man, dont get rid of that off beat string shift at the beginning.. it really does fit the mood perfectly. Im not sure if its off beat or a triplet feeling, but whatever man i can grasp how its supposed to be heared. Why cant other people arreciate interesting time signatures and strange feelings in songs... afterall thats what helps make things original and its all a valid part of music. Everything thats intended in music is right.
haha basically what im saying is, the strings shifting at the beginning - perfect!