Anyone know if Schwa is banned permanantly and whether this is still going to happen if he is?

If not, then I can take the helm. After all, I'm the zombie guy here.

what if the character says a full paragraph or info, followed by an action?
and Shwa will prob. be back, but not for a while.

hey guys, when u read this, please don't flame beause it includes something christian. here it is. (so far)

James was on his feet, and looked out into the horizon. He was clicking the safety on and off his rifle to pass the time. Everybody was scared out of their minds from the “mutants” that were once marines. All that “ELITE” special program could kiss his ass, he didn’t care. The ELITES were injected with a “virus” that would duplicate the white blood cells in their body, and would make them “immortal”. Wrong choice. After they were diagnosed with an adaptation that mutated them into violent beasts, they were put on parole. This mutation had accelerated their heart rate incredibly, and had made their metabolism 12 times stronger. How it happened, James doesn’t know, but all he knows is that they were “put down” by the black ops. They didn’t die. Their bodies still carried the virus even though they were dead.
James put out his cigarette and put his mask back on, the sergeant was coming.
“Alright pisswads, what the hell’s going on?” shouted the sergeant.
“Nothing sir, I swear to God we weren’t-” Pvt. Pilla was saying, before the sergeant’s arm flew into his face. Pilla stepped back and took off his mask, he was vomiting blood.
“Bastard”
The sergeant punched Pilla in the face again to reassert his authority, and left. Pilla wiped the blood off his face and opened his first-aid kit. Even though the wound wasn’t even bad enough to use one, he still stuck it to his cheek to stop the pain.
“I hate that guy, you know, the sarge” said Pilla, obviously to James.
“Yeah, he’s a faggot.”
“Exactly, I have a feeling you’ll fit right in.”
“Thanks man, you know, I’m, I’m scared man, and I’m losing it, all the dead people, all the crazy shit going on right now, I’m scared man! It isn’t cool anymore! I think that sometimes I just kill myself, end this, you know.” Said James, crying and sobbing madly, he looked at Pilla, and he was crying too.
Pilla reached into his pocket and produced a bible. With shaky hands he opened up to a random page, and read:
"Do not be angry, my lord," Aaron answered. "You know how prone these people are to evil.” He closed the sacred book and said, “Exodus 32:22”
Then they both cried throughout the night.

A bell woke them up, and they immediately heard gunshots. The zombies were there, on their doorstep. James looked over the edge, and saw zombies pounding into the wall below them.
“Go! Go! Go! Get to the wall men! We got some zombies to kill!” screamed a sergeant, somewhere in the fray.
“Oh God, are the zombies here already?” asked James in terror.
“I think they are, do you have a gun? Grenades? Ammo?”
“I got some ammo for an M-40 and the rifle, but that’s about it.”
“Alright, come this way,” said Pilla, shooting over the short wall above the edge at the horde of the undead.



and thats about it so far

Meh. It's alright, but it's really generic.

Quote from Ash

Meh. It's alright, but it's really generic.

thanks for the critisism, but what do u think was wrong with it?

Err... Should I just quote it and use bold text to point out the problems?

if you have the time, but im fine if you just tell me what was wrong, because i am actually working on a book, not on this, but i use the same style. and if my style's messed, i would love to know. thanks man.

Zombies attack the city,and eat your BRAINS(Ca$h Optional)!

Quote from nightwatch

Zombies attack the city,and eat your BRAINS(Ca$h Optional)!

wtf?... i smell a ban...

Quote from pandemedic

The sergeant punched Pilla in the face again to reassert his authority, and left. Pilla wiped the blood off his face and opened his first-aid kit. Even though the wound wasn’t even bad enough to use one, he still stuck it to his cheek to stop the pain.

Just one point; what exactly did he stick to his cheek? The entire first aid kit? Hilarious as the imagery is I suspect it's not what you meant.

Also, I think a little more description might be good. Day or night? City or countryside? That sort of thing.

It sounds like it will have good action and may make a good film but it could do with some filler.

Quote from zed

Just one point; what exactly did he stick to his cheek? The entire first aid kit? Hilarious as the imagery is I suspect it's not what you meant.

Also, I think a little more description might be good. Day or night? City or countryside? That sort of thing.

It sounds like it will have good action and may make a good film but it could do with some filler.

i meant that he was so arrogant that he would use the entire first-aid kit on himself. thank you for the comments, i meant it so that the area and scenery would develop as the story went along. if u want ill include a section from my REAL book in here. its 11:30 PM here, so im turning myself in. please comment. and zed, ur story was probably the best.

Zed brings up a good point. Your story might make a good film script. You should consider writing it as one.

(Just remember, scripts only have dialogue and general actions, it's up to the director of a film to put camera and stage directions, music cues, etc. in the film, so don't try and add those)

thanks, i finished the second half:

A bell woke them up, and they immediately heard gunshots. The zombies were there, on their doorstep. James looked over the edge, and saw zombies pounding into the wall below them.
“Go! Go! Go! Get to the wall men! We got some zombies to kill!” screamed a sergeant, somewhere in the fray.
“Oh God, are the zombies here already?” asked James in terror.
“I think they are, do you have a gun? Grenades? Ammo?”
“I got some ammo for an M-40 and the rifle, but that’s about it.”
“Alright, come this way,” said Pilla, shooting over the short wall above the edge at the horde of the undead.
They rushed down the granite stairs to the lower level, where marines were running about, looking for a good spot. They got to the lower level to get grenades, but Pilla was no longer at James’ side. He looked back and saw Pilla on the ground, shaking like mad.
“Pilla! Are you alright!?” shouted James, but he was too late. The sarge was right above him, with an M-40. James wanted to shout, but he knew what had happened. When Pilla took off his mask, he got infected by the parasite in the air, but James wasn’t, or was he? The sarge pulled the trigger, and blew off Pilla’s face right off his shoulders. His headless body flopped to the ground, and was shot again and again by the sergeant, who wasted an entire clip of armor-piercing bullets on Pilla. James was too involved in the moment of his friend’s death to realize that the zombies had broken through.
The zombies actually inherit the intelligence of their victims, so most of them knew how to operate a rifle, or make a bomb. Bullets flew through the air as James looked around in sheer terror. He fired his rifle into the mist of death and blood, and ended up killing one of his own guys. He felt something warm in his pants, and noticed that he had pissed himself in fear. He ran back for his life, but couldn’t. his legs were planted in the ground, and he suddenly felt calm. James looked at his chest and saw blood spurting out in surges. He covered it up with his hand, but there was too much of it. his arms were beginning to go pale, and James looked out, over the horde, into the sub-Saharan field. He was shocked by how beautiful it was. He slipped to his knees, and fell over, dead.

commentz please? im writing a new draft with new everything.

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