Inside Steve

Started by: Not_Nish | Replies: 2 | Views: 646

Not_Nish
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Jul 27, 2014 4:48 PM #1223796
This was a quick attempt at writing something short. Let me know what you think.


Inside Steve


Steve

Her blade sliced through his skin like butter. When she managed to slide the blade into his flesh, he was nothing more than a bag collapsing upon itself. In the split second of his death, he felt a thousand thoughts. He expected the pain, he might have been slow but he wasn’t stupid. She loved him once, he knew that for a fact. True, some of his charm might have stemmed from the novelty of the situation. She was the center of attention amongst her friends because of him. Even when other women grazed past him, or slipped him secret glances, he had always remained by her side. Did he not deserve more than this?

Suzie

His skin crumpled upon itself at the touch of her blade. She had enjoyed her time with him, but he had to go. In the split second of his death, she felt a thousand thoughts. He was beginning to overstay his welcome in her eyes. When they had met, he was handsome, strong and full of surprises. But she learned quickly that his allure was temporary and skin deep. What was she to do when he was so empty on the inside? There was a limit to how loyal a girl could stay to pure puffery. She had been young, and had seen none as majestic as him. But as he grew limp with every passing day, she saw those younger and stronger than him. They were not meant to be together.

Steve

Sweet Suzie. Was she worried he would stray away from her? He could have made a dash for it if he wanted, but even when she held him in her grasp so tightly during their happier times, he never felt like a prisoner. He would rather brush his skin against hers than fly across the heavens. There were others like him, he had seem them in their own cliques and groups, all huddled together, dressed the same. He had never felt envious of them. They all had each other, yet he had his Suzy. He hoped he would have memories of her when he passed, his split second was almost over. *POP*!!

Suzie

Could it really be true? That all it would take to finish him is one quick stab? That he was nothing more than a layer of skin surrounding nothingness? She would get another like him for her next birthday. Perhaps many more. This time, there would be no love. There would be fascination and fun, but no love. *POP*!! An instant later, it was over. She popped the balloon with a needle and it burst into nothingness. Her friends told her that balloons had no names, and even if they did, Steve was a stupid one. Suzy took his lifeless rubber skin and threw it out of the window.


THE END
Turquoise#2
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Jul 27, 2014 7:10 PM #1223816
The story started off kinda weirdly, as i was thinking to myself, 'Why?'. I legit 'lol'ed at that twist ending, and the rest of the story was well written.
WhiteWood
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Aug 19, 2014 3:44 AM #1233866
Excellent personification with the balloon, I truly believed it to be some sort of murder scene until the clever twist. I also suggest using a bit more punctuation other than periods, the sentences were a bit too short and sounded choppy to me, a few more commas and semicolons to extend the sentences would help make the story flow more like a river and not a road with too many stop signs.