Caesar (Canis Majoris) vs. The Crystal Warrior (Codinx)

Started by: Canis Majoris | Replies: 2 | Views: 926

Canis Majoris
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Jul 11, 2013 12:08 PM #1031665
And so a battle happened between me and Codinx.
I'll be honest. I don't like my story, because I feel it is way too short for what I could have done.
Also, Codinx, Caesar's gladius is a sort of knife. Not really much of a sword, hehe.
Well, vote fairly and make sure to give CnC! Good luck to us both!
I'm still trying to figure out the polls, though. If someone could help me with that...
CanisEDIT: Nevermind, figured out the poll thing.

Canis Majoris' Story (Click to Show)


Codincx's Story (Click to Show)
saintmccaw

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Jul 11, 2013 7:51 PM #1031941
Hrrmph.

Canis: Your story, in my opinion was considerably better and less cringe worthy then Codin's. What I liked and stood out to me was the hospital scene in your story, and that really added onto your story. Adding backstory elements or anything else really can really add to your plot. An example of this would be Rochedan's fight in his R1 fight for the wRHG competition. However much quality over quantity is important, I felt as if both of your stories were too short for me to critique efficiently as I cant quite tell your style, as I only got a little piece for your writing. Unfortunately, people normally like longer reads and enjoy a big, long read (I know this from past experience) as they can sample more of what the author has to offer. I voted for you because you were better then Codin's, although I would like to see more of your writing as your style intrigues me.

Codin: Your story was alright, however I think we can agree that Canis's writing skills surpass yours by abit. I find myself redundant for how much I critique people on this, but I think it is because it is simply because it is important. I didn't quite get a clear picture of certain things that you did and to be honest the whole story felt rushed. You didn't quite have any real descriptions and left me wanting more. Example: The man in front of him had the traits of a real fighter. What are those traits? You could really elaborate on this and it would enhance your story. It is really lazy when you simply reference to something in real life, or something that is on their profile. "He activated his Blade Aura." You could easily describe how this happens. Descriptions are very important to the story, they tell the reader what is going on, and they are helluva lot better then just saying what is going on. "He ran." "He quickened his stride." Describing is sooo important. Also, you should try to formulate your characters thoughts better. I myself have trouble with this, but when characters are talking you have to imagine you talking to someone else, just to make it sound more natural. You have potential, you just need to practice descriptions and character thoughts.
Canis Majoris
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Jul 18, 2013 7:01 PM #1039227
Well, the battle is over, and it's a tie!
Good game Codinx!