Heya guys, I'm back.

Quote from jirocho1
for anyone wondering I gave Bulwarks powers a bit of an update due to the recent battle figured I should expand on his power.


You know, looking back at my piece and looking at the updated thread, I can see that I jumped the gun in terms of your abilities, and I do apologize for that. If you made this update because we wholeheartedly agreed that we would both adapt to the winner's part, I jut want to say that you really don't have to accept the whole thing and bring it to Bulwark's story (if I win that I win that is). I don't want to control what goes into your character. The whole bubble and shields thing jut reminded me so much if Steven Universe and I got a little carried away (anyone who thinks SU is for little kids, then you are definitely wrong. The show has an amazing story that exceeds what most shows kids are into these days have, and it conveys some mature themes). At the time, I thought those powers would make a good battle also, but I do now realize I should have asked you to clarify what you wanted. This is your character after all. Also, the way you phrased your post makes it seem like you already accepted my piece as canon, but don't count chickens before they hatch. Who knows, the tables might turn!

Also, on the note of Bulwark's current battle, just wanted say that I really enjoyed writing that piece, it was super enjoyable, and I hope it helps us both become better writers man!
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