I really did bad on this one. Like really really bad.

I still need to read Birt's and Codincx's which I'll get to soon enough

Quote from BirtDog

On my break at work and I just finished reading all the stories. Ill put up my votes and some CnCs later in the night. But ill start by saying this: I am profoundly disappointed in a number of these. If I could tie people for 7th or 8th, I would.

You're not the only one, Birtdog. I had to partially ignore the main theme of the round because barely anyone after you and Nikx followed it and base my votes on writing style instead.

Otherwise, I'd have to stick half the people in the back burner.

EDIT: Made Shadowkirby third for showing more creativity than half the people here.

I’m going to start by saying that I understand some of you are not native English speakers/writers. My points will still be based on me expecting more from you, but don’t…take it the wrong way. I just don’t want to sugar coat something, and I have no idea who is not from a native English land xD so you’re all the same in my eyes.

Also, I read the stories a couple of days ago and I’m writing this CnC tonight.

nte. You’re right in saying you might have misinterpreted it. You did “introduce” alcohol but I took your ante as more of a “introduce [alcohol], making it an important point in the story and justify it.” And I don’t feel like you justified it either.
You could’ve used alcohol like this: have a scene where Dom and Haku camp out together, Dominic has Haku fall into temptation that night and get drunk. She does something she regrets that night (like accidently causes an avalanche with her wind), wakes up sad and remorseful and has a crisis of character conflict (like she falls into depression for potentially killing helpless creatures in the avalanche, but thinks she might’ve liked the freedom of using her powers to the fullest), then comes across more events like with the Old Man and his cart but she DOESN’T help out because she’s lost herself, bad things happen (bad karma-ish; which helps progress your moral of the story). In the end she realizes who she is and is good again and the goodness swings back around (the good karma) and BOOM! You justified your ante and introduced in nicely. [ I want to mention this now, I do like your moral, I see how it works, and I believe you nailed it]
Another point of your story: it had too few events…it had one really. Stories that normally have two characters treating the same scenario differently, like yours did, have a set of 3 trials or so. You could’ve made that old man come up in all 3 as well, which makes his presence in the end far more…understandable and believable. Although I know you mentioned that in the note so I know this was something on your mind too.

I did like your story and I did find it a children’s story. The language and scenes that were presented were well done and your mechanics were good.

[/spoiler]

am disappoint. That world you wrote was inspired by Mario cart but was not Mario cart. No one gets that many blue shells, your item randomizer was terribly programmed, but I did like the banana, sadly however, it was poorly used. These are just a silly points I’m making by the way, since I know my Mario Cart. I did like the idea by the way; I thought it was a refreshing breathe of originality.
The real CnC will be here…
You did NOT have a children’s story. That was something inspired by your childhood, but that was not a story for children. The words and environments were not described with simple enough language, the world was not vivid enough (only the characters were detailed while the world was addressed once but without color) the scenes would be hard for a child to grasp, and your actions performed were poorly depicted for the images you tried to create. You had created a 2 out of 3 event kind of competition with your ally too which was not explained. When you transitioned from the race to the foot race, I had to read back to make sure I didn’t lose myself somewhere. You needed better transitions between the races. Maybe actually finish them and have the characters reacted as they win or lose, as well as include some dialogue between the opponents, which is GREATLY needed. The interactions you wrote were more like…a competition of one-liners that weren’t funny; little verbal jousts that didn’t portray character personalities.
You could’ve had one of them do like a victory dance and/or a tiny speech when they won (Titus would be a good sport and congratulate Penc on a good game when he won; Pence would mock and explain his devilishly evil schemes when he won; things like that)

Next: your ante. You achieved it, BUT you did not need to explain every color every time. Having one very elegant description is far better than having severely multi-sentenced, spotty descriptions that OVEREXPLAINED the colors. Take a breath and make a few well depicted different descriptions for the same thing, but only use one.
Lastly: your moral. Seems like you pulled it from thin air. I actually did not pick up on your moral at any point in the story. A better moral would be something clichéd like: Nice guys never finish last (which is kind of a pun on your story too) [and I’m aware the real saying is “nice guys finish last”]
[/spoiler]

looking forward to reading your story. You set up a story where you could cross multiple fairy tales into one (like for a few paragraphs they’re the dragon and sheep, but the next flip of the page they would be Hansel and Gretel). You could take pieces of stories and insert your characters. It would be creative and your stories would write themselves; I was expecting a lot of fun.
But your story was not fun. It was…wild. You only used 2 stories, one of wich made no sense at all. That one of August and his quill…no point bro. None at all. Just…none. What you tried to explain to the readers with it (the quantum ruptures) was explained at the end with in a much simpler method. You pretty much made parts of your story mean nothing the closer you got to the ending.
You really only had one story, and you kept breaking the fourth wall with very little explanation as why. It seems you inserted your moral there, but you made the guy reading the story to Luna just come up with a moral, which means you as a writer just came up with a moral. You didn’t have one planned so in my eyes you did not have a successful moral.
The whole story was not a children’s story. No child would ever want to follow these cut and paste stories.
Man…you just…disappointed me so much. You set yourself up to be so great but you just fell so hard. I have a hard time finding anything positive to say about your story besides the intro set up.

It was all too confusing to be a good read. That was your intent (sort of) but it wasn’t done well.
I’m sorry I can’t put up much reinforcement or any example write-ups but I just have no patience with the story to do so.
[/spoiler]


e the trials and the origin of it all, it really progressed the story nicely. Those cuts of what the princess was going through which explained the missing points in the main story was clever device ( but it could’ve been slipped into better points. I feel like the first few parts of those were thrown in there instead of planned to be put there). There was a purpose for your story, there was a goal, your story had a reason to be written.
Having said all this, calling your piece a Children’s story is a stretch. It could be, but I wouldn’t read this to my fictional children, nor would I recommend it for like…an AR reading for middle schoolers.
Each event happened too quickly. You ran up a tower, you ran down a tower, trail over. That happened too often and made the reading fell rushed. You could fix that by having a trial in every tower, instead of a footrace in some. And when the trial involved anything physical, your blue blade was the all too obvious [successful] solution; maybe have it fail once or twice.
For your morals: only one of them was believable. “If you ever do anything wrong…” was a good one (it drove your entire piece) but it was the only one your story really had. Your characters never even hesitated in the slightest to approach your trials, and they never failed. There was nothing too difficult or problematic that they didn’t solve one sentence later; nothing seemed hard, so there was no reason to give up. Making your second moral fall through. And your third moral was more for your story than it was for the reader. It seemed like something that would apply in the Crystal Warriors’ next adventure, but not something that can be applied to real life, like a real moral.

[/spoiler]

oughout. The way you described that colorful world at the beginning was very well done, and very much like a children’s story book setting. You got your ante down (props), and I felt like I found a moral (I cant remember it now though =P ). The tests of teamwork your story portrayed were clever, sometimes too simple, but that’s a good thing since this is for kids. You’re characters were very well put together and the interactions between them were well enough to understand who each gladiator was. There were SEVERAL things that I liked about this story that really got me hooked…unfortunately there were more than a few parts of your story that just did not click with me.

First and foremost, this was not a children’s story. I did like the adventure, I could feel the RPG, that all appealed to me. But it would NOT appeal to children; at least not this, not as a story. You’re trials were simple enough, but the scenes with the trials themselves were not very childlike. By that I mean the language was too much for a kid. ESPECIALLY when you got towards Lucario’s elaborate explanation at the end. The sad part about that is I cannot come up with an alternate phrasing for it. Your story was set up to a point where that elaborate explanation was needed; you had written yourself into an unavoidable situation. I know saying this makes this critique seem unfair…but it cant be avoided. You set yourself up to go from a possible children’s story (the beginning) to a definite teen rated RPG. I hope my point gets across here because I’m finding myself thinking in circles when I try to explain this better…(your whole story was screwed by its own setup, at least in order to be a children’s story). What I liked about it was also the thing that made it impossible to succeed =(
Another main point I’d like to address was kind of covered above. The 2nd trial (the one in the dark cave) got way too real for a kids story. In what felt like no time your 2 heroes (they’re both heroes in my eyes lol) had immediately lost their shit for no reason (Caesar took a nap and Lucario went from im never giving up” in one sentence, to “I give up; activate depression mode” in the next sentence). They had a total breakdown, in their own way, something that was truly scarring. And they just “walked it off” (for lack of a better term). You intended a crisis of character, but lacked the path to resolving the issue. You attempted to use Luke’s other half to resolve the conflict by giving him a little push. But the place you put him in needed more than a push. I feel like you should’ve had a grander interaction between the two. Rio should’ve reminded Luke of all the trials they’d gone through before (like the loss vs. Blanc; it was a rough battle, but you never gave up and you felt honored above it all. Or some other trial that could be watered down for children) There needed to be more than that little push, there needed to be a triumphant speech! Of course at the same time that wouldn’t help with a children’s story (maybe) but you had written yourself into another wall.

The last point I wanna make was your boss battle. These points are very simple so I wont need much detail. The battle was uncalled for seeing as how this was supposed to be a children’s story (but I’m arguing in circles now, too xP ) and Lucario’s shouting explanation to the golem was very…uncalled for. You could’ve simply described what was happening (like you started to) and finish that through; instead, you had to use (what I felt like) was BS science to make Lucario seem even MORE clever (which was not needed, ever, not when he was with Caesar lol). It was one thing too many. [I call the science BS because I don’t want to know exactly what temperature Caesar’s breath was, nor do I desire to know the exact alloy the golem was made up of]

I did like your story. It was very good; but not what this challenge required.
[/spoiler]

l like a children’s story, and that is the main criteria for my ranking, but there were too many things wrong with this story for me to give you a pass for following one rule (even the most important) out of so many =/

I’ll ignore the fact this was unfinished, sort of. What you had written up was very sloppily done. The sentences were very sporadic and the events that occurred (Caesar being exiled for “blah”, Caesar appearing in Tired Hills, and Lucario giving him a place to live) all occurred to quickly. There was no moral. There was no ante fulfilled (your script might’ve done that, but not your story. The story is what counts).
This whole thing also felt like it was written maybe 20 minutes before the deadline, even your script. Everything was poorly constructed; very disappointing.

[/spoiler]

overed by other peoples’ CnC. So I’ll sum it up as short as I can.

TOO SHORT! TOO LITLLE HAPPENED! THERE WAS NOTHING DRIVING THE PLOT! NOT A CHILDREN’S STORY! NO MORAL!

I did like the part where I could read all of this in 10 minutes.

[/spoiler]

leading to a damn good one at that. I loved the creativity in your writing (the rhyme scheme/poem setup), I felt it was very original. The story presented was very easy to follow, and I can see a child really being able to grasp this story (maybe even wanting to be a part of the race, just for fun). You fulfilled your ante, good job. There wasn’t much here, but what was presented pleased me so.

I did notice a few of your rhyming patterns went askew (by that I mean they didn’t really rhyme), but I feel like if I read those ones in your accent (at least the one I imagine you have), or had rhymed based off of a word’s appearance (which is what I imagine a non-native English writer/speaker might do in some situations) they’d make more sense. You also did not have a moral =( .

What you presented was very good, and it made me sort of happy and inspired while reading it. There was something underneath all of this, or maybe it was the culmination of what you presented, that made me feel this was worthy to move on to the next level in the tournament.

[/spoiler]



Edit: i read back and answered my own questions =P
Edit: I'm going to put up my REAL rankings, but with FAKE silly reasons for now, just because I wanted to get that done too before I sleep. I will change them later of course.
Edit: finished CnC. didn't polish them up =(. nor did I change my silly reasons on ranking. Tomorrow's another day...maybe =P

e original nickname I had was "BirdDog" because I was as hyper as a dog and as cute and capable of flight as a bird when i was younger, but over the years it changed to BirtDog for pronunciation reasons)

2-Shadowkirby: black + white kirby is my favorite skin in SSBM

3-Nikx232: the number 3 is between two 2's, meaning your after second place but before forth (2+2=4)

4-GamerXD8: i truly believe that one day your name will be a miraculous handheld nintendo console

5-Codinx: crystals are fabulous, but tacky

6-BoomerangReturns: your name is the most clever thing on this site

7-Merich1: you have 7 letters in your name

8-TyTheGamerGuy: "TTGG" sounds like something I'd say over the internet to enrage noobs when I game

9-Canis Majoris: I prefer felines

[

@Birt: Yeah man, I didn't really get the concept of it. I tried, I really did, but everyone did so much better than me. I promise I will pick up on these CnCs and if we ever get down to the fight I originally offered I will most definetly try to be better.

I will do my CnC soon enough. I already know I'm not making it to the next round and I'm sorry I didn't make a good first impression. Next tourney then.

That moment when your oh-so-perfect work is a flaw-filled work. Everytime.

Quote from GamerXD8

That moment when your oh-so-perfect work is flaw-filled work. Everytime.

I plan to tear you a new one, then sew it up. I really liked your story and want to improve upon it, but at the same time it was conflicting to read

Quote from BirtDog

I plan to tear you a new one, then sew it up. I really liked your story and want to improve upon it, but at the same time it was conflicting to read

Was having an RPG mood at the time, and Zelda suited the spot. Wish I had Digkid's challenge...

I'll be writing my CnC's soon.

Apparently I did really bad this round.

@BirtDog:

Ah yes, thank you for that nicely explained CnC. I had originally planned to actually include that man in three trials that Dominic would pass up. I did have an issue with my ideas, and before I knew it I had run out of time. So I rushed to sew everything together as quickly as possible. I also had a lot of trouble with my ante because I had to justify it (kept thinking that I had to show it in a good light but now that I think about it I probably could have done it in a bad light? Perhaps? Maybe?)

I'd have to say that balancing things can be quiet hard and I'm quite surprised that I did not get any lower in the rankings. I hope after I post my CnC that I will be able to continue through out this tournament, but either way I'm having a lot of fun throughout this thing! ^w^

Quote from GamerXD8

Was having an RPG mood at the time, and Zelda suited the spot. Wish I had Digkid's challenge...

I could tell, but that's what I liked about it.

Quote from Nikx232

@BirtDog:

Ah yes, thank you for that nicely explained CnC. I had originally planned to actually include that man in three trials that Dominic would pass up. I did have an issue with my ideas, and before I knew it I had run out of time. So I rushed to sew everything together as quickly as possible. I also had a lot of trouble with my ante because I had to justify it (kept thinking that I had to show it in a good light but now that I think about it I probably could have done it in a bad light? Perhaps? Maybe?)

I'd have to say that balancing things can be quiet hard and I'm quite surprised that I did not get any lower in the rankings. I hope after I post my CnC that I will be able to continue through out this tournament, but either way I'm having a lot of fun throughout this thing! ^w^

Yeah justify doesn't mean excuse something (like make it alright in the end) it means justify its...existence. Make it have a meaning, a defined purpose, for your story.

Yeah i agree with you on balancing things. I was surprised I'm in the lead because I thought everyone had more time than I did and like...wrote more/better than me. When I turned my piece in I actually felt like I let you all down...but then I read your guys' stories a few days later...and then I punched a hole in the wall with my mind out of sheer anger and disappointment (neither came from you ^__^) .

Okay, my votes

1-Nixx232: Real good! I presently enjoyed your story more, but my voting style also gave you first place. Also, when I saw the spacing, I felt in heaven. It might seem strange, but I don't exactly have anything bad to tell about your story. And I'm not gonna waste half an hour looking for a flaws, really.

2-BritDog: Well, you and nixx232 were hard to separate in the votes. For me. I can't really explain why I think this way, but I do. In the end, I think that Nixx's was better. The reason why is simple: what exactly made your character, well, win? I mean, it's nice and all, but what did Dominic do, other then being helped? That said, I still think you and nixx are not that far from one another.

3-Codincx: ME! Well, it's hard for me to CnC myself, but... It's the kind of story... For me, it's similar to some classic fairy tales of my country. Like, simple, with a clear goal, somewhat repetitive and a exageratedly overpowered main character. As for flaws, it's the lack of elaboration on the princess's story. It's more than that, but if I fixed that, all other flaws would wanish. I don't really think I deserve place 3, but, if I don't favorise myself, who will?

4-GamerXD8: I immediatley made a link between my story and yours. I mean: trials, a boss, cooperation etc. I really enjoyed reading yours. Good points are those of my story. Bad points: it gets a little slow sometimes. That's what I think. Still, nothing specific. And, if I would be to vote more fairly than I did, You'd be nr 3. But I'm in too. Sorry.

5-Merich1: I'm a strange person, I know. But I really think you deserve place 5. Your story was really interesting to read. I mean, breaking in middle of action and 3 paralel storyes. Even it's a little, well, too simple in the main story, it was a good read. But it seemed like it was... unfinished. I can't explain anything propely, can I? I did like the story, but I can't give you any other place than 5.

6-BoomerangReturns: It's more of a personal prefrence here. First, wall of text. It took tme longest to read, for some reason. And then, there were two thing I heated as a kid: one is races, the other is football. All you had there was that. I didn't really enjoy the story for that very reason. That is why you are nr 6. Because of my prefrences.

7-TyTheGamerGuy: Waay to little action for me. I mean, it's all just like this: Someone gets warped into minecraft, he finds some stuff, he finds some more stuff, he trades some stuff, he gets rescued by someone. With that being the main points, I can't give a place higher than 7. Also, what the hell did your character do to be better than Digkid? It had no purpose. A story about nothing, as I call it.

8-Shadowkirby: Good idea, good application of idea, but the fact it's unfinished ruined your chances. It feels like it's just the introduction to a story. That is the reason you are 8th, and is also reason why I didn't elaborate more on your CnC.

9-CanisMajoris: It ain't a story. That says it all, dosen't it?


Now I shall explain my voting "algorithm": I go back in time to the moment I was nine. That is how I made the votes: I's how I think I would have liked them At that age. (Now, I only go back 5 years, so I still know what I liked back then) For refrence, at that age I read first two volumes of Eragon, and I liked them a lot. I might be more weird, but that's it. Also, please note that all my votes are made with exactly one reading of each story(except mine, of course). I didn't want to give too elaborate Cnc or anything, just to show people a first-read kind of voter.(Yeaaah, I'm lazy as hell)

1. Birtdog. 'nuff said.
2. Nikx. Shorter than Boomer, but still packed a better punch than most works.
3. MEEEEEEE! Or Codincx. A better adventure story with better description and shorter length. Yeah...
4. ME! FINALLY! Reason...Plot? I got the good plot and moral?
5. Merich. Because of the "unnecessary"(?) quantum rupture scenes in my opnion. And that I'm 4th.
6. Boomer. Though your description is above mine (I can't tell, really), your plot...is irrelevant to the "fairy tale" theme AND the moral. (Come on, only the first and last sentence?)
7.Ty. So...What's the moral? The plot is simple, if not meaningless, so...this's the rightful place for ya.
8. Shadowkirby. A very nice concept, yet didn't have time to be finished. Shame.
9. Need I say more?

Changes to be expected at a later date.

Well fuck you gamer.


Jk.

Round 1 CnC & Rankings

COMPLETED THE CnC!!!
RANKINGS FINISHED?!

piece of work that I've read here. The and use of language that you incorporated the story were great, the dialogue and the situations kept me very entertained, and the twist that you used on Haku's past to work into your story was amazingly brilliant! I loved every bit of reading it and give you well deserved 1st seat in the rankings.[/spoiler]

one of the more active and energetic writers here in the lounge along with Gamer, so keep that up! We need that energy to help sprout ideas and new innovative things for this lounge.

Now down to business:
One of the walls that I kept running into reading everyone’s stories was their format. I’ve said this once and I’ll say that again. BREAK UP YOUR PARAGRAPHS!! It’s not very pleasing (or easy) to read when you’re looking at it.

So for the sake of all who read your works, make spaces in between different dialogues.
eg:

“Character 1”
(___Space___)
“Character 2”

From what I understood, this piece was one of the first (I think the first?) entries into the round. I understand that you are a busy person and had little to no internet; however, I found myself a tad disappointed that you did not request to edit your piece when given the extension. (Probably could have pleaded that to Hewitt and still have gotten it. Next time though) I’ve also noticed several things that could have been fixed format wise if you had taken the time to edit your piece. (Try to do so next time if possible)

Now as far as the idea of the story itself is concerned, I’ve also run into a problem that I’ve noticed between writers a bit too often in this bracket. Although there are no original works that can be written without copying another’s “template,” I would like to suggest that you guys be careful when taking a popular theme/game/idea/topic/etc. and using it in your writing.

Yes it can bring in more people because they are familiar with it, but if you can’t write about said thing in an appropriate light, then it does a disservice to the popular theme. (I love Mario Kart bro) It’s kind of like putting that popular thing on your figurative car as an ad.

Overall, other than format and popular themes, I would have liked to see more of your character rather than the theme. I feel that perhaps your idea overtook your character himself and drowned it in Mario Kart goodness.

Keep up your energetic writing! I expect good things to come from you![/spoiler]

ng what you had at the time. It’s a lot better and more respectful than those who had not posted anything at all. I am a tad disappointed that you had only managed to produce so little. I would have loved to see you write out this idea. (it was a bit more interesting than a few of these other pieces)

Since I can’t exactly grade you on how little you have, I’d have to say that your idea was pretty interesting and perhaps it could have been even better than some of these other guys and their writing depending on your writing level and style.

I would like to see more from you sir and I thank you for participating in this tournament.[/spoiler]

nC’s , you guys really need to put spaces in your paragraphs. It makes the whole CnC thing and reading much more pleasing.

eg:

“Character 1”
(___Space___)
“Character 2”

Now that’s settled, I feel like your story could have had the possibility of actually being on par with mine. I really liked it; however, there were a couple things that bugged me such as the beginning of your story.

Had this been another event, I would have loved your introduction but this round was under the theme of a children’s story. Now I don’t know about you, but backgrounds around the sword did not seem very suitable for children. Had you my ante, it probably would have been fine but this was not the case. (This could probably justified depending on the environment or upbringing you had, but overall it is not the ideal setting for a children’s story since you did not have the same ante I had.)

The other thing was the format that you had written your story in. Those big walls of texts really do need more spacing to make your paragraphs more evident so that it will be more pleasing to the eye.

Lastly, there were some rough parts of your story that could have used a once through editing. (Just like everyone else’s)

But other than that I think your story had a very interesting progression and plot. You’ve also written it pretty well and I would like to congratulate you for participating in the tournament. I wish you luck in all your future battles and hope that you continue writing![/spoiler]

one is going to be one interesting CnC.

In all honesty, I felt that your format was decent. It flowed somewhat well and it was written…well on that point, it was a bit lacking. I know you picked up writing not to long ago (like you said across skype) but I guess this level was to be expected. I have no need to say anymore on that part as far as what you should do. You already are learning, so I’ll let experience be your teacher.

On another note, I found that you tend to focus on detail placed in areas not really needed. Sure they were okay, but they were more of a distraction from the real part of your story more than anything.

I also found that you added a part that conflicted with the rules…the boss battle. Now I don’t know if you feel back on habit or if this was just an idea that was impulsively sprung upon, but you’ve got to make sure that you are writing within the bounds of the challenge. I think this would be one of the “real” big marks that I’ll have against you work.

You’re a very energetic writer along with Boom and I understood that you asked for extensions because you on vacation, but with all the extra activity you were doing around the forum I find your excuse to be lacking. Try not to ask for extensions too often and then derp around the forum at the same time. It doesn’t loom responsible in the eyes of others.

Keep up your writing~![/spoiler]

had to read and take a break from because of the problems I had with format. Once again, bad format meets unfavorable eyes when read upon it, so please make more spaces between your massive walls of text. It’s not very pleasing to the reader.

eg:

“Character 1”
(___Space___)
“Character 2”

Secondly, the flow of the story felt kind of rigid and difficult to read through. I would sometimes get lost in parts of your story and found myself hunting through (once again) the massive wall of text to figure those parts.

Lastly, I found the way the story was carried out to be somewhat bland. It might have been just the distracting format or the way sentences were structured, but I felt like I couldn’t fully enjoy the story.[/spoiler]

t read it. I had not expected the interaction that you had put between Luna and Hewitt. It made me tilt my head back in laughter as I read, but for some reason felt as if the casual banter between the two took away from the light that should have been held more by the story itself.

Another thing was that there seemed to be a plethora of things happening all at the same time while you were trying to describe the story. This made things interesting but, once again, took away from the focus of the story sadly enough. (You honestly have no idea how many fingers I went through after reading so many interruptions)

Overall, I’d say your piece was an amazingly fun and entertaining thing to read; however, I feel that you had one too many things going on in your story that it could easily confuse any child that would have read this.

I do love your writing style, however, and I would love to see more of what you could come up with. I feel that you might not have too many popular votes due to the format of the long chain of paragraphs you had. Try breaking up the big blocks next time to give your readers a break and a breathing point.

So in the end~! I’d love to see more from you~! Keep up the writing because I absolutely adore your character and your style~! I expect great things from you either now or later on in the future~![/spoiler]

smiled. This was it! This was a good format that I knew had been missing from this round! That’s not to say everyone’s piece did not have good format, but yours had something everyone else’s didn’t. Simplicity!

One should be wary upon walking the path of simplicity, for it holds many dangers. One such danger would be the fall of creativity! If one’s piece is too simple then that piece looses its attraction, but if one’s piece is too complex...well…it’s safe to say then there is no more simplicity.

I loved the fact that you used a rhyme scheme in your round entry! I was so excited as I opened it up and scanned briefly over it and…well I was a tad disappointed. Unfortunately, you had picked something that would put others to critique more harshly based on your technique of writing, your usage of words, and all that wonderful literature jazz. To be honest, this was one of the more painful ones to CnC because you were so close to getting high props on my “theoretical” ranking list after I had skimmed over the idea that you had written this in a poetic style. I had to “grade/rank/whatever you’d like to call it” more critically somewhere, and all that was left was the technical portion of it.

The story in itself was simple; yet original in the way you had laid it out. Unfortunately, because the story did not stand out too much itself, all that was available was how you would carry out the story and use your technique to write it. There was not much else I could say, seeing how it was unfinished (but don’t let that get to you because it being unfinished has absolutely no criteria in me ranking you like how some of the others have. Shame on them x] )

Now as far as your technique was concerned upon writing the poem, I almost cried at what I saw. The rhythmic pattern is what shot me in the heart when I had read through the story and I will save this part of the CnC till after I try something.

Put your hands together ready to clap. Now for each syllable clap your hands. The rhythmic pattern should match a consistent pattern of claps after each group (it’s been awhile since I’ve done literature or poems so some of the terminology has left me unfortunately).

I figured it was because you were probably rushing to put something together and simply did the best you could to produce something of value to insert into the entry. So I decided to let that part go on a particular condition that I will state at the end of this CnC.

Again, I found your piece to be quite intriguing seeing how it was the only one of its particular format, which in turn, displayed a greater amount of creativity than most of the others as far as format is concerned. This unfortunately led to other criteria that I had hoped you would fulfill, which you barely managed to scrape the surface of it. So I will now give you a condition.

Show to me that you want to continue in this tournament and respond in some way on the thread itself to show that you are active and want to continue on. I will not say when you are to post some kind of well thought out reply, but the longer you take the less likely you are of convincing me. If you do reply before I decide to hand your rank over to someone else, I will give you the rank I had intend to you and I wish you luck on further rounds.

Keep writing my friend![/spoiler]

Ranking:
Done? For now I think?

[spoiler=Rankings~!]
1. Birtdog - Need I really explain why? Okay, out of all of us yours was the most complete story with amazing format. I feel that it was an amazing feat to have made such at thing with the situations you've been through and I congratulate you for receiving this prize. *extends a hand* (On another note, I noticed you only broke the wall a handful of times where your challenge was said to have done it through out. Not to be a dick or anything though...sorry...)

2. Nikx232 - The reason I place myself here in second above Codincx are no more than three: Format, being the pinnacle essence of a good writer takes charge of being able to write out neat pieces that are easy to read. Flavor, while my story lacked in this criteria below your Codincx, I'm know that if I had more time I could have added so much more of my ideas that could have bumped mine up. Lastly, I chose to put my story before you because I am a dick that way...okay I lied...I'm not a dick...I'm a Nikx...232.

3. Codincx - Sir you have given me the hardest time to decide whether or not your piece should go above mine or not so I laid out some facts. Your story has more substance in it. Raw, untampered meat that can be cooked and prepped in a creative way on this story. However, I found that while your ideas were quite juicy, your format degraded the lack of flavor I could savor and thus I put you in third.

4. Shadowkirby - I felt that your piece, although unfinished and horribly in need to editing, was original enough to put you here. I liked the idea of a poem and enjoyed the fact that you set it up (format-wise) like one! However, some of the rhyme schemes were off and the fact that it was unfinished, left me hanging with not much to say about your piece. It was simply, unique, and creative but I wish I could say more about this to bump you up higher.

5. BoomerangReturns - Although I liked the idea of your piece, I'll have to put you here for the time being simply because of format. Walls of text...are not the most appealing things to the human eye. Also, I feel that your story was a bit too...(okay well like how Merich had said) modern. Almost every idea known to man has been taken, but when you take a current idea (such as mario kart) and try to use it in writing...well you better be sure it's better than original otherwise it'll come back to bite you, kind of like how it did here.

6. Merich1 - While I loved your style of writing and the dialogue of the characters, that could not make me overlook the fact that the story tried to take several different routes at once with several different view points. This can make it harder for young readers as well as children. I found it extremely hard to put you down here because I adore your writing style, but unfortunately I cannot bump you up in my rankings any further.(still debating not finalized yet)

7. GamerXD8 - You good sir...what happened? You had so much time given to you and yet...well there are no excuses here now. The format was better than others, making your piece easier to read, but it was only slightly above interesting than a few of the other guys. On the more important note, you inserted a battle in your piece which ends up breaking le rules.

8. TyTheGamerGuy - The reason I put you down here was because your story had poor format and poor story quality when compared to the others. Unfortunately that combination does not bold well on me and it was hard to make this decision.

9. Canis Majors- Unfortunately, I had found that what you had written down was not enough to really enough to convince me of giving you a proper ranking. I was actually surprised about how much you had actually written if you really had been working on it for so long. Sorry to say that even if you idea was good and I had given you a higher ranking, it would be doing others a disserv

The moment when you realized that no fighting was allowed and that the "adventure" theme is slightly off the mark of the "fairy tale" theme. Crud.