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wRHG Tournament R2: Acel(The Organization) vs Walden(The Strongest) vs Chance(Chamel)

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Aug 15, 2013 9:50 AM #1066058
Click HERE for the rules of this Round...

***Antes are Extra Challenges that add twice the points wagered if successfully pulled off. They come in 3 Flavors (Easy Medium Hard). No two participants can have the same kind of Ante. For more info, click the link above.

The Organization has initiated a Hard Ante.

The Strongest has initiated a Hard Ante.

Chamel has initiated an Easy Ante.


Scoring:
- Votes are worth 5 pts. each.
- CNC-ing an entry gives you 10 pts. Detailed ones get an extra 5 pts. Maximum 3 CnCs per participant.
- Bonus for the Round is 20 pts. Bonus for this Round is the best depiction of Irony.
- Fulfilled Antes give 10, 20, 30 pts. and lost 5, 10, 15 pts if failed depending on difficulty
- Judge's Blessing gives 15 points if entry caught the Judge's eye.

Here are the entries:

Vicar 04: Acel
[spoiler=The Organization's Entry]OPERATION 02.3: Round 2// Acel vs. The Maze
Chapter Three: Ponytail and a Pretty Smile
Hey girl. Go on now.

Chance winced reflexively at the single lyric that herald the next iteration of the song that brought him unimaginable misery.

He had lost count of how many times he had heard the song, but to his horror he found himself singing along...

“Stomp my boots in the Georgia mud...gonna watch you make me fall in love...” he hummed.

He grimaced as he ran his hair through his red hair, trying to regain his sanity in this hellhole of country music. The gesture was futile though, because he still found his foot tapping to the beat.

Ponytail and a pretty smile, rope me in from a country mile...

Coincidentally, a blond angel wearing a ponytail and carrying a large gem encrusted sword appeared before him. She seemed nice enough and seemed to radiate a happy sort of energy, but Chance knew that this woman didn't belong in this country club.

She was about or a seven or an eight although with enough drinks, she would easily be a ten. The strange thing was that Chance had recognized her, but he couldn't exactly place where he had seen her before.

Chance continued to look over her when she caught a glimpse of him and smiled back at him. In her eyes, he caught a spark of recognition. She was familiar with him as well. Immediately, she approached him, wading through the dancing bodies to where Chance was seated.

"Nice Gimp suit, how did you work in the glowing strips?" she mocked.

Chance ran his hand through his hair again, but simply brushed off the joke.

"Country girl, shake it for me girl," he replied.

"Hah, very funny," she said giggling a bit, "I'm Cecelia, Cecelia Q. Graves. On the job, my code name is Acel."

"Chance Downtown...I don't mean to pry, but what did you say you did Miss?"

"Well, I'm here to represent the interest group known as the Organization."

"Never heard of em, are you some kind of spy or something?"

"Well, If I told you that I'd have to kill you," she joked.

"What's a fine lady like you doing in a place like this." added Chance.

Although she had a tan, Cecelia's cheeks blushed slightly and she smiled nervously.

"I just got lost that's all." she replied.

Baby you know what to do.

"Really..." replied Chance, grinning like a madman, "Good luck, Cecelia. There's no way out I've tried."

"Well, I found the bathroom. There looks like there is a door down the hall but it looks like its staff only." added Acel.

"Then what the heck are we waiting for," cheered Chance hopping up from his bar stool.

Acel grabbed Chance's hand and led him through the mass of bodies on the dance floor. Chance could tell that she was strong; although Chance stood about a foot above her, she was easily able to pull him through the crowd.

She seemed to be leading him towards the DJ booth, but the closer he was to the booth, the more the lyrics pounded in his head.

Shake it for the birds, shake it for the bees.
Through the darkness, Chance followed the bouncing golden ponytail. It was then that he noticed the door under the DJ booth. How had he possibly overlooked it? The more Chance thought about it, the less sense it made. Why would the door to the bathrooms be placed under the DJ booth on the dance floor?

Without hesitation, Acel pulled Chance through the door into the dimly lit hallway. There were three doors, one down the hallway and two, labeled men and women respectively, side by side in the wall. The wall looked old, cracked in some places, and the entire hallway had a damp smell, but as far as Chance could tell, the two of them were alone.

“So…Do you want to do this here?” she asked eagerly.

Chance smiled wolfishly, “Whenever, wherever baby…”

“Honestly, I was wondering what you looked like under that helmet in the preliminary rounds,” she admitted, “but to think you look like that crazy blood guy…”

“Crazy…blood Guy?”

“Yah…his face looks remarkably like yours…are you two related?” asked Acel.

Chance chuckled heartily, “Cecelia…I don’t suppose that sword on your back belongs to you.”

“Well no I … Oh that gimp suit isn’t yours…”

“Yes, and?”

“You’re the crazy blood guy…” she realized.

“Most people call me Chance,” he joked, “and as for my blood manipul-“

Suddenly, the door down the hall opened and a tough looking security guard emerged from within. Without warning, Chance held Cecelia up against the wall, his lips locked with hers. She didn’t resist, but when Chance opened his eyes he could see the shock in her eyes.

Working his way around to his ear he whispered, “We need to look convincing, loosen up a bit. In response, Acel nodded once and closed her eyes. It was obvious that she didn’t have much experience in this sort of thing, but her toned muscles led him to believe that she was an experienced fighter.

“Chance…” she said, her voice wavering slightly.

Chance was too caught up in the moment to care, overwhelming Cecelia’s tiny frame. Slowly, his fingers traced around her waist.

“Chance.” She sternly repeated.

Without the country music clouding his mind, he could truly focus on what was important. Slowly, he slid his fingers down into the side of her shorts.

What happened next could only be described as remarkable. One second he was making out with the violet eyed angel in the dim club hallway, and the next he found himself back outside into the bright labyrinth surrounded by rubble. Although he was dazed by the sudden jolt, remarkably he was uninjured. Despite feeling like he had been hit by a car, the suit had protected him from taking any real damage. Furthermore, he couldn't hear the terrible music anymore so Chance was pretty much fine.

All Chance could see was the bright sky and the enormous walls that tried to reach it. Almost immediately, he was graced with the face of an Angel. She looked concerned, waving her fingers in front of him and same something that he couldn't hear correctly. The face disappeared, but Chance could feel Acel's small hands running over his body.

"Crap...She found it..." he thought to himself.

Sitting up slowly, Chance could make out Cecelia examining his key and his rune. The key was small, with the back design of a poker card, but on the front was a strange insignia: 12 silver wolf heads each with ruby red eyes. She also eyed the rune carefully, pulling out her own from inside her shirt and comparing the two. Despite small differences, the two runes appeared identical to Chance.

"If you wanted to see them, you could've just asked," suggested Chance.

Realizing she had been caught, Acel struggled to find an excuse, "Well I uhhh...you looked kinda out of it so I just..."

"Nevermind that," replied Chance nursing his head, "What the hell just happened?"

Acel became flustered, breaking eye contact and looking off to the side, "I kinda pushed you through the wall..." she admitted.

Chance's jaw dropped in disbelief. Cecelia was fit, but he knew that he was about a foot taller than her. The little angel packed a lot of power.

"You pushed me...through a Wall."

"Well, you pushed your hands into my pants..." she muttered.

"Ah...fair," conceded Chance, standing up to his feet, "Mind giving me those back Cecelia?"

"Yah sure..." she remarked, brushing of her shorts and tossing Chance back the key and rune, "Well, what now?" asked Acel.

"Well, you've seen mine, you might as well show me yours." suggested Chance, massaging his neck as he put the Rune back on it.

Acel fished her card out if her side pocket, and held it up to Chance. He recognized it immediately. It was purple and silver with a reddish fox in the center and the words "Club Flye" printed at the bottom.

"Looks like some kind of flyer," noted Acel before returning it to her pocket, "Do you recognize it?"

"Sorry," lied Chance, "Never seen it before."

Acel smiled eagerly.

"I've got an idea, I'll help you find your key, and you can help me find mine." suggested Acel.

"Why would you want to do that? This is a competition you know." joked Chance.

"I'm serious. My mission is to observe the competitors as much as possible and frankly...Winning seems kind of fun." she admitted.

Chance laughed heartily and patted Acel on the shoulder.

"You should be more honest with yourself Cecelia," he advised, "Now then, Onward!"

"Uh...yeah. Where to Mr. Chance?"

Chapter Two: Where’s Walden
Acel and Chance continued to walk though the garden coming to a clearing lit by a light coming from above them. Chance noticed that the roof seemed to block out all light, save for the large crack that lit the room.

"Hey...Cecelia, there something wrong with this place." he warned.

"What..." replied Acel with a strange drawl. She was so entranced with beauty of the garden that she failed to suspect that any threat could possibly lurk behind the violet and ivory petals.

"Snap out of it," remarked Chance putting on the black helmet attached to the suit. It had a single large eye that emanated a green glow.

Acel giggled a bit at Chance's glowing eye.

"Cyclops..." she muttered to herself.

"Huh what was that?" asked Chance is voice with a strange robotic voice.

"Its just...you kinda remind me of a friend of mine an-"

"Cecelia," interrupted Chance.

It was then that Acel felt a powerful and familiar energy spike deep inside the garden. Before she realized the danger though, Chance tackled her, right at the same time that a loud gun shot was echoed across the garden.

"Chance...How did you-"

"He's gone...This suit has some kind of heat sensor, it doesn't really work all that well though." said Chance picking himself and helping Acel as well, "This guy is so far away, how the heck could he see us let alone aim so accurately through all these plants?"

"I've fought this guy before," replied Acel, "His name is Mccaw Rindar, also known as the Saint. He has this strange ability...a demon eye that can see through any amount of solid objects."

"That sounds like a real problem."

"It has its weaknesses though...He can't use it for too long and since its only one eye, he probably can't focus on both of us." explained Acel.

"Ah, I get it. We split up."

"Exactly, Mccaw is strong, but he's got a one tracked mind. With that suit's sensors you'll be able to find him easier than I can. I'll lure him out."

"How are you gonna do that?" asked Chance.

Cecelia smiled, "I know how to be a good distraction," she assured.

In a burst of speed, Acel disappeared into garden.

"Well...Alright then." muttered Chance walking off in the opposite direction.

Unbeknownst to Chance, Acel had lost control of her speed because she under estimated how much traction she had in the garden.

"Waaaaah!!!" yelled Acel as she slid and crashed into a tree upside down. A faint mist of pollen washed over her.

"Still fucking around I see..." remarked a familiar voice.

In front of her was a very strange woman with graying blonde hair that fell up to her shoulders as she floated upside down.

"Oracle?! What are you doing here?" exclaimed Acel.

"Shhh...You need to be quiet...also would you fix yourself up? You're not a lot of use to me hanging on that tree." responded Oracle.

Acel landed with a thud on the soft ground. Dusting herself off, she stood up to face the floating mystic.

"What do you need my help for Oracle? I thought you could see the future." mocked Acel.

Oracle looked cross, "I never said I could see the future, I was just able to see your future. Oh and you might want to duck." she explained.

Once again, Acel felt the power surge of Mccaw's Evil Eye and ducked, the bullet piercing through the tree behind her.

"You ought be more careful, hence he make a window into your skull." joked Oracle.

"Yah, I noticed. For some reason, all I have is this pretty sword and well all its doing is holding me down...Now then, mind telling me why you're here?"

"I could care less about your petty tournament, but I'm here tracking down a very dangerous individual..." she explained.

"I don't remember telling you about the tournament." replied Acel suspiciously.

"Cecelia please...Don't be silly, why wouldn't I know?"

Acel scratched her head and realized the stupidity of her accusation, "Well...what does this dangerous individual look like?"

"When you see her, you'll know," added Oracle, "Now I have to go, see you soon Cecelia," she said floating high up in the air and flying away.

Oracle was always a strange woman, the more Acel thought about her, the more confused she became. But there was no time for confusion now, Mccaw was still out there and she had to draw his attention. Observing the bullet hole in the tree, along with the memory of the power spike that she sensed earlier, she was able to guess where Mccaw was located and began to head in his direction. If Mccaw was focused on what was coming towards him, there would be no way for him to expect Chance.

Acel didn't make the same mistake this time though; rather than boosting through the garden she instead pulled the weapon from off her back and held the sword as she walked carefully through the forest searching for any signs of life. Despite looking cheap and old, the sword was surprisingly heavy, and the gems embedded within the sword seemed to emit some sort of elemental energy. Acel knew from experience that tapping into such energies without knowing would be extremely dangerous, especially after the Laser Blade fiasco while she was still in the Academy.

The longer Acel walked, the more she realized how similar the garden was to the park of her first wRHG battle. In fact, there too she had fought against Mccaw Rindar. Both the Garden and the Park were filled with beautiful flowers, an almost unreal sense of silence, and absolutely devoid of any animals. She then remembered how hard it was to find Mccaw, unfortunately there were no black benches around.

It was then that she had an idea.

"Mccaw is really sensitive to insults...perhaps if I do so then he'll come charging in."

Albeit, it was a risky plan, and accidentally enraging Mccaw nearly got her killed the last time it occurred, but this time was different. She knew Mccaw would come for her, but she was expecting it and she had Chance backing her up all she had to do was keep her distance.

Slowly, she took a deep breath, then yelled to the top off her lungs.

"Hey Mccaw!!! Yo momma so fat, she's powered by nuclear fusion!!!"

Her insult echoed throughout the garden, but it seemed to have no effect. Acel braced herself, expecting a raging Mccaw to burst forth from the trees.

"Hmmm...Perhaps it didn't work..." wondered Acel aloud.

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" asked a voice from behind her.

Instinctively, Acel turned to see the stranger; he was an aging man with thick grey hair and pale blue eyes but only one was open. In his hands were a walking cane and an old looking pistol. He also seemed to be surrounded by a strange but powerful aura.

"That tree will make vibrations in the air, but with no one around to detect those vibrations then they do not make a sound." explained Acel.

The man smiled and chuckled a bit, "G
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Aug 15, 2013 9:52 AM #1066059
Chance "Fox" Downtown
[spoiler=Chamel's Entry]
- Ugh... Where am I... Chance's head thundered in pain as his eyelids fluttered open slowly. Strands of red hair clung to his head as if he had been sweating, but his body felt oddly cool.- The last thing he could remember was running out of an abandoned factory after encasing his last opponent in a shell of blood.
- Chance shook the thought from his head, no time to reminisce; now was the time to figure out where he was, and why he felt so heavy. With a grunt, he managed to lift his torso and look down at his legs.
- "What the bloody hell!?" A yell that mixed worry and confusion all too well escaped his lips as he tried to scrabble backwards.
- Where his legs should have been, was a set of thin, mechanical legs that seemed to attach to his... Hips? As Chance looked up and down his body, his worry turned to confusion. His whole body was seemingly encased in some sort of mechanical suit. As he continued to search his body, he noticed the suit seemed to fit him well. He turned to the left and almost headbutted a wall, but drew back quickly out of reflex.
- It was an ordinary stone wall, but something was casting a jade-green glow on it's stony surface. As Chance continued to peer over his 'new body', he noticed lines that pulsed with energy ran along the suit. Little circles of these lines were apparent on his wrists, shoulders, and back. There was one more light however, and this one seemed stronger as it appeared to emanate from his head. Chance reached up and tried to touch his face, but he hit a tinted helmet with a light instead. At least that explained the 'bright light mystery'; there was lone jade light centered just above where Chance's eyes would be.
- "What is this?" He chuckled himself. At the sound of his voice, a small light flickered inside his cranial encasing. It seemed to stretch in front of his face as words started to appear lengthways across what appeared to be a screen.
- WELCOME. THIS IS YOUR LOVELY HOST HERE WITH SOME EXCITING NEWS! I HAVE SWAPPED ALL OF YOUR ABILITIES AND REPLACED REPLACED ACCORDINGLY! I HAVE ALSO GIVEN YOU SEVERAL ITEMS THAT YOU WILL NOTICE. AROUND YOUR NECK, YOU WILL FIND A RUNE NECKLACE! THIS IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR POWER WITH YOUR NEW ABILITIES!
- Chance paused his reading as the weight about his neck finally came to realization.
- "My my, a tricky host is sure to make a fun game." The red-haired man chuckled under his breath, slightly surprised that his helmet had not fogged up. Realizing he didn't have his famed blood manipulation ability, he read on with a frown.
- SECOND, YOU WILL FIND A KEY EITHER IN YOUR HAND OR NEAR YOU.
- Chance looked around and sure enough, there was rather small card key by his foot. He picked it gingerly and noticed a paw print engraved on the front of the key. More words blinked across the screen and drew Chance's attention.
- IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, THE KEY IS NOT YOURS! SORRY! YOUR OBJECTIVE IS TO ESCAPE THIS BEAUTIFUL MAZE I HAVE CONSTRUCTED, WITH YOUR OWN KEY. YOU WILL HAVE TO FIND THE CARRIER OF YOURS ALONE, CAPTURE THE KEY, AND ESCAPE ALIVE! JUST TRY NOT TO DIRTY MY WALLS WITH YOUR LOW-LIFE CARCASSES, MMKAY?
- The end of the message caused Chance to crack a smile; the host really did have a cruel sense of humor.
- "This should be fun." Another chuckle escaped as the red-haired man gripped the key and stood slowly. The suit he was in didn't feel too heavy, but the extra weight would surely slow him down considerably. With a sigh he looked up.
- The walls of this 'maze' were incredibly high up, high enough to where no one could escape. Shaking his head within his helmet, he looked towards the only way he could go. Squinting for a better view, his vision zoomed in immensely.
- "Well, this suit has many surprises!" He chuckled, opening his eyes to see better.
- The long hallway eventually ended in a three-way split. That was certainly odd, even for a game like the one Chance was thrown into. Letting a ghost of a frown pass over his expression under his helmet, he started on his way, the zoom mode automatically disabling.
- As Chance neared the three-way split, something struck him as odd. The host had given him an android suit, which meant that someone had his blood manipulation ability. Someone also had his key; the one that would let him leave. With a glance at his metal-encased hand, he peered at the key he was holding. Chance saw the paw print and inspected it closer this time. The edges of the key reminded him slightly of claws, which only gave way for more mystery. Where was this Paw-Print key owner?
- A loud noise erupted from the path on the far left, bringing Chance out of his thoughts and into reality.
- "Well, looks like I'm not going that way." He smirked under his helmet, the jade-green glow barely illuminating his stark-white teeth, even through the tinted dome.
- "So that leaves two choices." Chance pondered his options and eventually decided there was only one way to decide. So crossing his arms, Chance faced the last two passages and began his theory. "Eenie, meanie, minie, mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go."
- On 'go' he started down the path in the middle of the three, the one that lead straight-foward. Peering carefully down the walkway, and with some assistance from his handy-dandy zoom mode, he noticed that several ways split off from the one he was currently in. There was no pattern, no directional hints; it didn't even seem like there were any traps.
- "A confusing maze where the only traps are each other...? Interesting... But it can't be that easy..." Chance muttered to himself, unaware he was speaking aloud. "I need to keep an eye out for unsuspecting traps."
- With a bored sigh, the red-haired man continued forward. In time, he decided that this was the perfect time to see all that this suit could do. As he turned a random corner, another 'screen' appeared on his helmet.
- "Oh! That's simple." Chance chuckled as he visually scrolled through the list of items. One of the items finally seemed to catch his rust-colored eye's attention.
- One of the options read 'Help', which was perfect, because that was exactly what he needed. There was one problem though... How was he supposed to select it? His eyebrows knitted together as he focused, hoping his willpower would click it for him, but he quickly found it was to no avail.
- "Why won't it just select it..?" He sighed. As soon as the words escaped his lips, the 'Help' button selected itself. A long string of words followed by options displayed itself in front of him.
- Most of the beginning he skimmed, merely because it talked about moving, which he seemed to catch on with naturally. Most of the points were either vague, or too simple; that is, until one topic piqued his interest. It read 'Usage and Weapons'.
- "Weapons? I'll need those for sure." He chuckled, concentrating once until he finally selected the option.
- One of the very first things he read was how to navigate through the system. It was controlled by either thought, which Chance felt incredibly stupid for not trying earlier, and speech. As Chance approached an opening, he used his thoughts to scroll through the various weapons that this suit carried. He needed to study up before he could really fight, so he decided to multitask; turning corners blindly whilst flipping through weapons and its details. Several of the weapons and applications really caught his attention. For one, the Wing Pack, which apparently gave whoever wore the suit the power of flight.
- "I have always wanted to fly..." He chuckled and turned a corner to the right."I'll save that for later."
- As he continued his 'research', Chance turned random corners, walking in a blind routine of turning right, left, right, left. He skimmed over several weapons that caught his attention, such as the Beam Blade, Iron Fist, Plasma Gun, and Shield Generator
- "These will come in handy. Especially this Wing Pack item. Oh? What's this?" Chance questioned the little 'button' to the left. It read 'EQUIP', so of course the red-haired man mentally clicked it.
- A small burst of light erupted from behind Chance, eventually settling down to create a soft cyan glow. He knee the wings had sprouted, but just couldn't see them.
- "Umm, flap wings?" Chance gave a simple command, but it worked. A single flap of his cyan-blue wings and he lifted off the ground. Albeit not too far, but it was just enough for Chance to laugh with joy, almost resembling a small child with a new toy. "This is great!"
- As he landed, he was already skimming through how to use the other weapons whilst willing the wings to dissipate. Apparently, he could only use so many at one time. The suit proved to be as interesting as it was capable; nearly fully-automatic with a single thought? Perfect.
- A smile broke out on his lips as he turned another corner and continued. He now had the basics of the suit down, all that was left was getting his key and getting out.
- "Now... Where to find that ke--" Chance began.
- His sentence was cut short by a sword lodging itself in the wall in front him, less than half a foot away. Along the blades hilt, seven different colored gems were embedded nearly symmetrically.
- "Shit. I missed." A woman's voice came from the direction which the sword was thrown.
- Chance turned in his suit, making the screens on his helmet disappear so he could see clearly. Standing in front of him was a woman who's blonde hair shone in the dim light of the maze. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, making her strange, iridescent, magenta eyes more clear. A frown of distaste settled on her lips as if she had tasted a bad wine, and Chance knew that feeling all too well. She was disappointed, but not worried.
- "Who are you?" Her lips moved gracefully as the words poured out of her mouth; commanding and calm.
- "The question is, who are you?" Chance cooed in response, never letting his helmet down.
- "I am Acel, Vicar class 04 of The Organization. Now answer me, who are you?" She stated, stamping her foot in an impatient way.
- 'The Organization..? Heh, I remember this one...' Chance's thoughts bounced around his brain while he looked at the woman. A rune similar to his was strapped around her neck, and in her hand was a key. A single, rust-colored, tear-shaped emblem was carved into it. 'She has my key! How do I get it from her..'
- "Answer me, or I will be forced to kill you!" She yelled, her strange eyes flashing for a moment.
- Improvising, Chance replied hastily, "I am Energy, Proto class 01 of The Organization." Chance bowed to spur the moment, hoping it would buy time so he could think of a better plan.
- "I have never heard of the Proto class." Acel merely stated, narrowing her eyes towards the mechanized Chance.
- "We are a new branch, used to test full-body suits for combat, sir." Chance kept his head bowed, his heart racing as the lies easily slipped from his lips.
- Acel began to walk towards Chance, making the suited man's heart race even faster. His eyes darted up to see if he could catch a glimpse of her, already going over evasive maneuvers in his head, just in case. However, nothing happened. Acel merely walked past Chance and pulled the sword from the wall.
- "I trust The Organization's choices, even if they may seem a little skewed." Acel sighed, placing a hand on Chance's metal shoulder. "Stand up. You are not my enemy, I can see that by the key in your hand."
- Chance slowly stood, keeping a close eye on Acel as she walked forwards, her hair bouncing in its ponytail as she stepped. All he could do was stare in awe after her as he realized that his improvising had actually worked.
- "Are you coming? You'll be a useful ally for me." She called over her shoulder. "Just don't slow me down, or I'll cut in pieces."
- She flourished the extravagant blade and continued on her pace. Chance had to jog to catch up to her.
- "So, ma'am, what can you do?" He asked Acel sheepishly, hoping that these questions would keep her from figuring out who he was too soon.
- "I don't know too much about this sword quite yet, but I have one other component that keeps me alive." She answered, not giving Chance a second glance.
- "And what would that be?" Chance knew the answer, he just needed to double check and make sure her power was not gone.
- Acel smirked and stopped suddenly, almost causing Chance to run into her.
- "Watch." She stated. Raising her blade high in the air, she drew back her arm and threw it with all her might.
- Chance started after it, but Acel held out a hand to stop him. "Wait."
- As the sword sailed through the air, Chance watched it. It started it's decent at a fast pace.
- "Now." In the blink of an eye, Acel vanished. The blade spun through the air as it neared the ground; only, it never touched the floor. Acel had reappeared under it and caught it by the hilt. She twirled it almost expertly and caught it with one hand, brandishing it one last time as if to prove a point. Chance couldn't help but slowly applaud the performance.
- "Perfect. You can scout ahead!" He shouted eagerly, running to catch up with her.
- "Excuse me? I am not a sentry, nor do I follow directions from lower ranks such as yourself; especially a beginning class." Acel glared at the man approaching her.
- "But we need to work together. Your speed and swordsmanship with my technological advances, we will surely win." Chance tried to win her over with his words, slowly nearing the woman. A look of thought crossed her face as she mulled over his words.
- Acel sighed and pinched the upper bridge of her nose. "Alright. But only because The Organization must win this tournament."
- Chance smirked from under his helmet; that was exactly the response he was hoping for. With another huff of annoyance, his female companion turned faced down the long walkway.
- "I will remain close-by when I scout, so that I may not lose your location. Stay put." With that, she vanished.
- Chance let loose a sigh of relief. His plan was working surprisingly well, but he still needed to be careful.
- Soon, Acel returned. She stopped dead in her tracks and pointed where she had just come from.
- "That way. Two lefts, a right, and one more left. It dead end's into a door." She said coldly. Without another word, she started down the way she came.
- Chance sighed. She was going to be a difficult one to keep up with. He once again started after her, as if it had already become routine. They walked in silence, save for their footsteps and a few distant thuds. They followed the blonde woman's instructions, taking first a left, another, followed up by a right. They walked in silence until they reached the last left. As they turned, they both stared; Acel was right. A door stood at the end of the hallway. Something seemed odd about it though; smoke surrounded the bottom of the doorway and it almost sounded like music was coming from behind the stone door.
- "Well this is interesting." Chance chuckled, walking towards the door and leaving Acel to follow him for once.
- The pair continued forward and through the fog, mere feet away from the door.
- "What do you think is behind it?" The blonde woman muttered as she placed a hand on the door.
- Chance did the same with his metal-encased hand. "A bog? Maybe some monsters? Or maybe the gas is deadly?"
- A soft click seemed to emanate from the doorway, and it swung open slowly. The two backed away; ready for an attack, but also curious. The door opened all the way, and it revealed...
- "A club?" The words slipped from Chance's lips confusingly. He was right. Inside there were tiles of fluorescent lights used as flooring. People all across the room were mindlessly dancing, as if they had no idea they were here. "What the hell?"
- Chance took a step forward into the room, followed closely by Acel. They both stared in awe around the room as people of nationalities lost themselves in the music. Heads thrown back in laughter, hands raised in a dance, couples grinding; all of it was happening at once, in beat to the music. It seemed like a perfect place for Chance, that is, until he heard the music...
- "Country?! How are they dancing to c
Chamel
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Aug 15, 2013 10:28 AM #1066071
Yay I get my own post!
#itsthesmallthingsthatcount
Lobotomizer
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Aug 17, 2013 6:33 PM #1068016
Alright, Blakphoenix had, through his little cncs, reminded me that I am obliged to partake in my duty to give my own, votes included.

I'll be brief, because I don't really have much to say. The entries were mostly good after all, or perhaps I'm too incompetent to find problems where problems lay.

Let's start with Thestrongest.

As expected, brilliant writing and descriptions. I feel that the beginning, however, seems to be much more longer than the other battles which ended quickly without much resistance on the part of the other opponents. Kalena was felled by a single shot, Saint was instantly pinned afterward with a blade through his hand and chest, and Acel had her fingers blown off before subsequently running away when the danger room was activated. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Walden, for the most part, was completely unscathed. The battles themselves are as bare bones as they could possibly get. Believable? I don't know, but it does make me feel that there is more to be desired, compared to what was written in the beginning and between each battle, and I haven't really seen how well you've portrayed the other characters because the interactions go by so quickly. The flowery description, at times, seem too much and or confusing to read, and it took a few tries for me to understand what just happened. Not a bad thing, perhaps, but I'd like to put that out there.

Right, and it's Theorganization's turn.

Your writing seems almost the opposite of Thestrongest. Where he had written plenty of descriptions, yours was peppered with simple dialogue. Where you could have added more during the dialogue, especially thoughts, it was instead followed by more dialogue. It's almost bare bones in a different way to The strongest. That's...that's almost like the biggest irony, wouldn't you think? In any case, the story itself isn't too enticing because it just didn't have enough meat on it. The addition of two characters are also just slightly confusing for someone who hasn't read your past stories, but I'm not going to spear you about that.

One big problem I have is the constant addition of comedic, slapstick acts; some funny, others not so. Now, I've had a slight chuckle maybe once or twice, but when you pepper your story with so many of these, it gets jarring and messes with the overall immersion that I would normally have in the story. Pepper is seasoning after all; it wouldn't do if you made your steak burn the roof of your mouth with every bite. A little is good, too much is not.

The last chapter seemed contrived, as though you've put it specifically so that you could fulfill the last condition of the ante. Acel swooped in, traded weapons, and left just as quick as she had come. Whether or not it was intentional, it does make your portrayal of the ante a little less...good? That's up to the judges to decide, however.

Lastly, Chamel.

It's good to see you do a story where there are absolutely no battles at all. Refreshing, but I have to say that it isn't very well done. From the start, the whole tutorial regarding the suit felt very much redundant. You can argue that it is necessary, but when it feels as though it took up far too much space, and most of the utilities weren't put into practical use, I'm left thinking 'what the hell is this for?'

Overall the story feels a little bland. Chance plays around with his new bling and feeling real swag. Chance meets Acel. Chance and Acel is stuck in Chance's horrendous death trap room and the two of them try to escape, breaking every single speaker before stealing the down key and finding the password. Suddenly, a Walden. The three escape together. It's to be expected; the supposed meat of the story, the battle itself, simply isn't there, but you haven't taken good measures to compensate for it. The story itself feels mostly tell instead of show and without many descriptions as to how the characters feel, the manner in which they speak (banter aside, which is what is spoken for the most part), the story instead becomes one grueling marathon to slog through, lacking in the spark and life that makes a story interesting.

As a side note, the formatting is quite disorienting. I preferred if you threw the dashes away and used line spacing instead for better readability.

And so...my vote goes to The Strongest. Congratulations.
The Strongest
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Aug 18, 2013 4:14 AM #1068226
You're not wrong, I think. I was working to retire Walden, so I'm trying to capitalize on the unhinged depiction that Tantalum included in his battle with me. All the damage done to Walden was of a mental sort, and it played off of the sort of meta idea that everybody seems to insist on showing the whole gamut of everybody's abilities, with that gradual progression. Walden's ethos was based around adhering very strictly to that code, only raising his own ability level to match that of his opponent. So for this piece, I decided to explore what would happen if Walden abandoned the code he had been following for decades and, even if it was only for a little bit, he chose to take the (literally, as the writing ended up turning out) fast track to victory by circumventing the whole progression that I imagined the Gladiators had gotten used to and going immediately for bloody incapacitation. I think the term is sucker-punch, but I'm not sure.

And then there was the whole metamorphosis thing that I did which necessitates me rewriting his bio. I think the newer version will make more sense. At least to me, anyways. But now his weaponry is...meh. No, rewrite isn't going to work out. I'll have to undo the metamorphosis, maybe. Or just write in this completely tangential timeline where everybody else sticks to the Walden that doesn't probably have difficulty using an antique pistol.

I think I'm trying to just break Walden before this tournament ends.
blakphoenix
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Aug 19, 2013 10:18 PM #1069516
Ok so these entries were not as amazing as I was hoping they would be. Perhaps they were just hyped in my head and I disappointed myself reading them, who knows. Anyway, all three of you could use the notes Lobo pointed out. Here are my notes that I hope may help drive some points home.

The strongest (Click to Show)


Chamel and Org, you two aren't as special as The strongest so you don't get spoilers! :p

Chamel (Click to Show)


Org (Click to Show)


Though I did hype myself up and utterly dissapoint myself, it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy these reads. My vote goes to The Strongest. :D
The Strongest
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Aug 20, 2013 6:33 AM #1069932
This is an example of what I stated previously. Select gems such as this, along with grammatical issues and the unnecessary additions of...things, constantly lessened my immersion in the piece.


Blakphoenix, are you trying to tell me that the...I think it was at least three times that I decided to dive into alliteration were, in any way, unnecessary?

That is most likely a minor mistake, but it's not needed.


Actually it was a tactlessly inserted reference to JJBATAS's depiction of Dio. That one was entirely deliberate.

This paragraph seems awkward to me. Also it's only two sentences, I feel if you merged it with the paragraph below it then it might have looked better. Correct me if i'm wrong on pointing this paragraph out.


I do agree with you there, actually. That one had even been one of the few bits that I had almost gone back and tried to revise during the word-binge that was the drafting of most of this piece.

On a side note, I really enjoyed this particular sentence; it made me smile.


Good, I'm glad!

This stuck out to me as you using your speaking voice rather than your writer's voice.


That's one of the lines that made me smile. Odds are it would be stuck there, even if I had made revisions beyond the few paragraphs.

I enjoyed, and couldn't really find any mess ups in, the battle with Acel. Although the whole "Walden/Wolfpack" thing utterly confused me. I know that when he transforms his consciousness refers to itself as the wolfpack, but as I read I imagined that the wolfpack came out of walden and into it's own form. Did that happen or am I just a complete nincompoop?


Using your options, you'd be a complete nincompoop. Wolfpack is what results when Walden brings all twelve of his wolves into his body for the benefits they give him. What invariably occurs is the twelve spirits overwhelm Walden, and he no longer maintains absolute control over his thoughts and actions. His body is what changes, the spirits fuse deeply with his own and form a new body, which is Wolfpack. Walden's like my understanding of a werewolf, but his transformation comes when he loses himself to anger, rather than with the full moon.

Also, to both you and Lobotomizer: Thank you for your feedback~! (and your votes)
blakphoenix
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Aug 20, 2013 8:05 AM #1069957
Quote from The Strongest
Blakphoenix, are you trying to tell me that the...I think it was at least three times that I decided to dive into alliteration were, in any way, unnecessary?


Haha! The Strongest, are you naturally sassy? Cause that quote came across with some sass and I enjoyed it.

Quote from The Strongest
Despite the primitive technique, the depiction fell into the uncanny valley, and Walden was happy to tear the stone from his neck and tuck it into his pocket.

Were you using alliteration in that example? If so I wasn't critiquing that, I was more or less commenting on how I didn't entirely understand what you were saying and/or why you put it the way you did. It was that extra part in the middle "the depiction fell into the uncanny valley," I just did not get it. As for your defining of the werewolf and the Wolfpack, I totally understand that now thank you. Also, I give you kudos for calling me a nincompoop, I suggested it, you took advantage, and I appreciate that. :)
The Strongest
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Aug 20, 2013 3:24 PM #1070101
Quote from blakphoenix
Were you using alliteration in that example? If so I wasn't critiquing that, I was more or less commenting on how I didn't entirely understand what you were saying and/or why you put it the way you did. It was that extra part in the middle "the depiction fell into the uncanny valley," I just did not get it. As for your defining of the werewolf and the Wolfpack, I totally understand that now thank you. Also, I give you kudos for calling me a nincompoop, I suggested it, you took advantage, and I appreciate that. :)


Ah, your statement of "and...things" brought me to the conclusion that "things" were the alliteration bits. Are you familiar with the uncanny valley? I understand it as being that point where a thing looks very similar to being human, but it registers, still, as distinctly not human, and so it generally is interpreted as being a creepy kind of thing.
blakphoenix
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Aug 20, 2013 3:43 PM #1070106
Well, now I am. I had no, absolutely, no idea that it was technical jargon. You should have capitalized it, then I would've thought "Oh, hey what's the Uncanny Valley?" haha. That clears up everything, thanks!
Lobotomizer
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Aug 20, 2013 4:49 PM #1070144
To elaborate further on the uncanny valley, you can take an example.

Think of a robot, a humanoid one, but not entirely so. You would evaluate its appearance through its own qualities.

Now, take a robot who is almost very much human. It's shaped to look like a real human, move like a real human, and so on. You would no longer be judging its appearance on its own quality, but rather a human's. That's when your brain starts detecting all sorts of tiddly little details that deviates from what it considers human. What comes out of it is that the robot becomes creepy and, ironically enough, non-human.

Strictly speaking, as the likeliness of an object to a human increases, its appeal increases as well. But when you hit a certain point where the likeliness is just a tad too much, the appeal drops significantly, though rising back up as likeliness continues to increase, hence the name 'uncanny valley'

It's not exactly jargon; it's just a term for the phenomenon, and hence there isn't really a need to capitalise the words.
Boomerang
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Aug 20, 2013 6:52 PM #1070211
Okay. Just spent like an hour reading this cuz I felt bad that not many people were voting on this one.

Org: I really liked the dialogue you put in to it. As lobo said, however, you didn’t have much descriptions. I did, unlike Lobo, like that you had a lot of jokes in it. I also have always liked that you try to put some meat into your own plot while your doing this. But the ante at the end did seem forced, like you forgot about it until the end and said “Oh, let me just do this real quick”.

Overall, I liked it just like the other two entries.

Chamel: A entry without battle is always a fresh relief, and the fact that you chose it instead of Hewwy making it like that (Ahem, Losers Bracket) makes it even better. I also kind of liked your interaction with Acel. Although, I didn’t like that you had this entire tutorial for all of your weapons for the suit, and you only used, what, two? You could have at least added some more meat to the plot to use the weapons and such. And Walden seemed to have just appeared out of nowhere in the end. How had he gotten so bloody? What was he doing behind the door? So many questions left unanswered

Overall, it was good and I had fun reading Chance’s sexual comments towards Acel and just his comments in general.

Now, The Strongest: Brilliant writing. It really seems like you could be a poet with the way you write. I also liked the way you described his mental battle with himself and the code. But what I didn’t like is the battles. It seemed like the whole story was pretty much his mental quarrel, while the battles ended in a paragraph. There were times where I didn’t fully get what had just happened, but maybe that was just the use of big words, I don’t know.

I think I’m going to go with The Strongest for this vote. Good battle everyone.
Chamel
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Aug 20, 2013 9:32 PM #1070333
Thank you everyone for the CnC. Lobo has given me some useful insight for future, pacifist battles. And the rest of you who have so graciously given me your judgement and added criticism, I thank thee as well.
ErrorBlender
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Aug 21, 2013 5:23 PM #1071086
TheOrganization's entry was a good read but it is more dialogue than action for me. If there was some moves as they talked, adjectives that portrayed a bit more on what they felt or did at that time, I think it would have made it a bit better. I could follow the battle, nothing wrong there. Overall, its a good read for me.

TheStrongest's entry seemed like a silent movie to me. A monologue of sorts. There were a few dialogue, yes, but all in all it seemed okay even without the dialogue. The actions were well described, the emotions well given and descriptions thought out. I can give little to no critique here. Its simply a great read.

Chamel's entry was indeed a refreshing one. An entry without a battle was a nice thing to read but the thing is you'd have to have something in place of the battle, you could have added a bit more plot to your story to eliminate the lack of battle. A bit more plot and story and it would have been better. That's my two cents though. A nice read, still.
Just me (Click to Show)


Well, TheStrongest takes my vote in this one.
Nightlock
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Aug 22, 2013 12:19 AM #1071307
I was in the middle of reading these, but plans have been formed and I can't finish now. I'll be back to edit and CnC later tonight. ^^ I promise this time LOL

EDIT :: OK, it's super late... or super early, I guess. I promised some CnC's so here they are. It's really long, so I apologize for that in advance... really though...

no really... if you open them all... it's long... (Click to Show)


EDIT 2 :: WAIT~ I do have something to add to Chamel's: It is absolutely, ridiculously, idiotically hilarious how you made... Country music... into Chance's kryptonite. xD I was actually laughing at how strange that whole scene was. His getting weaker, struggling to continue, hard time focusing. Colorful and creative it is, realistic... not even close. LOL
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