so, some buds asked me to give you a critique on this, since my critiques are very detailed, so here we go
presentation
presentation is extremely important to me since, in my point of view, gives a first impression of what your capable of producing, and it gives the reader a reason to get into the thread itself, and if you're able, constatly update the page if you improve on art and such so people can actually see what you're visually capable of producing, here, that is lacking;
presentation can go two ways,
grammar and
visuals.
visuals
as for visuals, it isn't very nice to the eye, and it looks almost incomplete, smash a bunch of text colours and sizes, that will catch the viewer's eye which would result in them continuing their reading, and if you're able since (no offense) your drawing skills are lacking, ask someone to draw the main picture for you, since the image you currently have is poorly drawn,mainly due to the akward poses, details (claws and eyes) and the colour choices which aren't very nice to the eyes.
grammar
this is exceptionally bad, due to the misuse of tenses, words placed on the wrong order and word spelling in general, the first 3 letters of the story already contain extremely broken english.
story
this is probably the worst part of the thread, the story is very cliche, "young lad wishes for a better life since his parents treat him badly and finds another dude who helps him and stuff happens which causes him to change in some way", and it's also very edgy, the grammar is lacking too.
abilities and weaknesses
abilities
-Move very fast
*moves
also, it's a very overused and overpowered ability.
-Have a very sharp claw
*has
elaborate a bit on it. are they constatly visible, or does he show them only when fighting? how does he use them?
-Each time he's laying down, he's not yet defeated
isn't really an abilty, and it happens with everybody, just because you're laying in the ground doesn't mean you've been defeated.
-When there are 3 or more enemies around him, he gains more speed and power
doesn't really make sense, how does he gain power from that? does he extract it from the enemies?
-When he's dying/almost defeated, he turns red and gains more power, speed and becomes harder to hit
overpowered and overall bullshitty, he's about to lose but then he becomes stronger? complete utter bs.
weaknesses
-Draws him off guard when he feels bored to fight
what.
no seriously, that sentence doesn't make any sense.
-Weak against ranged enemies
not a weakness, we're all weak against ranged enemies
-He doesn't have any magic/powers
how is that a weakness? not having powers isn't a weakness, it's just not being able to manipulate magic.
-His limit times when he gets up while laying down is 10 times
again, this sentence is too broken to understand.
the demo
ok, so here's what i spotted:
the positions look akward, and the movements are choppy and stiff.
the first punch looks weak, give it more anticipation to make it look stronger.
the dialog is bad;
"lol, too easy" "hey, i should join rhg".
the impact that the guy does when he hits the ground needs less frames and some more recoil.
the blur filter is poorly used, if you're gonna use it, use it right.
the guy is supposed to look fast, but the framerate is too low to make him look fast, and again, bad use of the blur filter.
when the guy is teared apart, the blood particles are bad, the fall lacks gravity and his body just stays in the air instead of hitting the ground, again, impact needs more recoil and the poses needs work.
here is what i think of it overall
-
presentation: 5/10
visuals: 6/10
grammar: 3/10
-
story: 6/10
-
abilities and weaknesses: 1
abilities: 1/10
weaknesses: 1/10
-
the demo: 4/10
so in total the rating i'm giving you is:
4/10
needs a lot of work, specially on the abilities and weaknesses
