I may or may not give a full CnC of these, primarily because I hate it when a battle is posted and gets no CnC. This is kinda the point of the wRHG battles -- give CnC so that people can see what they did wrong and improve. Just saying. Only reason I might not is because I'm going into a phase where spare time will be rare for me.
That said, the primary problems:
Firefly,
Your story shows little variety in sentence usage. Most of your paragraphs use the same basic structure over and over, which removes any chance of rhythm or flow (some people have/can do this as a highly stylized method that does work. Yours is not on that exotic level of mastery.) Try flipping around the various clauses in a sentence. I believe we have a lesson on this in the new Academy, actually.
There are, additionally, some grammatical errors throughout. Most of them suggest typos and lack of proofreading rather than a lack of understanding, so that's easy to fix with more review.
Now, the big problem is that this story either takes itself too seriously, or doesn't take reality seriously at all. In short, you first stretched a bit too far at times for pathos that just .... didn't work. I cant say why, per se, because there are several possible reasons. The one I am inclined to believe is that you haven't been in a deeply threatening combat situation, nor have you -- in lieu of this -- studied quality depictions of them in literature/cinema/theatre. It feels like the battles are supposed to be dangerous and menacing because you tell us this....but come across just really, really bland. On the other hand, most of the time I can't take these characters to be anything more than inanimate doodles and word constructs. In your story, something literally awful/frightening/terrible happens. The characters barely react, if at all. They don't have any emotion besides {Jason: Huh, weird; Imma get this; just stop, k?} and {Serena: I am mighty guardian petty being; Oh what have you done?!}. There are no feasible dynamics here, nothing that makes us give a damn if either of these people live or die.
Lastly, you toss in details randomly, losing any voice you might have had by throwing us facts like a Snapple lid. **Story begins** Btw, Jason has these powers **Story continues**
That just doesn't work.
**On the upside....you allowed me to visualize what was happening, albeit in a manner that was dull, but I could still grasp spacial relations, location, etc. Good job.
Greek,
Your battle has one major problem -- it reads like a small-budget horror movie. The comedy lines do make me chuckle, and the portrayal of the characters is laughable. I mean, I managed to read it and enjoy it in an odd way, but like it's analogous movie I wouldn't read it again.
Now, I'm not certain if that was the tone you were going for or not. Either way, you can turn a fight into comedy in some better way. The supposed suspense wasn't really suspenseful because it was far too predictable and stereotyped. Like I said to Firefly, your characters for most of the story have limited emotional capacity or representation. Serena is reduced to a one-dimensional throw-away guardian monster. Jason is the very average relic-hunter that is cool and barely survives.
The battle suffers from the same problem as Firefly's, and is something I'll probably write about in the Academy. Battles are, at their core, "he did this, then she did that, then he did this, etc." Fine. But writing them like that is fit for a military report, nothing more. As a writer you have to make me actually be WITH the characters as this happens. What they think/feel/see/experience subjectively.
Now, your ending did make me laugh again. Overall, I get the feel that your piece is much like the style popular with many modern movies that cover conflict -- serious, but only with a wink because they don't take themselves too seriously. In the ending you managed to pull off that tone in a manner that, at least in my opinion, worked.
