This was fucking hilarious, well worth the wait. Great job, acute.
All beware the MANly Sting of Nish! (sounds similar to what I tell girls even before this game started).
Zed vs Equinox Fox
Zed : 10/ Motherfucking 10. I'm not entirely sure if the perception of Zed has diminished over time, but there was a point when a competition like this would not have been possible because we would have all gone ahead and declared Zed the winner even before it started. Intelligent, well read, well spoken, witty and deceptively open to devious behaviour, there have been times when Zed was the shining beacon of Stickpage, interacting with veterans and noobs alike, teaching us all a lesson or two. People often say that members suck my dick, however, a brief visit to some of the older pages in the Pivot forum will show you that nothing compares to the level of dick-sucking that Zed was subjected to by some of our newer members. They did everything short of getting a mold of his actual penis and passing around popsicles made from the mold. Zed never posts anything stupid, he never does anything out-of-bounds, never gets sucked into drama, never posts blandly and never, ever engages in un-Zedlike behaviour. His Empire Game remains one of my most enjoyable moments in Stickpage. It was challenging, constantly updated and extremely engaging. Whether it is an animation, or a game, or a debate or just a conversation, he is always up there with the best, tangoing with the most ease. I will kneel before the Omega and confess that he is God.
Skipping equinox because even though I know of him, I have no extended knowledge of him.
Miracle vs Salt
Miracle 7/10 : I like Miracle. He has a certain innocent charm about him that quickly spread throughout the forums. Even though his whole 'Stickpage is a hotel and I am your desk clerk' shtick became tiresome early on, his sheer enthusiasm for it made him likable. To me, he remains the very definition of youthful optimism that seems to painfully out of my grasp anymore. He is one of the most enjoyable members to troll in a goodnatured way, because not only will he fall for it every single time, he will also cheerfully laugh at himself once the troll has been revealed. Unlike certain other members whom he idolizes, Miracle doesn't get butthurt often and rolls with the punches. It isn't a surprise that whenever the conversation of 'new members' are brought up, Miracle is almost always the example that everyone cites as the ideal 'newbie'. Once he learns the ways of the land he will make an even better member, but right now he is truly on the path to gentle greatness.
Skipping Salt, because even though I like him equally, he has been gone for too long. I might post something for him later.
Exilement vs Wither
Exilement : 8/10 -
Outside forum games: Who else can make the claim of visiting this page for almost 10 years? I haven't had a lot of interaction with Exilement outside forum games but he has always seemed cool. Like Zed, he says and does nothing stupid and manages to keep out of sticky situations masterfully. I like his music, his posts, his formerly multicoloured name. He debates like no one else, and has an uncanny ability to point out logical fallacies even when he is playing the devil's advocate. He doesn't seem like someone who likes his dick sucked much, do I will keep the description of his personal good traits to a minimum.
In forum games: The Ric Flair to my Hulk Hogan, the James Hunt to my Nikki Lauda, the Rafael Nadal to my Roger Federer, the Dennis Lilee to my Viv Richards. This whole supposed rivalry between us in forum games was entirely created by me and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even see it that way. Actually, in Devour's first ever game, we were team mates and it worked out well because we won the game. It was in the second game by Devour that a hilarious fudge-up by Hewitt left Exilement and I pitted against each other where we both died (eventhoughhediedfirstlolz). The entire Zed's Empire game was made because he and I went after each other. Cheers, Exilement. I hope you remain here for another 10 years when the rest of us are long gone.
Speaking of nemesis, this brings us to...
Wither 1/10 - Perhaps one of the most recent phenomenons on this forum. You know something has gone wrong when Scarecrow of all people takes issues with you. If my hair ever goes prematurely grey, I am going to name each strand Wither. Originally, I would have given him at least a few points for enthusiasm despite his unwillingness to learn. However, I would like to point out that he has also provided moments of great enjoyment to me in this forum. His Invictus thread will remain a crowning glory as well as his Excalibur series. I was totally bowled over by him allowing us to Godmod and make up our own rules as we went along. I can't believe he allowed me to one-shot kill him and then turn the entire game into horny, homosexual fornicators. I can write a whole page about all his weird shenanigans but that would be against the whole point of this thread. So I will stop there. To everyone who thinks I am hurting his feelings right now, don't worry about it. He doesn't read anything longer than 2 sentences, so we're fine. I look forward to more Wither's abstractions.
Edit: I changed Wither's rating from 0 to 1 because I realised Hewitt may not allow the 0 rating.