It's a zoo: Bl.An.C vs The Suicide Sisters

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SaulMurphy
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Jul 22, 2014 9:06 AM #1221787
This is the Civil War battle between ErrorBlender's Bl.An.C and Shadowkirby's Suicide Sisters. They are fighting in a zoo. How wild is that?? May the best writer win!

Bl.An.C:

Spoiler (Click to Show)
.” Alice stated over the com.

Statement: I’m quite aware of that.” He replied, sounding very irritated. “Commentary: Not how I imagined myself dealing with stress.”

Bl.An.C. was in the air, his wingpack strained against the extra weight. He had a few people hold onto his hands as he swept over them earlier and saved them from an oncoming stampede of animals. He set them down on top of a nearby store. With scarcely little time to react, the zoo guards and animal specialists were in a panic as they tried to rally the recently freed creatures. A myriad of sounds filled the air, the noise drilling into Cooper’s head.

This isn’t really helping. Cooper sighed inwardly. The guards had already closed off the gates and had desperately run towards their stations for their dart guns. The android landed smoothly and approached the guardsmen, currently clamoring for their dart guns hung in the emergency box.

Query: What happened?” He asked out of the blue. The guards took notice to the gladiator and answered him in the quickest way he could.

“One of the feeders accidentally fed himself to the lions. The gate was practically left open.” He replied breathlessly.

Query: Then how did the rest get out?”

“Some nut activated the release.” The other guard muttered, loading his rifle with a dart. “Should work with the bigger beasts, yeah?” He asked the other guard.

A fervent nod was the other’s reply. He then turned to Bl.An.C.. “It seems you want to help. If you could find a way to rally the animals that would be great help.”

Before Cooper could agree the other guard interrupted. “No, I’d rather you find the culprit. They may still be here. The control panel is in the center building of the entire zoo. He couldn’t possibly escape yet.” He told the android and beckoned the other guard to follow. “I’m betting it was Sad Larry. The guy is nearing retirement and…”

The android allowed the duo of guardsmen hurry to their duty as he took flight once more. His flight led him directly towards the central structure of the zoo; a hexagonal cement structure with pillars erected on each side. Steel fences surrounded the building but is was easily accessible to Bl.An.C.. As he hovered above the building, he scoured the area for telltale signs of forced entry but nothing seemed to point to that conclusion. Everything was sound. The gates were locked and not a single fence rod was displaced. He then looked around only to see two conspicuous figures in the bright of day. They stuck out like sore thumbs in the animal frenzy.

Cooper’s optics zoomed in for a closer look. The duo was hiding in a small grove where two decently sized trees grew. Each girl had taken one tree to themselves and hid behind the trunk as the animals passed them by. He noticed the girl in the dark gothic gown first, her hair dyed purple and that she carried a pistol with a custom job. The other seemed to be more cheerful looking than the latter but they shared an aura of malice that Cooper couldn’t shake off. This one wore nothing but a leather bra underneath a leather jacket, blond hair in unequal pigtails, red skirt and striped leggings under ankle high boots.

“The Suicide Sisters.” Alice stated suddenly.

Clarification: Who?” Bl.An.C.’s jade eye still affixed at the uncanny pair.

“They’re a duo of gladiators registered in the System.” Alice continued. “They’re a fairly recent addition to the roster. And they fight as a pair, never alone.”

Musing: Interesting.” He wondered aloud. “Statement: Reminds me of two other pairs of duo I had fought.”

Alice recalls Lucario and Rhami, both of which were a duo themselves. Both were difficult opponents but this time, Cooper is more experienced in handling more than one opponent. This should be easier.

Request: Details.” The android said to Alice.

Quickly, the woman back in the compound began to search for Eliza and Bella, the Suicide Sisters, over the wRHG database while Cooper approached his suspects.

-*-*-*-

“Hey, Eliza.” The blonde woman motioned towards the sky for her lover to see. “See that?”

The gothic girl shifted her attention from the animals around her to where Belle had pointed. Indeed, it was something of interest. The approaching figure was iron clad in some futuristic armor with green pulsating lines on specific parts of his person. It was hovering down towards them with jet black wings attached to its side. What drew Eliza to keep her attention to this figure was the lone jade eye that stared at them. She couldn’t tell if this was a friend or foe since there was no face to judge by. But Belle took care of the introductions.

“Hello!” Belle screeched as she sidestepped into view with her massive razorblade. “Nice—“ She twirled around, the blade sliced through the tree she was hiding and threw herself towards the android. “—to meet ya!”

As soon as the armored suit touched down, a quick swipe of the massive razor blade greeted him. Out of quick reaction, the suit was able to dodge but was taken by surprise from the succeeding attacks that didn’t seem to stop. Belle kept her strikes smooth, connecting each as if part of an elaborate dance. Eliza should see this; I merged her waltz into an awesome fight combo! She thought to herself gleefully. Another thought lingered in her head. She couldn’t decide which was better, that the fact that their main target was being digested with little effort on their part or that they had a new playmate for the day. It annoyed her that she couldn’t decide fully.

The other suicide sister, Eliza, was observing from the sidelines as she kept a watchful eye. She skirted the scene with Synkiss at the ready, irritated at what her ally had done. They didn’t need the extra attention at the moment but she felt the annoyed aura Belle was giving off. She was annoyed too but that shouldn’t mean they should go around and kill the next best thing. Then she noticed one other thing: My waltz. She mouthed.

The armor’s hands were glowing white and exploded into flashes as he dodged, Eliza noticed his movements were rigid and untrained but there were signs of experience. Boosts of jetpack flame aided his evasive surges but Belle left no room for him to strike back. The flashes of light quickly coalesced into something solid. They assumed the form of two gauntlets, each sparked alive with arcs of yellow energy.

Eliza’s eyes furrowed with worry. “Belle” She started as she brought her pistol up to target the armor. “Belle move!”
-*-*-*-
Bl.An.C. was getting increasingly frustrated at his current predicament. His opponent is astoundingly fast and by the looks of her unusual weapon, it would seem to be able to cut through anything. Then one of the sisters, Eliza, yells for her ally to move away. Perfect.

Belle’s movements slowed slightly, a moment of hesitation. Opportunity!

The android’s jetpack flared alive, its wings spread apart rapidly. The electrified iron fist struck hard but fast, knocking the wind out of Belle’s lungs. He readied his other hand, opening it to allow the tiny bolts of lightning to surge and bounce across his fingertips. He stepped forward to grab Belle’s face with his palm but a hail of bullets forced a stop in movement.

The android stepped back from the assault and raised his hand to shield himself from Eliza’s attacks. Inside the suit, Cooper grit his teeth. So close. The iron fists suddenly lit up red in Bl.An.C.’s internal HUD, it was taking heavy damage. The bullets. They aren’t normal.

The impediment gave Belle the extra seconds to recover. She recovers quick. Bl.An.C. noted. In a matter of moments, Belle was back on her bearings. She started with a downward slice but he dodged it with a sidestep, turned and threw a powerful hook at Belle. Immediately, as he turned his left hand glowed white and the gauntlet vanished. The razor wielding sister saw the incoming blow and raised her weapon high to meet with the empowered fist. Sparks flew from the encounter which hid the flash of another forming weapon from his left hand. The android let his arm slip on the face of the blade to allow his body to turn faster. The lights gathered to form into a cylindrical weapon that hummed powerfully as soon as it came into reality. The blast cannon was immediately directed at Eliza as Belle recoiled from the arcs of topaz bolts that gathered towards her from the iron fists’ impact.

Statement: Kaboom.” The android said monotonously. Eliza’s eyes widened. A blast of invisible energy escaped the cannon and rippled through the air and struck Eliza square in the stomach. It felt like a battering ram had suddenly crashed into her and sent her soaring over a cart of hotdogs and straight up slammed onto some guard rails.

“Eliza!” Belle muttered from the shock. “How dare you, you piece of scrap!”

The blonde sister broke from her temporary paralysis and went into a rage. Bl.An.C. maintained his distance from Belle, her strikes were more vicious and she dared to come closer than usual. The android boosted himself backwards but Belle closed the distance in a mad dash. She jumped at the last second and twirled her body with the razor blade held out turning herself into a deadly top. Bl.An.C. raised his iron fist to meet the danger but was sliced through unchallenged by the razor. Belle connected the attack with a kick to his head during her spin and she landed gracefully on the ground. The android staggered back and his iron fist exploded. Within the suit, Cooper barred his teeth, muffling his screech of pain.

Diagnostics test: Left arm destabilizing. Armor has been penetrated. Cooper couldn’t believe it. The armor was cut straight through without much effort. He had to finish this and quickly.

“Not so good without your toy huh?” Belle smiled as she walked closer. “Time to die…or shut down. Whatever.”

She reminds me of John when he’s winning. Bl.An.C. thought. Too bad I have to project my anger onto a girl.

Statement: Don’t be so full of yourself.” The android said.

Belle smirked. “Shut up, scrap metal.”

Belle struck again, her razorblade slicing up the ground where he dodged her attacks. One false move could mean a severed limb or his own decapitation. The android decided to fall back and attack from a distance. The wingpack flared alive and boosted him out of Belle’s melee range and proceeded to hail invisible mach speed energy blasts at Belle. The suicide sister quickly raised her weapon and turned it into a shield. From the corner of Belle’s eye, she spotted movement and she smiled.

Observation: The suicide sister’s weapons are suspected to be magical. Eliza’s pistol’s rounds damage the suit considerably whilst Belle’s razorblade cuts through it like it was nothing. Fighting one is difficult; fighting both at the same time is suicidal.” He stated. Flashes of light covered his legs and left shoulder. “Conclusion: Assume the same problem as with the Olive Archer therefore assume the same solution.”

“What solution might that be?” Eliza asked. She was on top of one of the cages; it surprised him that Eliza recovered from the blast that was nearly point blank. Eliza’s pistol hummed and fired a blast of purple energy that screamed towards him. The explosion spooked a lot of animals, rousing them from their quiet hiding places and out into the open.

“Nice shot, Eli!” Belle exclaimed. “Shot him right out of the sky!”

“He hasn’t reached the ground.” Eliza said plainly. “He’s still there.”

The dust resulting cloud from the explosion had given the android the cover he had needed, though the sustained damage was nearly severe. “Statement: Surrender, Suicide Sisters.”

Eliza was about to speak when she was interrupted by her lover’s loud voice.

“Like hell we would!” She screamed in reply.

Numerous objects burst through the dust cloud, missiles screeched towards the duo and spherical drones unleashed their deadly red energy bolts.

Eliza’s eye widened. “So this is what you’re capable of.” She muttered and jumped off the cage’s top in time to dodge the missile’s impact. She rolled down to cement floor but clutched her stomach as she stopped. The blast cannon’s earlier impact still had its toll and it was painful when she moved to hastily. Belle immediately went to her side, shielding her eyes from another explosion just nearby.

“We’ve got to move, Eli.” She coaxed.

“Yeah. Be careful, I saw more than just missiles escape the cloud.” Eliza warned as she stood and fired Synkiss, detonating a missile earlier than when it should have. The ground between them suddenly exploded, cratered by an invisible force.

“It’s him!” Eliza said grimly. The android crashed down onto the floor, his movements a blur to Eliza and Belle.

Bl.An.C. surged forward, using the momentum granted by his impact. He balled his left hand into a fist and struck Eliza deep in the gut. Eliza took the brunt of the force, raised slightly by the attack itself. Belle immediately rushed to intervene but her stance was interrupted by a hail of red energy. She couldn’t move. Several spherical drones had encircled her, firing continuously around her, disabling and cornering her in a barrage of lasers.

“Eliza!” Belle screamed as she used her razorblade to deflect the drone’s attacks.

Eliza couldn’t breathe, she felt the very air in her lungs escape through her mouth but her grip on Synkiss never wavered. She took every attack from the android; she had the misfortune of having a ranged weapon up too close to a melee attacker but what she thought as a stupid idea felt like her only resort to surviving the android’s strikes. She charged Synkiss.

Oblivious to the hum of his opponent’s pistol, Bl.An.C. struck with his fist and then his blast cannon on the lowest possible setting. Each felt like a blow straight from a jackhammer and he couldn’t believe that Eliza was taking every bit of it and was still standing. As his next blow soared towards Eliza’s face, Belle’s foot connected with his. The drones quickly followed the pigtailed sister, energy trailing her like a deadly connect-the-dots game. The android staggered backwards and raised his head to see Eliza’s pistol pointed straight at him. The gun’s barrel exploded with a dangerous intensity that forcefully exerted a mild shockwave before the projectile even left. The purple energy roared towards Bl.An.C. and collided with his head in a violent explosion.

The android skipped on the cement floor like how a pebble would skip on a river’s surface. He flipped and turned until finally smashing into a couple of benches in the zoo’s quadrangle. Monkeys expressed their anger at the sudden intrusion of their territory by shouting and slamming their hands onto the floor while other threw their excrements.

Bl.An.C. steadied himself on what remained of the bench. His helmet was damaged; the jade eye no longer functioned but only part of the helmet whizzed back to reveal his head. Tufts of his silver brown hair fell to his face. His pale green eyes tired and pained. Half of his face still garnered the android’s visage but the rest were his own fleshy interior.

“Tactic…is ineffective.” He told himself. “They are unlike the archer and shifter. They…are more inseparable.” Groans of pain accompanied his sentences. Violent explosions echoed from where he was shot. He assumed the drones were being taken care of by Eliza’s sharpshooting or Belle’s skill with the blade. He flexed his left arm and opened his palm. The internal speakers from the HUD came alive and responded.

Left forearm stabilized. Ready for equipment teleportation. The mechanical voice allowed Cooper a sigh of relief but it ends there. Belle’s yell nearly stopped his heart from beating.

“Hey, scrapmetal!” She exclaimed. “We’re not done with you!”

“Shit.” He cursed.

Bel
Boomerang
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Jul 24, 2014 10:11 PM #1222708
I'd like to say good fight to the both of you guys, because I enjoyed reading both entries!

Errorblender: I enjoyed your attention to detail, and the fact that you gave both of the Suicide Sisters ample fighting time with your character. The ending, with the standoff, was probably my favorite part of the writing. I always like your writings, so this comes as no surprise that this entry is spectacular. One thing that I wish you would have done is added more of the zoo animals into the story rather than just make them a passing thought. I thought that doing that would have added more depth to the story. Really, that's the only gripe I have though.

Shadowkirby: The fact that you added the stampeding zoo animals as such a major portion of your story is what I loved about your entry. Making note of the dying tourists was a nice touch as well. I also just like the Suicide Sisters in general, so I certainly enjoyed the read. I would have liked if you didn't just jump right in the battle, because with Error I was able to ease into it. Again, that's really my only gripe.

I really, really liked both entries. However, I think I'll have to go with Errorblender on this one, simply because I liked the ending. It was a tough pick though, and I loved both entries (If I haven't said that enough already)
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Jul 26, 2014 3:57 PM #1223473
Thanks for the CnC Boomerang, very much appreciated. :D I really wanted to add a bit more to the animals, yeah. Other than the monkeys throwing their poo, haha.

ShadowKirby CnC:
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Shadowkirby
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Jul 31, 2014 4:36 AM #1224750
Quote from ErrorBlender
Thanks for the CnC Boomerang, very much appreciated. :D I really wanted to add a bit more to the animals, yeah. Other than the monkeys throwing their poo, haha.

ShadowKirby CnC:
CnC (Click to Show)


Thanks, Error! It's a pleasure battling you as well!

I didn't know you liked my entry this much, I merely rushed the thing while taking some time to think and proofread it. Did it only, what, two days (one day past the due date)? Oh well, I'm just glad that you enjoyed reading it. :)

I'd enjoy reading yours as well, although it can be a bit too "dialoguey", but I liked it.
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Jul 31, 2014 7:06 AM #1224780
So to wrap up we have no idea who released the animals (well i'm gonna say the god of chaos did it but that's my excuse), someone "accidentally" fed himself to a lion (...what?), someone got trampled (Elephant is unstoppable), and the zoo got destroyed a good deal (You're not superman so you have to pay for your property damage). What a wonderfully standard wRHG battle. ^_^

Error CNN (Click to Show)


Shadowkirby NcN (Click to Show)
ErrorBlender
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Jul 31, 2014 7:31 AM #1224785
Well, I can see that kind of thing happening between Alice and Cooper. I've never written them having a small argument like that and it seems fun to do so. Haha. Thanks for the epilogue then :D
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Jul 31, 2014 7:36 AM #1224786
Haha! Anytime friend, anytime. ;)
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Aug 1, 2014 3:48 AM #1225252
Alright, so it's significantly later than I'd like it to be, so I'll catch you tomorrow Shadowkirby, or if not, Saturday for sure.

Error:

Very strong story! I've always respected the level of intelligence that you display, especially considering your guy's a scientist! I got a couple quick things for ya though.

The very beginning felt a little bit too relaxed to me considering all the chaos going down, like, if intensity is in the air like a firework igniting a tree, ya really gotta show it. Like, I'm fine with Alice being fairly relaxed, but when the scene shifts it should be one of the first things you feel. I don't know, I always picture settings like photos when they start out. If I see a snapshot of a zoo being overrun by things that would eat me like candy bar, it's going to freak me out. Like, Swear-in-front-of-Children Level freak out.

“The zoo is in utter chaos, Cooper.” Alice stated over the com.

“Statement: I’m quite aware of that.” He replied, sounding very irritated. “Commentary: Not how I imagined myself dealing with stress.”

Bl.An.C. was in the air, his wingpack strained against the extra weight. He had a few people hold onto his hands as he swept over them earlier and saved them from an oncoming stampede of animals. He set them down on top of a nearby store. With scarcely little time to react, the zoo guards and animal specialists were in a panic as they tried to rally the recently freed creatures. A myriad of sounds filled the air, the noise drilling into Cooper’s head.


This feels a little bit more like a sign. The zoo probably wreaks of sweat and urine by this point, show how dire the situation is.

“The zoo is in utter chaos, Cooper.” Alice stated over the com.

“Statement: I’m quite aware of that.” Frenzied panic below him drilled a hole into Cooper's head like an oil company raping the earth, barely able to hear Alice over all the shrieks and screams. His wingpack strained against extra weight, almost having to break one of the hands of those he was rescuing, grip seizing as the man's sweaty palm threatened to slide though. “Commentary: Not how I imagined myself dealing with stress.”

The stampede that almost ripped their lives from their body was still rampaging throughout the zoo when Bl.An.C. was finally able to unload them on top of a nearby store. With scarcely little time to react, the zoo guards and animal specialists were in a panic as they tried to rally the recently freed creatures. There wasn't a soul inside that was prepared for the day, but the courageous and brave below still planned on fighting to keep the innocent from turning to mutilated corpses, hiding their terror behind their resolve.


Similarly, there was another too casual conversation early on when Bl.An.C. goes to offer his assistance. These are regular men and women, but they were acting as though they were used to this sort of thing. I do feel ya though, it's tricky when you get stuck in one character's mind but when other people are getting screen time you have to throw on their shoes for a quick moment to discover what might be rushing through their brain.

“It seems you want to help. If you could find a way to rally the animals that would be great help.”

Before Cooper could agree the other guard interrupted. “No, I’d rather you find the culprit. They may still be here. The control panel is in the center building of the entire zoo. He couldn’t possibly escape yet.” He told the android and beckoned the other guard to follow. “I’m betting it was Sad Larry. The guy is nearing retirement and…”


“It seems you want to help. If you could find a way to rally the animals that would be great help.”

Before Cooper could agree the other guard interrupted. “Are you kidding me! Send a guy with rockets to go get tigers? This is why you got your hours cut, they'd all frickin' die! He should find the culprit. They may still be here. The control panel is in the center building of the entire zoo. He couldn’t possibly escape yet.” He told the android and beckoned the other guard to follow. “I’m betting it was Sad Larry. The guy is nearing retirement and…”


Again though, I really did enjoy the story! Namely, just make sure your intensity is expressed and your side characters match their atmosphere and you should be good to go!
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Aug 1, 2014 4:07 PM #1225475
Shadowkirby:

Absolutely abysmal grammar and tenses. They're all over the place, and whilst still readable, is absolutely unforgivable. I also see overuse of some words and phrases ("volatile reaction" comes to mind)

The story was bland, talking was a free action, and a zoo seemingly containing dozens of bloodthirsty animals actively seeking delicious human flesh looks to be entirely unrealistic. There is alot of telling instead of showing, and whilst the battle was easy to follow, it made me completely disinterested because you were basically running through the story without stopping to go "hey, look at this, interesting thing here." The end where Eliza seemed to have been disposed of was fine, but you didn't bother stopping where suspense would have grabbed the reader's interest more. It basically amounted to "suddenly blanc defeated by eliza".

To me, it looks like a complete rush job. I don't know how long you took to make this and I'd rather not make any assumptions, but you can and should do better than this.

Error:

I've run you through this before, but just to repeat.

Stop swapping tenses and viewpoints. Stop where suspense is needed, pace the battle appropriately. Descriptions could use variation to feel livelier and more interesting.

Error wins, of course.
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Aug 3, 2014 2:02 AM #1226182
Shadowkirby:

I think my definition of 'unforgivable' is mildly different than Lobotomizer's. While it is true there were some issues with the tense, it hurt the flow more than disemboweled the story as he's implying. It was still a good and entertaining read, and while perhaps some aspects of the animal attacks may have been unrealistic, I didn't buy The Avengers because I was duped into thinking it was a documentary on New York. I found it to be very entertaining, although I think more display of emotion would've benefited you very much. No matter what I'm watching/reading/thinking/talking or being told about, the characters are always the most important part to me. Their specific emotions and responses to things are what drives them, so that's what I look forward to.

Dialogue is the easiest way to do this, but it isn't the only way. Movies do close up shots so their characters can feel like they're in friend proximity. Like, where you'd be standing if you were talking to these guys. You get to see the softness in their eyes, the smile pulling their cheeks up or maybe that they're just really distracted by how badly they need to sneeze. It felt to me like there was a distance barrier between me and the twins on this, like they were way over there and Bl.An.C. was even farther. Try bringing your characters closer to your reader by showing more of the small details of them more often.

Bella, meanwhile, has finished off the ferocious lioness; what remains of the beast is now only minced meat of its former self. Being ravaged and pounced on multiple times have Bella look like she went to Hell and back. Panting heavily with what little energy she contains, while feebly holding Fetta with little fingers she have left, she spat on the dry dirt and flipped the carcass off.

Bella, meanwhile, has finished off the ferocious lioness; what remains of the beast is now only minced meat of its former self. Being ravaged and pounced on multiple times have Bella look like she went to Hell and back, stitches along her neck reopened and draining down her body, soaking the little clothing she wore. Her exhausted exotic eyes fought to say open as she panted heavily with what little energy she contains, while feebly holding Fetta with little fingers she have left. She spat on the dry dirt and flipped the carcass off.

Just that type of thing trickled in. Use it to showcase personality, get your reader to bond, dive into some more details, and you'll have a really sick story!

Again though, I did enjoy it and find the Suicide Sisters to be extremely interesting!