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Steam (Piston1937) VS Raelia d'Autriche (Ciel)

Started by: Ciel | Replies: 8 | Views: 1,427

Ciel

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Jan 1, 2017 8:12 AM #1472032
I'd like to thank Piston for taking the time to finish his half of the battle despite being in Florida.

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Steam can be found at: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?101305-Steam

Raelia can be found at: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?101536-Raelia-d-Autriche

---

Spoiler (Click to Show)
.
~William Congreve

Steam looked at Raelia who sat on the edge of the cliff looking out on Stickpage city.

“Well I am here and ready for our battle.” *Steam said pulling out a cigarette and sticking the unlit end in his mouth. *Steam smiled and walked over to join Raelia not bothered by the temperature change freezing winter to warm spring.

“Why do you want to battle?” *Raelia asked looking at the city’s lights and the lights of the millions that lived there.

“Philosophically or personally?” *Steam asked,

“Personally.”

“I fight because it was what I was built to do so basically.”

“Bullshit.”

“Oh well Points for trying right.” *Steam raised his hand and in them was Raelia’s panties. *Raelia was speechless for a second.

“How?”

“Trade secret.” *Steam said pulling out his pistol as the temperature rose about a hundred degrees. *The snow melted and the grass started to wither and die.
“How dare you.” *Raelia growled as her throat began to dry up. *Steam was surprised as his gun melted in his hand.

“Damn you are pissed off.” *Steam charged at Raelia. *She sidestepped him almost too slow and Steam tumbled off the cliff. Realia slid down after him. *Steam landed on the ridge below and looked at Raelia sliding down after him. *He looked over the edge of the ridge and smiled. *Raelia caught up and glared at Steam.

“Give them back.” *Raelia demanded. *Steam smiled.

“Catch me and maybe.” *Then Steam jumped off the cliff. *Raelia’s anger vanished and she rushed to the edge. *Then a giant balloon floated up. *Steam had jumped onto his ship and he was preparing to fly away.

“Oh no you don't.” *Raelia jumped barely making it onto the ship as it floated away from the mountain. *Steam walked down from the helm. *Raelia’s anger reignited as she saw him wearing her panties on his head. *Steam smiled just rubbing it in even more. *Raelia reached out for the water molecules around her and she cooled them down. *Steam felt the water in his body start to freeze. *But then Raelia froze it all in an instant. *This wouldn’t normally be a problem but Steam forgot to open his vents to let air fill the gaps in the vacuum where the water vapor should be. *His pipes popped as the pressure from the empty space broke them. *Raelia charged in while Steam was distracted by his own implosion and kicked him in the chest. *Then Steam started moving again. *He swung his blades at Raelia and she ducked under them. *Steam stopped mid swing and brought his arm straight down on Raelia forcing her to the ground.

Realia was absolutely horrified as she figured out the position she was in. Steam’s arm had hit the perverts jackpot in terms of spots to land, which was right between Realia’s breasts. *Steam smiled happily as if he could die now and he would be happy as a clam. *Raelia on the other hand was three seconds from going nuclear. *And in those three seconds a plethora of things happened. *Raelia’s face went as red as a beet, Steam snagged her bra, and then Raelia went into a sort of Demon mode of her own. *What happened next need not be said because I have not the words to articulate the asskickery that followed the last acts of Steam. *In simpler terms Raelia went apeshit bonkers and Steam sat through it smiling until Raelia kicked his jaw into disfigurement melted his outer shell until Steam was stuck to the deck but half cooled molten bronze and Raelia’s panties and bra burned in the process. *I will still give the win to Steam as all men know this was worth it.[/spoiler]


Spoiler (Click to Show)
something Raelia supposed she needed to get used to sometime soon. It was like being blind all over again, but this time without Original Sight as a guide.

The non-existent charm of the alleys had nothing to do with its dank appearance, nor its narrow claustrophobic ways. Grime and slick were rare, but the small blessing of cleanliness was not nearly enough to make up for the general lack of propriety in the area.

She resisted the urge the pull the hood of her jacket lower down. Her face was already hidden in the shadow of the cloth; such actions now would only show unease and discomfort. In such an area, everyone would be onto the weak like a shark tracking the iron scent of blood. As it stood, her dark red hair was odd enough - not a rare occurrence, but certainly unusual enough to stand out somewhat.

“Hey, you there! In the white hood!”

Raelia exhaled lightly, pausing midstep- ah. A mistake already. Pausing showed interest, which she almost certainly shouldn’t have done. The crowds parted, leaving her behind as a quick glance through her peripheral vision revealed the speaker to be a middle-aged man standing at the entryway to a rather shoddy-looking establishment. Deciding not to give any other indication that she had heard the man, Raelia waited for the next lines.

She wasn’t disappointed.

“You look like one of them hunters,” the man continued in a much lower tone once he had approached, barely a hand’s length from her. “Don’t need visual to tell, see. But we’re all friends here anyways.” The appraising gaze that landed on her was mildly disturbing, yet she did not react. There was no harmful intent - not yet at least - from what she could tell, and so it was deemed safe to converse a little longer.

“Explain.” Concise and blunt. Surely this man would get the message?

He chuckled, gruff voice coming nowhere close to hiding the slight quake as he spoke. “See, people who come here looking for information all look the same. Hiding away and walking like they’ve some big purpose. And you look just like them. Interesting, yes?” She could see the beginnings of apprehension and fear as they made their presence known. It was good to know that even without being physically imposing, she still had the ability to intimidate.

“Not at all.” was her even, unflinching reply. Raelia tilted her head a little, just enough to allow the man to catch a brief glimpse of dark bangs. “Let us cut straight to the point. They say an exchange is no robbery, after all.”

The way he stiffened did not go unnoticed, but her amusement was concealed from him. “Actually, they say that a fair exchange is no robbery. If you want your information, birdy, then you’d better have something of equal worth ready.”

“Nothing conducted here can ever be fair. And considering that we both know that, we could probably save some time if you would speak.” It was not a lie - merely fact. Her eyes narrowed, once more hidden in the shadows concealing her face. This man was untrustworthy, so there wasn’t a reason for her to be upfront. Perhaps it was time to up the ante… no. Suspicions could arise extremely quickly, anyway. Playing it safe was the better option here, even if it did take more time.

He scoffed. “No can do, birdy.” She watched as he scrutinised her once again, before shaking his head. “Now, if you had a weapon, I’d be asking you to take up them bounties in exchange. But you don’t even carry a knife on you; such a crying shame, really,” his intent as clear as the stark disappointment in his voice.

“The lack of a knife indicates nothing,” she informed him softly, in a tone that betrayed her amusement at his conclusions. “I ask again: will you talk?”

“About?” his tone was guarded now; suspicious even. “I ain’t got nothing to say to a law-abiding person, none at all.”

Raelia simply smiled, a gentle curve of the lips that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “The Metal Demon, of course. Surely the rumor mill has been active?”

“But of course.” The relief that permeated the air was palpable, as the man visibly relaxed somewhat, though it wasn’t by much - he was still very much on his guard. She had assumed, and rightly so, that this was a topic he could speak about. “Still, we should take this off the streets; don’t want people to spy-”

“I simply require his location.” Her voice was even, with no changes seen in her demeanour. Still, those five words were somehow more expressive than they should have been, conveying a tinge of disappointment that was easily picked up on. Or had it something else…?

He swallowed, the realisation of the bigger picture only just sinking in. “That guy... comes and goes.” Even before the man ended the sentence, the fact that he had slipped was so very prominent. At least, it was to her. “But it’s said that his ship’s outside town these days, yanno?” he continued hastily, sounding almost eager to have her leave.

Well, she would acquiesce in his decision.

Raelia graced him with a curt nod for his troubles, before turning to leave. The abnormal chill that had settled the area dissipated not long after, with the faintest traces of mist curling around the hem of her white jacket. The man huffed at the abrupt parting, not in the least disappointed, immediately making his way back to the bar, ready to begin damage control.

Behind him, the damp floor quickly dried up, leaving no trace that it had ever been wet.

---

“Get me the usual, won’t you?” The casual question came from the gladiator seated in a corner of the bar. The vantage point allowed him a view of every patron in the bar, reducing the chances of a sneak attack - unless it literally burst through from the walls he was leaning against.

Piercing light blue eyes watched the middle-aged barman’s movements as his alcoholic drink was prepared. Steam mused silently about his current situation; certainly, he could do with a distraction, preferably someone of the fairer sex, but hey… he’d take what he could get. Alcohol was also good, and while he did have a brewery and a collection on his ship, drinking a little more never hurt anyone.

The mug was slid onto his table with practiced ease; lifting a hand, the automaton waved in what was supposed to be part-acknowledgement, part-dismissal. Naturally, it came as a surprise when the barman lingered long enough to drop a line.

“Earlier, some bird with a fiery head came around asking questions ‘bout your location.”

Steam stared at the retreating back of the man, before turning his gaze onto the drink sitting innocently on the table. The alleys were dubious at best, with the same holding true for any information that one might pick up in the area. Yet this message sounded different; heck, the barman even sounded concerned!

Something was definitely off here - perhaps it was a challenger from the RHG. Yes, that would be a likely explanation. It wasn’t as if no-one knew that this was one of his favoured haunts anyway, and he would bet that the competitive ones were all for finding out every scrap of information they had access to, and then some.

… He really did need to chill out, didn’t he? There wasn’t a use getting worked up over something he didn’t have all the information on, anyway. A short movement of his right hand allowed him to reach the easily-accessible cigarettes on the holster of his belt. The familiar feel of the wrapped gasoline-soaked wood coupled the light dusting of charcoal allowed the automaton to ground himself. Procuring a lighter from an irate looking patron of the bar, he lit up the cigarette, permitting himself to get lost in the smoke that soon bombarded his senses as he deliberated over his decision.

To wait or not to wait; that is the question.

Or not.

A faint clank hit the air as the metal plates shook slightly with the uneven movements of the dark red figure who had elected to rise. Distracted movements flicked away the ashes that clung to burning wood as Steam maneuvered his way through the less-than-stellar conditions of the bar, trying to ignore the creaky floorboards that seemed all too eager to give way. It thus came as a shock when someone shoved him forwards.

It was meant to be forceful, the automaton assumed, quickly regaining his footing. Not being able to feel pain meant that petty strikes wouldn’t faze him for long, but the sheer audacity… it amused him. A grin that could only be described as shit-eating spread across his features as he chortled, sidestepping the next blow with absolute ease as he turned around to face his challenger. “Really now, it’s almost as if you’re trying not to hit me. I do appreciate the care and concern, buddy, but really, when you’re fighting, you gotta stop being such a nice guy!”

His opponent let loose a guttural roar before launching himself forward, fist drawn back ready to let fly. The primal method of battle had Steam outright laughing; against a bare-handed drunk, his metal frame definitely had the upper hand. “Really, it’s as if some people have no common sense or something. You’d think they would have learnt not to punch metal with their bare hands by now or something…”

The cigarette forgotten on the floor, the automaton dodged the next blow. Admittedly, the blow would have missed him even if he hadn’t moved, but that was what one signed up for when fighting an opponent who wasn’t sober. The battle would be over soon, anyway.

Grabbing the next fist that came flying his way, Steam jerked his arm back, forcefully dragging the man a few short steps forward. Bringing up his left hand almost immediately, he slammed the fist into the other’s chest before he could react.

Crack.

He could feel all eyes on him - if the brawl hadn’t drawn the attention of the other patrons, then the sound of a rib or two breaking most certainly did.

“Alright, guys - the show’s over. Move along now!” Steam allowed the limp body of the man to fall to the floor, stepping over it in a show of nonchalance as he made his way to the counter to pay for his drinks. There wasn’t any use worrying about what would come, after all - he would rather drown himself in alcohol first and face the consequences later if it really did happen to be someone from the RHG. Plus, the probabilities of the worst case scenario happening were pretty low, weren’t they?

Relighting another cigarette, the automaton left the bar for the outskirts of town where his ship was grounded. Perhaps it was time to dig into his stash onboard.

---

The ship was a little ways out from the current location at the city’s edge. Anchored to shore, it clearly wasn’t going anywhere - at least, not anytime soon. The dark colour of the otherworldly material reflected the fiery colours of the evening, with hues of red and orange a stark contrast to the deep shade of the blood ore.

Clearly, whomever the Captain was didn’t give a damn about staying inconspicuous, especially with the choice of location being an odd-looking place - not quite concrete yet not entirely natural either. A glance around showed her that said automaton was walking towards his ship leisurely with a cigarette in hand, vaulting the occasional chunk of rock just because he could. After all, he had all the time in the world.

“You’re finally here.” Leaning against a gnarly tree, Raelia decided to inform him of her presence with a simple greeting of a raised hand.

His light blue eyes narrowed upon seeing her, as his strides slowed - enough that he was within a few meters of her current location. A ‘Metal Demon’ who was a construct? Oddly fitting, in a way.

“And who might you be?” Steam raised an eyebrow, wary of the concealment of identity. “I certainly don’t recall ever doing business with you.”

She chuckled quietly, pulling back her hood at a speed that made her actions obvious. A small step forward brought her out of the comfortable shade of the tree, back out into the light. Carmine locks fell messily, and the recognition written on his face was obvious.

“So, I hear you’ve been asking the barkeep about me, lady.”

“And what if I have?”

“Nothing much… only that I can most certainly see why.” The automaton smirked knowingly. He didn’t recognise this particular legacy or the being it belonged to, but i
Piston1937
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Jan 1, 2017 8:25 AM #1472033
(Prepares for shitstorm coming his way)

Hey I just realized this is the first battle of 2017

Cool
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jan 1, 2017 2:39 PM #1472048
piston: wtf
ciel: gr8 story m8.

but I still call bullshit on the ability to add targets on top of the cooldown.


still gives you alex unsealed powers.


But gr8 story though.
Devour
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Jan 1, 2017 3:14 PM #1472049
Piston: My best advice to you would be to read a good book, or some of the good stories here, and emulate how they write and what they do to create their stories. It's something we all do to learn. Writing without learning from other writers is pretty much not possible.

There's a lot of basic things that writers do unconsciously to make their stories read well that aren't being done in your part. I'd have to spend a long time explaining that, which I don't have time for atm. But the lack of those things makes it hard to get immersed into the story and therefore to enjoy it.

As usual, I loved the ideas that you had and I laughed at some parts. You just gotta work on the foundations.

I'll give Ceil C&C when I have time to. I shall be back, but also my vote goes to Ceil.
Piston1937
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Jan 1, 2017 9:08 PM #1472091
Yah I will I am taking a brake from this going to the library and drowning myself in stories. Plus I will have a fresh new fighter to use when I get back.
Crank
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Jan 2, 2017 12:16 AM #1472120
Heck of a debut, Ciel! I liked the introduction of both characters, and the plot had a good flow, even if it's a little tricky for me to wrap my head around what Raelia's powers are. It did feel like something was missing though, some piece of information and everyone was just being vague about it. Reread some bits but couldn't figure it out. Is she looking for someone you'll reveal later, I assume? I don't know, but the way it was presented it felt like I was supposed to know what the thing was, so not knowing it mentally tripped me up, and botched the flow a bit by my constant check backs to make sure I wasn't missing things. I don't know. Surprises are fine, and keeping cards close to your chest is fine, but if that ace is common knowledge, at least a clue about what it means to the character would go a long way.

The ending stuck out to me as odd as well. I get the deal was for her to win to get her questions, but if I get into a fistfight with a guy, and we don't end on garbage terms, I'm gonna bring them up anyway. Especially if it's important. On the flip side, if I win, I don't even know what my motivations are for not giving the answers to the questions would be. If I tell you, is it going to get me killed? I didn't seem worry when I saw you, knowing fully well what it was about. Basically, it's fine to leave your reader with questions, but if what you leave unanswered has them questioning the story, it might be something you should tweak. Again though, very nice battle!

Piston, your enthusiasm is impressing the hell out of me! Yeah, might not want to get into too many fights at once. I saw that Steam's retiring, so something you might want to keep in mind with your next fighter is just fleshing them out a bit. It's fine to have a fight start for a gag reason (I recall using an overflowing toilet, once), but being too dependent on that gag can run you into some trouble. It's like when you hear the same joke over and over.

Another thing you may want to do is connect your stories. Have the events of one ripple into the next in some way. Is there anything Protagonist is trying to gain? Does what he just did accomplish this, or move him closer to his goals? For one thing, it helps with development, which helps with characterization, which helps things from being too cartoony, I suppose.

Which, sorta leads me into my last thing. If someone's in a strong mood, go ahead and define it. Not just in terms of anger, joy, or whatever, but what the feeling means to the person. I'd do an example but... Steam comes off as... rape-y, at times, and considering you used a humorous tone throughout, I doubt me making your lighthearted ending midnight would help a whole lot.

Again though, I respect the heck out of your ambition and hope to see you keeping at it!
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Jan 2, 2017 3:01 AM #1472142
(I'll be giving CnC later, I think)
Ciel

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Jan 2, 2017 12:05 PM #1472185
Thank you all for the comments, and I look forward to those from the people who have yet to speak. Every bit of CnC helps, so many many thanks from me.

@Doom (Click to Show)


@Devour, Alphaeus (Click to Show)


@Crank (Click to Show)


@Piston (Click to Show)


Truth be told, this (to me) was a pretty bad matchup. Halfway through, I realised that Raelia cannot actually harm Steam in any way due to her being weaponless, unless she uses Systematic. And even then, she cannot touch what she doesn't know, and quite a few parts of Steam are made of a material foreign to her. Steam also doesn't feel pain, so she cannot even faze him by striking. I couldn't find any way around this issue other than the freezing, which came alongside the problem of her not being immune to whatever she cooked up. It then became a contest of who could survive the AOE freezing longer, which Steam won hands down. (Also, Ignite at the end simply gave him the win faster.)

I also realised that I made a typo in my half of the battle, and that it was a really stupid typo, but I'm not going to change it. Not yet. (I'll edit it after the poll is closed, if I remember.)

Again, thank you all for the votes and comments. Especially the comments, haha.

also yes first battle of 2017 ahaha why...
Piston1937
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Jan 2, 2017 1:47 PM #1472196
Thanks Ceil.
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