Tonight's writing is a bit more so that I can at least do something. You can skip this one with your C&C train if you want, Hewitt. It's a small thing to set the mood of the space noir for myself.

Alright, excuse my long absence. Things are getting complicated IRL, and a lot of people are intentionally and unintentionally demotivating me. I'm left only with a few people, 2-3 ish, that are still actively supportive towards me. Perhaps one of my biggest flaws is my inability to work when I have no motivation.

To clear some things out (specifically just to clear out some points pointed out by Hewitt), I have joined this to create a certain regularity in my writing, though I'm a lot more loose concerning the quality of my work in these posts as I usually put significantly more revision and thought into my actual works. While one could say that I could do the same for this, it's time-consuming to do so and time is one of the few things I won't be having in the next couple of weeks. So I'll try to keep posting here daily, but don't expect loads of thought and quality. (@Hewitt : Yes, those metaphors are kinda bad. I usually steer away from metaphors as a whole as I'm bad at them, but these just happened ;) )

Hewitt, I was told not to expect sugarcoating from you and it seems so much is true. Regardless, it's good to receive this kind of feedback since it really points out the flaws in my works. I'll try to keep in mind what you said for the future, but don't expect super-refined quality (for the reasons above). Also, I'm not well versed in military terms and simply misused clicks there.

Now, once again, excuse my absence on Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. A bunch of other things were on my mind and I forgot this altogether for a while.



I hope you guys like it a bit. C:

PS : If anyone's gonna bitch about me having joined this to write on a regular basis and then not having done that so far, then you can go f**k yourself. I've already got enough people nagging my ass off and I'm more than aware of the fact that I've already skipped several days. I know myself well enough to say that me promising to post here daily would be a lie, and I don't need people to repeat the same thing I've heard a 1000 times over, since already enough are doing it.

Lol, Idk why I made my poem so bad.
Don't worry Vern, Keep on going buddy!

Quote from Vern

Alright, excuse my long absence. Things are getting complicated IRL, and a lot of people are intentionally and unintentionally demotivating me. I'm left only with a few people, 2-3 ish, that are still actively supportive towards me. Perhaps one of my biggest flaws is my inability to work when I have no motivation.

That happens to everyone, not just you. It is basic human need to be motivated. Ultimately the question you ask yourself is: Why do you write and who do you write for?

Quote from Vern

I have joined this to create a certain regularity in my writing, though I'm a lot more loose concerning the quality of my work in these posts as I usually put significantly more revision and thought into my actual works. While one could say that I could do the same for this, it's time-consuming to do so and time is one of the few things I won't be having in the next couple of weeks. So I'll try to keep posting here daily, but don't expect loads of thought and quality.

In concern with the above, if your concern is getting to produce on a regular basis over what you make then you should focus all your energy on that no problem. But don't make excuses for when you can't deliver. You either have the conviction to go after what you want or you dont.

Quote from Vern

I'll try to keep in mind what you said for the future, but don't expect super-refined quality (for the reasons above).

I never expect anything. I don't expect to be impressed. And don't expect to be disapproving. I only see what I see and say what I can say. How you decide to revise is for you to decide and determine.

Quote from Vern

PS : If anyone's gonna bitch about me having joined this to write on a regular basis and then not having done that so far, then you can go f**k yourself. I've already got enough people nagging my ass off and I'm more than aware of the fact that I've already skipped several days. I know myself well enough to say that me promising to post here daily would be a lie, and I don't need people to repeat the same thing I've heard a 1000 times over, since already enough are doing it.

Is this about the previous posts with Chamel and Haru?

Haru is being contested that he cannot dedicate 30 minutes to a couple of hours of study; that the suspension is ridiculous in hindsight. Chamel was blowing that scenario out of proportion by being melodramatic and insinuating that he is "being insulted as a writer" for being forced to prioritize this over studies, when no one is really forcing him and that this thread is for teaching you to make time instead of managing it without direction.

Their cases have nothing to do with yours.

Nobody is forcing you to be a regular poster. It's nice that you are still aboard, but the promises pledged to this thread, the point-system Devour is keeping score for, and the CNCs you are receiving; these are all just devices---a means by which to help you develop a habit. How you choose to use these tools is up to you. If you are shirking responsibility and think we're gonna be mad, here's the cold hard reality: We don't give a shit. We don't care if you slip away for irl reasons or are 'demotivated' as per the case you describe. It's useless to pretentiously bicker about how you're not living up to our expectations when in the end, these exercises in discipline are for you and you alone.

No one has ever bitched about anyone else being lazy despite the suspensions they have asked for. This is because everyone has their own time to manage. Everyone has schedules that do not resonate with each other. This thread merely motivates them to put x minutes each day into writing. If they miss this themselves, that is their problem, not anyone else's. In essence, this thread is like a gym. It's suppose to help you develop discipline, but ultimately it is your body and your effort put into it that will make a difference.

Just dropping this here. Haven't done anything in a while and it's nice to just release.

Finished the next one, which is just as long so I'll space it too.

Devour4
- Something in your wording. Your 1st paragraph implies that he has gone to space before, if only for awhile and his dream is to actually go beyond just being able to "ride-for-awhile". But suddenly in the 2nd paragraph, we find out that he actually has never flew in his whole life. So which one is it?

- Really vague stuff here. Where did he and his mom first get the notion of being able to travel to space? How much exactly would a rocket ride cost? What was the process one had to go through to goto space? What is the setting; is it a world where space travel is for the few privileged like Gattaca? Why is your protagonist obssessed with space when Earth is pretty huge in itself. What differentiates freedom on earth to freedom of space travel?

- ...because you've never cleaned the kitchen sink ever? Or in your birthday? I dont know, I clean mine every night so I don't know what you're talking about.

- I know you're a kid, but surely you can do better than "alot of bad things happened". Like the birthday scene, there is no emotional buildup to what should be this need to goto space.

- You're 30 and your mom is sick but it feels like you're still a kid who cannot comprehend things. This in effect, makes your guy act like an ignorant jerk. Being a clueless character doesn't give you an excuse to be vague on the details just because you don't understand how things work. Your mom might've had an unpronounceable diesease, but there are noticeable symptoms, habits developed, personality changes, things you observe in the time you were with her until her hospitalization. And you visit her at the hospital right? So you must care to know things that you will have to bear. Even if you moved out of the house after during that time, you could have weened anecdotes from neighbors, caretakers, family friends---anyone to draw a picture of what the hell happened. Moving straight to the hospital when you've set-up a childhood scene in the beginning is a wasted opportunity to pull some heartstrings.

- Your dice metaphor implies that life is a game to be played and that the mom gambled her way (metaphorically speaking) into this condition. Otherwise, it just looks awkward.

- So surprised her mom didnt think him a dick for never visiting her. 30 years can do alot of things. I'm more convinced that no timeskip should have happened. At least, not as much as 25+ years. The gap is too huge and your protag is still acting like a trusting, un-cynical, innocent boy.

- You seem to be doing awfully well financially. I mean sure, you live in an apartment, even affording your mother to be in a hospital, even affording everything it took to be able to bake a cake. Having "next to nothing" is probably earth-speak for "holy shit we have a matchbox crisis. We're dirt poor."

- I question how she got out of the hospital without so much as staff stopping her, how she lugged herself back to her son, much less remember where the house is. I guess the memory loss only kicks in when it's significant to the plot. Also, because you were so vague on the sickness and the circumstances behind it, when I read this I imagined she was still wearing a hospital gown as she attempted to escape. I just can't get the fact out of my head that she was originally bedridden.

- Realizing that ben loves his mom the moment he blew tha candles implies that he has lost touch with her these past few years. Yet we are never given any emotional spiral for that and only focused on his dream to goto space. Everything happened so fast that I can't really say I feel anything in this surprising turn of events.

- "I love you my son. My sickness may have dictated my impending memory loss, but my selective amnesia assures I am able to tell you everything before you receive this plot device."

- Okay, we later find out that the hospital WAS looking for her. So that means, your protagonist DID see her in her hospital gown when she visited, which means he could've put 2 and 2 together and realized she escaped. WHICH MEANS, letting her in and acting all lovey-dovey about it is probably the dumbest thing any son would do to his mom. You killed her, Ben. You let her die. I guess that doesn't matter because yay I get to goto Mars through the power of love.

- Nevermind that I might get arrested for harboring a sick escapee, or the fact that the ticket might be confiscated as evidence, I'm going to space whoopee

- If the mom had memory loss, and she knew this for months, wouldnt it be more sensible to just hide the present and pass on a vague clue to let him know where it was instead of suddenly for no reason producing it in her hands after escaping from a hospital while bedridden. Finding the ticket post-mortem would have been more powerful.

- In summary: So many vague things established all for a Mother's Day story that makes no sense and is very anvilicious in its moral.

Alright, time to keep a steady pace.

@Hewitt : No this wasn't about your comments towards Cham and Haru at all ^^. It's about things IRL shitting me down. And concerning the "nobody gives a shit" thing, well honestly it's hard not to think people expect things from you if they haven't done anything but that for the entirety of your life... But I digress.

Okay, I should be able to post more regularly now..


Don't know what I was trying to accomplish with this.. Eh.

Awh Chamel, the feels are hitting me now ;(
I'll try to post something later. I will edit this post when i do.
EDIT!

Here we go again :)



EDIT : So since I'm not gonna double post, here's sunday's work too

I'm on my weekend for now. Reading up on some Noir stories because I'm really quite unfamiliar with the genre. Then on monday I'll be back to business.

My Board Exams are around the corner and I'm stressed from cnc-ing so many horrors at once. I'm burned out so I'm gonna stop indefinitely.

I bid thee luck on your exams, Hewitt.

Incidentally, I promise to publish the Amber battles after this exam. This thing is the one that's been bogging me down as of late.

Quote from Vern

And concerning the "nobody gives a shit" thing, well honestly it's hard not to think people expect things from you if they haven't done anything but that for the entirety of your life... But I digress.

Is that coming from them or coming from you? Because in the end, you're the only one who will know how you want to grow. Forget what anyone says and do your own thing.

Quote from Hewitt

Incidentally, I promise to publish the Amber battles after this exam. This thing is the one that's been bogging me down as of late.

Ah, I was wondering when that would get posted. Thanks for the update. :)