[center]Asteri
Full name:
Asteri Roberts
Age:
27
Alias:
The Blind Star Guardian
Gender:
Male


This color means its important/special

Abilities:


Weaknesses:


Story:

theif..
Stealing food and supplies from little clans, groups, and even large factions! He's doing all this for the good of his brother and father, because they're poor.. He is a very friendly person to the spirit stars..

Then one day, there was a group of soldiers that came into his town, looking for brave people to fight by their side against the faction Gas, they're planning to attack the gas faction by attacking most of their troops.
Asteri volunteered since he knew that they would let him have powers by letting the Immortal Tree of Fire give him the powers, as they walked to the Tree of Fire, the tree's roots grabbed onto Asteri's hand and transferred the energy into Asteri, Asteri on the other hand, felt all the energy flow through his veins, after that was done, Asteri stood back as he saw he has Heat powers!
Feeling exicited, Asteri blasts Heat around and stumbles, "You've got a lot to learn kid, now follow us." The warrior says.

Asteri walks with them into the woods, as the group were in the woods, the fog got thicker and thicker, they hear a rumble from the bushes "what was that?" The warrior says, as the enemy jumps from the bush and attacks with gas!
Asteri got pushed as the warriors run and the gas ambushers chase after them, now along Asteri is lost..[/spoiler]
finding no food, then after 3 weeks, he finds this nice river with all sorts of supplies.
Asteri jumping with joy from the inside (since he doesn't have the energy to) he runs to the river, suddenly a star spirit in a form of a standing wolfdog, stops him.

"Halt! You may not pass!" The beast says, "I've been out here for weeks, please just let me eat!" Asteri says "No! You filthy humans have placed us in harm always! Were not gonna help the likes of you!" The wolfdog says as he pushed the human away "Begone!" Asteri was sad as he walks to the woods once again
after a couple of hours he saw the warriors, the ones who gave him his powers, he saw a star deer on the ground, one warrior holding up a large heat knife.
in an instant "Wait, don't kill that deer!" Asteri said as he grabs the deer and goes away from the warriors "you are free now" he says as he saw the deer go away.

"You.. You're the betrayer!" The warrior says "What? No I didn't.." Asteri replies "You told the gas people we were in the forest! You shall pay! Three of our warriors died because of you! You are forbidden to ever come back to the village!"
The warrior gets mad as he runs toward Asteri "I didn't do such a thing!" Asteri says as he runs away and tries to fight back, as he tripped, the warriors were above him "Its over kid!" The warrior says as he raises his hands, holding a heat knife.

Then out of nowhere, the wolfdog spirit came to help, and fought with him, Asteri stood up ansd fought back, the warriors ran away, "Why did they think I betrayed them?" Asteri thinks to himself, "That's because someone set you up" the wolfdog replied.
"wait, how did you know?" Asteri wonders "I am a spirit, I know what's going on, on these kinds of woods, seriously, do you guys even research?" The wolfdog replies as he walks back to the lake, Asteri follows.

"You are now welcome to this river, I have never seen a human defend one of our kind.." The wolfdog says, "my name is Romp" The wolfdog introduces himself to the human "Asteri is the name" From then on, Romp decided that Asteri should live there instead, and he did, for years and years, he stayed there, protecting the place, training..[/spoiler]
hould go to a journey alone to find the other faction's homelands, people say they never were able to find their main homelands, they just mostly found their little towns, saying goodbye to the river, he walks into the woods, walking around the world, searching for the other hometowns.

After 1 month and 3 weeks something interesting has occured.. As Asterii was getting ready to go back on the road from his mobile camp he made, he heard a whisper "Help meeeee..." A voice of a man he heard, sounded like he was in trouble, "Helpp meeeee...." It repeated again, Asteri walks to where he heard the voice, then he saw a treasure chest with a large ball in the middle, inside the ball, there seems to be a dark floating ball, "Open ittt...." The voice changed its words.

Then another voice "Don't open it!" This time, I was a girls voice, soothing and nice voice tone, but then the darkness overtook Asteri, he opened the chest, then a loud scream followed, he looks as he sees dark spirits coming out of the chest, forming a large man, dark, muscular, and really evil, Asteri can sense the presence of his evil.

Then another spirit came out from the woods, this time it was a white spirit, it formed a girl, medium height, tan skin, wearing all white, white robes, white leggings, then there was a blue gem in the middle of her robe, "I told you not to open it!" She said in anger, "you should have minded your own business, human!" She says as she grows big, as the same size of the dark man.
"its over! Get back in the chest, Xynth!" She says as she uses her might to force the man into the chest, "You'll never put me back in there! I'm stronger than ever!" The man says as he uses a dark push, strong enough like a hurricane strike! Asteri got blown into a tree, as he was amazed by the strength of the two, the dark man then escapes, going further away, until he's a little dot, "You should not have interferred human!" She says in anger, as she pushes Asteri.

"You're human too, you know" Asteri says in fustration "No, Im Jrass, the guardian of the spirits, in a form of a lady" She says, "That dark man you released? His name is Xynth, the ruler of spirit darkness, thanks to you, the world is now going to be corrupted! And there is nothing you can do!" She says as she is frustrated, she walks away.

"Wait, I can fix this! Somehow." Asteri, with hopes of helping, he says "I will try to defeat him! I will practice!" Asteri says as he sits on a rock "But his powers are great, i dont know if i can even do this.." Asteri thought "Wait! what if i try to get all the powers in the world and use them against Xynth?" Aster asks.
"No, No human has ever done that, it could lead to death." Jrass says "I could try, thats the only thing i could do to help you." Asteri and Jrass agreed.[/spoiler]
il they found, the homeland of Gas, Jrass and Asteri talked with the Gas people and they agreed to give him the powers, since the Gas faction is allied with the spirits, they gave Asteri the power of Gas.

As the Tree of Gas reached its roots to him, transerring the energy, Asteri felt all the energy, "AAHHHHHH!!" Asteri screamed as he felt all the gas into him, his blood turns gray, trying to fight the pain, Asteri dropped on the ground, with no pulse and no beating heart, "No Asteri! You can fight it!" Jrass said as she was worried, then suddenly, a bright light from the inside of Asteri glew, he floated in mid air, he gasped hard for air! "What happened?!" Aster asked as he his hand filled with gas, "You did it!" Jrass said as he noticed, he got the power!, Asteri got the hang of it pretty fast considering he practiced Heat for 5 years, then Asteri and Jrass practiced for several weeks, then traveled again, after a couple of months, they found the homeland of Combustion, its larger than Gas and Heat, since they're more high-tech, but Combustioners on the other hand, aren't that friendly, it took them days to convince them to give him powers, after a couple of days, thê agreed and gave him the combustion power, Asteri, feeling amazed as he got all three powers, Jrass and Asteri now practiced all three of them, feeling much more powerful, after 3 years of training, They both thought, they're ready, they went to the portal of the battle arena (thats where Xynth and Jrass should fight).[/spoiler]
"Ahh!" Jrass fell, "Are you alright?!" Asteri was worried as he saw her gem (in the middle of her clothing) was getting draker and darker, "What's happening" Asteri says as he was worried "It seems that I won't be able to fight, you see.. When Xynth grows bigger, I get smaller.. Going weaker and weaker..this may be the end of lightness." Jrass says as she sits and frowns.

"No! I will fight for you! I will help bring peace to this world!" Asteri says with pride, "No! He's too strong!" Jrass was worried as she looked at Asteri and blushed "I can handle it" Asteri says as he stood up "Are you ready for our final battle?" Xynth chuckles as he saw the human "Haha, is he going to fight too? Puny human." Xynth laughed "No human has ever survived against me!" Xynth said in a cocky way.

"Have you heard the rumors? I am not ordinary" Asteri said as he dashed forward towards Xynth, Xynth blasted a large wave of dark, Asteri reacted fast enough to boost high usng his combustion powers, Asteri raised his hand and formed a strong gas, pushed Xynth to the mountains, causeing him to bleed, "Haha, pathetic" Xynth chuckles as he raises his hands and aims for Asteri.
Then suddenly a large blast of dark laser striked! Asteri, on the other hand, wasn't fast enough to run considering its size, he got hit, Asteri fell, "No! I'm not dead yet! Jrass! Help!" Asteri shouted as Jrass ran towards Asteri, healing him, "its alright, you will be fine." Jrass says as she looks straight at Asteri's eyes, she blushes.

Then Xynth fires another laser towards Jrass, "Look out!" Asteri shouted as he pushes back the laser using intense heat and gas, "Such power! No human has ever deflected my laser!" Xynth was suprised "As I mentioned, I'm no ordinary human anymore" Asteri says as he made a smile, "And you will be eliminated forever!" Aster then flips back and forth and sideways, hitting Xynth with all his might, "This kid! What's keeping him up like that?!" Xynth was suprised by his strength, Xynth then stomps on the ground, creating a large wave of darkness.

Asteri held up his hands as he ran towards the wave and then he used all his powers against it, out of nowhere, it becamse white and glew bright, Asteri redirected the light wave towards Xynth, Xynth then fell hard to the ground, but then Xynth dissapeared.. "Its a fake! Behind you!" Jrass shouted as she saw the large dark formed a large beam, then Asteri turned around to see a very dark violet beam right in front of him, Asteri couldn't move as he was stunned by the size, "ITS OVER!" Xynth laughed evilly as he blasted the laser, "Asteri!!" Jrass shouted as she made a large push on the hands of Xynth, therefore making little change on direction, the laser hit Asteri in the thigh, making him scream loud he fell to the ground.

Then in a split second, Asteri heard a voice inside him, "Raise your hands, and save the world, you can save the world." The voice said, doint what the voice said, hge raised his hands and blasted a large light beam out of his palms, didn't know of what he did, Asteri was suprised, As he sed all his happiness against the enemy!
The beam grew larger, Xynth was amazed as he didn't know what he could do, "No! No! Noooo!!" Xynth shouted as the beam hit him, he grew lighter and lighter until he evaporated.. Asteri fell on his knees, "Its over, you are defeated." Aster said as he raised his hands in celebration.[/spoiler]

wide, Asteri looked behind him to see Xynth, holding his two hands up with a large ball of violet substance of his palms, "Oh no, you have to get out of this world Asteri! Its going to blow up!" Jrass shouted.
"How about you?!, you have to go with me!" Asteri complained as he ran towards Jrass "Someone has to stall him before he destroys the entire world! If I go with you, we both die." Jrass says a

I don't have time to do much critique right now so I'm just going to say a few things.

My number one problem is that I really don't find that the powers correlate together. My second problem is, USE. THE. ENTER. KEY. No but seriously, no one is going to read a text thats squeezed in like chinese people on a subway.

But decent enough wRHG to say at least, welcome to the family.

Quote from Miketastic

Let me get this straight, Fire Bender + Jesus = This badass mofo. lol I love it, very well descriptive, glad that you put the tl;dr for some of us. I'll be sure to continue on reading the whole thing. Just wanna say that this is an amazing work, entire day of literaturation (ik its not a word)... You sir definitely deserve something idk what but something thats awesome and very well deserving. :)

Haha yeah, I agree with that man, like holy fucking balls that story was long to fucking type.. Its like my finger are flat already or something lmfao, thanks btw! You have a wRHG btw?

#devi:
Oh thanks, I'm on my phone actually, so I didn't add the enter keys, because it glitches, but thanks for them tips! Thanks for the welcome!

Ay son! Nice to see you here. Anyway, let's look at powers.



But overall, I really like the character idea. And another blind guy, sweet.

I just have to say I like your forum name.
I'll let everyone else judge your character while I soak up brownie points for getting what you're referencing (with your forum name, I don't know if Asteri is a reference to something or not,

Quote from Malacal

I just have to say I like your forum name.
I'll let everyone else judge your character while I soak up brownie points for getting what you're referencing (with your forum name, I don't know if Asteri is a reference to something or not,

yes yes Ip man is Bruce Lee's mentor and was one hell of a wing-chunner. Brutal badass who sadly died of throat cancer. :(


I kinda wished that Asteri knew Wing Chun. It's an incredibly fast fighting style and I'd bet it'd be a ton of fun to write.

Quote from WafflesMgee

yes yes Ip man is Bruce Lee's mentor and was one hell of a wing-chunner. Brutal badass who sadly died of throat cancer. :(


I kinda wished that Asteri knew Wing Chun. It's an incredibly fast fighting style and I'd bet it'd be a ton of fun to write.

There is also a pretty kick-ass movie about him on Netflix. The movie is creatively named "Ip Man"

Quote from Malacal

There is also a pretty kick-ass movie about him on Netflix. The movie is creatively named "Ip Man"

There's a whole series, actually! Watched them all. Though, I believe we're getting a little derailed here.

So ay, Ipman. Why not give Asteri some wing chun? :P

Yeah! Ipman in the movie was boss. His hands flew and pounded ferociously.
GIVE ASTERI WING CHUN

Quote from WafflesMgee

Second, these things can be lumped into one. Like "-If he or his enemies leave the ground, his terrain-sensing ability cannot work. But he can still see them because he's not blind."

I mean seriously. You don't mention blind in weaknesses nor physical description. Also, an idea here, stuff like tremors and pain could throw off his vision as tremors would scramble his sense and pain would make his body focus more on the agony rather than the sensitive sense.


"-Has a weak spot at his thigh"

Where on his thigh? This is pretty vague.

But overall, I really like the character idea. And another blind guy, sweet.

1. Well he IS blind, so how the hell can he see?
2. Weak spot on the side of the thigh lol
3. Thanks! I'm glad I joinedwRHG : )))))

#Malacal:
Haha there is no references here bro, Asterisk is a Latin word for "Star" haha
Oh and what forum game? : 3

Haru:
YEEAAA BOIIIII!
ASTERI HAS WING CHUN!

Figured I should probably get myself more involved around the WL ;3

So all these folks discussing references I don't understand aside, I must say that your wRHG looks interesting enough :). While of course the writing/story aren't 100% optimal, we have all started from somewhere and I must say this reminds me of myself back in the day...

Well, he's from another world but is still a human.... I swear there's like a trillion planets out there sustaining super-strong alien/human life and they're sending all their best down to our li'l mud ball (But well I suppose it's k considering the fact that every village on earth seems to sustain some sort of superpower too in this universe)

Now, over to some feedback :



Oh and, protip : You might wanna get used to writing stories this long, perhaps even longer ;)

Quote from Ipman

2. Weak spot on the side of the thigh lol

Side? Which side? Inside? frontside? backside? westside, motherfucker? Like to the actual side?

Quote from Vern

Figured I should probably get myself more involved around the WL ;3

So all these folks discussing references I don't understand aside, I must say that your wRHG looks interesting enough :). While of course the writing/story aren't 100% optimal, we have all started from somewhere and I must say this reminds me of myself back in the day...

Well, he's from another world but is still a human.... I swear there's like a trillion planets out there sustaining super-strong alien/human life and they're sending all their best down to our li'l mud ball (But well I suppose it's k considering the fact that every village on earth seems to sustain some sort of superpower too in this universe)

Now, over to some feedback :

Feedback (Click to Show)

Concerning your writing :
First of all, the enter key is not your enemy. When reading the first three parts of your story I wasn't really impressed by the length, though when I saw the berlin-wall of text in the fourth part I was daunted to continue reading on...

Well I did nevertheless, though it wasn't easy ;). Paragraphs may not be the easiest thing to understand when you begin writing but eventually you'll get the feel and it'll just happen by itself. For now try to keep space between things once the subject changes a bit (EG : 'Aster asked as he his hand filled with gas, "You did it!" Jrass said as he noticed, he got the power!

Asteri got the hang of it pretty fast considering he practiced Heat for 5 years'
Basically, in this part you transitioned from Asteri receiving his powers to him mastering it and then continuing his journey. Clearly what you were talking about previously ended there and you began talking about something new, so it's sensible to start a new paragrahp here.)

Another thing that quickly became apparent is that you're not extremely well versed in the English language, which is definitely understandable if you're not native to the language (neither am I, but well, I must've been a Brit in my previous life or smth). Ah well I'm not some kinda teacher whose gonna tell you to focus on learning English, just realize that lacking skills in the English language can be a (major) downside to your writing....

All in all it was still quite the challenge for me to understand what exactly was going on, but well, that is the case with any less-experienced writer. Just keep going like you're doing now and you'll find yourself getting better after each story :)

When writing your stories try to be a little more detailed, for now try to stay with the basic stuff. What does the environment look like? (EG : "The battle arena was located in a wide, lush plain, soft gusts occasionally whipping up Asteri's locks" or try to write something about the time of day or something?

Concerning your content
I won't give you too many remarks on this one since well most of my points are just me imagining stuff that isn't true.

For now, it just seems rather coincidental that such an evil spirit would just lie there in plain view, and that Astari just so happens to walk past this when trying to find his homelands.
So basically you said that no human has ever survived obtaining all three powers so far, yet when Astari does it it doesn't really seem to be any kind of problem, which brings up something else : If the Combustion, Heat and Gas factions are sort-of fighting with each other, why are they just letting Astari in without all that much trouble? Like seriously you'd think they'd be more hesitant to share these super-strong powers with the first random stranger that asks for it.
'Asteri got instantly used to his blindess' I'm sure people don't mind permanently losing the ability to perceive the world around them through sight/I'm sure people get used to be being blind this fast when they've spent most of their lives relying on sight..... Oh whatevs :P Just try to watch for plot holes.



All in all you look like you have some potential, so just keep going! Perhaps try improving a bit more and then challenge Ryan(Soulfire) to a battle? I'd love to see your gladiators smash it out ^^

Just keep in mind that these are tips for you future battles/stories since most of these don't really apply to stories that portray large, long events such as these. With that I wish you most of luck :)

Oh and, protip : You might wanna get used to writing stories this long, perhaps even longer ;)

Thanks bro!

1. I honestly , don't know when to use the enter key hahaha
2. English isn't my first, I'm a Filipino yeah, but I didn't know there was wrong grammar..
3. The reason why it didn't become more detailed is because I actually wanted to finish my wRHG already, so at the demo part, it wasn't really detailed.
4. Yes it's a coincidence hahahaha
5. Well that part, I also wanted to finish the story already so... The bottom is partly rushed heh.. (sorry for that lmfao)
6. Wait, what?! Even longer? Holy fucking balls man, by that time, my hand will be a ball

But overall, thanks for the feedback man! I'll try to improve on my writing skills!

#Waffles:
Hahahahahaha it's his right side brudda

Quote from Ipman

#Waffles:
Hahahahahaha it's his right side brudda

Right side!? so his right thigh? where on it?