Interrogator: "That's not a straight answer..."
Gay: "Well I'm not a straight person."

Quote from Beefy

what'd you expect?

Some half-decent posts. I suppose I expect a bit much from SPP, though.

Quote from LakE

Some half-decent posts. I suppose I expect a bit much from SPP, though.

i guess you could say that.

Man: I didnt know they were doing this to you!
Alien: Oh, you didnt know!? Or you just didnt WANT to know!?
Man: I'm sorry okay? But I cant do anything about it now.
Alien: Youre people havent been doing anything about it in four years! Youre all the same, only worry about yourselves.
Man: Dont talk about the Human race like that! You have no idea what we've gone through as people!
Alien: You're human race is a disgrace to the rest of the galaxy! Once everyone hears about what yall have done to us, youre precious human race will be no more!
Man: But they wont hear about it will they?
*Swings fists frantically but cant ever hit, Alien kicks the Man to the ground and starts to walk away*
Alien: Pathetic...
*Blood dripping along his face*
Man: YOU come back here and fight like a man!
*Alien teleports back to the Man and stands over him*
Alien: It's kind of funny you say that
Man: How is it funny? ALIEN!?
*Alien looks over head to see a ship flying above, Man stares in awe*
Alien: I'm not a man.
*Alien pulls out photon blaster and shoots the Man lying in the ground, solemn music comes in and Alien strolls away towards the ship*

Quote from Waterboy

Man: I didnt know they were doing this to you!
Alien: Oh, you didnt know!? Or you just didnt WANT to know!?
Man: I'm sorry okay? But I cant do anything about it now.
Alien: Youre people havent been doing anything about it in four years! Youre all the same, only worry about yourselves.
Man: Dont talk about the Human race like that! You have no idea what we've gone through as people!
Alien: You're human race is a disgrace to the rest of the galaxy! Once everyone hears about what yall have done to us, youre precious human race will be no more!
Man: But they wont hear about it will they?
*Swings fists frantically but cant ever hit, Alien kicks the Man to the ground and starts to walk away*
Alien: Pathetic...
*Blood dripping along his face*
Man: YOU come back here and fight like a man!
*Alien teleports back to the Man and stands over him*
Alien: It's kind of funny you say that
Man: How is it funny? ALIEN!?
*Alien looks over head to see a ship flying above, Man stares in awe*
Alien: I'm not a man.
*Alien pulls out photon blaster and shoots the Man lying in the ground, solemn music comes in and Alien strolls away towards the ship*

That's so terrible it's actually really making me angry.

That's been done, I just can't remember when. Probably on The Simpsons when Homer has to retrieve his car in NYC.

It was done on that CatDog movie where they were trying to find their parents.

*Man stares at alien in the face* "So, you came to kill us all?"
"No."
"Then what did you come to do?"
"Repopulate."
"Repopulate what race?" "Humans, or animals?"
"Physical beings."
"Physical beings?"
"All whom that are not angelic, my human friend."
"For what purpose?"
"To ready earth."
"For what?"
"Armageddon."
"Who do you think you are?!"
"God." The alien suddenly disappeared. At that moment, there were one thousand births. One was the anti-christ.
The man looked up in awe. "Oh my..." The sky was bright. Angels soared. *flashes forward to epic battle* *credits roll*

Quote from 1explode1

*Man stares at alien in the face* "So, you came to kill us all?"
"No."
"Then what did you come to do?"
"Repopulate."
"Repopulate what race?" "Humans, or animals?"
"Physical beings."
"Physical beings?"
"All whom that are not angelic, my human friend."
"For what purpose?"
"To ready earth."
"For what?"
"Armageddon."
"Who do you think you are?!"
"God." The alien suddenly disappeared. At that moment, there were one thousand births. One was the anti-christ.
The man looked up in awe. "Oh my..." The sky was bright. Angels soared. *flashes forward to epic battle* *credits roll*

I'm sorry... what?

these quotes are so bad theyre hilarious

Quote from Real

I'm sorry... what?

Because of a thread on Kongregate called 'what if aliens were gods?'

heretic .

Quote from Beefy

heretic .

Not like I believe in it.

SUPER: New Line Cinema Presents

SUPER: A Wingnut Films Production

BLACK CONTINUES... ELVISH SINGING....A WOMAN'S VOICE IS
whispering, tinged with SADNESS and REGRET:

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
(Elvish: subtitled)
"I amar prestar sen: han mathon ne nen,
han mathon ne chae...a han noston ned
wilith."
(English:)
The world is changed: I feel it in the
water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it
in the air...Much that once was is lost,
for none now live who remember it.

SUPER: THE LORD OF THE RINGS

EXT. PROLOGUE -- DAY

IMAGE: FLICKERING FIRELIGHT. The NOLDORIN FORGE in EREGION.
MOLTEN GOLD POURS from the lip of an IRON LADLE.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
It began with the forging of the Great
Rings.

IMAGE: THREE RINGS, each set with a single GEM, are received
by the HIGH ELVES-GALADRIEL, GIL-GALAD and CIRDAN.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Three were given to the Elves, immortal,
wisest...fairest of all beings.

IMAGE: SEVEN RINGS held aloft in triumph by the DWARF LORDS.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Seven to the Dwarf Lords, great miners
and craftsmen of the mountain halls.

IMAGE: NINE RINGS clutched tightly by the KINGS OF MEN...as
if holding-close a precious secret.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And Nine...nine rings were gifted to the
race of Men who, above all else, desire
power.
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
2.
CONTINUED:
GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
For within these rings was bound the
strength and will to govern each race.

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But they were all of them deceived.

FADE UP: An ancient PARCHMENT MAP of MIDDLE EARTH...moving
slowly across the MAP as if drawn by an unseen force the
CAMERA closes in on a PLACE NAME...MORDOR.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
...for another ring was made.

TEASING SHOTS: SAURON forging the ONE RING in the CHAMBERS of
SAMMATH NAUR.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
In the land of Mordor, in the fires of
Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged
in secret a Master Ring to control all
others.


IMAGE: The ONE RING reflecting FIERY LAVA! FIRE WRITING
emerges on the plain BAND OF GOLD.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
...and into this Ring he poured his
cruelty, his malice and his will to
dominate all life.

IMAGE: THE ONE RING falls through SPACE and into flames...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
One Ring to rule them all...

IMAGE: A GREAT SHADOW falls across the MAP...closing in
around the realm of GONDOR...

IMAGE: SCREAMING VILLAGERS, MEN, WOMEN, AND CHILDREN, RUN

from their homes, pursued by ARMIES OF HIDEOUS ORCS.

GALADRIEL
One by one the Free lands of Middle earth
fell to the power of the ring.

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But there were some...who resisted.


(CONTINUED)
3.
CONTINUED:


FADE UP: ISILDUR, son of the KING OF GONDOR, leads an ARMY
ACROSS the PLAINS OF DAGORLAD...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
A last alliance of Men and Elves marched
against the armies of Mordor.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
On the slopes of Mount Doom they fought
for the freedom of Middle- Earth.

TEASING SHOTS: THE BATTLE OF DAGORLAD...THE ELF LORD, ELROND,

commands rank after rank of ELVEN ARCHERS...ORCS RETREATING
before the ARMY of the LAST ALLIANCE...ELENDIL holds aloft
the great sword....NARSIL!

GALADRIEL
Victory was near!

IMAGES: THE HUGE, DARK FIGURE OF SARURON, bearing the ONE
RING on his finger, looms over the field of battle...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But the power of the Ring could not be
undone.

IMAGE: SAURON lays waste to the armies of the LAST ALLIANCE.
With desperate courage, ELENDIL leads a charge...THE BLACK
MACE OF SAURON LASHES OUT!! IMAGE: ELENDIL'S body falls like
a crumpled rag doll... IMAGE: ISILDUR cradles the body of his
father in his arms. The SHADOW OF SAURON falls over him...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It was in this moment..when all hope had
faded, that Isildur, son of the king,
took up his father's sword.

ISILDUR snatches up the BROKEN BLADE OF NARSIL..The BLADE
severs SAURON'S FINGERS... AND THE ONE RING FLIES from his
body.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Sauron, the enemy of the Free Peoples of
Middle Earth, was defeated. SAURON'S
ARMOR clatters to the ground. His body

GONE....VAPORIZED! CLOSE ON: ISILDUR picks up the SEVERED
FINGER and removes the ONE RING...transfixed!

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The Ring passed to Isildur...who had this
one chance to destroy evil forever.

(CONTINUED)
4.
CONTINUED:


IMAGE: GLADDEN FIELD...ISILDUR leads a small column of men
through DARKENING WOODS...the ONE RING glinting on a CHAIN
around his neck.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But the hearts of Men are easily
corrupted. And the Ring of Power has a
will of its own.

SUDDENLY! ARROWS FLY! They are ambushed by ORCS...ISILDUR
SCREAMS!

FADE TO BLACK

FADE UP: ISILDUR MATERIALIZES UNDER WATER...as THE RING slips
slowly from his finger. Ripples of LIGHT play across
ISILDUR'S PALE FACE...he is DEAD.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It betrayed Isildur to his death.

IMAGE: THE RING falls through the MURKY WATERS of the RIVER
ANDUIN.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And some things that should not have been
forgotten...were lost.

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
History became legend...legend became
myth.

FADE UP: The waters of the ANDUIN RIVER lie dark and
undisturbed.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And for two and a half thousand years the
Ring passed out of all knowledge.

IMAGE: SILT SWIRLS...A THIN WHITE HAND reaches
down...grasping the RING...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Until, when chance came, it ensnared a
new bearer!

IMAGE: THE THIN WHITE HAND opens to reveal one ring.

GOLLUM (V.O.)
My Precious...
5.



IMAGE: MIST SHROUDED MOUNTAINS...

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who
took it deep into the tunnels of the
Misty Mountains.

IMAGE: THE GLOOM of a MOUNTAIN CAVERN..a MURKY POOL of
WATER...in the DARKNESS the SHADOWY OUTLINE of an EMACIATED
FIGURE.

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And there, it consumed him. A RASPY VOICE
mutters in the half light...

GOLLUM
It came to me. My own. My love...
(ecstatic whisper)
My preciousness.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
The Ring brought to Gollum unnatural long
life. For five hundred years it poisoned
his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's
cave...

FADE TO BLACK

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It waited.

FADE UP: Bathed in COLD MOONLIGHT, the WORLD lies DARK and
STILL...the unsettled quiet before the storm...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Darkness crept back into the forests of
the world. Rumor grew of a Shadow in the
East...whispers of a nameless fear. And
the Ring of Power perceived...its time
had now come. It abandoned Gollum.

SLOW MOTION: unseen by its KEEPER..THE RING falls to the
MUDDY FLOOR of a MOUNTAIN TUNNEL...

GALADRIEL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But something happened then the Ring did
not intend...

FADE TO BLACK

IMAGE: FUMBLING in the dark, a SMALL HAND closes over the
6.



RING.

GALADRIEL
It was picked up by the most unlikely
creature imaginable...

BILBO
(to himself)
What's this?

A YOUNGISH LOOKING BILBO BAGGINS peers down at what lies in
his hand...PERPLEXED by what he has found.

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
A Hobbit....Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.

BILBO
(surprised)
A Ring.

SUDDENLY! A VOICE SCREAMS...ITS ANGUISH RINGING through the

COLD, DANK TUNNELS...

GOLLUM (V.O.)
Lost! Lost! My Precious is lost!!

Frightened Bilbo quickly POCKETS the ONE RING and hurries on.

DISSOLVE TO:

WIDE ON: THE CAMERA SOARS AWAY FROM THE MOUNTAINS. MOVING

FASTER AND FASTER...THEIR DARK GREEN FORESTS AND JAGGED

WHITE PEAKS RECEDING INTO THE SHROUD OF MIST

GALADRIEL (V.O.)
For the time will soon come when Hobbits
will shape the fortunes of all.

FADE TO BLACK


Oh wait.