Quote from Wither

Go on talk about bad things about me in the Chat Thread.

Quote from Wither

I tried the best I could.

Quote from Reconcile

Youre script writing, not story telling, for fuck sake.

Quote from _Ai_

Nysh ure 2 hrash on him

Quote from Nish

Feedback 1: Try sticking to one tense. You keep switching between present and past. Try to stick to one, preferably past tense. Our minds are generally conditioned to read stories better in past tense, and it makes your writing seem more articulate.

Feedback 2: Pace your plot. You are all over the place with the story, and things just seem to happen at a haphazardly plotted pace. Let us spend time with the protagonist and know who he is. Right now all the characters just seem dictated by the plot. I mean, we have a boy who has been dragged away by an old man and given a sword and the boy just says "Ummm....okay", takes it and goes on his way. Things happen out of nowhere with no emotional weight or bearing. He wakes up from a dream, gets ambushed by an old man, is attacked. He asks himself whether the dream was a memory. Surely he'd know. There is a helicopter attack out of the blue with no build-up. Building the suspense will greatly help. It can transform even this, one of the most unskillfully written stories I have ever read, to something worth giving a look. Let us, the readers slowly find out the bearing of it being Morgana's plot, rather than just flat-out saying "It is a sign of Morgana's First War against the humans".

Feedback 3: Don't be lazy. Writing stories take time, however you need to learn how to WRITE. There is no point jotting down a story in bullet points and expecting people to like the story. A written text depends equally on how well it is written. It doesn't matter if you have the greatest story in the world, if your writing is as disastrously inept as what we've seen so far. You need to take your time, be patient. Make your story a story. What you've written seems like an awfully incompetent summarized version of an equally awfully incompetent story. Decide whether you want to write stories or ramble them. Practice, and you will get better.

Feedback 4: Read more books. This is honestly my biggest critique. This reads like someone who has never read a single book in his life. Pick out ANY book in your school library, even the most obscure work of fiction and take a good look at it. Find a story that is actually worth telling, and worth reading. You'll find that most books differ from yours in several ways, they have paced out the plot, fleshed out the characters, allow the readers to transport themselves, and doesn't make the readers want to kill themselves with sheer ineptitude. We all make these mistakes when starting out, and I hope you are willing to learn, practice and get better.

Just my two cents.