The success of ASBO's
Started by: Kieran. | Replies: 31 | Views: 2,668
Mar 16, 2009 6:01 PM #375367
Chelsea ****ing rocks
Mar 16, 2009 6:11 PM #375370
wellworth's lol http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/columnists/mark-austin/2009/03/15/wonder-woman-115875-21198587/
It's just one store in Dorchester... no not london... not manchester... but dorchester... yes!
ONTOPIC:
ASBOs have been described as 'fast tracking' people as young as ten into the criminal justice system and many children's groups consider them a breach of children's human rights.
They point to the fact that newspapers can 'name and shame' those who get ASBOs when usually under 18's have the right to privacy under the law.
So what approach will work best in the long term? My feeling is these first cases could have big implications for our generation, but I think ASBOs will be making the headlines for some time to come.
CHAVS INFO:
The Chav, or Burberry Trogladyte (to use the correct anthropological phrase), is a subsect of the human race that has become unfortunately far too common, as they breed like filthy rabbits. These creatures are easily distinguishable; they tend gather in groups in towns, particularly shopping precincts, they talk some kind of bastard dialect of their own devising, the most important words being ‘innit’, 'bruv' and 'bare'. Several variants of this have been identified and most contain elements of black American culture. This is in spite of the fact that there is no evidence that any Chav has ever crossed the Atlantic. They tend to wear Adidas or Nike sports gear with white trainers and have baseball caps - frequently Burberry - permanently welded onto their heads at birth.
Few Chavs have jobs (and those that do work in McDonalds); they are reasonably financially acute and have long since realised that the government will pay them to lie around home out of work. Thus, the Chav has an unbridled amount of free time on its hands. This will usually be spent by congregating at Home Depot in groups, or ‘crews’ as they like to call them, in some pathetic misguided belief that they are ‘gangsta’ and ‘children of the ghetto’. Usually these gangs will just hang around doing nothing. Every once in a while, Chavs will gather at predetermined spots at night to show off their cars, generally 20 year old Golfs or Vauxhall Chavelliers. Inspired by MTV’s "Pimp My Ride" Chavs will decorate their cars with vinyl, decals and body kits in some belief that this makes them better, little knowing that everyone laughs when they see a £1000 car with £2000 worth of essentially useless mods on it go by. They may even attempt to race each other, because every Chav fancies himself as a racer after a round of Midnight Club: DUB Edition. Better Chavs indulge in beer and illegal stuff once a week on Saturday nights. Worse Chavs indulge more often.
The natural enemy of the Chav is the police officer or the ‘LAPD’ as the Chav likes to think of the British police force - the result of spending too much time listening to shoddy mass-produced rap music. Chavs are in effect anarchic, and their society has not yet evolved sufficiently to understand the need for Law and Order. Hence, they refuse to accept they have done anything wrong when they are dragged off to jail on a Saturday night for smashing a bottle in someone’s face. Scientists believe this might have been what civilisation was like on Earth 300,000 years ago, before intelligent life developed. Another natural enemy of the Chav is anyone with money, most likely engendered as a result of their own feelings of inadequacy and lack of self worth resulting from them being a cancer upon humanity. The third enemy of the Chav is sometimes reported to be the punk, there are rare cases which still remain unverified that the ancient punk rockers would nourish themselves from the blood of young Chavs, as exclaimed only in urban legend. Another enemy of the Chav is the foreigner; Chavs are intensely jingoistic and when they go on holiday will only stay in British holiday resorts to prevent contact with any foreigners. Indeed, the Chav can go to Spain and never be exposed to a single word of Spanish for the duration of their trip.
If you have ever had the pleasure of talking to a chav on MSN, Bebo, Myspace or anything else the kids are into these days, you will know full well it is a confusing and gruelling task to complete. First and foremost, they never succeed in saying a complete sentence. If they wish to know how you are feeling, they will use the two letters "uk?" which can be most confusing for the MSN beginner, as they may believe the chav is enquiring as to whether or not the are currently in the UK. The female chav, sometimes referred to as a chavette, seems to enjoy referring to others as "baybz",(pronounced babes) as does the male chav when trying to get someone of the opposite sex to come for a ride in his "flash motor." They all seem to prefer the use of numbers to letters. This is said to be due to the fact numbers do not come in capital and lower case form, so it is easy to remember. I completely understand, I mean it is hard to remember when you've only been doing it for over 13 years! When actually using letters, chavs generally put a capital letter at the beginning of every word so that they are covered, and don't actually have to remember when they should be used. The 'X' key on the chavs keyboards is generally worn out because of putting it after every sentence ever used. I don’t think they realise that if their conversation was in person, the person opposite them would be covered in the chavs bright red lipstick. I recommend you avoid adding some one under the category of chav on any social online network as they can cause severe irritation.
An example of a typical MSN conversation between a Chavette and a legitimate human being:
Chavette: Hey Baybz uk xxx
Person: uk? oh, i get it! yep, i'm fine thanks. you?
Chavete: f9 Fanx Baybz Wubu2 xxx
Person: huh?
Chavette: Loolz Nm Aint Got Nufin Too Doo Lmao xxx
Person: oh... er, good. so how's your sister?
Chavette: She Such A Fukin Bitch Mayyteee An She Sed She Preggaz Agen xxx
Person: um, ok. isn't your sister 12?
Chavette: Yea An She Only Got Lyyk Wun Kid Lool Wot A Tard
Person: what?!
Chavette: Omdzzz Yooh No Kayla Tbh She A Fukin Stunnah Mayyteee An She Gave Hed To Dat Mingaa Dave But Hes A Geek Wtf Y She Do Dat He Mingin Mayyteee xxx
Person: he's my friend actually
Chavette: Aaaaah Yooh Gona Get Propaa Merkd Now Mayyteee Tbh I Fukin Hate Yooh Y Yooh Bein Mayytees Wiff Dave He A Fukin Mong xxx
Person: ok, i have no ****ing idea what the hell you're saying, so i'm leaving this conversation now
Person leaves conversation
Chavette: Ok Baybz Luffooo! xxx
The amazing plan:
The Scotland Plan involves moving all chavs to the filthy wasteland known as Scotland (especialy Glasgow). This is to be done by cutting-off the main means of survival for the common chav. All Argos, JJB Sports, Somerfield, McDonalds and Halfords stores will be moved to Scotland along with all known supplies of White Lightening and Stella Artois. The chav will therefore be starved of resources and will be forced to migrate in their chav mobiles to Scotland along with thier numerous bastard children. At this point, Hadrian's Wall is to be expanded so that it is 40 metres high and electrified. All ports, airports and llamas will also be destroyed so that there is no possible way for the Chavs (or any other Scots) to return. The Chav society will become anarchic and chaotic since they will have no superior society to leech off and will all eventualy die horrible and painful deaths.
sorry scorpio... (wasn't my idea..)
It's just one store in Dorchester... no not london... not manchester... but dorchester... yes!
ONTOPIC:
ASBOs have been described as 'fast tracking' people as young as ten into the criminal justice system and many children's groups consider them a breach of children's human rights.
They point to the fact that newspapers can 'name and shame' those who get ASBOs when usually under 18's have the right to privacy under the law.
So what approach will work best in the long term? My feeling is these first cases could have big implications for our generation, but I think ASBOs will be making the headlines for some time to come.
CHAVS INFO:
The Chav, or Burberry Trogladyte (to use the correct anthropological phrase), is a subsect of the human race that has become unfortunately far too common, as they breed like filthy rabbits. These creatures are easily distinguishable; they tend gather in groups in towns, particularly shopping precincts, they talk some kind of bastard dialect of their own devising, the most important words being ‘innit’, 'bruv' and 'bare'. Several variants of this have been identified and most contain elements of black American culture. This is in spite of the fact that there is no evidence that any Chav has ever crossed the Atlantic. They tend to wear Adidas or Nike sports gear with white trainers and have baseball caps - frequently Burberry - permanently welded onto their heads at birth.
Few Chavs have jobs (and those that do work in McDonalds); they are reasonably financially acute and have long since realised that the government will pay them to lie around home out of work. Thus, the Chav has an unbridled amount of free time on its hands. This will usually be spent by congregating at Home Depot in groups, or ‘crews’ as they like to call them, in some pathetic misguided belief that they are ‘gangsta’ and ‘children of the ghetto’. Usually these gangs will just hang around doing nothing. Every once in a while, Chavs will gather at predetermined spots at night to show off their cars, generally 20 year old Golfs or Vauxhall Chavelliers. Inspired by MTV’s "Pimp My Ride" Chavs will decorate their cars with vinyl, decals and body kits in some belief that this makes them better, little knowing that everyone laughs when they see a £1000 car with £2000 worth of essentially useless mods on it go by. They may even attempt to race each other, because every Chav fancies himself as a racer after a round of Midnight Club: DUB Edition. Better Chavs indulge in beer and illegal stuff once a week on Saturday nights. Worse Chavs indulge more often.
The natural enemy of the Chav is the police officer or the ‘LAPD’ as the Chav likes to think of the British police force - the result of spending too much time listening to shoddy mass-produced rap music. Chavs are in effect anarchic, and their society has not yet evolved sufficiently to understand the need for Law and Order. Hence, they refuse to accept they have done anything wrong when they are dragged off to jail on a Saturday night for smashing a bottle in someone’s face. Scientists believe this might have been what civilisation was like on Earth 300,000 years ago, before intelligent life developed. Another natural enemy of the Chav is anyone with money, most likely engendered as a result of their own feelings of inadequacy and lack of self worth resulting from them being a cancer upon humanity. The third enemy of the Chav is sometimes reported to be the punk, there are rare cases which still remain unverified that the ancient punk rockers would nourish themselves from the blood of young Chavs, as exclaimed only in urban legend. Another enemy of the Chav is the foreigner; Chavs are intensely jingoistic and when they go on holiday will only stay in British holiday resorts to prevent contact with any foreigners. Indeed, the Chav can go to Spain and never be exposed to a single word of Spanish for the duration of their trip.
If you have ever had the pleasure of talking to a chav on MSN, Bebo, Myspace or anything else the kids are into these days, you will know full well it is a confusing and gruelling task to complete. First and foremost, they never succeed in saying a complete sentence. If they wish to know how you are feeling, they will use the two letters "uk?" which can be most confusing for the MSN beginner, as they may believe the chav is enquiring as to whether or not the are currently in the UK. The female chav, sometimes referred to as a chavette, seems to enjoy referring to others as "baybz",(pronounced babes) as does the male chav when trying to get someone of the opposite sex to come for a ride in his "flash motor." They all seem to prefer the use of numbers to letters. This is said to be due to the fact numbers do not come in capital and lower case form, so it is easy to remember. I completely understand, I mean it is hard to remember when you've only been doing it for over 13 years! When actually using letters, chavs generally put a capital letter at the beginning of every word so that they are covered, and don't actually have to remember when they should be used. The 'X' key on the chavs keyboards is generally worn out because of putting it after every sentence ever used. I don’t think they realise that if their conversation was in person, the person opposite them would be covered in the chavs bright red lipstick. I recommend you avoid adding some one under the category of chav on any social online network as they can cause severe irritation.
An example of a typical MSN conversation between a Chavette and a legitimate human being:
Chavette: Hey Baybz uk xxx
Person: uk? oh, i get it! yep, i'm fine thanks. you?
Chavete: f9 Fanx Baybz Wubu2 xxx
Person: huh?
Chavette: Loolz Nm Aint Got Nufin Too Doo Lmao xxx
Person: oh... er, good. so how's your sister?
Chavette: She Such A Fukin Bitch Mayyteee An She Sed She Preggaz Agen xxx
Person: um, ok. isn't your sister 12?
Chavette: Yea An She Only Got Lyyk Wun Kid Lool Wot A Tard
Person: what?!
Chavette: Omdzzz Yooh No Kayla Tbh She A Fukin Stunnah Mayyteee An She Gave Hed To Dat Mingaa Dave But Hes A Geek Wtf Y She Do Dat He Mingin Mayyteee xxx
Person: he's my friend actually
Chavette: Aaaaah Yooh Gona Get Propaa Merkd Now Mayyteee Tbh I Fukin Hate Yooh Y Yooh Bein Mayytees Wiff Dave He A Fukin Mong xxx
Person: ok, i have no ****ing idea what the hell you're saying, so i'm leaving this conversation now
Person leaves conversation
Chavette: Ok Baybz Luffooo! xxx
The amazing plan:
The Scotland Plan involves moving all chavs to the filthy wasteland known as Scotland (especialy Glasgow). This is to be done by cutting-off the main means of survival for the common chav. All Argos, JJB Sports, Somerfield, McDonalds and Halfords stores will be moved to Scotland along with all known supplies of White Lightening and Stella Artois. The chav will therefore be starved of resources and will be forced to migrate in their chav mobiles to Scotland along with thier numerous bastard children. At this point, Hadrian's Wall is to be expanded so that it is 40 metres high and electrified. All ports, airports and llamas will also be destroyed so that there is no possible way for the Chavs (or any other Scots) to return. The Chav society will become anarchic and chaotic since they will have no superior society to leech off and will all eventualy die horrible and painful deaths.
sorry scorpio... (wasn't my idea..)