Quiver Quarrel (repost)

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Hewitt

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Dec 9, 2013 9:37 AM #1120822
So I forgot about the fact that this story was erased when I got erased the first time and this is actually one of the few (the only one in fact) non-ashe-related story that I wrote. People still like it so I might as well repost it. Hey, now that this place is a lot more active, perhaps some cnc would be finally appreciated :D




Quiver Quarell


November, 2011

A rather lanky lonesome figure sat on a clearing in Coulton Wood. He twiddled his thumbs, as he looked up into the night sky. Fascinating, was his first thought, overcome with ennui. The moon was full and served only to illuminate his prey. He never knew so many stars existed in one night. But then again it's been awhile since he'd had the luxury of looking up and expecting something. There was just something about the darkness and its glows that made him wish he'd have time to stay longer. To find peace.

He growled, as a memory overcame him. Peace wasn't exactly the best word, and it pained him to have to sit this long to let down his guard. Before he drifted into misery however, his target had finally made an appearance from the deep wood. A girl.

"...lost?" He began, slowly reaching for a weapon strapped behind his back.

"Not really," the lady said, surprisingly non-chalant. She turned to him and gave a weak smile. The moon though full, merely shone an incomplete visage of the man's face, as opposed to her. She was in full view almost as if the moon was a spotlight to her grand entrance. Despite what it looked like, the man was clearly waiting for something. Or someone.

A smile began forming around his face.

"I take it you understand what's to happen. I'm your opponent for tonight,"

The figure's silhouette reeled back, poised for an attack of some sort when the young lady suddenly replied in turn.

"I give up."

"Pardon?"

"You heard me," she was grinning now from ear to ear. "I'm leaving this place. I'm leaving the RHG. It's just gotten so boring, and well...," The lady turned her head slightly and listened to the trees around her. She could've sworn someone else was watching. "...I just don't see the point anymore is all."

The girl paused, wondering if she should reveal her intentions to a total stranger. The truth was she didn't have the time nor the luxury, and the note she'd left wasn't about to go to waste. She'd already say her goodbyes, what was the point of walking back?

"Look, I'm glad you took the effort to track me down. And normally, I'd be ecstatic but I just. I can't deal with you right now so--"

A resounding THWAK warned her a second too late, as the ground beneath her blew up, knocking her a few feet back. She looked up to see the man, unmoving in his aim despite having fired his shot rather impetuously. How did he reload so fast?

"You WILL fight me, Rhami."

"How did you know my...?" But before she could inquire further, another THWAK caused her to instinctively roll away as the ground before her was swept away in a torrent of dust. She quickly picked herself up only to gasp as two more rocket propelled projectiles were headed her way. "If you don't, then this is it for you. You're my target for tonight. And right now, I need you to do what the RHG wants you to do. Fight."

Rhami stepped back, drew a few quivers and whirled around launching two shots at the same time. No sooner did her arrows pierce the open air, did they explode into a green mist. Rhami held her breath, furthering her distance as the man's rocket-like projectiles fizzled away into nothing. The man squinted from the shadows, seemingly impressed.

"An acid arrow. Interesting," he mused. "To fire two at once in one shot---" Something in the wind flashed in that split-second as three bolts suddenly materialized from the corner of his eye, striking him down dead center and knocking him to the ground.

"Who says I fired two?!" Rhami beamed.

The Olive Archer paused a minute for any sudden movements, then slowly approached the figure with her bow in hand. Her mind flashed back to her imminent demise when those rocket-propelled projectiles almost caught her off-guard but now having the time to think about them, they were clearly arrows by nature. Even more unsettling was she could've sworn she'd have seen them before...

"What an excellent bow you have there," the man suddenly said, sitting up suddenly. "If you don't mind, I'd like to add it to my collection. It's only fair since you've already broken one of mine."

Rhami froze. Collection?! What's this guy talking about??? She stepped back in surprise, and noticed the man's bow clearly split in half. Realizing though that he was unarmed in that moment, she took a chance and readied two arrows at point blank range; no less than a few inches from the man's face. The cracked bow only confirmed her fears. No normal person could take three clean shots in a row, much less isolate the impact to just the bow itself. Two possibilities immediately came to light: either he had some kind of hidden ability, or he himself was a very experienced archer, enough to know the stress points of his bow and use that to his advantage.

"Who are you?" Rhami said, unwavered by the strange man's deceptively defenseless stance.

"A legend." he simply answered. The man calmly stood and dusted himself off. Rhami eyed him like a hawk and remained steady. She wasn't even supposed to fight today. Thoughts about shooting a healing arrow to the man's head and fleeing continuously pervaded her mind, but there was something about the man's tone that implored her to stay. Have they met before?

"You're silly. I've never heard of you."

"Quite false," the man replied. "Everybody's heard of me." He calmly reached back for what seemed to be another similarly-shaped weapon; another bow, but one more refined and distinct. A moonlit gleam in Rhami's eye caught onto one of the weapon's defining features---blades attached to the front sides of the bow. Once again, familiarity filled her thoughts but drew a large blank in turn. Was this guy systematically hunting down only archers?

"You're not taking anything from me!" Rhami yelled as she fired both arrows.

The man lunged unflinching, bearing his bladed bow. In his mind's eye, time simply slowed and the bolts barely blazed by. A swift sidestep and he was easily able to parry one of the arrows away, only for it to dematerialize and fizzle into contrails of smoke. Flabbergasted, he tried to swat the air away but the resulting smog soon began to cover his field of vision as the other arrow landed squarely between his legs much to his surprise.

Rhami smiled wryly. Payback was sweet.

"Explode."

A vacuum imploded from within the forest battleground, as smoke hissed in every direction. She turned towards the forest and shot a single arrow into the treeline. Within seconds, Rhami had teleported onto the nearby branches. She knew these woods like the back of her head, and a vantage point was what she needed. She grabbed three arrows this time and plunged two on a nearby bark, while aiming the third towards the sky. Her eyes scanned the mess she'd made just moments before but despite her quick senses, a chill went down her spine. There were no signs of quick movement of wisps within the smoke. Maybe he was already...

"Simple tricks cannot defeat me, child."

Rhami gasped, gripping her bow tighter and releasing the single arrow into the air out of impulse. It was a second too early, but she didn't care at that point. The arrow sparkled underneath the night sky, illuminating some parts of the smog. Dozens of birds flew out in cacophony, as hundreds of smaller arrows rained from the sky, piercing through the mist and smoke she had earlier created. It was her desparation move. Amidst the chaos, she turned to grab the two arrows she'd set aside earlier, when a deafening sound reached her eardrums. It was sonic in nature, and sounded like a dropping atomic bomb except it was going sideways...in her direction.

BAM! A single shot ruptured an immense shockwave throughout the forest, as Rhami found herself falling faster than the trees all around her within a five meter radius. She tried to regain her balance but it was all so sudden; like a bomb had gone off. Moments later she was on the ground rubbing the pain on her sides, pinned by what seemed to be an ancient-looking branch. She turned her head to spot a chunk of the tree trunk she was on, gone. A few degrees to the left, was the man making his way towards her. Through the moonlight, a third bow could be seen. It was unlike any other, towering twice the size of any normal bow and was as tall as the man himself. Rhami attemped to squirm free but it was no use. A clean, blue arrow soon met her gaze. It was aimed straight at her face.

"I win this game." the man simply said.

It was the first time Rhami had seen the man up close. Immediately apparent were the bruises and cuts everywhere, even in places she'd never even considered. They were old and scarred as if proper care had not even been attempted to treat them. His face which towered over her, resembled a grizzled relic of the past. His unique perma-stubble relegated to the fact that he was old, but the man looked like he was just in his twenties. He was a lifeless shell of a man, as far as she was concerned. But the most unsettling part was the unshakeable feeling that she had definitely seen this man before.

Rhami stretched her fingers as far as she could, only for the man to easily kick away her prized possession. She shuddered in utter disbelief. Of all the days to leave and lose Astor, this was definitely not one of those moments.

"Creativity might be your forte, little miss. But precision is always key. Take it as an honor that your bow will be put to finer use. With this, I may finally have a chance---"

"Give it back NOW!" Rhami screamed in futility. She tried to budge her other arm, numb as it may seem, only to feel something suspiciously sharp. It was one of her enchanted arrows.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You've already broken two of my bows. You've already wasted all that time I spent fighting that reckless fool and that pretentious demon," The man chuckled, not once relaxing his aim. "He may have been a demon, but I've been through actual hell. I've been there, and I've come back! And now it's my turn to give and take..."

"Stop! The archer is coming with me...archer."

Rhami's eyes widened, moreso than her in her current predicament. He had found her in record time! If only she'd just run away from all this and never looked back. If only she had her priorities straight. There was no time to think now, however. No matter what, she had to get away now.

"What's this?" the stranger perplexingly said. "It's certainly been awhile, hasn't it. Are you still in the business of...?"

Before the man could finish his sentence, Rhami quickly clenched the enchanted arrowhead in her hand and intangibly rolled through the log pinning her down. Realizing this too late, the man rolled to one side as a surprisingly rapid flurry of arrows whizzed past him. He swiftly picked up Rhami's bow and ran in the opposite direction, taking refuge behind one of the nearby trees. "Yep, that answered my question." He said, wiping the sweat off his brow. He snuck a peek at the interloper and eyed him from head to toe. Truly, it's been years but he never forgets a face.

"This is an unsanctioned RHG battle. Repercussions will be applied as necessary."

"Oh put a sock in it, Wei-En. You talk too much," the man said, excitedly clutching the olive archer's bow.

Rhami in the meantime took refuge behind some shrubbery, still nursing her injuries. She still couldn't believe it. Wei-En, the dual-wielding repeating crossbow user, was hunting her down! The himself was cold, almost mechanical in nature, and had never lost a single battle. He was the epitome of order in the RHG and one of the top ranking fighters, responsible for abducting potential 'candidates' and maintaining them. And she was apparently on his to-do list.

Wei-En ran towards the forest as his Visor began glowing to life. "Subject required," He fired blindly around the trees as the stranger ran from one trunk to the next. "Subject detected. Scanning history." The chase continued in an erratic pace, as Wei-En kept his distance, zipping away behind the trees, cornering him with each step.

The strange man in turn, continued to run recklessly, until finally resting behind a large petrified oak. "Oh c'mon Wei-En, you don't even remember me?" His face suddenly turned serious, as he whipped out his enourmous longbow. "You were practically there to approve me. We shook hands."

Wei-En ignored the man's taunts, as he let his visor finish up the research.

"Last known activity: One year, thirty-seven days, and two hours. Current standing: Zero wins and One loss. A forfeit."

As Wei-En silenced his visor, a distinct red arrow shot through the wood. He tried blocking with both crossbows but the sheer force of the projectile knocked him from under his feet, effectively destroying one of his arms and knocking the other one a good five meters away. Despite all that, here merely shrugged off the pain and stood, visor crackling into disrepair. Several feet ahead, the man was already preparing to fire another red arrow. Wei-En remained still, raising an eyebrow as he dictated the last bit of info before his Visor gave way.

"Status: Deceased."

The red arrow fired as Wei-En braced himself. The bolt hit him hard as another thunderous shockwave rippled throughout the forest, even knocking a little wind from Rhami who was several meters away. She looked intently as the smoke cleared to find a good chunk of forest decimated. In the center of it all stood Wei-En, heavily panting from exhaustion. From the outside it looked as if he'd just took a strong blow and walked it off. But the vibrations of such a powerful force took every ounce of his strength to withstand even apparently from his kinectic absorption. Rhami thought back to when the man knocked her off in one shot. It was apparent that it merely took a fraction of what happened here! He was a monster.

Wei-En quickly made for his other crossbow, even stumbling on the way. He grabbed it in a panic and began firing erratically. His Visor was gone, his vision blurred. Despite his attempts to shake off kinetic energy, every bone in his body was now ringing and vibrating from the pressure, reverberating an intense pain from within.

"I know you," he concluded, falling on one knee. "The fall... We all saw---"

"What you all saw was a show, put for your benefit." The man said, stepping forward through the debris, wearily dragging his longbow through the ground. "I made one mistake, and the world thinks I'm over and done with. Others praised me for my efforts but in the end HE would be hailed as the best of the best. In the end, it's all about who lives, I suppose."

"How...,"

"Ah yes, the story. How did it go again? There I was...," the man sardonically relayed, looking up once again to the night sky. It did pain him as before, but only because it had reminded him of that day. His first and last job. The target was one of the RHG's finest: the jet-sword wielder himself! He carefully recounted the fight as much as he could, as clearly as anyone remembered. "...finally that son of a bitch jettisoned my bow into the abyss and I had no choice: he was getting away and I had one shot. I dove for that bow of mine and made my fatal mistake. I fired a light arrow. At that moment I realized I could fire a heavy arrow instead, and save me from the fall. But I wanted him so bad, and I was a brash and cocky bastard. I fired and I KNEW he would parry. I knew! And I still fired! And in that moment, I had already given up. I let go of my bow and let gravity do the work. I was ashamed of myself, and mad at him. He was right to leave me for dead..."

Rhami listened intently, and for the first time since their meeting she was finally able to see the man for who he was both physically and figuratively. She didn't know how she couldn't have recognized him thus far but she almost kicked herself for not realizing it. He was a man who had lost everyt
Nightlock
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Dec 13, 2013 12:11 AM #1122646
Because I recognize Rhami and Astor, I can only assume that Ð and Wei-En are old Gladiators from FA. Or not. Just an educated guess. If they are, then I kind of wish I knew more about them, or had a chance to read their Bio. Your semi-attempts to add a little background on each midstory was nice, but seemed a bit out of place amidst the action and suspence.

I myself am a fan of Archery, and characters/heroes/villains who use bows are among my favorites when it comes to weapon wielders. The battle was good, the scenery was well descripted, and the story was understandable without being too lengthy or overbearing. By the end, I was satisfied and not unhappy with the outcome. Well done :)

I found numerous typos and grammer mistakes that could easily be fixed by rereading and editing the appropriate errors. I find it works to have an outside party to read through and help pinpoint my mistakes, so I always recommend that.

Now, the name of the piece hints what the story will be about. Not long into the read, we find out that, yes, each contestant is an archer. Isn't it kind of redundant for the name of the arrows to be said in the dialogue? Ð naming the arrows aloud in his monologue makes sense to form a back story (though a little more variety in word choice would be nice), but near the beginning he says "An acid arrow." I understand that it's for the benefit of the reader, but does it have to be in the dialogue? Ð could have easily said "Enchanted with acid." or "Acid tipped." or simply "Acid." and the point would have been made. One Archer naming an arrow to another in such simplicity feels extremely misplaced. The shooter knew it was an arrow. The target knew, the readers knew, the arrow knew.

More on dialogue; Ð's seemed almost unnecessary at times. We saw a lot into Rhami's actions, thoughts, story, and surroundings in the narrative portions. So it was unbalanced in a way to start Ð off like that, but change midstory and reveal that he's a talkative person. His monologue was slightly strange, too.

And Astor's sudden appearance was almost too convenient, while his presence was very minor as a character. More could have been added to include his role overall.

This was an enjoyable read. I've pointed out enough, mostly things I had minor problems with. Maybe someone else will point out something I didn't. Good Job.
Hewitt

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Dec 13, 2013 12:46 AM #1122658
Quote from Nightlock
I can only assume that Ð and Wei-En are old Gladiators from FA. Or not. Just an educated guess.


I never thought this story would age to the day when FA was just a simple memory and these two characters were nudged into the pages of history. Here they are for your benefit:

Ð - www.herculeet.deviantart.com/art/Rhg-Demo-quot-D-quot-152073046‎

Wei-En - www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiUyoz7c6EY‎

Oh and btw, the 2 bows Ð used before his main one: also 2 other RHGs. They were more of a bonus if you could figure out who they are. Both of those are also long forgotten.




Anyways, yes I do agree with most of your points. The unnecessary monologue is basically fanservice. That's why it appears out of place. It's actually an allusion to this event. Ð's creator had only ever gotten that demo up there out and his only battle was with terk who killed him. Non-fans of RHG who have always assumed that RHG isn't a voting sport had just always believed Ð died. It's an in-joke amongst the RHG mythos that I just wanted to extend.

Yeah I added Astor on the last minute, simply because I had written myself into a corner and I realized the end solution way too late. Perhaps if I had a chance to rewrite it again, I would put him there and make the duo scatter after the first major tree shot. They'd then find themselves again after the 3rd act.

The spelling grammar is only wrong because this is the backup raw copy from another site. The original piece got deleted when my account got erased the first time. I just don't wanna bother editing something so old so your points on that are fair.

Ð is actually a talkative person. But the story is about Rhami at the helm of it and, I wanted to give an air of mystery to Ð for the people that knew him (once again, an allusion I never thought would be forgotten). Because heck, practically everyone knows Ð even if they didn't exactly did RHG and just watched it.

Only thing I disagree with is the acid arrow. I think he would've said something like that. And he only said it to himself at best. The reason behind this is that it is literally an arrow made of acid in solid form (perhaps if you wanted to be all scientific about it, a capsulized arrow filled to the brim with acid and surrounded by a sensitive almost transparent layer of hard plastic or some shit). That is how I interpreted it in Rhami's bio. We mostly associate acid with the sticky liquid substance so seeing it as an arrow is just fascinating and worth mentioning in that way. It was never about what the audience or Rhami knew, but the implication that Ð is an insufferable calculating genius, who's madness stems from never having been given the chance to do something great. And my spotlight of him here, is his one and only shot.

Anyways, I really appreciate the CNC. Seriously. You are literally the first to give a detailed one in like 2 years this was posted. I sincerely appreciate your comments. Thank you.
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Dec 13, 2013 1:12 AM #1122670
Quote from Hewitt
We mostly associate acid with the sticky liquid substance so seeing it as an arrow is just fascinating and worth mentioning in that way.


The arrow is acid. OK, now the statement fits. "An acid arrow" sounds a lot like an arrow dipped in acid, like if I said "A fire arrow" most would picture a standard arrow on fire. An arrow made completely of acid I did not picture, so now the image painted works with Ð's observation. Thank you for pointing that out.

Thanks for the links as well. However, Ð's deviantart page says it doesn't exist. That's too bad.

Quote from Hewitt
Anyways, I really appreciate the CNC. Seriously. You are literally the first to give a detailed one in like 2 years this was posted. I sincerely appreciate your comments. Thank you.


You're very welcome. It saddens me that no one's taken the time to express their thoughts on this. It really is good.
Hewitt

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Dec 13, 2013 1:23 AM #1122676
Quote from Nightlock
Thanks for the links as well. However, Ð's deviantart page says it doesn't exist. That's too bad.


Why the fuck does Google keep it so high then >_> That is a shame. FA's Youtube account got hacked sometime last year so any and every old swf from FA became lost forever (well, I think stone has archived copies of FA somewhere. sort of like the Disney Vault XD).


Quote from Nightlock
You're very welcome. It saddens me that no one's taken the time to express their thoughts on this. It really is good.


This story came out in a time when the WL was shit. Participants were mostly noobs who didn't write very well and writers like you didn't exist yet so anyone would've normally seen this story, and just ran away from the sheer word count (which honestly isn't even much considering the standards today). I had to force people to read it and even at that I only managed to get one guy to forever love it (thanks, Smile). A part of my reasons for making the tournament was to reel in people like you so this place can grow. And this cnc is a testament of that effort.

I'm already happy that at least one guy commented on it. That's all I ever asked.
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Dec 13, 2013 1:44 AM #1122686
For the most part I enjoy giving out CnC's, so it's no trouble. I'll try to set a good example for the newcomers to give an honest and constructive critique more often. :)
Hewitt

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Dec 13, 2013 6:57 AM #1122836
Well keep em coming. Always a pleasure.