Blade Mercenaries

Started by: Haru | Replies: 324 | Views: 31,436

IgnusBurns
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Mar 2, 2016 1:12 AM #1440334
Levi's Random Stuff (Click to Show)
Haru
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Mar 3, 2016 11:07 PM #1440639
Btw writers, we are open for CnC of any of these short and sweet pieces.
I'll edit this post with CnC.

Edit:
Levi (Click to Show)


Chaotic: I like the sarcasm, and I get your message.
It was short and sweet, perfect for me. Moar description plz.
Other than that, due to my inexperience, I'm not seeing much that stands out.
Chaotic Penguin
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Mar 4, 2016 3:09 AM #1440687

He walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge and searching its contents. Pulling out ingredients for a sandwich, he walked to the counter. He started making his sandwich, pouring on some lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, and ham. Putting it on a plate, he walked to the living room's couch. Sitting down, he turned on the TV, digging into his sandwich...


Hm. It seems a bit too choppy... you have a bunch of commas and whatnot almost every sentence, in a way where it is all very short, but then you pull out some periods and every sentence begins with an action. After reading every sentence I feel like there's something more to be said. Some variety would be nice.

Please don't hurt me
IgnusBurns
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Mar 4, 2016 4:21 AM #1440695
Quote from Chaotic Penguin
Hm. It seems a bit too choppy... you have a bunch of commas and whatnot almost every sentence, in a way where it is all very short, but then you pull out some periods and every sentence begins with an action. After reading every sentence I feel like there's something more to be said. Some variety would be nice.

Please don't hurt me

Hmm... Thanks, I'll try editing my post to see what I can do...
Haru
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Mar 8, 2016 1:21 AM #1441207
Myeh heh heh.
This week's weekly, I'm going to make you do a fight scene.
This is going to be a collaboration between you two guys. Make it happen.
Write a story about Catena and Levi sparring, with Kiro watching on.
IgnusBurns
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Mar 8, 2016 2:02 AM #1441210
Welp... Uh... Hey Chaotic!! How should we go about this?? :00
Haru
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Mar 8, 2016 2:25 AM #1441213
Wait I got an better idea.
Lemme edit my post.
Chaotic Penguin
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Mar 8, 2016 12:34 PM #1441265
Bruh. Please, don't make me do another collab m9

Just do a spar between me and Levi.

Ples

BTW, it's much easier to read now Ignus
Haru
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Mar 8, 2016 1:19 PM #1441269
Ok Bruh.
I got it, editing for the second time.
Chaotic Penguin
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Mar 10, 2016 11:42 PM #1441624
Wow I finished it.
pls don't hurt me (Click to Show)
IgnusBurns
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Mar 11, 2016 12:11 AM #1441630
Probably should've said this earlier, but I'm incapable of writing at the moment.
Outside reasons, can't explain 'em here... So Haru, you might wanna do a monthly or so. I can at least do that.
Btw, nice story Chaotic... :D
Haru
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Mar 14, 2016 3:09 PM #1442012
Alright guys,
Weekly or Monthly today?
Your choice.
Chaotic Penguin
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Mar 14, 2016 11:42 PM #1442070
I'm already done so it's up to Ignus
IgnusBurns
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Mar 14, 2016 11:43 PM #1442071
I can go for a monthly, so hit me up Haru. ;]
Haru
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Mar 15, 2016 12:08 AM #1442073
Gotcha. I'll pm when I can.