What do you call a sick, homosexual female lawyer?

An illegal lesbian!

I thought you called her Fusion.

a man walks into a bar and orders a drink, then walks away before the bartender can serve him. The man starts running all the way back to his house, a total distance of 500 miles, which he covers in a little under an hour. Several years later the man goes back to the same bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, "how many ice cubes do you want in it?" The man looks him dead in the eye and says, "that's the least of anyone's concern right now." The bartender returns milliseconds later with a mug of beer. It contains 47 ice cubes. The man blinks several times before opening his mouth to speak. Everyone in the bar turns to look at him. The man's head turns a full 360 degrees without the rest of his body moving, then he mutters something under his breath.

Goddamn you're creative, would read again.

edit: it would be hilarious and perfect if someone animated that story

Quote from rainbow

Lol, this is fun.

You, "Hey dude, wanna hear this HILARIOUS knock knock joke?"

Noob, "Sure!"

You, "Ok, you start it..."

Noob, "Knock knock"

You" Who's there?"

Noob, "Uh.... Ummmmm..."

uh um who?

So there was a farmer, mid class, about forty years old. He worked hard, and in today's tough economy didn't do great, but he supported his family. Well one day, this farmer wakes up to the sound of the crowrooster, gets ready for his day and walks out into the pasture. He is immediately surprised to see one of his horses galloping freely. As he walks closer he stops, because for some reason there is a pig riding said horse. The farmer is stunned, how did this pig even get up on said horse? One of the farmer's lone workers calls him, and while the pig/horse situation is interesting, he has work to do. He goes off and forgets about the horse.
After eating his lunch, the farmer goes out and sees the horse and the pig again. By this point, he is stunned. Not only is this situation bizarre to begin with, but this is nearly seven hours later and the duo shows no signs that they have taken a break. Again, however, the farmer is called away, like I said, he is a very busy man.
Following his dinner of fried chicken and mashed potatoes (the farmer's favorite) he recalls the horse. He walks outside and although he cannot see them, he can hear the horse galloping. He squints to hopefully catch sight of them, but to no avail. He hears them drawing closer however and shortly, he sees the duo, same as before. Without even a call, the horse comes up to the farmer and stops dead before him. The farmer doesn't know what to do. For what seems like forever, the farmer stares dead into the horse's eyes, but after what could have been hours, the farmer walks around to the side of the horse, takes the pig off of his back, takes the horse to his stall, and goes to sleep.

Here's a joke...

What's blue that has tires in it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sky. I lied about the tires

wonderful.

hey mutton, a friend of mine went to school (he lived in LA) with that ho in your sig. she was in theatre or some shit, and he met her before her twilight shit, and she was a mean bitch lol. she looks like one too

Quote from jjmcray

Your mamma is so fat that when god said let there be light he had to say move!

I love that and i always win a your mamma off

Yo moma so poor she can't even pay attention.

Southpark ftw.

hey jjmcrazy you're a beautiful blonde

how did they know what shampoo princess diana used?
they found her head and shoulders all over the dashboard


THANK YOU THANK YOU

I can lift an elephant with one hand!
But where the hell can I find an elephant with one hand?

A man was sun tanning on his porch, naked. 2 little girls came up to him and saw his P3N15 (:D). So they asked him what it was. The man replied by saying it was a bird. Then he fell asleep.


When he woke up, he was in the hospital. He asked the doctor what had happened, and they told him he saw him unconscious. So they brought him to the hospital. He saw that his P3N15 (:D) was wrapped up. After he was sent home, he saw those 2 girls again.

Then he asked them why they were still there.

They said 'I have to tell you something'.

Your bird poured some liquid on me.

So I broke its neck and cracked its eggs.