Name:
Devin de la Barca

Also known as:
Subject 18
Shadow Walker

Gender:
Male

Age:
19

Abilities:
Devin is very powerful in combat, and has proven himself to be very dangerous. His abilities involve fire, electricity, shadows, and the rare demon crystals which seem to just appear at random moments. He has a special hand-crafted blade, which he can summon from the shadows at will. Devin can use this blade with his powers to create overwhelming attacks, though he needs time to focus on channeling his power through the blade itself. He has very fast healing, and, given some time, can regenerate whole limbs. His body has surprisingly high resistance and durability, making him able to take a few nuclear blasts, though he won't be able to walk after, even if it doesn't hit him directly. A direct hit would most likely kill him. He can melt into the shadows, to reappear wherever he wants. His blade has a special enchantment which not only makes it cut through the body, but also through his opponent's soul. Once this happens, the blades will convert that part of the soul into a soul fragment, which he can use later on for healing. He is an expert swordsman and also skilled in hand-to-hand combat, which he actually prefers. Once he is defeated, his demonic side will take over his body, increasing all his abilities' strengths by 150%. Note that he can also turn into his demon form at will, but he does not do it too much. Now, with the crystals, he can use these either as projectiles or as a defense mechanism. The crystals are like iron, only a bit harder to break, and they don't melt. For electricity, he can shoot bolts or even make some smite his opponent, but it's one of his under-developed abilities and a very weak one. He can use shadows to quickly move from one place to another, or even blind his opponents for short periods of time.

Weaknesses:
Being part demon, he can be greatly affected by holy items, but not killed.
Powerful strikes to his arms can keep him from using his abilities for a few moments.
He is still human, and can still be affected by things that affect humans, though not as much
Coming out of his demon mode, he is very weak and can barely use his powers
His healing takes a bit of focus, so it's suggested you wound him while making him focus on not getting chopped up to little bits
Shadow traveling takes a lot of energy out of him, weakening him greatly
He can be affected by his own sword
He can't regenerate if he is in his demon form
He's not so careful in combat, so look for blind spots and hit him there
He often takes time to watch his enemies suffer, so use that time to suddenly attack him
He cannot regenerate his head
He can't use more than one power. For example, he's using fire. If he wants to use shadows, he has to stop using his fire to switch to shadows
He can't use any of his powers while in water. He can only use his sword
He tries to refrain from killing his enemies, and often hesitates when he's about to. Use these moments to gain the upper hand
After regenerating a lost limb, he is significantly weaker, since it'll be hard for him to use the new limb.
Can't regenerate the following parts:
Heart
Lungs
Brain
Liver
Kidney
Stomach
Can't regenerate if more than 30% of his body is severely damaged
The soul fragments don't do much healing, he still has to rely on his regeneration
Weak against anything with a cross on it
Easily distracted
Using his abilities can quickly tire him
He relies mostly on hitting you from your blind spots, so never let your guard down


There are two ways to beat him:
Kill him before he kills you (cut his head off, or just cut him in half)
Hit his head with anything until it starts bleeding

Story:
Devin de la Barca was just like any other human being. Living happily, not worrying about a thing in this world. Everything changed when he was five, taken away from his home and taken to this lab, where they experimented on him. He was one of the 20 test subjects involved in this thing called "Project ArchDemon". And out of 20 guys, he was the only one who survived. He was trained with the new powers given to him by the demonic parts that have been implanted to his body. And one night, when everyone was asleep, he used these powers to escape. But he knew his freedom wouldn't last, since they'd recognize the number 18 that was burned on the side of his neck. But, somehow, he escaped, and is hiding in the shadows, waiting for revenge. His first attempt, he tried to fight his way through, only to be forced to retreat, the enemy forces overwhelming him. Thus he trained and trained until he finally mastered his "gifts". He swore that he would get his revenge, even if it cost him his life, and he would pummel all those who stood in his way to the ground. Now, he watches his targets through the shadows, waiting for the right time to make his move. Once you see a pair of golden eyes, through the corner of your eyes, you better watch out. Because you're next on the Shadow Walker's hit list.

Personality:
Protective
Silent but quite deadly
Can get a bit flirtatious
Kind to those who show him the same kindness
Merciless to those who hurt innocent people
Doesn't like to be around people

Appearance:
Long black hair
Golden eyes
Pale white skin
Tall and slightly muscular physical form
Wears a black cloak, with all black clothes, and even black shoes
In his Demon Form
Same skin, body form, and clothes as his human form
Black, leathery wings
Blood red eyes
Small, black horns on his head
His fingernails turn into claws
Sharp crystals around his left arm
White hair, a lot longer than his human body's.

Demo: (weird, my username's DeMo...)

It was a very cold, dark night, especially for someone wandering alone in the forest. There were no stars to be seen in the sky. Nothing but darkness surrounded a strange white-robed man, holding a pistol in one hand and a bottle of holy water in the other. The man kept mumbling prayers as he weaved through the trees, looking around him, as if afraid that something would attack him from his blind spot. Then, in the blink of an eye, a mysterious boy, 19 years of age, held the man by the neck, pinning him against the tree.

"So... you came to find me, huh, Charles?" The boy asked, his golden eyes glowing mysteriously in the night's darkness.
The man grinned creepily. "Oh, yes, Devin...... and now that I've found you..."
Just as he raises his hand with the bottle, the boy quickly grabs his wrist and tears his hand off.
Charles lets out a shrill cry of pain, which echoes through the silent forest.
"Tch. Useless trinkets, these things never work..." Devin said, pinning him to the tree using one foot, looking at the glass bottle in his hand.
"I-it's enough to de-aaaghk!" Charles lets out another shriek as the boy's foot goes through his chest, crushing his ribs, heart, and lungs.
This time, it was Devin's turn to grin. "How did that feel? Not good, right? Hahaha..." He lets out a soft, sadistic laugh as he proceeds to tear off the man's head.

Police Report: Case File Number 1586
An old man was found in the forest, his limbs torn apart, his organs spread all over the place. The murderer seems to be targeting the workers of a certain lab, who were dedicated to creating the "perfect soldier". Who could think of doing such a thing to them? Could it be a jealous co-worker? Someone who wanted the credit, but never got any? Or... was it a test subject, who somehow managed to escape their facility. These questions shall remain unanswered at the moment, but soon, we will find the one behind this and put him or her behind bars.

They think they can capture me... hah... I'm never going back. I'll kill them all. Those bastards who took me and my cell-mates away from those we loved. I'll kill them! Make them feel the same kind of pain they made us feel! They won't be hurting anyone, as long as I'm following their tracks. They think they're the hunters, but they are so wrong. I am the hunter. And they are the prey. They shall see death when the time comes. But for now, I must bide my time. Increase my strength. Just you wait, government bastards. Your little scientists are about to get served in your dinner plate, by none other than the ArchDemon. Devin laughs hysterically, the sound echoing through the dark forest, as he looks at the corpses of other scientists he killed, all of them involved in the experiments. I shall have my revenge. I shall make you face eternal damnation... all of you!

Battles:
N/A

Points:
0/0/0/0

Availability:
Depends. Schoolwork can be distracting at times.

Hitlist:
Currently None :/

Feel free to PM me for Hit list requests or battle requests. You may not get a reply on time, but you'll get one, soon.

(Second demo in progress. Finally got some time off from studying FL Studios. The software's a bitch!)

Okay let's begin with abilities:
1. He can survive a nuclear blast? Lol I feel like if one is that durable, it's gonna be pretty hard to wound him.
2. The demon crystals, I don't get it. Like at all, I don't understand anything about them.
3. What signals defeat? If you kill him and knock him unconscious, or if he says that he lost? And if you do kill him, because he's part human, won't he be unable to come back to life? Because you do say that he is effected by the same things as humans.

The thing that irks me the most about your WRHG is that you rushed it. I mean come on man, if you really want to do this, why rush it? Take your time, do the best you can do, then publish it, WL isn't going anywhere hahaha. I think I'm going to leave CnC of your demo for the second draft which I hope is coming.

First and foremost, welcome! Always happy to see another writer popping up!

I remember back in the day of Fluidanims (where RHG was originally at before they merged with Stickpage) on my first day. I did something pretty similar! Lots of bullet points and in all honesty pretty vague.

Just to open with, it'd really help if you were more descriptive with most of the aspects of the character. Again, I really understand the concept of wanting to get the idea out there and dive into the game, but this is really your guy, and this is what everyone going up against him is going to use as a point of reference. As fun as it is to actually write the story, it's always an absolute blast seeing how your character gets portrayed! A good profile helps your opponent get that right, and if they do that makes every battle beyond worth the effort you put into it! In my first two battles ever, my guy died and was eaten (a little). And it was great!

So again, just go a bit more in-depth with all this. There were a lot of powers you listed off, but I don't quite know the power any of them possess. Especially the demon crystals, which I don't even have that much of a reference point for. Similarly, that whole take a 'few nuclear blasts' thing. We talkin' dead on? If so, what's the damage? Is he blown to smithereens and just regenerates or is he in one piece? Either way it's pretty hard to get behind something that actually is unkillable. Make sure to especially go deeper into the personality as well, it's a really good place to flesh him out and it'll help anyone writing him keep him from being two denominational.

All in all, he's pretty hard to judge at the moment. Go a little more in depth and hopefully there'll be more feedback for ya!

Hello,
You have quite the myriad of abilities there. Put them in bullet form or at least fix the order. You mention the demon crystals in one part and then it reappears near the end.
ABILITIES:[spoiler=]
-Fire and Electricity Generation and Manipulation :
Okay.

-Demon Crystals that spawn whenever and can be used defensively or offensively
So you're saying they just spawn out of the blue at random times? How random and how do they appear? Do they just suddenly materialize in front of him? Do they start of as ghostly things before solidifying into something tangible? You need more here. How would he use the crystals? Do they obey his will like if he opens his palm in one direction the crystals point themselves towards the enemy and straight up charge at him? How about defensively? Do they cluster up like a shield when they are enough? Also how long do they last in the world? Give us something here its too vague.

-Shadow Transportation
So instantaneous travel? I'm okay with that. Some here have teleportation but they SPECIFY what the limitations of it are. Are shadows basically like portals for him to go through? Or does your wRHG travel by his own shadow moving around and morphing back into himself?

-Demonic Second Wind
Okay. He can change into his demon form at will. Okay. 150% increase. Okay. But for how long? Nothing is stated. For all we know he could stay in demon form forever. You forgot to tell us he can fly. Unless those wings in his appearance are just aesthetic.

-Focused Hyper Healing
The focus nerfs this BUT being nearly unaffected by a nuclear blast? Do you know what a nuclear blast does to a human body? The shockwave itself ruptures the ears and pops your lungs. Lungs are conveniently part of your unable to regenerate list so just by that, your character dies of asphyxiation.

-Soul Rending Sword that creates shards that heal
The sword is fine, as well as the ability to attack souls. The shards however seem redundant since you already have him hyper healing. Even if you have to have him focused in order to heal, having this one just makes it seem you don't want him to get injured in any way.
[/spoiler]
Weaknesses:[spoiler=]
Being part demon, he can be greatly affected by holy items, but not killed.
Okay.

Powerful strikes to his arms can keep him from using his abilities for a few moments.
I find it that anyone with their arms pummeled or injured would have a bit of a hard time. You could say that he mainly uses his hands in the description of his powers so this makes a bit more sense.

He is still human, and can still be affected by things that affect humans, though not as much
Basically you can say he is more durable than most humans.

Coming out of his demon mode, he is very weak and can barely use his powers
Okay but you can state this in the Demonic Power itself instead of here.

His healing takes a bit of focus, so it's suggested you wound him while making him focus on not getting chopped up to little bits
Again you can put this in the ability section since it pertains to that. You could specify how long it might take.

Shadow traveling takes a lot of energy out of him, weakening him greatly
You could also put this in his ability section of the Shadow Travel.

He can be affected by his own sword
Okay...

He can't regenerate if he is in his demon form
Okay. You could add this in the ability section of the Demon Form.

He's not so careful in combat, so look for blind spots and hit him there

He often takes time to watch his enemies suffer, so use that time to suddenly attack him
You could place this in personality instead.

He cannot regenerate his head
You could add this to the list below.

He can't use more than one power. For example, he's using fire. If he wants to use shadows, he has to stop using his fire to switch to shadows
Does this include the healing and the randomly spawning demon crystals?

He can't use any of his powers while in water. He can only use his sword
Okay.

He tries to refrain from killing his enemies, and often hesitates when he's about to. Use these moments to gain the upper hand
You say this but in the demo he kills the enemy mercilessly.

After regenerating a lost limb, he is significantly weaker, since it'll be hard for him to use the new limb.
Okay.

Can't regenerate the following parts:

Add the head here.

Can't regenerate if more than 30% of his body is severely damaged
Okay.

The soul fragments don't do much healing, he still has to rely on his regeneration
Okay but how much is "don't do much"?

Weak against anything with a cross on it
So basically any character can scratch a cross on a wooden board and the character is instantly weak to it?

Easily distracted
This is better suited for the personality section but it fits a bit.

Using his abilities can quickly tire him
Okay.

He relies mostly on hitting you from your blind spots, so never let your guard down
Er...okay.
[/spoiler]

All in all, I think this character is all over the place with healing, near instant travel, powerful second wind and a duo of elemental powers. I hope this helps :D

I won't mince words. Your character page is abysmal. It seems as though you threw in whatever 'cool' idea that came to mind and swept it into an amalgam of a character. What you end up with is an overpowered, boring, 3edgy5me character that looks clearly ridiculous.

Let me boil it down for you.

Manipulation of fire, electricity. "rare demon crystals", blade that summons shadows and confers a vampiric-esque ability on damage, powerful regeneration, durability, 'melt into shadows', expert swordsman and unarmed combat, demonic form.

What is wrong with you?

Putting it in game terms, it seems as though you are trying to be the tank, damage, and heals so you can solo the dungeon. The listed skills are not only ridiculous in amount and power, but also terribly conceived as an idea. Do any of those abilities seem unique to you? No. You just wanted a powerful character. A powerful and incredibly bland character.

I know you've added weaknesses. No, i don't care, because I know you want to keep all of those 'cool ideas', cutting off as many corners until people are satisfied. Except most of these ideas are better off scraped, and in adding 'weaknesses' (iv they can be called that) you also thrown in more than a few contradictions.

[quote=] His body has surprisingly high resistance and durability, making him able to take a few nuclear blasts, though he won't be able to walk after, even if it doesn't hit him directly. A direct hit would most likely kill him.[/quote]

>Can take nuclear blasts
>Direct hit will kill him

Which is it?

[quote=]
The soul fragments don't do much healing, he still has to rely on his regeneration[/quote]

If they don't do much healing, then what's the point of having it around? So in times of need when you've nicked your chin with a shaver, cutting someone up would save you the cost of a bandage? It's redundant. Scrap it or remove the passive regeneration.

[quote=]He tries to refrain from killing his enemies, and often hesitates when he's about to. Use these moments to gain the upper hand[/quote]

[quote=]He tries to refrain from killing his enemies, and often hesitates when he's about to.
[/quote]

[quote=]He tries to refrain from killing his enemies
[/quote]

Here, in case you have forgotten what you've written:

[quote=]
He often takes time to watch his enemies suffer, so use that time to suddenly attack him[/quote]

[quote=]"This time, it was Devin's turn to grin. "How did that feel? Not good, right? Hahaha..." He lets out a soft, sadistic laugh as he proceeds to tear off the man's head.
[/quote]

[quote=]Devin laughs hysterically, the sound echoing through the dark forest, as he looks at the corpses of other scientists he killed, all of them involved in the experiments.[/quote]

Not only dear Devin is a mashup of anime-esque abilities, but he is also apparently bipolar. He is a justice nut and a pacifist, but apparently also a sadist who likes torturing people.

Which is it?

There are many more problems, but that is your responsibility to do with, not mine. Scrap your idea, and begin from the start. Don't tell yourself what's cool or awesome. Make an actual character that has his own personality and life. He may embody a theme, an idea, anything that would make him interesting as a character, not a marty stu that has its edginess meter slammed through the right. Look into the character pages of actual good writers and see how they do it.

Of course, you're very much free to run about your own business, and I won't tell you off any more than this. Just be mindful that your character as of now is a mess, and no amount of changing, tweaking, weakness adding, short of a full rework is going to make him better.

Holy fuck, Lobo is at someone's throat again.

But I do agree with him on a lot of parts. In addition to being simply overpowered and very vaguely explained when it comes to weaknesses, your character is going to be hard to write about for both you and your opponent. Deflecting everything and being super strong, whatever it is, is not fun to write about, and chances are that the readers will not enjoy reading it as well. Be more logical with abilities, and make a character that you can have fun writing about. Think of what uniqueness you could add to the character that no one else has, and give him a good counterpart(strengths and weaknesses, for example). I suggest you scrap this character, and re-think of another one.

But, nonetheless, welcome to wRHG!

Quote from Ken_Rou

But, nonetheless, welcome to wRHG!

Shouldve lead with that

Hey DeMo, welcome to the forums- and to wRHG, I might add!

First off, I'd like to say that regardless of what anyone else has said so far, your character's healing factor is one of the most interesting and complex powers I've ever seen. This, plus a slew of other powers and weaknesses combine to create a character that's actually refreshingly original. The only real criticism I have is that your character is almost TOO complex- and if that's your only problem (which it basically is) you're a lot better off than I was when I first started. I'll fill you on the rest. Then I'll nitpick the hell out of Lobo's CnC for you. I'm already doing the same thing for my Wuthering Heights paper, so I may as well make it a double. Not that I mean to make an enemy out of the guy- if he's listening, but there is a difference between mincing words and providing constructive criticism, and really I just feel that understanding that difference can get you pretty far in life. But we'll get to that- first, your character:

Since Devin has both special abilities and advanced weaponry (which is not uncommon here at the lounge), I would recommend splitting your abilities section into two sections- one devoted to Devin's weaponry, and another devoted to his powers. I've found it makes it a little easier to read, though it's not really required. All I'm really doing is taking what you've said and organizing it, so feel free to work this into your original post. Ultimately though, you just want to make sure the person you're fighting isn't confused on anything. Feel free to challenge someone once you've double checked the rules. (I'm pretty sure rule 5 is a joke, but I wouldn't recommend trying to break it!)

Weapons:
1) Hand crafted blade- An enchanted sword [It is a sword, correct? I recall seeing the word blade used to describe knives as well, in spite of the 1998 movie.] that cuts through the soul as well as the body. Once a soul is shattered, a piece of it will fall to the ground as a soul fragment, which Devin can consume to accelerate his healing ability.
2) Demon crystals- [Perhaps these could be considered a power, but what do I know?] Devin can spawn Demon crystals, which are [small/medium/large] crystals that can be fired off as projectiles, or fused together to form a shield.

-comments: I'm intrigued so far, but a little detail would help. If I get sliced by the blade, is there any way for me to absorb that piece of my soul back into my body? Where do the demon crystals come from? All in all, pretty interesting stuff, though.

Powers:
1) Fire manipulation/generation- This one speaks for itself.
2) Electricity manipulation/generation- As does this one.
3) Focused self-healing: This one should speak for itself as well- when he stops to focus, he can heal himself, but the whole nuclear bomb thing is a bit confusing, and generally any time someone mentions nuclear bombs in their profile, an alarm bell goes off (And that's coming from a guy whose RHG used to be a radioactive man, so don't feel too bad!) To be fair, you did mention that he can't regenerate if more than 30% of his body is severely damaged, so I reckon it's just one of those things that slips out every now and then.
4) Shadow transportation: This one is a little confusing, but I imagine he just slips into the shadows then reappears somewhere else. But explaining what it actually looks like when this occurs would be useful if your opponent decides to get descriptive with it.
5) Demon transformation: You explained this one pretty well; 1.5x power is pretty well balanced and easily quantifiable, but my only question is whether or not he can fly in this form. You said he has wings, so this should be a no-brainer, but I had a really troubling epiphany regarding emu's, so I figure it's worth making sure...

-comments: Pretty solid, but again, details and organization are key. But these are things that can take time to write out, so take your time.

As for his weaknesses, to be completely honest, I feel like they're spot on. If anything, I'd just say to compress the list of things he can't regenerate into one line. I'm a huge fan of having holy items such as crosses work as a weakness, too.

Now, let's take a look at Lobo's review, shall we?

Quote from Lobotomizer

abysmal, overpowered, boring, 3edgy5me, clearly ridiculous. What is wrong with you? incredibly bland.

Quote from Lobotomizer

I know you've added weaknesses. No, i don't care.

Quote from Lobotomizer

There are many more problems, but that is your responsibility to do with, not mine.

Quote from Lobotomizer

Scrap your idea, and begin from the start.

Quote from Lobotomizer

Make an actual character, not a marty stu that has its edginess meter slammed through the right.

Quote from Lobotomizer

Look into the character pages of actual good writers and see how they do it.

Quote from Lobotomizer

Just be mindful that your character as of now is a mess, and no amount of changing, tweaking, weakness adding, short of a full rework is going to make him better.

There are two things to consider when writing constructive criticism. It must criticize the weakest elements of a piece, and it must help construct the piece- and the creator into stronger units. You on the other hand have succeeded in displaying Ad Hominem logic, False Dichotomy, not to mention your own personal incredulities and biases, and have decided to twist this man's beginner mistakes into strawman-esque contradictions, and go so far as to call him out with every word, accusing him of trying to act edgy or cool and asking the same loaded questions without regard for the fact that this man has posted one thing in his entire time at stickpage, which is this post, or that maybe, for once, this guy could have made an innocent mistake. You seem desperate to feed your own confirmation bias by leaving your victims with no way to respond to your spiteful insinuations, and refuse to accept responsibility for their betterment- all so you can say that the world is as pathetic and faulty enough to deserve the wrath that you exude blindly on the people around you. This logic goes against everything this forum stands for, and if you cannot bear to change it, then. get. the. fuck. out.

Quote from Chromium7

then. get. the. fuck. out.

This shit right here is all that I can say to Lobotomizer.

I'd post some CnC, but it's late and I don't feel like reading that much so I'll make some in the morning.