Startin' off now.
"Name: Light" A curious name. I've only ever heard of this as a name in that one animu, wossname... DeadNovel?
"Height: His exact height is unknown. All you do need to know is that he is around twice the size of a normal human." Could just say it lingers around 12ft.
"Race: Human" Good thing you've gotten this out of the way. If I continue to see "human weaknesses" after this, I'm going to dropkick a baby in its squishy little face.
Right, well there wasn't much to pick at there. time to see how your first section looks!
[/spoiler=look]
"over the face of the helm for breathe and sight"
Sigh. This is a common problem. I'm not gonna blame you for it, because it's a problem so common that people think it isn't a problem at all. Right. Time to educate you on the difference between Breath and Breathe.
Breath. Breh-th. This is an abstract noun, a name of something intangible. You take a breath.
Beathe. Bree-the. This is a verb, a doing word. You breathe in, you breathe out.
The E is not silent, and in fact it makes them quite different words. Hell, different classes altogether.
"His helmet has a front that is very flat but the rest of it is perfectly made.." Perfectly made how? Little need for detail here, I'd believe. Also, double-dot at the end.
"Under the armor is a thin piece of weak chainmail that also covers the whole body feet to head. But under that is Stefan himself. " I feel like you could replace this with "Under the armor is a thin piece of chainmail that covers Stefan's whole body head to foot. " I removed "weak" because we can assume thin chainmail is going to be weak.
"Stefan has golden straight hair and blue eyes to color of an ocean." sentence construction is a lil' iffy for me, it's as if his hair is ocean golden and his eyes are "to color"? what, do they use crayons? How's about "Stefan's hair is golden and straight, his eyes the vivid colour of the world's oceans."
"He wears a medieval shirt that is tightly closed with his pants being also the same way" Those things could have been grouped together but you awkwardly seperated them. "He wears a medieval shirt and pants, fitted tight to his body." Saying "fitted" makes it sound like they're tailored to be like that, instead of just being compressed under all that armour. A bit mo' posh, sah.
"But the clothes despite how tight that are do not seem to restrict his movement." Ho, ho, ho! Santa clause to give you good tidings of commas and hyphens! And also slight rewording. "His clothes- despite how tight they are- do not appear to restrict his movement." Commas and hyphens are good for creating little clauses in sentences where you can give extra bits of info.
First form.
"Not an extreme change happen other than his armor turns into a pitch black color as his sword does the same."
Interesting, a simple colour palette change. Also, as you've done before, you have been a bit iffy with grouping. A bit of rewording: "No notable change happens, save for his armour and sword becoming a pitch black colour."
Second form.
"His helmet remolds and become sharper" Sharper? Where? In your text description, the ony thing about his helmet of note is that its face is flat. I mean, your picture changes that dramatically, but I follow text more than pixels in wRHG. Might want to go back and say where the helmet is sharp.
"His chest plate also remolds, molding away the holy artifacts decorations and replacing them with more and more iron spikes start to stick out." You said two versions of molding twice, right next to each other. Replace one of them with some verison of "transform."
Also, "and replacing them with more and more iron spikes start to stick out" is a mess. and replacing them with X start to stick out. Think about that. how about "with iron spikes emerging in their place."
Final form. Or, transformation. Consistency, man. Keep it.
"This is by far the most dramatic transformation of them all. Light’s armor bursts off of him revealing the main body. But when this happens, Stefan’s whole body starts to change as he achieves the form of Lucifer"
Lucifer. Daaamn. First thought on this: Wiggedy fuckin' whot son?
"He achieves the height three times of a normal human, as his skin changes to a dark grey color" you might want to explain that three times of a normal human's height just means that he gains an extra third taller. Since he's already the height of two men already. Y'know. And apparently he's human, still! also, the comma is unneeded here.
"His facial features completely change along with his golden hair. His hair become twice the length it is and turns a pitch black color " You could have lumped the hair changing colour along with his skin, too. I mean, in that sentence you have length change and colour change, to body, skin and hair. Come on, son!
"as his face transforms into a completely different face" so his face transforms twice? only one time need it be mentioned, bud.
"with dark blue eyes" darker blue eyes. They're already blue. They just darken.
ABILITIES! THE BREAD OF THE THANG! Ye. Pre-pear you're eh noose.
"Original text means he has or already unlocked it" he has or already? and of yes the thing having the wrong mix sentence format bothering. I think you can just ditch the "or".
Light manipulation! Goody goody! What does this entail? Illusions, probably, but as I read on it can... holy smite? holy shite. Well, the light can possibly heat up the blade to enhance damage if the sword can harness it.
"This attack makes the sword very heavy thus making Light slower and that he gets tired very quickly so he only uses the ability for a few seconds." This weakness, eh? Might want to reword it a little.
"Activating Holy smite causes Light's sword to become much heavier, slowing him down and draining his stamina at a faster rate." Also, this isn't fully a weakness. You do understand that heavier swords can, when slashed downwards, cut further? Is the light only just making the thing heavy? It's a thing worth noting in the ability itself.
Angelic armour? Well, something as intangible as light should- ooooh. wings. well. I'll just sit over here in this dark corner and, y'know, swim.
A weakness of weight again! Well, if he can FLY in it, then uh, what. And also heavy armour can withstand a looot. I can imagine this dude just doing it to set himself in place as a tank flies into him. This is a more of an enduring ability, I feel. Then you go ahead and give him wings. Hhhhh.
I can understand him using light as some sort of angelic power enhancement, but then you let it give you wings, too? Uh. Wings are something I'd consider a primary power, light manipulation being a secondary. But all in all, this is a nice set of three abilities! onto another sec-oh you have more
grand
Cross of Lucifer? Well, a description for how a human can do all this is good detail. oh it has lucifer in it ok
And he has to verbally call lucifer out? Well, I have to say I can imagine that can create some pretty dramatic scenes! Nice. Settin' up yourself some fun there! Why, all this makes me want to add that one extra thing to Handyman. I might just.
And darkness manipulation is greyed out? well, alright then. I'm going to leave the greyed out areas. But if you enable them one day and they are bullshit, and you keep the other powers active alongside it, do know that I shall be gently knocking on your front door with the helpful assistance of my good assistant, the steel-capped boot of shutthefuckuppery.
Wait, more weaknesses? Well then, if this stands on its own two legs then you can disregard about my boot assistant. He can go home to the other boot in the pair. Y'know. His sole mate.
"an effect" AAAHAHA You remember my rant about Breath and Breathe? HERE'S ANOTHER! AFFECT AND EFFECT!
Affect is a verb. To affect. Ah-fecked. It is a doing thing.
Effect is an abstract nown. An effect. Ehh-fecked. Sound similar? The effect affected him.
"Mortality: ALMOST anything can kill him" HOLD UP LET ME GET THAT BOOT BACK AND TAKE A TRIP TO THE DAY CARE CENTER
"The armor is strong yes." Armor strong yes is good da cheeky breeki iv damke cyka blyat YOU SPEAKIN' ENGLISH. "Indeed, the armor is strong, but it is heavy." also you said "its heavy" what
its heavy? who is this it and why does it own this heavy? you mean it's heavy. The apostraphe replaces an I. It is heavy.
Eh, the weaknesses are satisfactory, other than that. Good job!
"The two sides were; The paladins of arto and the darkspawn of heldi." So, strangely enough not only are Homo Sapiens on this planet, they also couldn't use semi-colons? "There were two sides, the paladins of Arto and the darkspawn of Heldi." Capitalise your proper nouns. The names of people, of places.
bah, I'll let others do the story stuff. I don't believe in letting a CC span more than an hour.
A religious fanatic posessed by Lucifer. Original!
"since he's an experienced soldier back in the day" he WAS an experienced soldier, if it was "back in the day"
so, he's someone who doesn't care about destroying other people's families because he hates demons and angels because they destroyed his family. well then. the end.
Stats. Not gonna spoiler for this. Just gonna read quickly.
Strength, understandalb.e Durability, same. Speed, yes. Dexterity, good. Intelligene? Well, religious fanatic. Is good. Powers? I'd boot that up. Weapons, sur-"Without his powers, he still can rely on his heavy sword, revolver," so he has a revolver I probably missed that part let me go back and ooooooooooooo
you filthy liar
Well, I'm not gonna do the demo. As said previously, I'll leave story stuff to others.
I'm going to say that your guy is, overall, pretty dang good. Sure, your abilities are a bit cout of it at parts, but your weaknesses are plenty. You have forms, which is something I'm not ecstatic on, but you seem to handle them well. Good job.