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Varden Redwood

Started by: Chromym | Replies: 10 | Views: 1,932

Chromym

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Jun 25, 2016 3:08 AM #1452159
Name: Varden Redwood
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Height: 5’9
Race: Human
Family: Mom, Dad and one younger sister
Alignment: Neutral Good
Status: Single

Appearance: (Click to Show)


Personality: (Click to Show)


Abilities/Weapons: (Click to Show)


Weaknesses: (Click to Show)


Story: (Click to Show)


Demo: (Click to Show)


Battles: None yet

Points: 0/0/0/0

Availability: Yes, i'm ready!
shadowmirror
2

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Jun 25, 2016 3:17 AM #1452163
That's a good one, Good luck fighting here and I would like to challenge you sometime.
Kamiroo Wolf
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Jun 25, 2016 3:28 AM #1452164
Quote from shadowmirror
That's a good one, Good luck fighting here and I would like to challenge you sometime.


I second that(fite meh... after Shadowmirror of course). Interesting character you got here Chromym, hope you do well.
shadowmirror
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Jun 25, 2016 3:33 AM #1452166
Kamiroo- senpai, if you want you could be first, though I need that battle to relax a little. I'm a bit tense these days
Kamiroo Wolf
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Jun 25, 2016 3:38 AM #1452167
Quote from shadowmirror
Kamiroo- senpai, if you want you could be first, though I need that battle to relax a little. I'm a bit tense these days


No, man go on with your bad self! I apologize for coming in after you in the first place. I really shouldn't be searching for fights right now anyway.

Edit: And quit calling me senpai Dx
Chromym

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Jun 25, 2016 3:46 AM #1452168
I'll fight you shadowmirror just set up the details with me and we'll do it I need the battle anyways for practice
Alphaeus
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Jun 26, 2016 2:13 AM #1452298
Okay...sooo....

I've decided to toss some critiques in your direction.

You have a good character. I would say he needs some refinement of his abilities and weaknesses to become a great character, but I will still say that as he is right now, he is good. Don't worry too much about perfecting him initially, even the best of us around here tend to develop our characters as we write and learn more about them.

I will toss in a note that you do need to work on your grammar. I don't know if English is your first language or not, so I won't be too hard on you, but just check it over for a bit more refinement.

Your writing is quite...straightforward. Remember to add more depth and variation in your sentences and word choice, as well as imagery.

HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN READ:

In wRHG, the battle should be only a small part of every story you write. These are STORIES, and as such they need fully developed plots, subplots, characters, minor characters, settting, theme, etc. Don't give us "just the fight" like you did in your demo. We need to know more. We need to want to read your story.

Comic strips are awesome action-packed pieces of work. The thing is, they are vastly different from the written story. If you can mentally see your story as a comic strip, you need to make it into an actual story.



Lastly, I would say that while your abilities are "OK", just make sure you avoid giving your character an "insta-kill" style of fighting. That's no fun for anyone.



You have great potential, and I hope you take this in the best possible way. I look forward to seeing what you can do. Welcome to the wRHG!
Chromium7

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Jun 26, 2016 3:47 AM #1452308
Heya. Just dropping in to say that I love your character, and that I find it awesome that we have a second writer with "Chrom" in their names now. Cheering from the sidelines!
Malacal
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Jun 27, 2016 1:11 AM #1452458
Chromium's new nickname is Chrom1
Chromym is going to be nicknamed Chrom2
#ez
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jun 27, 2016 9:53 PM #1452597
That's amazing. Also nice character. I am not really one to judge, being a n00b with a character only as an idea right now, but in my personal opinion: Is good, but what Alphaeus sed.
Najenda
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Jul 4, 2016 4:01 PM #1453413
This is a great character and I would love for us to battle someday! ^_^
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