Personally I believe in free love and non-attachment with mutual benefit, but most other people cling to the idea of a girlfriend as their property, so with that in mind:

Cheating is cheating, unless she's doing it with the intent to invite the other girl to the party as a previously approved addition to the relationship, there's nothing to be gained from it and it's a dick move.

In some ways it could me more insulting for your girlfriend to cheat on you with another girl. It's an action that could easily be interpreted as "oops am i that bad at this that i turned her gay?"

Yeah, I mean cheating basically means you're being intimate with anyone who is not your monogamous partner. Whether both parties have vages or not. Think of it this way; would you feel dodgy about getting it up the ass behind your girlfriend's back?

That's assuming they actually sat down and had the whole "we're exclusive" talk though.

Quote from Firefly

That's assuming they actually sat down and had the whole "we're exclusive" talk though.

i was under the impression relationships are generally considered exclusive by default unless otherwise stated

Well see the girl he was dating was a bisexual. However, at this point they had been dating for a few months now and she broke the news to him herself because she felt bad about it. I wasn't given the details on how far she went with the girl (it would've been rude to ask), but clearly it was enough for him to feel as though the relationship no longer withheld value.

I don't think he finds her as property, nor do I find the general idea of relationships are meant to be in such a way. More or less, when you discover that you truly have legitmate feelings for someone you get a sense of loyalty. Making them exclusive to just you is a sign of intoxication towards their feelings. And if it's mutual the feeling only doubles, actually triples. Thus free love and non-attachment certainly is a way of living and I have no dispute with it in the slightest. But in this situation the relationship was meant to be an exclusive and loyal one.

I have another friend who I approached with this situation who as well has a bisexual girlfriend. He told me that in all honesty if his girlfriend were to come to him and pitch the idea of her getting intimate with another woman, he wouldn't find it wrong. As long as she informed him of her actions within the same timeframe of it happening he didn't think it was bothering. In all honesty when you get cheated on, it's not even the idea that she became disloyal that strikes the largest nerve. Instead it's the thought that you yourself aren't good enough for them and instead they turned to another man who would please them because you obviously aren't living up to their standards. However, bisexuals are in a different category because a sexual experience with a man and a girl (regardless of your gender, ahem) is different. So getting with a girl while in a relationship with a man doesn't necessarily suggest he's not fulfilling her needs, but more or less she had the urge for the experience to be different. Which is part of human nature after all.

By the way I'm playing devil's advocate. Cheating is cheating, period. But I'd like to hear other's opinions.

Quote from Artifact

I have another friend who I approached with this situation who as well has a bisexual girlfriend. He told me that in all honesty if his girlfriend were to come to him and pitch the idea of her getting intimate with another woman, he wouldn't find it wrong. As long as she informed him of her actions within the same timeframe of it happening he didn't think it was bothering. In all honesty when you get cheated on, it's not even the idea that she became disloyal that strikes the largest nerve. Instead it's the thought that you yourself aren't good enough for them and instead they turned to another man who would please them because you obviously aren't living up to their standards. However, bisexuals are in a different category because a sexual experience with a man and a girl (regardless of your gender, ahem) is different. So getting with a girl while in a relationship with a man doesn't necessarily suggest he's not fulfilling her needs, but more or less she had the urge for the experience to be different. Which is part of human nature after all.

I disagree. Apart from having a vagina to lick/trib instead of a penis, there's very little that a girl could logically gain from screwing another girl that couldn't be gained from getting down with a guy who has at least some skill, so the insult is still there.

Having said that, this is all from the man's perspective. I can't comment on the reasoning of the female mind.

Cheating is cheating, but I'd have to know this girl personally if I were to make any full rational judgement. Plus, I don't know what goes on in the life of a bisexual person, so its harder to make a fair "punishment" so to speak.

Is there a chance that your friend's gf is not really bisexual but just "Experimenting"? Maybe she got licked by a Roxy Richter. (Man, I have been waiting to use that reference since forever)

Quote from Scarecrow

I disagree. Apart from having a vagina to lick/trib instead of a penis, there's very little that a girl could logically gain from screwing another girl that couldn't be gained from getting down with a guy who has at least some skill, so the insult is still there.

Having said that, this is all from the man's perspective. I can't comment on the reasoning of the female mind.

I don't think it's really the whole physical aspect that makes the big difference between getting down and dirty with a man or woman, it's just the idea in it's own entirety that really makes it something different. We sometimes speed really fast down a straight long road because it'll be fun, even though it's still just driving.

And honestly Hewitt I'm not sure. But I think her being bisexual is a more reasonable conclusion than her experimenting with others while in a relationship.

Quote from Scarecrow

i was under the impression relationships are generally considered exclusive by default unless otherwise stated

I mean, that's what I've always thought. That's my definition of a relationship. But I've seen some shady things like people trying to deny there was ever a relationship. Or saying they're still just getting to know each other so there's no commitment, ect. People are weird sometimes so I just don't assume lol.


Edit: From a girl's perspective, I'd consider it cheating if I hooked up with a girl while in a relationship. I know that some guys are actually into that and get turned on by it. Which is why I guess the girl could ask and see what her boyfriend thinks. But she runs of the risk of really insulting the guy and ruining it anyway. If she's happy in the relationship then why does she need to get action from anyone but him? Oral sex is oral sex ya know? Unfaithful in my books.

To be in relationship is not to own the other one. It's like they both have each other, then why be with someone else, you see were I'm going? Like if you're really sick of your current boyfriend/girlfriend then just break up with them, don't cheat and complicate things. What she did was definitely wrong.

Quote from Artifact

And honestly Hewitt I'm not sure. But I think her being bisexual is a more reasonable conclusion than her experimenting with others while in a relationship.

Is it? I certainly think its a possibility. When it comes to complicated relationships, it isn't so uncommon to find some things happening on a whim.

Quote from Ahmad

What she did was definitely wrong.

Adding to this, I think most of us agree what she did is wrong. I believe the real question is actually "Is what she did forgivable?"

That's up to the person she cheated on. It's kinda hard to debate something like that when there's nothing wrong with either side.


I don't know what else there is to say about the main topic. There's no such thing as "good" cheating and she has no justifiable reason to betray her partner's trust. Who she cheats with doesn't change that.

My girlfriend is bisexual and this is something I worry about. We've both established early on that this is a monogamous relationship and that I would be uncomfortable with her being intimate with any other person of any gender. Because we've established this, if she were to go ahead and sleep with another female, that would then be a betrayal of my trust. Because we have that sort of social contract, we've established boundaries that should not be broken. This can change for any relationship. For instance, if two consenting adults wish to have an open relationship, that's their prerogative. They enter that relationship knowing that the other person wants to and will sleep around with other people. It's different if one of you wants a monogamous relationship and the other wants an open one. In that case, you should establish the parameters of your relationship or just not date at all. It's unfair to expect a partner to drop their desires to conform to yours, from either side. It's also unfair to play the victim when you understand and acknowledge how your partner wishes the relationship to be. Saying things like, "He just doesn't get me," or "He's not the boss of me," are not valid excuses for cheating on your boyfriend. Just as, "She should just respect my wishes," is not a valid excuse for imposing your ideals on someone. These are actual things people have told me in the past in defense of their actions. If you are in a relationship where you cannot agree on monogamy or polygamy, you shouldn't be in the relationship at all. It's only reasonable to break it off amicably if you cannot agree with each other.

I agree with most of the people in this debate that cheating is still cheating. I wouldn't care if it was a guy or a girl, although a girl would be more sexy. If I had a girlfriend and she asked me to add a girl to the mix i'd say yeah, but only once in a while to spice it up. As long as she consults and doesn't go out and do it then its fine. Now if she does it without consent, its still cheating.