Dos walked around, taking in his surroundings. “I can’t believe it,” Green said, “An entire country, basically, in one small place, and no one else knew about it but the people here!”
“Fascinating,” Gray said, bored, “When do we get to fight?” A man walked into them, bumping shoulders. Unfortunately, Gray was in charge. “Hey, watch it!” Immediately, the man turned and faced Dos. “You talkin’ to me?” he asked, knowing that it was Dos who said it. “You see anyone else around here that you walked into?” Dos said, more a statement than a question. The man just looked at Dos trying to tell if he is being serious. “Tell ya what, if you beat put me through my rounds, I might let you join the clan I’m making,” He hefted a giant shield, “Might.” Gray quickly spawned two katanas and charged the man. As sword clashed with shield, Dos asked “By the way, I didn’t get your name,” Dos smirked, “Mine’s Dos, your new member.”
“You wish ya little punk,” the man said , disengaging with a push, “ And my name is Aiman.” They clashed again, this time Dos disengaged and cut at Aiman’s legs, only to find them armored. “Ffffffff...” Dos was soon on the ground as Aiman pushed his shield into his stomach. “Come on kid, you know you can’t beat me.”
“He’s right Gray, this guy is too heavily armored for your style of fighting, we need to figure out a way to use to environment to our advantage.” Green stated. “For once I agree with you, but I can’t figure this out and fight at the same time.” Seeming bored, Aiman leaned on his shield, “You know, it isn’t too late to run,” Gray was about to say that he would never run, but thought better of it. “Only if you follow me, slowpoke,” he said, running towards the little jungle gym here. As they passed it Dos yelled back towards Aiman, “I have a question, why does this place have a freakin’ playground if we can fight out in the open?” Aiman seemed to be fine with running after the teenager as he answered, “It’s mainly for training, but some kids do come here and enjoy it very well,” he said matter-of-factly, “It’s actually the bes-” Dos interrupted his factoid session and dashed towards the jungle gym. “Do you think that cutting through the gym’ll slow me down,” Aiman said. “Actually, yes!” Dos, retorted as he did just that, hacking and slashing at the metal bars. “Com’on,” Green said, “Fall, damn it.” Green’s wish came true. Before Aiman could come out, the entire jungle gym fell on him. “Study fast Gray, that won’t hold him long.”
“I won’t need long,” and Gray got to work setting a trap.

Green wasn’t kidding, the moment Gray and Green switched, Aiman bursted out of the jungle gym with such force, you would have thought that he was propelled by the earth itself. He stood before Green, saying “Did you really think that would stop me.”
“Not really,” Green said “But it did hold you back long enough to get the floor redone?” Aiman looked at the ground, confused, then shocked as he came to realization that he was standing on over twenty boxes of sniper rifle ammunition. “How the hell did you,” Gray spawned an identical box with identical ammunition, “This answer your question.” He then threw the box at Aiman and brung out his sniper rifle, “I hope this works,” he said under his breath. He aimed at the ground and pulled the trigger. A large explosion overtook the sounds around them as they both flew through the air, landing next to each other as the explosion faded.
When Dos got up, he looked at his work, over twenty feet of charred ground was what remained of where Aiman was standing, and next to him, Aiman lay there, knocked out by the force of the explosion. By this time, Gray was in charge again. “Let’s get you to the hospital,” he said, lifting Aiman of the ground, moving under his shoulder to support him, “You deserve it big guy.” And they limped towards the hospital, feeling that despite the initial feelings, that a new bond of friendship had been born.

1. Packed text
First of, the text was packed like sardin. A little spacing wont hurt. For example,

Quote from Your text

“Fascinating,” Gray said, bored, “When do we get to fight?” A man walked into them, bumping shoulders. Unfortunately, Gray was in charge. “Hey, watch it!” Immediately, the man turned and faced Dos. “You talkin’ to me?” he asked, knowing that it was Dos who said it. “You see anyone else around here that you walked into?” Dos said, more a statement than a question. The man just looked at Dos trying to tell if he is being serious. “Tell ya what, if you beat put me through my rounds, I might let you join the clan I’m making,” He hefted a giant shield, “Might.” Gray quickly spawned two katanas and charged the man. As sword clashed with shield, Dos asked “By the way, I didn’t get your name,” Dos smirked, “Mine’s Dos, your new member.”

Dont you feel like its too packed? Instead, lets try :

Quote from Modified text text

“Fascinating,” Gray said, bored, “When do we get to fight?”

A man walked into them, bumping shoulders. Unfortunately, Gray was in charge.

“Hey, watch it!”
Immediately, the man turned and faced Dos. “You talkin’ to me?” he asked, knowing that it was Dos who said it.
“You see anyone else around here that you walked into?” Dos said, more a statement than a question.
The man just looked at Dos trying to tell if he is being serious. “Tell ya what, if you beat put me through my rounds, I might let you join the clan I’m making,” He hefted a giant shield,
“Might.” Gray quickly spawned two katanas and charged the man.
As sword clashed with shield, Dos asked “By the way, I didn’t get your name,” Dos smirked, “Mine’s Dos, your new member.”

There. Aint it easier to read?

2. Too much dialogues
There are more dialogue than the fight in it. But I dont have much CnC, so ill just go on.

3. Changes in the character
I dont know when they changes. I mean I do, but its hard to notice. As an example :

Quote from Your text

“He’s right Gray, this guy is too heavily armored for your style of fighting, we need to figure out a way to use to environment to our advantage.” Green stated. “For once I agree with you, but I can’t figure this out and fight at the same time.”

Okay, so who is the one fighting Aiman here? I was confused first, but after re-reading, i understand it. My version of this :

Quote from Modified text

“He’s right Gray, this guy is too heavily armored for your style of fighting, we need to figure out a way to use to environment to our advantage.” Green stated.
“For once I agree with you, but I can’t figure this out and fight at the same time."Gray stated.

When there is more than 2 people in the field, either use different colors, bold, italic, underline, or whatever. It will help people differantiate on who is talking. Tight text also is a factor that its confusing.

4. Grammar mistakes
I dont blame you on this, because people often make this mistakes. I hope you improve on grammar, so there would be less mistakes.

So I think this is all, I hope you like my CnC.