Quote from RichardLongflopI guess I oughta stick to the silly physical fights then. Sigh.
I honestly don't think you should. I'm in no position to give you, of all people, criticism, but one thing I must say is that your character is absolutely brilliant and it'd be a shame to see him go. My only problem with your story was that it was focused too much around Penny(even though that's kinda what your character is all about) and took way too long to get to the point. I can appreciate you wanting to fully represent the character, but please keep in mind that us "commonfolk" typically have the attention span of hyperactive squirrels. Humans have a natural desire for bloodshed, and we crave for our bloodlust to be sated. When Penny dispatched that guard you had me hooked(easy to please, aren't I?) and I read through the whole story eagerly awaiting my meal. The father's child, her brother's nurse, the fish tank...all appetizers that set the bar too high for a feast that was, in all honesty...average.
But what do I know? I'm just a mediocre writer who needs to hide behind edgy metaphors.