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Drew (Mr.Tea) - Battle Merchant

Started by: plasmastick | Replies: 2 | Views: 1,296

plasmastick

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Jan 7, 2017 1:29 AM #1472572
Names (Click to Show)


abilities and arsenal (Click to Show)


Drew's final form is having a paladin suit hover down from the sky onto him. Now He can take in plenty of hits blocking them off with the angelic armor. It also feature a sword made of a hologram that manages to attack yet not be hit. It causes the blade to never be broken and in some cases he'll easily slide the blade right through someone with the hologram then unleash the blade right inside the heart.

Weaknesses (Click to Show)


Drew does not trust anyone he knows. The closest you could get to someone who he might think about is his father. But oh little does Drew know his father is too a crook and fooled him countless times.

Personality (Click to Show)


Appearance (Click to Show)


Demo (Click to Show)


The story of Mr.Tea's success is simply developing skills overtime.
Ficlles
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Jan 7, 2017 10:08 AM #1472592
Hmm. Seems interesting.

I only skimmed through everything, but it seems okay "From my perspective, which is total noob"

Anyways, I'll give CnC later once I've read the whole thing, but it looks pretty good.

Edit:

Okay. Time for CnC

First thing I would like to say, is that maybe you could describe everything with more description and detail. I don't see much about him, the post is somewhat short. I have the basic idea of Drew in my head, but I'm not quite seeing the full picture. Just describe everything more, or add more detail about him, and you're good to go.

Another thing, is that the character is kinda, dull *NO OFFENSE INTENDED*. Try adding more depth and characteristics to the character, so we can get a bigger picture, as I said above. I feel his personalities and abilities are very limited, and don't have much to them. For example, when you said he goes into a long drone of bitter insults, try to describe examples of those types of insults he gives. That way, we get a picture of the severity of the insults.

Another thing, is the grammar. Good grammar shows good writing. Good writing does not have typos, and uses correct punctuation, and etc. Yuo do'nt wan't ur writing to lok liek, this. Even the smallest grammar mistake can change the meaning of a sentence, so make sure to double check the grammar.

Your demo, umm, let's see. Maybe change the name of "John Moorse", since it's a very similar name to an wRHG character named "John Moore". Just a heads up.

The last thing, is, that you need more information. There are some key points missing in the post, and you need to complete all of them for this to be a complete wRHG character. Some basic information elements would be highly suggested too, like his age for example, so we can grasp onto what the character is, and the Story, so we can see his background, and his History.

If you would like to know everything required, I suggest going to this link

http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?100491-wRHG-Character-Regulations
http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?48733-wRHG-Character-Rules

Anyways, with some tweaking, this character would be interesting. I look forward to maybe battling you in the future.
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Apr 8, 2017 8:03 AM #1478641
Don't take my advice too seriously since i have little to no experience on Stickpage.

I've been very inactive.
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