Friday Funk #16: Questions

Started by: acutelatios | Replies: 12 | Views: 2,120

acutelatios
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Oct 3, 2014 5:12 AM #1249144
Hey guys and gals~! Welcome back to your weekly Friday Funk, your source for random prompts that'll always keep you guessing~

To all that has stumbled into this thread and is wondering what I meant before, the Friday Funk is a weekly activity where I post either a word, a phrase, a theme or an established setting. Your job is to write a story about it and post what you got on this thread, of course remember to put it in a spoiler to avoid long posts and if you haven't finished your piece then you're more than welcome to post it as well.

Get it? Got it? Good~let's get on with this week's installment, and oh boy is it a weird one hahaha~

Bagged and Tagged (Click to Show)


Oh also, everyone is free to CnC (Comment and Criticism) anyone's entry! No matter what kind of level of writing you are or even if you just happened to pass by and found an entry that you loved, I'm sure that the Writer would be more than happy to know what you thought~

Anyways, that's all darlings~Merry Writing everyone and good luck!

Also if anyone has an idea for an Friday Funk prompt then you're more than welcome to send your idea to me via Private Message~
o w o
RichardLongflop
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Oct 3, 2014 1:01 PM #1249245
FF (Click to Show)


Not canon at all. It's a pretty short story. Nothing complex.

Edit: I know three people have read this and all three of them had physical laughter. Pls read. thank
Mage
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Oct 3, 2014 3:11 PM #1249271
"Tell me what you know" is all you hear in the blackness.
"I know nothing" you say. But right as you say that you feel something hard hit you across your face. Was it concrete? Maybe the butt of a rifle? Felt more like a bat.
"Talk or this will get worse".
"What if I don't know what you want?"
"But of course you do, why else would you be tied up in a chair?"
"Can we at least play twenty questions?"
"Funny man we got here, but I don't feel like playing games. I want answers, you have them" he says with a bit of an accent you can't quite place.
"Do I at least get a hint as to what I know?"
"I want to know everything you have done in the past 48 hours".
"Even the part where I masturbated vigorously to your wife?" You get hit across the face again but you feel edges on it this time. Hockey stick maybe? Seriously what am I getting hit with and why am I here? "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What I meant to say slept with her". Now you feel a fist go into your stomach as you let out a series of coughs.
"Why must you play games with me? I just need to know what I asked of you and there won't be anymore pain, okay?"


Someone can finish this I ran out of time to work on this today
Ares
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Oct 3, 2014 3:32 PM #1249275
Setting this into my DarkSide universe :D

The Interrogation (Click to Show)
Aquila
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Oct 3, 2014 9:14 PM #1249334
FF (Click to Show)
Kyra

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Oct 3, 2014 10:30 PM #1249346
(Edit: So no one is held against their will...don't mind me being a complete idiot.)

917 words and 50 minutes later (Click to Show)
Chamel
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Oct 3, 2014 11:43 PM #1249362
Weird ending I suppose (Click to Show)
Crank
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Oct 10, 2014 11:33 AM #1252473
I meant to do this with another guy, but then I suddenly remembered I just happened to have a massive dirt-bag lying around!

I Said I Was Going To Change This Title But I Still Haven't Come Up With Anything Better (Click to Show)
Tremorfist

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Oct 10, 2014 8:40 PM #1252677
A short bit involving a couple of new ish characters me and Kyra made.

"The Capture" (Click to Show)
Crank
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Oct 10, 2014 10:51 PM #1252751
CnC

Waffles:

I don't feel right judging comedy pieces so I'm gonna skip you this time.

I Pwn3d Jo0:


Couple little things, first of all after quotation marks you want to begin with a capital. I don't quite know the reason for it, it's just a rule. "So what I mean is," He explained, "You do that type of thing."

The other thing is to make sure you're blows have impact. What I mean is, you don't recoil from seeing a brick hit some guy in the face, you recoil when you hear it fracture the cartilage in their nose, when a chipped tooth speeds across the air and a gash gushes on their brow. Don't get me wrong, there are things that I imagine would be quite painful, but you really want your reader to feel it, like in as homicide a way as possible.

"I know nothing" you say. But right as you say that you feel something hard hit you across your face.
"I know nothing," You say. But right as you say that you feel something hard bash against your skull, sending your neck snapping back as your thoughts drown under your mental screams of anguish.

Ares:


First up, make sure there's space between the people talking. More than one person shouldn't be speaking within the same paragraph.

Annoyed by the captive, Tristan comes closer to the Darkside and give him a hard punch with his fist. "Tell us or you'll get bruises on your ugly face!". "Calm down, son of Orar. It's not yet necessary to do that" these words did calmed down Tristan but not as ice.. Torrius asked the Darkside again, "Where is the Seal of Valor?"

Annoyed by the captive, Tristan comes closer to the Darkside and give him a hard punch with his fist. "Tell us or you'll get bruises on your ugly face!"

"Calm down, son of Orar. It's not yet necessary to do that" these words did calmed down Tristan but not as ice.. Torrius asked the Darkside again, "Where is the Seal of Valor?"


You've got some clashing grammar stuff going on too, you might just want too look up the rule. Like, I can identify that's it's wrong, but I can't specifically say why into words.

these words did calmed down Tristan but not as ice..
These words did calm Tristan down but not much..

Additionally, you had the same issue with impact too. It's a little handful of things, but they're not hard to get down after you're looking for them.

--Food Time, I'll add more Tonight--

Aquila:


It looks like you've got a few repeated words in the beginning, but after that you had a really good flow! I know they're sneaky, but you almost got him! The other main thing is showcasing the mindset of your characters, especially the one you want your reader to bond with. Like, you saw him get jacked up which is good, but I didn't see much mental trauma.

He grabbed the seat and pulled James back up, “I’ll get the money, I’ll get the money…” James murmured, staring and yet not staring at the man desperately, his eye blurring and looked lost.

He grabbed the seat and pulled James back up, “I’ll get the money, I’ll get the money…” James murmured, staring and yet not staring at the man desperately, his eye blurring and looked lost. The young man's entire body was trembling, his voice quaking. Ungodly agony cast a heavy cloud over all his other thoughts, the only exception being his dread of death. It was almost like he could see the reaper in the midnight fog of his mind, scythe screeching against the ground as it trudged towards him. It took a sudden shake just to rip him back into reality.

Just try speckling mindset throughout I guess!

Kyra:


Whether you followed the prompt to the 't' or not, you definitely got a pretty broad smirk out of me!

Chamel


Can Chance make blood clones? I entirely forgot. Either way though, I think you had a really neat ending concept, but the execution was just a little off. For the most part, you might not want to tell your reader straight up 'this happened', at least from the narrator. Like, if Chance himself brought it up himself with someone it'd be different, or if you were able to imply it. Maybe blood bubbling off the clone's skin? I don't know, but it's something worth playing with.

Tremorfist


It looked really well crafted for me! Respect for how you were the only one with a bound character that wasn't going through a beating! The twist at the end was really neat too! All I saw was like an extra comma and capital, but they didn't really effect the flow for me.
Chromium7

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Oct 11, 2014 2:52 AM #1252876
This was a short little story that turned out rather nicely. I think I'll do these more often. :]

The Walk Home (432 words) (Click to Show)
SJCRPV
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Oct 20, 2014 9:06 PM #1258074
Kind of unsure about even posting this one because of reasons, but screw it.

You just need to know one thing:

Sonia is to strawberry ice cream as Gladstone is to chocolate.

She doesn't show it as much.

Still unsure about it. (Click to Show)
GuardianTempest
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Apr 27, 2015 2:04 PM #1354120
Yes, it's based off that one image.

My stauph (Click to Show)