So, me and Shocks battled, and we both finished today.

BTW, we skyped together and made this quite a bunch alike. The * in mine represents where from then on, everything that is similar is just coincidence.

s all stood on end as he shot up in his bed. He looked around fast, trying to see what could have caused him to wake up so sudden. Is the window closed? Check. What about the door? Check. Is everything where it should be? Check. Everything seemed fine, but he was still nervous and slightly frightened. He stepped off his bed and grabbed his pistol that was sitting on the nightstand beside his bed. Chris slowly walked to the door and stood in a stance that was habit for him in a situation like this, his left hand holding his gun and his right hand on the door knob. He waited a few seconds before he quickly pulled the door open.
There was nothing. Even though he was ready, with his gun raised and finger on the trigger, there was no need for that. He looked around in the hall then checked the room nearest his bedroom, the bathroom. Nothing was different, it was all the same. He lowered his gun and slowly walked into the living room. The light switch was to his left, and in one quick motion he turned it on. Once again he raised his gun, but there was no need.
Everything was as it should be, but he still felt frightened. ‘No, that isn’t the word’ he thought. ‘Nervous’
Chris continued to hold his gun as he checked over his apartment a second time. Nothing had changed, and that worried him. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV. The news was on, but it was nothing important. Just some talk about a new mall complex that would soon be built. He started to nod off on the couch, and within minutes, he was fast asleep.
It happened again. He jumped off the couch and grabbed his pistol. He now knew what the sound was, as he had woken up halfway through it. Screams, and many of them. Chris rushed out the door to see a dark “creature” running away from something. The creature seemed to be dragging something. Chris aimed his gun at the thing, but it was just too fast. He lowered his gun, afraid he would miss. He approached the area in which the creature was running from.
The first instinct of Chris’s was to throw up. He threw up multiple times at the horrific sight that lay before him. There was blood everywhere, and on everything. Bodies were disemboweled and everywhere on the small road. There had to be three or four of them, but Chris couldn’t even tell with how much damage had been done to them. There were four pocketknives around them, but all were used to kill them, which Chris found strange. Who would have four pocketknives with them? And why would they use all of them, instead of just one? He thought, because this was just odd. One knife was in someone’s eye, one in someone’s chest, one in someone’s forehead, and last in the back of another person’s head. The last one seemed to be the last one to die. He tried to get away. Chris could conclude that. He reentered his apartment and got ready for work. Today would be the first day he would truly be early for work.

“What do you mean disaster?” a man asked. His name was Collins. He was an average sized man that worked for USTSA. He was Chris’s assistant in tech and mission briefing.
“It was hell. They were destroyed. They were even disemboweled! It was too terrible for a human. I mean, I don’t know what else it could have been, but it definitely wasn’t that.” Chris explained more about the scene.
Collins left the room, and Chris followed. Chris went to his desk and began searching. He wanted to know what that thing was. Nothing matched until he found one article. It read “Fast Demon Creature Kills Four. Bodies disemboweled.” He read on and found out that a man was found less than a block away with no memory of the previous night, but blood covering his body. And the weirdest part was that the blood was not his, instead, it was of many persons, but it was impossible to figure out who it belonged to. The man was not charged of any criminal acts.
Chris was met again by Collins who briefed him on his mission. As a summary, Chris would be sent to South Africa to look for a man named Armand Dakota, who has some relation with the creature and he needs to be taken into custody so the American government can learn more about the creature. He was last seen by a security camera in Africa, which was the reason Chris was going there. Chris would be going alone, armed with his pistol, M14, and his knife, of course. He would also have an extra full magazine of tranquilizer rounds in case they were needed. Chris would board a private jet that would take him all the way there, and then he would be given a truck to help him get around. The truck would a Black 2013 Dodge Ram 2500.
The next morning Chris set off for Africa...

It had been two hours since he had landed and he was finally going to get to do some investigating. The first two hours consisted of him leaving the airport, getting to his hotel, and unpacking his stuff. He had a few changes of clothes, in case his trip lasted longer than he expected. He was now in his truck and headed for a small village, a village in Musina, where Armand was last seen. He found the village, but it seemed he was too late. A building had a large portion of its wall tore out. Cement and rocks were thrown about the town, crushing homes and cars. A large group of people had formed a circle in the middle of the street. Chris got out of his truck to see what had happened. It was almost identical to the last attack.
Body parts were mixed together in the blood and guts from the bodies that were all piled together in the center of the circle. He could make out eight police uniforms and about five civilian uniforms in the parts that weren’t as destroyed. He tried to interrogate some people in the crowd, but they were all crying to bad and wouldn’t answer anything he asked. He finally found one piece of evidence. A map was on the ground, with Masvingo circled in red pen. Chris put the paper in his pocket and drove off in his truck. Masvingo was four hours away, and located in a different country. Zimbabwe.

The drive was normal until Chris hit the checkpoint. Part of the wall to separate the two countries had been destroyed, leaving a very large chunk open. When Chris tried to get through to the next country, they did not allow him to pass. He pulled over and thought on how he could do this. Then he noticed the hole. He had already noticed it before, but now he was paying attention to it. They were boarding it up, but not very well. It looked just large enough for a truck to pass through...

Chris finally was near the town, and he happened to see a nearby lake. He pulled over by it because he saw something strange. It was small and most people would not have noticed it, but he did. There was something by the lake, drinking water. He grabbed his M14 from the back of his truck to see better. He looked down the scope, and sure enough, he was right. There was a man drinking from the water.

Now, Chris would most likely deny it, but for a moment the thought of shooting Armand then and there to get the risk of Armand being the creature out of the way, did go through his head. But he shook away that thought because he did not know whether or not it was true. He lowered his gun and hung the strap over his back. He then carefully climbed down the side of the ridge to where the water was. He walked around one side of the lake until he was on the same side as Armand. He didn’t think Armand saw him, but he was being very cautious. Chris placed his right hand on the holster with his pistol in it.
*He slowly approached Armand from behind. “Hey, are you okay?” Chris asked, trying to be friendly.
Armand jumped at the sound of his voice and nearly fell in the water. Armand reached for his pistol, but found that it was in his coat pocket, and his coat was about twenty feet away. Armand raised his fists, acting as if he would fight Chris. He lowered his fists after a moment of examining Chris.
“Take whatever you want. I don’t want any trouble.” Armand said with fear.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to ask you a few things.” Chris answered, moving his hand away from his holster.
“I won’t be able to help you there. I don’t know much of anything that could help you...” Armand looked down at the ground as he said this.
“I want to ask you about the “creature”. At least, that’s what everyone else knows it as.”
Chris could notice Armand tense up when he said that. All of the hairs on Armand’s body stood on end. “You don’t want to talk about it. Get away from me before it comes!”
“I... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble. I just need answers on a few things. And if I don’t get those answers, you will become a wanted man due to me having lack of evidence about you not doing the crimes.” Chris said. “You would be given the death sentence. I don’t think you want that...”
“It wouldn’t work...” Armand mumbled.
“Excuse me?”
“I said it wouldn’t work!” Armand shouted. “They won’t let me die!”
“Armand, who is they? I really want to help you!”
Suddenly two military trucks and a tank pulled up behind them. Chris and Armand watched as squads of soldiers got out of the military trucks and stood in firing position. The tank aimed it’s gun directly at Armand. Both Chris and Armand were in shock. The soldiers were carrying R4’s, MP-5’s, and RPG-7’s, and all of them were aimed at Armand.
“Move!” One of the soldiers yelled to Chris in Shona.
Chris approached him. “Hello soldier” He answered in Shona. “My friend here is not a threat. I’m afraid you have the wrong man.”
“Shut up.” The soldier slapped Chris. “This man is most certainly a threat. Now, stay out of the way unless you want to die.”
Chris rubbed his face where he was smacked. “I don’t take crap like that from people like you.” He punched the soldier in the face.
The soldier coughed blood. “Then take this.” The soldier held his gun against Chris’s face.
Suddenly, everyone turned to hear a scream coming from Armand. It was happening.

It was gruesome and gross. The creature was coming out of Armand’s chest in a horrifying way. The soldier’s began firing, bullet wounds covering Armand’s body. Chris shouted for them to stop, but they wouldn’t. Blood covered Armand’s body. His face wasn’t even visible anymore from the blood. Suddenly, something more terrible happened. The creature was back. It was the one from that night in front of Chris’s apartment. He was in shock. It was dark colored, with glowing eyes. But that wasn’t the worst part.
It had blades for arms. Long, sharp blades that ran up to its shoulders. The thing had to be eight feet tall, towering above all the men, even Chris. It fell to the ground on its knees. The thing looked like it to was in pain. The tank fired, sending a missile out that was aimed directly for the creature. The creature sat up and brought its arms up in front of its face to shield itself. The explosive disappeared inside of the creature. The creature gave a menacing smile and shot the missile out of its chest and back at the tank. The soldiers scrambled to move out of the way. Out of the twenty African sodiers that were standing in front of the trucks, four died in the explosion. The tank was completely destroyed, sending out chunks of burning debris in every direction. The barrel of the tank flew at the creature. The creature caught it and swung it at the soldiers. Two soldiers died instantly from the hit, and three were thrown into the water, all drowning because they were unconscious when they hit the water.
The creature dropped the barrel from the tank and charged the soldiers. The creature was so fast and agile that no one could get a shot on him. He took out three of the soldiers, before returning to Armand. As it reentered Armand’s body, it made a pointing gesture to Chris. It had targeted him.
Armand gasped for breath as he woke up. He was in pain and frightened of what happened while he was unconscious. He saw all of the destruction and was terrified of the animal he had become. The remaining soldiers began firing on him again. He grabbed his pistol from his coat and shot out his whole magazine. He killed three of the soldiers, with five now remaining. Armand began screaming again as the process of forming another creature began. This one seemed to be different. It seemed to be... invisible.
The thing stayed visible for a moment though. “Now you see me...” It became invisible. “Now you don’t...”
The soldiers began shooting anywhere there was movement. Grass, water, even just twigs that moved due to wind. Bullets flew everywhere. Chris ducked behind one of the trucks to avoid the gunfire. He wasn’t going to waste ammo on something invisible. He could hear the bullets and the terror from the soldiers. He emerged from the truck to see something terrifying.
The new creature was attempting to possess a soldier. The soldier was screaming as it entered through his chest. Then it stopped. The soldier was still. He then started to grin real wide. He opened his eyes, and for a moment, they shone gold. The gold was bright enough to blind someone. But, when he blinked, his eyes turned blood red. He screamed and began shooting at the other soldiers. Three of them were too shocked to do anything and they were quickly shot. The fourth tried to run but was shot in the back of the head. Now it was just the possessed soldier and Chris. Chris tried to hide the best he could as the “soldier” searched for him. Chris climbed on top of one of the trucks. He pulled his knife before jumping off the truck. He landed on the soldier, stabbing him in the shoulder. The soldier shot his gun in the air as he tried to shoot Chris. Chris pulled out the knife and started stabbing him in the head. The body fell down dead, but Chris didn’t know that the ghost wasn’t dead. It was still around and coming for him.
It attempted to get inside him, to possess him. But Chris resisted the urge. It repeatedly tried to enter his body, but he fought back each time. Finally it entered, but it didn’t have control. They were fighting each other and Chris had the top hand. He had been trained in self-control and it was helping him right now. He fought back until it left his body and reentered Armand. Armand woke up again, breathing harder than before. He was more frightened than the last time he had woke. Chris held his pistol against Armand’s head.
“Are you done now?” Chris asked.
The process started again. Chris should’ve known. After all, he was targeted. It was him. The bladed mutant. Chris cursed. He stepped back and waited for the mutant to be completely created. There was no stopping the process...

Chris pushed back on the mutant, sending him back inside of Armand. But the mutant was too strong and pushed out. It stood in front of Chris. It then threw Chris back. Chris stumbled and fell, but quickly retrieved his balance. He pulled out his pistol and shot three rounds at the mutant. The mutant blocked the bullets with his blades. Chris grabbed his knife and stood, ready for attack. This was going to be the hardest fight of his life... yet.
The mutant charged him with his blades aimed for Chris. Chris dodged to the left and squeezed off two rounds, both aimed for the mutant’s side. The mutant screamed and turned towards Chris. The mutant ran at Chris again and attempted to stab him. Chris blocked with his knife. His knife was too small though. He couldn’t

Now, this is just me CnCing... This may or may not be alittle harsh.

To be honest, I felt as if both of your writings were... Rushed... Nondescriptive, very upfront, and not really a story. In 6th grade, they told us that there is a difference between a story and a chain of events.

"Uh. David drove his car, David ran over a squirrel with his '72 Camaro, Dave got shot at by squirrel activists, Dave woke up in a hospital with blood all over him."
"Uh. David got into his car, grabbed ahold of the wheel and drove. David ran over a fluffy little bastard with his Camaro (emphasis, its a camaro), Dave got peppered by squirrel activists, Dave woke up in a hospital with blood all over him."

See what I mean? For me, the top one was Armand's, and the bottoms was Ty's. I realize that in alot of my CnC's people may think that I'm picky about descriptions... But that's because to me thats a very important part of the story. Now, when you say he had a Colt 1911 and a Dodge ram 2500, I know exactly what you mean. When you are writing, that is very, very lazy. We have words so we can enunciate and get our point across and paint a picture in our readers minds, not buy a digital camera. I see alot of potential in your guys' writing, but not if y'all don't try and put some better content down because just from your writing I know you can. You just need to put some real effort forth. To me, it seems you might've wrote this in an afternoon or in acouple of hours. To be honest, that is how I wrote my first wRHG battle. I don't quite have results, but I tried harder and used my deadlines to my advantage and spent alot of time on my story. If you guys try, put some time and effort forth, I think you'll do alot better.

I can't really read the stories at the moment, but I can tell you both one thing.
Your layouts ~ try using Google Docs or maybe even PasteBin if you're desperate. It would make it seem more like a story and not simply on big wall of text (people get really bored with that).

@Saint
-Don't worry about being harsh bro. CnC isn't s'posed to be too 'nice'. It's what's wrong with the story and you're simply putting it out there for future reference. Now if you said 'This was complete bullshit. Do it over and don't let your 4 year old mentally handicapped dog of a sister help.' Now that's being a bit harsh :I

I read both Chamel's and Saint's comments, and I appreciate both of them! I will take your advice and use them in the future. @Saint, you weren't being harsh, you were just being honest, and that's what I like. Being a beginner isn't an excuse, and even though I am one, I'll try harder.

Thank you!

Shocks has been banned for score skimming. This fight is invalid now, just so you know. Ty can still claim the win though by forfeit if he chooses.