I'm awaiting the other judges, they need to move.

ACUTELATIOS! WE ARE WAITING ON YOU!

Gamer, don't double post.
King, be a little patient. We don't know what she has going on at the moment. Maybe she is looking fot every error that there is and writing useful hints. We don't know, plus is the winning artwork piece even done? Just be a little patient. She will submit her parts soon.

Is acutelatios the only one who hasn't judged?

EDIT:: Giving useful hints is her style. She might take awhile with stories that range from 9 pages onwards.

Chamel's scores

Quote from Chamel

Lethal: 41/50
J.C: 37/50
Gamer: 42/50

Cant go into details. Grounded >…<
Im doing thiz off my phone. But those are my overall scores...

My scores
Gamer: 47
J.Christian: 43
Lethal5: 5....................................... 35

Quote from kingkickass2013

Chamel's scores

My scores
Gamer: 47
J.Christian: 43
Lethal5: 5....................................... 35

Gamer wons the fight :D

Not necessarily, Lethal5's defeat is iminate unless Acutelatios pulls out a 50 and gives the rest of you 5's.

But if Acutelatio's gives your score a high one and gamer a rather low one then we will see who won.

Um...Yay? But I (And other guys) still awaits from yours truly some honest-to-goodness CnC. Have fun reading, acutelatios.

TA DA! SUPER BRAND NEW PART! (Long as hell too) Enjoy! More to come!

Clash of the Elements

PS: I shall edit it from time to time to make it even better. Expect "small" changes.
PSS: COLOR CHANGE FOR AIMAN!

Quote from GamerXD8

TA DA! SUPER BRAND NEW PART! (Long as hell too) Enjoy! More to come!

Clash of the Elements

Part 9 (Click to Show)

"Alright...Now what, Aiman?" Raf turned to Aiman, who is looking as confused as ever.
"I have NO idea. I guess we're supposed to fight? But just how can we beat him? He single-handedly crushed an entire army of shadow with ONE attack, AND finished off Draknar so easily that it made our battle look like a pre-school game. How can we beat the OP Lucario now?" Aiman didn't hide his worries. Not one bit.
"Heh. You worry too much. I say less talking, more fighting. There oughta be a way if we do that. Now then, CAN IT and MOVE OUT!" Raf said with a commanding voice.
"Aye, Captain." Aiman replied with slightly uncertainty.

Floating in front of them was Lucario, their friend, their comrade. Or used to be. He looked entirely different from the usual "Blue Brawler" style. His entire body was covered by a white light like a ghost, except for his glowing purple eyes and outline. The light he emits and the air surrounding him gave off a very...ominous and sinister aura. Then there was a slight movement. Aiman and Rafael immediately entered their defensive stance, preparing for anything Luke might do. The wind stopped, a deep silence spread throughout the battlefield, time as if had come to a halt. Then, in an instant, Luke appeared right in front of Raf and launched a supersonic fist drilling through his stomach. He managed to block it with his weapons, but that didn't prevent him from being sent flying like a rocket.
"Hrg! Arg! GAH!" yelled Raf as he was bouncing off rocks and even cement floors while he was on his rough trip.
"Ouch. That gotta hurt!" said Aiman while watching Raf in pain. Then a small sound of rubble diverted his attention to Luke.

Aiman's outline now turned into a refreshing blue color. And a gunblade materialize in his hand. Its silver cover made it looked quite high-class. And sharp. Then Aiman charged in, slashing rapidly, hoping to injure him. But they were all evaded by Luke and he repaid with multiple slashes from his own gunblade.
"Heh. Copying me? Well, let's see if you can do this!" When Aiman swung his sword, a powerful highly-compressed water stream shot out, cutting the building behind Luke in half.
"Compressed water can cut through even diamond! How will you protect against that?" Luke said nothing.
Aiman recharged himself and launched another sharp water spray. Luke barely dodged it by crouching down onto the ground, his palms lying against the ground. Aiman leaped forward, aiming his gunblade at Luke and shot water pellets rapidly, one after another. "He was done for." Aiman thought. Oh how wrong he was. In an instant, a spire of earth emerged from the wall, shielding himself from the bullets, then another one shot up from Aiman's feet. It knocked Aiman high up in the sky, spinning even harder than a Yo-yo. Then Luke's hand glowed a violet color and he threw at Aiman several Aura Spheres. They all hit him directly and he flew into an abandoned building. Luke then threw even more at the building, hoping to completely obliberate him. But an amazing thing happened. Parts of the buildings turned into arms, blocking the incoming shots. Then the building itself slowly changed shape into a giant. Luke concentrated his energy into his palm and shot a piercing beam that blasted through the makeshift colossus.
"Well, that bluff didn't work." Aiman came out of the rubble, his body covered in a solid armor of rocks.
"A clash of Elements! Time to rock'n'roll!"

He put his hand on the ground, creating numerous "cannons" that shot out a lot of rocks. But Luke just stood there, unmoving. Aiman noticed a very dreadful thing. Luke's outline turned orange and a powerful gust of wind surrounding him cut all the incoming projectiles into many pieces. Then in his hands was copies of Aiman's double swords, glowing in an eerie purple light. They were Lucario's aura materialized into a solid form. Then he swung and created multiple air slashes cutting any shields Aiman trying to make. Just before Luke's attacks reach Ai, Ai's outline darkened and in an instant, he vanished. Luke immediately looked up and saw Aiman, wielding a darkness-shrouded katana. Luke simply side-stepped to avoid Aiman's reckless attack and chopped off his head. Luke was surprised that Aiman's corpse slowly turned into and dissipated. He realized that it was a clone and felt a dark presence behind him. He reacted and defeated another clone. After a few seconds, it dawned on him that a dark mist had already covered him. Not a single ray of light managed to reach Luke's eyes. Without his eyes, he could only depended on other senses to defend himself against the clones. At least, that was what Aiman was thinking. Luke's eyes were special-They can sense others' aura, their life source. After locating the target, he simply charged forward to drill his swords through the elemental master. Thanks to pure luck and instinct, Aiman jumped back, barely avoiding Luke's fatal attack. Aiman began to gasp, his breathing faster, his hearbeat drumming so hard that it was the only thing he could hear. His eyesight blurry, signifying his limit. He tried to stand, but his legs gave out. The only thing Aiman last saw was Luke's souless eyes. Then...The color of blood dyed the ground.

Oh god men e_e

Lethal5's Story


Setting (rather description): 4
You did a pretty good job here, it was described well and I could see everything that was happening. It was detailed, a little too detailed. You don't really have to go into detail of simple tasks such as unlocking a door, it doesn't have to occupy a whole paragraph just a simple sentence should suffice like so: "Taking the key out from my pocket, I unlocked the door and trudged inside my house."


Plot: 3
The way you started the story and slipped in the story of the monster wasn't really the best to be honest. It wasn't abrupt or anything but you could've dropped it a little more gracefully. The rest of the story was a little too straight forward. He find out of the monster, vows to find it, meets his allies and they kill the monster. The end was the one that was abrupt. You can't just end the story with "the end". At least not this type of story. You can end with a cliff hanger of how he wakes up in a different place but you can't just break the fourth wall and tell the reader that you can't tell them what happens to Rafael and just slap in "the end" for good measure. That's not the way you finish a story; it's just a turnoff and anti-climactic.


Characters: 2
I gave you a two mostly because of the lack of both Veir's and Nitro's personalities. Not once in your story did I see any of Veir's cocky nature or any sort of remark about his view of humans being the weaker species. I had not also seen the correct portrayal of Nitro's serious demeanour. They're both really out of character and the only one that you correctly wrote is your own character.

Grammar: 4
You did pretty well in this with the lack of spelling errors, but there were lots of places where you used the wrong word and tense that just ruins the atmosphere and flow of the story.


The Boss Monster: 7
The monster was portrayed pretty well. It was large and wrathful like KKA has describe though I would've liked to have seen all of his powers used, but that's just me really.


Total: 20/50


Tips:
- One of the things that I've noticed throughout the story is that you were alternating between tenses like the present and past.


For example: "The park was absolutely crowded, and it's pretty noisy though."


You started the sentence as a past tense with the words "was" and "crowded" but you placed a present tense there with the word "it's". "It's" is the shorter word for "it is" and "is" is used in a present tense instead of past.


For the correct sentence it should be: "The park was absolutely crowded, and it was pretty noisy though."


Things like these make the flow of the story wobble a lot, causing the story to not be as good as it should be. I suggest you try to stick with one of the tenses for the whole way. I know it can be hard to do that, and to be honest I tend to alternate between tenses as well but you need to learn to pick them out from your work. They're quite easy to catch as they don't really sound right. Read over your story at least, I don't know, three times. Read it out loud or in your head just as long as you read over your work. That's all I ask.


-In your story I also seem to see things that really don't make much sense. For examples the boys drinking beer. Sure that might not be really a big deal to you, but in my opinion it is. Also it's partly because I'm mostly one who likes to be a little accurate in small details like this since my style is mostly fantasy. Boys are mostly those that are under the age of 16 and I'm pretty sure that they're not allowed to consume alcohol at that time. Unless they're screwing the rules of course.


-You also seem to tend to place things in your story that doesn't fit well. Such as placing "..." and using a connecting phrase like "after that" then putting a period between the next word. It's just all worded really weirdly.


For example: "blazing fire occured at the blade and it was really... bright!"


Unless the brightness of the fire at the blade was really important, it's not really the proper thing to use there. It's only used to emphasise the word behind it, or maybe to create the effect of someone having trouble in talking or wheezing for air if used in a conversation, but the sentence had neither of those things.


-Also darling, I notice in your stories you put it like titles for different part so of the story. In my opinion you have no reason to really put them there. Sure you can put them there if it's a novel and make them titles for the chapters, but in a short story like this it's not really ideal. It just confuses the reader and makes them wonder what words like "victory" and "forest" between paragraphs are doing there and could easily turn them off.






GamerXD's Story
Setting: 5
Plot: 6
Characters: 4
Grammar: 5
The Boss Monster: 6
Total: 26

J.Christian's story
Setting: 3
Plot: 4
Characters: 4
Grammar: 2
The Boss Monster: 5
Total: 18


Chamel's scores

Quote from Chamel

Lethal: 41/50
J.C: 37/50
Gamer: 42/50

Cant go into details. Grounded >…<
Im doing thiz off my phone. But those are my overall scores...

My scores
Gamer: 47
J.Christian: 43
Lethal5: 5....................................... 35

I don't know why, but I think acutelatios felt like giving Lethal5 CnC. I will be adding these together to find the winner.

Wow.. looking at King's CnC and scores, I feel like I didn't grade hard enough...

Up! Wait, that's Acute's CnC... Still :3

That's acute's score, I am jealous as well. WELL we are nearing the end, as soon as I get the picture for the next boss fight then I can open it up. But now I will add up the scores and see who won.

THE SCORES!

Lethal5: 91
GamerXD: 115
J.Christian: 98

GamerXD WON THE WAR, his prize is........ *Drum rolls*.................................................... SOMETHING!

A MADAFACKIN COOKIE FOR CHRISTS SAKE

Lol - Hey King, do I get a medal? :3


400th post!

Hmm, a sneak peek for the next boss fight as the winning prize? Or perhaps a free win? Or I could get a signature made so it says, WINNER OF THE FIRST BOSS FIGHT.

Quote from kingkickass2013

That's acute's score, I am jealous as well. WELL we are nearing the end, as soon as I get the picture for the next boss fight then I can open it up. But now I will add up the scores and see who won.

THE SCORES!

Lethal5: 91
GamerXD: 115
J.Christian: 98

GamerXD WON THE WAR, his prize is........ *Drum rolls*.................................................... SOMETHING!

I bake him a pie!
lol joke.