JUDGMENTAL BITCH MODE ACTIVATE!!
Honestly I did not like either story.
-The way both of you did dialogue is disgusting.
-You both forgot about your friend, the TAB button.
-And don't forget your best friend, the ENTER button.
TONAN:
"As Gem was about to rush at his opponent and finish the battle he suddenly felt pressure on his neck, he could see gold threads around it like a noose as he was about to cut it with his sword he felt a tug on his arms and legs because they too were tied with threads then it occurred to him that those punches were too easy to dodge and that that was the time when the threads were planted."
ONE comma? Break it up. There are other instances, but this one killed me the most. USE COMMAS/PERIODS correctly.
THEFORCE:
WAAAY too many commas. Not every sentence (little exaggeration there) requires a comma. Some sentences do not need commas to flow smoothly. I read it and this thought went through my head. "Comma splice... Incorrect use... Incorrect use... Splice... No, no, no, no... ETC".
WORK ON COMMA PLACEMENT AND USE.
You both also need to look out for grammar usage and tenses. Didn't spot too many issues, but those are tricky. KEEP AN EYE OUT.
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They were pretty bad, but not unacceptable for a first battle. Work on those points and others that everyone else gives and work on it.
Story-lines are important too!! Plan it out rather than just "winging it".
VOTING STATUS:
ABSTENTION