Devour, I'd like to increase my word count from "100 - 200" to "300 - 400".

Thanks!

Did 3 more:


Copy-pasting obligatory disclaimer

*I will not point out basic grammatical mistakes unless it's serious and changes the meaning of things. All these pieces are written quickly so I expect you might've either edited just once or not at all.
**Also, pls do not answer my questions unless you are disagreeing with my CNC. I mean, don't answer them directly. I am asking them because I want you as a writer to realize that your own info is missing or lacking or wrong and by internally answering my questions, you can improve your piece further and explain things better. So don't answer me. Answer to yourself.
***Nobody tell me its a first draft that's why it sucks. It's a first draft, everybody knows that. I'm already helping you flesh it out.

Continue!

Munisylc1
- Bunching dialogue into one paragraph is confusing. Keep it in lines to spread things out. And don't worry if the dialogue is too talky, you can always edit it out later. As it is, it is very confusing and unnecessary unless the conversation is secondary to an action that will take the meat of the paragraph (like in the 3rd paragraph--up until the part with the celestial faucet. The part where Kelsey says "Wow" should be another line altogether).
- Other than that, you seem to have a grasp for basic dialog so this tip is actually aimed at everyone else (take notes) and not you: Ellipses are generally uses for when a character is saying something that cannot be heard or something insignificant to the plot. Here we are shown that the character is calculating something and it isn't even mentioned that he is but it is implied when he pauses. I'd argue that the pausing wasn't necessary but this is probably the only time I've seen the dots used conservatively and properly. At least, around here.
- I don't know if it was your intention to make the 2 characters bond together more, but it would've been nice to see some more exposition on the seeming-eternity that they held onto each other during the shower instead of just saying "After awhile, Harry spoke." That totally killed the mood and I felt it was a wasted opportunity. The emotional weight that could've gone here would be extremely cathartic given the ending of this piece. It is in this respect that I would disagree with Devour. I think everything in this story is significant. This long quiet boring scene is necessary for the ending to be impactful.
- Good job researching on the science behind meteorites (either that or you probably know your meteorites). I do not know if that's really true (that they arent fiery hot) but I was about to point it out as if Kelse was and I got my answer.
- The final act felt rushed. You can't just describe respiratory failure in a single sentence. Choking is a gradual thing that builds up over time, sentient smoke or not. Spend a little more time on their suffering and that might bring out the more horrific aspects of this story.

Error3
- Imo, omit the first part where you mention Felicity groaned. That would make Trevor's impending "stop groaning' remark sound more natural to imply that Felicity is being whiny and sarcastic.
- We already know her name is Felicity so to say "The female crossed her arms" feels counterintuitive. I felt like this was a wasted opportunity to say anything else like her profession perhaps: The novice mechanic crossed her arms in frustration. EDIT: Or as later mentioned, the Escort. The only reason behind this is to establish that Felicity is female when its clear that she is.
- Strange that her goggles are on top of her head and not just strapped to her forehead. The former means she'd been wearing it like a hat this whole time
- omit "his hand". It's clutter. If you're combing your hair in that situation it's already obvious that you're using your hand to do it.
- shouldn't Trevor even attempt to wave the dust clouds away or cough? Ironman, this one.
- A single boot falling sound signifies Felicity's disappearance from the scene? This is because you should omit the word "falls". In this sentence it sounds like falls is a verb when it isn't. Plus, like the hair comb, it's not necessary as it is obvious.
- Wait, where was Trevor looking at when he ran off? Felicity had a head start, no way she'd be in Trevor's path to even bump into her
- Where and how exactly can one tell if a storm is already happening? Was there no warning system or even a natural phenomena (wind blowing faster, the sound of the earth rending, etc.) that symbolized this event's coming? Because it seems like they're not really where the real sandstorm is taking place and are quite indifferent to anything other than the fact that it's "happening".
- I dont get why Trevor has to explain that HQ will just wait out the storm, if HQ is just going to say the same thing anyway. It's like the previous statement implied that calling HQ was pointless and Felicity didn't at all seemed rush to do it anyway.

Devour3
- Waitaminute. In the last entry, you wrote that Grett was sitting opposite where she would be. So why does she have to whisper "over her shoulder" to even talk to him.
- Am I missing something here? How is arresting a scumlord going to make it difficult for everyone else? I'm just asking because it doesn't look like Grett is implying these people are in his payroll. Does he have DEEPLOMAHTIK IMMUNITEE or some shit. And what did he mean that the soldier's won't give a damn---soldiers mind you that number half the casino as you mentioned. Doesn't the fact that there are more soldiers in the casino that won't give a damn, give the PI a significant advantage in itself?
- Explaining the game is pseudo-exposition and should've been worked into the conversation. If the PI was purportedly undercover, it would've been nice for her to pretend like she didn't know how it worked and worked your explanation from there. Not only would explaining the game been less-boring, but we would also have had a look into how Grett and the PI interact with each other (playful? antagonistitc? etc.)
- Moreover, I bet the game isn't really going to be played for realz seeing as the conversation is steering to something else. It makes the entire exposition unnecessary. Did we really have to know how the game worked?
- You know what would've been cool is if Grett incorporated teaching the game to the PI with metaphors to his current situation with the pirates. This way, they could talk casually without having to whisper, you'd have explained the game to the point that was relevant to the plot, and you would have made the espionage aspect way more exciting. Wasted opportunity imo. To infodump it all in one paragraph feels like the first 30 minutes of Avengers 2 (ooooh yeah I went there).
- As previously stated, how is Grett even accomplishing this method of discreet communication when he's sitting across the PI? He'd have to lean forward from the table all the damn time just to even get a word in. And don't tell me the other NPCs are just buggering around not caring. You can't unsee shit like that.

I will post my work for today later.

Quote from ErrorBlender

4/28/15 : REWORKED (Click to Show)

“WellCOMMA this is exciting,” Felicity said as she grabbed another piece of weird how is it weird.U-shaped metal and handsYou mean handed it over, not hands. "Grabbed" is past-tense. "Hands" is present tense. geddit right. it over to the man beside her.

Changed from groan to said.

“It’s not supposed to be,” the man said and snatched the metal from Felicity’s gloved hand. “We’re trying to fix the radio tower; the least you could do is stop groaning.”

The escort crossed her arms and leaned back onto the metal hallway surely you meant onto the wall, not the hallway itself.. She wore her typical clothes: a pair of jeans and white shirt.describe them more. How clean are they? How worn are they? The compound was dark and hot inside, air-conditioning went out earlier "air conditioning went out earlier" is poor grammar.and the ventilation was doing its best trying to keep the temperature down."doing its best" is a poor choice of words for a machine. "Was working as hard as it could" is better She pulled up the bangs of her short blonde hair and removed the goggles strapped ononto her forehead. She looked at the lenses searchingly, she figured it would be more worth to look at them than wait idlyunless you can write stuff like this well, don't bother. "She looked at the lenses tiredly, figuring it'd be more contributing to inspect her goggles instead of waiting idly.". She sighed. The lenses were tinted for the glaring sunlight outside but here? They were useless and fogged up.

Adjusted the location of the goggles as stated. Does seem weird for the goggles to be on top of her head. Added a bit more description and thought.

“Are you even close to finishing?”

“What’s with the impatience? You’re usually ready and willing to escort anyone,” put his action between the two lines of dialogue. it's more interesting.he said as he took out welding tools from a knapsack beside him.

Felicity sighed. “It’s the heat, Trevor,” she confided. “The entire place is an oven and we’re the microwave burritos.” you don't put microwave burritos in an oven. I get that it's a character saying that, but nobody in their right mind would say that. "[...] is an oven and we're in it." that's it.

Trevor cut the U-shaped metal with his tools to the shape he needed and proceeded to work on covering the hold he made earlier. The systems were short circuited for some reason, as if someone had thrown a bucket of water into it – which would be such a waste in this time.that actually doesn't short a circuit. If you're going to make an allusion, make it correct. If you don't know how circuitry works, don't try and make metaphors out of it He combed brushed is a better of choice of words. Combed implies he has a comb.his dark brown hair as he finished the weld and exhaled.

“Alright, done,”you should break up that dialogue for dramatic effect. Imagine he says "Alright", stands up, pats down his legs, looks at the girl and says "Done". It's more cinematic. he said as he patted his hands onto his vest and pants. Small clouds of dust formed from the impacts, he tried to wave them off but it still forced a cough or two from him.This sentence looks like a fragment. There isn't a clear focus with this sentence either. “It isn’t working though. Still needs a few more parts. I thought this was a maintenance check and not a full blown repair one.”

Incorporated coughing since, yes, Trevor ain't Iron Man.

Wind blows through the ventilation, much stronger than what it previously was. It wasn't alarming but Felicity took notice.

Something to foreshadow the incoming storm and add some sense to the succeeding sentence.

“Okay, grab your tools and we’re off,” Felicity said as she raced to the entrance. “Don’t take too long, Trev, HQ said there’d be a storm soon.”

With that Trevor was left alone again; the sound of Felicity’s boots slowly disappeared as she went further away. The technician began to stash away his gear and tools. With a heave, he slung the knapsack over his shoulder and jogged out of the compound.

“Jeez,” he muttered. “What I would’ve give "would give" is correct. "Would have give" is not.for a shower right now.”

As he ran for the entrance, he looked down to check his belongings one last time. The sound of the door opening made him look up only to see too late that Felicity just entered through itentered through it is like saying he killed himself dead. it's using a verb to compliment another that shouldn't really be complimented.. The mechanic bumped into Felicity and nearly caused her to fall.really. He just bumped in her. How did he bump into her? Was it intentional? Who's fault was it? The escort was able to rebalance herself and sighed.oh so that's it. she just fixes herself. She wagged her finger. “Not here,” she said. “–or ever.”I'm not sure if this is flirting but this makes no sense. She's not even upset.

Redone the bump scene where it makes sense to why they bumped in the first place.

Trevor shrugged. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you supposed to be out there readying the jeep?”

Felicity’s mouth creased to one side and Trevor noticed the loose sand that fell from her clothes. “Sand storm?”

Reworked to add more detail, makes more sense to see sand to guess sandstorm instead of a simple crease of a mouth.

“You guessed it,” she said drearily as she placed her goggles back onto her forehead. “We’re stuck here until it passes.”

A dash of detail.

She opensopened a backpack which Trevor recognized that it came from the jeep"as coming from the jeep. It was a supply pack in case things like these happened.flesh out the sentence He wondered why they hadn’t brought it along in the first place. squish this one and the one prior together

The escort unzips unzippedthe bag and rummages rummaged. Use correct tenses nigga damnthrough its contents, satisfied enough that she smiled. “We have some fruits here and a couple of bottles of water. We can last for several hours.”

“Let’s hope the storm is several hours then,” Trevor said. yeah obviously

The temperature in the compound went down due to the winds and the two decided to camp out just beside the entrance so they’d know immediately when the storm passes.passed this is super lazy. that just happened. They didn't react at all. it wasn't a gradual thing that had signs and symptoms. it just happeend.

“Can’t we radio in the—“ Felicity is stopped by her friend’s indifferent face. was stopped. use correct goddamn tenses dude“We can try can’t we?”

“Even if they do receive the message, they’d wait the storm out anyway,” Trevor replied. “We can tell them we’re caught in it but that’s it.”

Felicity gazed at the radio she had fished out from her pocket and activated use the word "keyed"it. The sound of static filled the silent hallway until a voice came through.

“This is HQ,” the voice said, it was a male voice. the voice, a male one, said.

“Hey Stain, we’ve been trapped here by the sandstorm, can you help us out?”

“Do you have supplies?”

“Yeah,” Felicity replied.

“Then wait it out. We can’t risk people lost to the storm, I don’t hear the sand or wind so I guess your you'resafe indoors, just stay put,” Stain replied. “Once the storm clears, we might be able to get there.”

Trevor looked at Felicity and raised his eyebrow as if to tell her I told you so "looked at her facetiously, [insert witty description]. don't use slang in narrative . The escort rolled her eyes. start finding other words to describe her. I'm tried of reading "escort" over and over.

“We’ll radio you when it passes and if the jeep still works. We could leave on our own if she still runs,” Trevor said as he cut in the conversation.

“Good, good, take care now,” Stain said hastily. “And Trevor,”

“Yeah?” Felicity handed over the device to the technician.

“Take care of my sister,” then the line was shut. the line was shut? You mean he just went silent. He didn't actually shut down the line. better word usage

“Typical of him,” Felicity said glumly. “He really does like the last word.”


I'd rather keep the end where Felicity still insisted on calling HQ. It shows that Felicity is stubborn as she is impatient. I added a few more things to the story to help description and stuff.

I will post my work for today later.

make him bang her now

Day 1
Day 1.1
Day 1.2



Day 2

Pardon for however many days I didn't do this. I think I just flat-out forgot. But I've done today. 1307 words. I'll continue my storyline after this one. I think I gotta put some more thought into the Mannequin stories before continuing. So now, just have some Trench.

@Hewitt: In my writing I went back and rewrote to have Grett sitting right next to her rather than across the table like that. That's also an excellent idea, I love the idea of them using the game as a metaphor for their situation.

I'm in a rush to run out and get my new laptop, so I can't respond to everything. But like I said I would, here is the short story I've been working on all this time, as well as the video we made it into :)

Text story: http://pastebin.com/EDGp5HEx

Audio story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT6z1mLirD4&feature

Oh! I completely forgot..

Devour, could you suspend my schedule until further notice? This next week is full of exams..

Devour, can you also suspend mine until further notice? I need to check and work on my finishing touches for my Wrhg battle.
EDIT: Fine, zero, you've got a point. I really don't know. Maybe I need to discipline myself. But I've been lazy. Really lazy. I don't know why I am not posting.
Thanks for the Wake-up slap, Zero.

Okay, I know I'm being a dick but is a suspension really necessary?

I mean, 30 minutes a day just to at least write anything you want(It could be just 200 words for God's sake) isn't that much you know. One of the reasons why you signed up was to keep a consistent work pace right? In order to discipline yourselves but if you keep making excuses like these, I don't think you should have signed up in the first place.

Alright Devour.


*I will not point out basic grammatical mistakes unless it's serious and changes the meaning of things. All these pieces are written quickly so I expect you might've either edited just once or not at all.
**Also, pls do not answer my questions unless you are disagreeing with my CNC. I mean, don't answer them directly. I am asking them because I want you as a writer to realize that your own info is missing or lacking or wrong and by internally answering my questions, you can improve your piece further and explain things better. So don't answer me. Answer to yourself.
***Nobody tell me its a first draft that's why it sucks. It's a first draft, everybody knows that. I'm already helping you flesh it out.


Waffles3
- Your POV is all over the place. You start by single quoting 'John' as if to remind us it's not him (third-person), then he meets up with a 'female co-worker' (John's POV), who we then find out is named 'Michelle' (third-person) like what was even the point of masking her name if the omniscient narrator knew all along in the next line.
- The omniscient pov has ruined the mood. Because we know all the players involved and what they do when John's not around, we do not get a feeling of anticipation, excitement, or horror from the repercussions of the Mannequin's Body Jump. Like, why is it significant to have Michelle and Peter talk so Peter can talk to Other!John so Other!John can confirm to Peter so Peter can conclude to Michelle that he will call Management? It's clutter. It's just fluff. It totally kills the mood and makes everything sound like a Halloween Episode of The Office.
- The characters are now all one-dimensional gags. Michelle is a dumbass who can't get a clue. That or she's so smug, she just doesn't care about people's problems (due to the lack of characterization I am forced to assume). I can't believe someone like Michelle is even allowed to work in a place like that, even if she is just a secretary. Also, did you really have to name the other guy John as well? His naming's significance is only to introduce the fact that he exists as per the initial dialogue between Peter and Michelle. When Peter could've just called him straight without ruining continuity.
- Hahahahah. God. Dat accent. Okay first off, I see you are from Britain. Good. For a minute there I thought you might be offending someone's accent for real. Secondly, even if that were the case, the usage of accents in fiction is only significant if how the person talks is significant to the entire plot. Whether or not he's Australian, German, or British has no bearing on his ability as a whatever it is that he does. So there's no point in having him talk like that when you can simply say "...he gruffed in a heavy British accent." and then we would know all the same.
- I would like to see you gargle down scalding hot coffee. Not only is it uh...scalding...but it's bitter as hell. The mannequin knows this; it mentions that it misses the flavor. It's not like he's never had one before, and if he has this is twice as stupid. Why would he be excited that it's scalding? Can't he actually feel the coffee this time? Do you know the effects of having a burnt throat? Actually having flesh in that regard is a disadvantage no matter how new the feeling is. He might as well drill his arm off because he misses what pain feels like.

Vern1
- Why bother mention Tier-C when you're not even going to explain what it is. Just saying Tier-C is doing nothing but telling us that there are different Tiers of Planets classified. Instead, I'd improve on that by making subtle definitions like "It shouldn't be a problem, after all the Planet has been classified as Tier-C." or something to that effect depending on what you want to say.
- A Click is a distance and your speaker is a soldier. No probs there. So why is it used in the paragraph as a reference of time and not distance? "The drone went missing a few clicks after the data was received. So which one is it? Did the drone go off after sending data or after it continued its journey after sending data. It's rather confusing and I don't really know why you used Clicks this way.
- Look its either mist or its not. Don't tell us you're sure and then you're not. You were there---what did it look like? What did it feel like? What was odd about it that it didn't feel like mist even though it was. And did the sensor previously say that it WAS mist? If it wasn't sure, maybe you should've said the sensor detected "mist-like substances" or "white anomalous splotches in the area".
- Mind revising your mission statement again? So they're tasked with escorting some scientists BUT will only stay to protect them if the planet is inhabitable? So if it's not and it's dangerous, do they just leave the scientists there to do something else? I'm just interpreting it as I read it.
- You have literally nothing on the planet itself except that it's "dangerous" and "full of mist" and it is apparently a "tier C" planet whatever that means. What possessed your Soldier to declare that this planet is "Beautiful"? What other sources did he have on the subject? He should've just omited that part and admitted that he wants to get away from the frontlines, that would've been more believable.

Haru3
- that is the most insecure suitcase in the world. that or its owner is a dumbass who doesnt lock things
- you can't screw a lightbulb to a cigarette. you can only strike a match to it and it is considered LIT.
- Why is Tim relieved that people are no longer kissing his ass?
- Tim's co-worker exits the room. The place is not in danger at all. His first instinct is to kick him in the nuts.
- How nice of Phil to continue talking normally while "wincing"
- If Tim grounded his teeth, he wouldnt have teeth anymore
- Exactly how does Phono "increase the money of the city" when you've already established that Coal and Gas still rule the planet? Just because electric cars exist doesn't mean we'd all like to use them now.

Zero1
- You are monologuing from a Convinience Store...but you're traversing abandoned buildings?
- You've never felt anything even when people were around. Why would you care now that they aren't? I mean, yeah that's the point of this. But to have such a quick change of beliefs in such a short period of time is confusing and unrealistic. He should be glad they're gone. You know maybe a little perspective on what's it like to be alone should best be explored.
- Nobody writes ellipses in a diary
- Why is it quiet? What about the wind? TV? The Radio? Things crashing into things because the people are gone. The world doesn't shut up if it's just the people that are gone. There's more to it than just us.

Chamel2
- You described his clothes, mentioned public indecency, but did not do anything with that. Wasted opportunity. Why even describe his clothes at all? It's not significant.
- Ooooh lookit me, I'm a rebel. I don't like being told what to do. Even if if it's a kind courteous request to leave freely. I mean, the cop wasn't exactly DEMANDING you to leave; so what is it he is rebelling against exactly.
- Equally retarded is how afraid the cop is from a threat like that. You know what a real cop would do? Laugh at how retarded you're character made a not-really-a-threat. Shake it off as confused new age lingo that kids these days use. Slap your ass silly and threaten you with another night of confinement. Call up your parents or guardian or whatever. ANYTHING, but be afraid. He's a cop for god's sakes. And Chance is a punk ass kid who didn't even get arrested for something serious. There was literally no grounds by which the cop should feel threatened in the slightest given everything that's happened.
- RAISED an eyebrow. Or an eyebrow ROSE. Never both. I don't usually correct grammar but this was really forced and blatant.
- Waffles Mgee, take notes this is how you do a character with an accent. Chance says something early on, and the readers fill in the blanks themselves as to how he sounds like.
- By the by, I'm pretty sure Chance is suppose to be detained in some kind of caged room instead of sitting in the front of the police station until it's 6AM or some shit. Unless he was being questioned and processed, there's no way he'd be sitting there in plain sight unattended to.

Vern2 and 3
- just because you clarified here that it is in fact mist doesn't mean you shouldn't fix your last entry. In that last entry, we have to establish that you are wary to think it is mist without being sure that it is.
- ...okay what. How can mist stick to a planet's surface? What does that even mean? It's a gas right? So how can you know it's even stuck to the ground. What difference would it have made if it wasnt attached to the ground?
- So the best metaphor you can come up with for how cliffs are steep is that they came from a cereal box? Did you just have breakfast and brainstormed that one out of nowhere?
- I question what a wet pillow feels like, and how this soldier knows what that feels like.
====================
- Those are some really efficient insta-huts. If all it took was two days to build huts, what was the point of bringing those encumbering sleeping bags? Also, why are the soldiers whining that they have to sleep in the bags. They're soldiers...who came from the front line! They're used to roughing it.
- How can he watch the sunset if the Mist is everywhere? You already mentioned previously how difficult it is to manuver due to all the haze. I seriously need you to discuss the mist in detail. It just seems like it's very relevant to the plot if you're going to bring it up alot.
- I know that later on we find out that the soldier is recording for his wife, but shouldn't that fact have been made clearer in the very beginning of this series? I was really wondering how he is able to say things like "Bye" and "wet pillows" with his commander watching this.
- Switching of the POV is bothering me. It's better to remain consistent because then you're going to be forced to use italics everytime you record something.

Day 1
Day 1.1
Day 1.2
Day 1.3

Quote from Zero

Okay, I know I'm being a dick but is a suspension really necessary?

I mean, 30 minutes a day just to at least write anything you want(It could be just 200 words for God's sake) isn't that much you know. One of the reasons why you signed up was to keep a consistent work pace right? In order to discipline yourselves but if you keep making excuses like these, I don't think you should have signed up in the first place.

A) You are being a bit of a dick.

B) Yes a suspension is necessary, for me anyways. Final exams and grades aren't exactly something I have room to fuck with at the moment. Every minute is precious study time (except for those few minutes every now and then when I decide to take a short break [like now]). And I'd also like to point out that I am, in fact, "disciplining myself" by prioritizing my school work over writing, which I remind you is more of past time rather than a necessity.

C) Besides, it isn't like I'm flat out quitting; it's only for a few days until I get through these exams.

Quote from Devour

No worries. People can rejoin any time they'd like.

^
----------

Quote from Hewitt

- You described his clothes, mentioned public indecency, but did not do anything with that. Wasted opportunity. Why even describe his clothes at all? It's not significant.

- Equally retarded is how afraid the cop is from a threat like that. You know what a real cop would do? Laugh at how retarded you're character made a not-really-a-threat. Shake it off as confused new age lingo that kids these days use. Slap your ass silly and threaten you with another night of confinement. Call up your parents or guardian or whatever. ANYTHING, but be afraid. He's a cop for god's sakes. And Chance is a punk ass kid who didn't even get arrested for something serious. There was literally no grounds by which the cop should feel threatened in the slightest given everything that's happened.

- RAISED an eyebrow. Or an eyebrow ROSE. Never both. I don't usually correct grammar but this was really forced and blatant.

- By the by, I'm pretty sure Chance is suppose to be detained in some kind of caged room instead of sitting in the front of the police station until it's 6AM or some shit. Unless he was being questioned and processed, there's no way he'd be sitting there in plain sight unattended to.

1) I agree I could have done more with the clothing, but as I mentioned it was supposed to be the start of a short side-story, and I had planed to describe it in more detail later on.

2) I was going more for an uncomfortable feeling, not threatened. But I guess I can see why it seemed like the cop felt afraid.. Any tips on how I could fix that?

3) Whoops... Sorry about that.

4) Duly noted.

Quote from Chamel

A) You are being a bit of a dick.

B) Yes a suspension is necessary, for me anyways. Final exams and grades aren't exactly something I have room to fuck with at the moment. Every minute is precious study time (except for those few minutes every now and then when I decide to take a short break [like now]). And I'd also like to point out that I am, in fact, "disciplining myself" by prioritizing my school work over writing, which I remind you is more of past time rather than a necessity.

C) Besides, it isn't like I'm flat out quitting; it's only for a few days until I get through these exams.


^

If it was necessary, I don't see how my post could have offended you?

Mostly, I was pointing it out to "Haru". I'm not that naive that I would let a forum matter take over real life matters but okay I guess.

One may feel some pressure about those 200 words written in 30 minutes if Hewitt brings the pain through paraphraphs. But it's criticism and I appreciate it, though others may not.