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devi VS Cruel

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devi

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Apr 13, 2016 11:27 PM #1445983
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

IN ONE CORNER WE HAVE CRUEL'S MYSTERIOUS... ZOE! IN THE OTHER CORNER WE HAVE DEVI'S PROBABLY INSANE... LIGHT!

Cruel
Spoiler (Click to Show)
d over the surface of the grey rocks. It was cold, just the way she liked it. The wind howled over the jagged formations that towered over her. The mountains were calm and still as they always were. Strong. Consistent. Powerful.

Zoe knew nothing of this. Consistency? Strength? No, only pain. So much pain. Only pain and regret. Thoughts swirled in her head as she took in a deep breath of the fresh mountain air. She held her breath momentarily, savoring the wind that blew through her straight, black hair. She exhaled, and her breath was visible in a small white cloud that dispersed almost instantly. Her red scarf flapped behind her as she tried to bring her mind to anything else but what she had done.

She had lost control again. She had destroyed a small town. Men. Women. Children. Nothing was spared. She had cleaned herself up of all the blood, and was trying to recover from the realization that she may never have complete control of her abilities. Tears welled up at the thought, but she suppressed them. She had cried enough today, more would simply be redundant.

The brutality that she had unleashed wouldn’t leave her mind. The bodies. Fire. Limbs. She was used to it now, but her conscience could never forgive her for failing to contain the monster she became. For failing to control the man slaughters she had committed. The innocent blood that covered her hands, and entire body at times to be quite literal. She had basic control of the first stages of her angelic and demonic form, but any further than that and she lost complete memory of the events that followed. The evidence afterwards however painted a picture in her mind she wish she could forget.

That was the worst part. She remembered nothing more than stray fragmented memories that simply tormented her. Screaming. Yelling. Crying. The rest was a blurry mess of blood and gore she didn’t care to remember in the first place. It was too painful knowing she could do nothing about it. One day she would control the monster she was. Today was not that day, and she dealt with the emotional consequences as they came.

“Only a sinner would commit the crimes you have committed.” A powerful voice filled the air behind her. Zoe was too tired to give the voice a second thought. She tried to ignore it. Maybe whoever it was would leave her in peace. She just wanted to rest.

“Sinners need to be extinguished. I will purge the sin from this world.” The voice said. Clearly it wouldn’t be leaving any time soon.

Zoe sighed. She turned around from the cliff face she stood near to face the voice. A large, shining suit of armor stood before her, holding a massive sword on his shoulder like it was nothing. It shined, regardless of the lack of light from the cloudy sky. Glistening like a warrior of peace. He was covered from head to toe in armor, and nothing about him proved he was human. An angel perhaps to end her? The Angelic Council had wanted her dead for a long time. It considered her an abomination to both demons and angels. She didn’t belong anywhere it seemed.

“Were you sent to kill me?” Zoe asked, remaining completely emotionless. She didn’t want to fight. Not now. Her body was weak from earlier and she needed to recover.

“None sent me.” The giant warrior replied. “I am called Light. I extinguish the darkness of this world. I find you to be guilty of slaughtering a village of people.”

“Everybody has darkness. As well as light.” Zoe replied, clenching her fists. “Its simply a matter of which you allow to win. In my case, I have no say in the victor.” Zoe moved her hair out of her face as the wind changed direction. “My body simply chooses, and my mind become victim to it’s madness.” Zoe sensed something different about Light. He claimed he was there to extinguish the darkness, but something felt wrong about him. Dark almost. As if Light was nothing more than a false cover for something much more evil. A deceiver perhaps.

“And you have chosen darkness.” Light said. Swinging his sword to his side, a powerful aura was felt as pebbles around him bounced from the power he emanated. “Prepare to be purged, sinner.”

Zoe sighed. A fight was unavoidable. She would never run from a challenger. Judging from his armor, her skill in hand to hand combat would be next to useless while she was still in her human form. She wanted to avoid transforming into her demonic form if at all possible. Her transformation could potentially kill her, especially since she had so recently transformed and killed…

She shook her head and brought her mind back to the opponent in front of her. This would be a battle to the death judging from his stance. Fine by her.

“If I am darkness, “ Zoe said, holding her right eye. Light radiated from it and it spilled out of her fingers. She lowered her hand, and her eye had turned completely white and was glowing. A trickle of blood ran down her face and dripped off her chin from using her angelic power. “Then explain this.”

“It does nothing to change your fate. You will be purged, girl.” He pointed his sword at Zoe. “This won’t even be a battle. Accept your darkness, for now you shall receive your judgement.”

“I’ve met God, I’ve tussled with Lucifer, and had coffee with Gabriel.” Zoe said. “You are nothing more than an arrogant nuisance that acts of his own accord.”

Light snarled at the statement. How dare she insult his holy quest to purge darkness! He rushed forward, his shining armor clanging as he lumbered toward her. He was slower than she thought he would be. Perfect.
He swung his sword horizontally. Light trailed Zoe’s movement as she effortlessly leaped over the blade that sliced through the air. She landed on her feet as swiftly as she had lept, preparing to dodge the next swing of his blade. He swung his sword overhead, trying to bring it down on her with brutal force. She effortlessly sidestepped it as the giant blade cut into side of the cliff.

The ground shook as the ground they stood on began to give way, The impact of the powerful blade had shattered the earth they stood on, and it started slipping away down the face of the powerful mountain. Zoe jumped onto Light’s armored back, and pushed off of him. She used his back like a spring to launch her onto the stable ground higher on the top of another cliff face. Sliding on the rocky ground as she landed from her acrobatic feat.

Light began slipping down the mountain, caught up in all the rocks that suddenly became gravel under his powerful feet. He tumbled down the cliff face with the rocks he had dislodged until he landed on his back far below where Zoe stood, who now watched from her perch above him. She shook her head. With speed like that, he could never hope to hit her.

Light pushed himself to his feet. He felt humiliated that he just sent himself down a mountainside. He decided to use an ability he possessed to end the fight right there. He wouldn’t even have to hit her with his sword.
He raised his sword and pointed it at Zoe. She squinted, struggling to see what he was doing from her ledge far above him. Nothing he did from where he stood could hit her. Or so she thought.

Light concentrated into a ball of energy that crackled on the tip of his sword. It glowed and electric surges pulsed from the pure energy like light that rested there.

Zoe realized what he was doing, but it was too late for her to dodge it. She dropped to the ground on the cliff face in an attempt to take cover from what came next.

“Concentrated light.”

Like a crack of lighting, the ball released the energy contained, unleashing havoc onto the mountain side. A spray of rock and fire flew into the air in a fiery explosion as the beam hit the rock, sending shards of earth in every direction. The concussion from the blast launched Zoe from her perch, sending her into a spiral as she flew through the air and down toward the level that Light stood. She smashed into the side of a rock, shattering a rib. Her eye reverted to normal and began bleeding onto the rock face as pain exploded into her chest.

The dust settled, and the wind pushed clouds of dirt out of the way to reveal Light laughing in his own arrogant way. He waded through the sea of dust with blood lust in his eyes.

“Prepare to be purged, demon.” He said as he twirled his sword, preparing to finish off his injured prey. Dust swirled around him as he displaced the air with his blade.

Zoe gasped for air as bits of her rib threatened to penetrate other organs inside of her. She was seriously injured. She needed to try something drastic.

Light grabbed her by her throat and raised her above the sea of dust that began to part. He pointed his massive sword at her chest, about to run her through as she gasped for air.

Zoe bit her hand and blood stained the shiny armor. A red aura surrounded Zoe as power coursed through her from activating the first form of her demon self. Her eye swirled into a murky black until it was nothing but darkness.

“I will show you a true demon.” Zoe said as her voice began to change. “Welcome to hell.”

She grabbed the arm that held her by the throat and began crushing with inhuman brute strength. The metal began to bend at her massively acquired grip. Light growled and thrust his sword arm forward. Zoe grabbed the blade with her bare hands and it barely cut her as her skin hardened. Her hand holding the hand bled before thrusting the sword aside, launching the massive weapon like a toy in the wind. Light was surprised by the sudden strength she had gained from this form. He swung his fist and hit her in the chest out of his hand, sending her tumbling into the dirt until she hit the rock again. She stood up and wiped the blood from her eye.

“You hit like a bitch.” She laughed as darkness began consuming her body. “Allow me to show you how to punch so it hurts.”

Before Light could react, Zoe was right in front of him. She punched him with her bare hand into his helmet. Normally that would break every bone in her arm from hitting a metal piece of armor so hard, but Zoe was hardly human at this point. Light’s head snapped back from the blow and it completely flipped him off of his footing from the sheer force of the impact. He bounced off the rocks like a rag-doll before finding his footing and sliding across the rocks, jarring him to a halt as dirt flew into the air once more.

Thunder boomed overhead as the two powerful, spiritual beings locked eyes. Two fates intertwined with only one victor to emerge alive. Zoe’s eyes were both bleeding now and swirled into darkness.

“I will show you hell.” Zoe said as giant black wings sprouted from her back, flinging blood in every direction. Small horns jutted out of her head in a bloody mess, and her other eye turned completely black. “I will erase you, scum. I will have you witness first hand the power you lack.” Her voice had completely changed. It was dark and evil sounding.

“You will die today, sinner.” Light replied. His armor turned completely black. A black mist like substance swirled around his armor as his power significantly rose. The shining silver armor turned a murky black color.

Zoe flapped her wings once in a powerful blast, clearing the smoke around her. Her eye’s glowed red and you could practically feel the hatred in the air resonating from the fully demonic girl.

“DIE DOG!” Two large lasers shot from her eyes, tearing up the ground in front of her as dirt and rocks from the top of the cliff spewed like shrapnel as the energy cut through the rock. Zoe lifted her head, pointing the deadly beams toward Light, destroying the earth as they made their way toward their target.

Light twisted his sword, deflecting the lasers back into the mountain when they made it to her, causing an explosion in the earth near his feet and launching the surprised titan into the air. Zoe grinned evilly. He was airborne, where she was fastest.

With a powerful blast of her wings, she launched herself into the air and toward her target with lightning speed and an intent to kill. Her clenched fist connected with the middle of Light’s abdomen in a sickening mid air uppercut, causing the armor to crack around her fist. Light suddenly realized he had met his match as her fist punctured through his powerful black armor like paper and hitting his organs. Light coughed blood into his helmet. He was coming to terms with his mortality. He smiled under his helmet.

“I will die knowing you have to live with your sin, and that satisfies me.” He said, coughing again as blood dripped from the underside of his helmet.

“Silence, worm.” Zoe said as she grabbed his arm with her other hand, denting the armor with her powerful demonic grip. She pulled until his arm came off entirely, tossing it down the mountainside like a toy. The frayed muscles spewed blood as his armor lost power and turned back to its original silver color. Zoe grabbed the knight by his throat, now covered in blood from his internal bleeding. She stopped moving her wings so that gravity took its role and they began free falling toward the earth. She flapped them toward the sky, shooting her and her powerless victim toward the earth at incredible speeds. She slammed him head first into the ground, and the earth exploded into dirt, rocks, and blood.

Zoe panted as her darkened eyes looked at the mess of gore and bits of metal that surrounded her. The pain in her chest began as she slowly became human again. The wings turned to dust, starting at the tips and slowly falling apart. Blood ran down her back from the spots where her wings were, and she coughed up blood as the internal damage from transforming was starting to set in.

She shut her eyes as the blood that ran down them blinded her temporarily. When she opened them they were her regular blue color. She stared wide eyed at the gore around her as she fell to her knees, gripping her stomach at the immense amount of pain she felt. She looked at her hands. They were covered in blood, and her own blood from her eyes dripped onto them to add to it. She felt nauseous and vomited a mixture of blood and bile into her hands. She hated what she was. She wanted to die. She screamed at the emotional and physical pain as she realized what she had done, and a mixture of tears and blood streamed down her face.

She curled into a ball and hoped she would be lucky enough to die right then and there. Not today.[/spoiler]

devi
Spoiler (Click to Show)
needed.” Light whispered heavily to himself as he got on his knees, the impact shaking his armor and making a loud metal clashing sound, and slammed his hands together in the form of a prayer. Barely a second into his newly acquired seating, and he started to pray loudly. It was not of any language that was native to this world, seeming to be distorting and molding at every turn of a sentence. Despite this, Light continued as if he was speaking the common tongue.

He thought pleasant thoughts, the beautiful light of good that would guide humanity, the High Above kingdom for those who have lived good lives under the name of god, the smiling children who carry and care for the strong who stand by the lord. These bright and beautiful pictures of hope easily flooded his mind, like a large bucket of light had been poured on his mortal mind as the picture of his god showed itself to its servant.

But wait, something was wrong! The images, they started to fade with a darkness slowly consuming the light. The horrors the images suddenly morphed to were sickening, the pictures of children turning into small imps of malicious intent with massive appetites for death and chaos. The pictures of the High Above melting into a kingdom of rotting flesh, populated with putrid beasts with no remorse for any man. Finally the picture of god. NO! It can’t be happening! The untainted pureness of god! It was morphing into a picture of- it can’t be, Lucifer!

Light violently awoke from his praying and fell back to the ground with a loud thud. His eyes slowly adjusting to the
Cruel
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Apr 14, 2016 3:25 AM #1446009
First official battle after having my wRHG forever. I enjoyed your story Devi. Honestly, since I'm actually working on a novel based off of this character, it was really sad to see her get, well, beaten the shit out of. :c
devi

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Apr 14, 2016 3:39 AM #1446012
Well I loved watching her get pummeled : ^ )
Cruel
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Apr 14, 2016 8:06 PM #1446112
To those that voted (or didnt) could you leave some CnC with it? It'd be appreciated.
Kamiroo Wolf
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Apr 14, 2016 8:29 PM #1446117
Still reading, but in school
Applecharm11 Starhorse

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Apr 15, 2016 2:38 AM #1446169
Quote from Kamiroo Wolf
Still reading, but in school


Same :)
Kamiroo Wolf
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Apr 15, 2016 4:40 AM #1446182
Forgot to review when I got off bus. I'm voting for Devi.

@BothOfYou: Grammatical Errors diluted both of your stories, more so on Devi's part than on Cruel's.

@Cruel: You're story was well-written, had only a few grammatical errors(silly mistakes we all make), and was pretty clear and easy to follow. However, one thing that took me out of the story, were Zoe and Light's characters. With your story I just felt like they were reading off a script, and saying exactly what it was I was expecting them to say. The fight was good, had me interested, but ultimately felt a bit too... idk... bland?

@Devi: Ok! Grammatical errors hurt. It wasn't that big a deal, but I would have felt a bit more immersed had there been a bit more revising and editing put into the piece x.x But again, we all make these mistakes. Now, onto the reason I'm voting for you: the characters and story felt a bit more real to me here than in Cruel's story. The lines were a tad generic at times(as were Cruel's), but overall I got a lot more out of Devi's story than I did his opponent. I felt more and saw more than the expected "Heretic! You shall be cleansed!"(even though that was still a big part of both your stories). On top of that, I think Devi simply deserves a win for his resilience.

At the end of the day, the amount of effort and time you both put into your works is appreciated. Great work the both of you!
Cassandra
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Apr 17, 2016 6:31 PM #1446500
I thought Cruel's story was better because I got a better sense of what was happening in it.
Devi's one was fine, but it felt longer than it needed to be.

My choice is based on personal preference, but both of you guys did a wonderful job. Keep up the good writing!
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Apr 18, 2016 2:19 AM #1446560
Quote from Cassandra
I thought Cruel's story was better because I got a better sense of what was happening in it.
Devi's one was fine, but it felt longer than it needed to be.

My choice is based on personal preference, but both of you guys did a wonderful job. Keep up the good writing!


Thanks babe <3.
hamnet
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Apr 18, 2016 2:35 AM #1446562
Quote from Cruel
To those that voted (or didnt) could you leave some CnC with it? It'd be appreciated.


Cruel, basically you did really well but in some places you could have had better word choices to make the audience feel a certain way. Or for instance when Zoe kills Light and she had the possibility to die after the transformation from being a demon ended, you could have emphasized better how hurt she really was instead of just her curling into a ball and not dying. This all goes for you as well Devi you had the same problems as Cruel. Overall words with more meaning, and better puncuation to display the pain or the distance from humanity for example:


"Darkness...
all.

I Feel...

is darkness."

This has more emotional value for a reader than " Darkness. all I feel. is darkness" because it's how you read it just word choice and how the words are place to protray what is going on during a certain moment during the story, much like you see in many fantasy books; as seen in the Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown. Just work on that and you two will be destroying everyone with you crazed tank guys and sweet devil killer lady.

Good luck hope I helped.
Hewitt

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Apr 18, 2016 6:53 AM #1446577
God both your stories are long. Can someone give me a cliffnoets on the 2 stories before I dive into it?
hamnet
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Apr 18, 2016 7:02 PM #1446625
Quote from Hewitt
God both your stories are long. Can someone give me a cliffnoets on the 2 stories before I dive into it?


Demon/Angel fights crazed man of justice( pretty much Garen from league of legends vs. a combination of Kayle and Morgana) dunno if you under stand these refferences but gl lmao
Kamiroo Wolf
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Apr 18, 2016 8:44 PM #1446634
Quote from hamnet
Demon/Angel fights crazed man of justice( pretty much Garen from league of legends vs. a combination of Kayle and Morgana) dunno if you under stand these refferences but gl lmao


Very accurate
Alphaeus
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Apr 18, 2016 10:33 PM #1446639
Okay. Both of you had great stories, so this was an enjoyable read. I will be voting for Cruel, however.

So, for Cruel first:
Cruel (Click to Show)


Now for Devi:
Devi (Click to Show)


In conclusion: Devi had a better story overall, but he missed his chance with adding extra scenes when he needed concise build-up for the emotional plight of Light. Cruel, I think you WOULD have lost, had this not been the case. Your story was mid-line, and contained a major, MAJOR flaw (IMO). Nevertheless, you win because despite that, your story could be followed and, more importantly, enjoyed.


Hope my CnC helps you both -- looking forward to great battles from these chars.

EDIT: Forgot to mention -- I needed Char Sheet links to both your characters! Cruel at least had a link in his sig, but Devi...I had to hunt yours down through the gladiator list.
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Apr 18, 2016 11:55 PM #1446648
Quote from hamnet
Cruel, basically you did really well but in some places you could have had better word choices to make the audience feel a certain way. Or for instance when Zoe kills Light and she had the possibility to die after the transformation from being a demon ended, you could have emphasized better how hurt she really was instead of just her curling into a ball and not dying. This all goes for you as well Devi you had the same problems as Cruel. Overall words with more meaning, and better puncuation to display the pain or the distance from humanity for example:


"Darkness...
all.

I Feel...

is darkness."

This has more emotional value for a reader than " Darkness. all I feel. is darkness" because it's how you read it just word choice and how the words are place to protray what is going on during a certain moment during the story, much like you see in many fantasy books; as seen in the Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown. Just work on that and you two will be destroying everyone with you crazed tank guys and sweet devil killer lady.

Good luck hope I helped.


How is this CnC salty? It was fine bro, thanks :)
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