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BIN THIS. NOW.

Started by: 969_DoomsDruid_969 | Replies: 93 | Views: 11,668 | Closed

969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jun 30, 2016 8:35 PM #1453056
Fucking bin it.
JUST. BIN IT. YES YOU CAN.
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jun 30, 2016 8:36 PM #1453057
Oh god I think I messed up somewhere... Whelp wont be available for a day to be crushed for this failure... See you in like 15 hrs.
Malacal
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Jul 1, 2016 2:11 AM #1453085
"What can she do"
*Clicks spoiler*
Nothing appears.
Nothing appears
Crank
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Jul 1, 2016 2:18 AM #1453086
This straight made my day! If ya need anything/need to know anything, hit me up! Best of luck, I like this girl, most likely regardless of the massive bias I suddenly have for her! Hope ya stick around!
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jul 1, 2016 6:29 AM #1453097
Quote from Malacal
"What can she do"
*Clicks spoiler*
Nothing appears.
Nothing appears

That's what I did wrong! Fixed it now.
Najenda
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Jul 4, 2016 5:51 PM #1453427
Nice character! ^_^
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jul 4, 2016 8:41 PM #1453448
Quote from Najenda
Nice character! ^_^


TY fam! Don't wanna fight btw, i kinda am trying to get in LORD AZUREs good books! Can you mention my clan update. Cuz it is important to me. So yeah. Bcool if you could do that. but after i have mediated (imma watch this war, its gonna be epic), i kinda would like to fight you and ergos, as well as six.
NOT AT THE SAME TIME.
Malacal
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Jul 6, 2016 8:44 AM #1453591
Alright so uh *burp*
I think your character is shit. Absolute shit. It's a diamond-studded shit. Like, if you clean it up it's pretty valuable. However, it's really hard to ignore the stench of shit.
And, my words are going to be harsh, don't take it personally. All new guys I feel need this get this. That's like, 80% of noobs. I will say though, you're doing alot better than what even some more established members have. However, I imagine I'm also am going to have to go through this multiple times. So, expect me to CnC multiple times.

CnC, fuck your clever titles. (Click to Show)
Alphaeus
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Jul 11, 2016 10:48 PM #1454059
First of all, Welcome to wRHG! We're glad to have you.

Secondly, you've got some bones of a great char in there.

Thirdly, ditch the "God" (invulnerable, omniscient, super-edgelord-I'm-a-special-snowflake) stuff. At least read how I executed my first wRHG, Altaer (at the bottom of my current wRHG char page), for an idea of how to make wRHG from the supernatural that is still reasonable IRL.

Fourthly, ditch the omniscience. Like, that trashes plot. Period. And the WRITER's lounge kinda requires plot in their stories. Otherwise they are just 1 dimensional smut.

Fifthly, ditch a couple of the "eyes" -- a bit too much. The Eye of Terror has to go, period.

Sixth, trim down your walls of text into readable lists that don't make me dizzy trying to decode them. Be concise.


If you take the about six suggestions, You'll have a wonderful char. I legit like this girl. She just needs to be tuned down a bit. If you leave her like she is, the only thing you are going to do is what is already happening behind the scenes (including me) -- the better writers read it, laugh at the "I'm the fucking Hero of Hero Mountain so Fuck You" God-moding, and then figure out funny ways to totally annihilate your char in ways you didn't think possible, despite her ultra-OP-ness.

Let me give you a lesson: if you soup up a car too much, you will blow the engine when you try to drive it.

Moral: Balance that can be wielded tactically is far better than just straight-up sickeningly overdone attempts at badassness.


I look forward to seeing what kind of work you can put out, because I think you can go far here, if you are willing to take the advice of those you call LORD. :D
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jul 12, 2016 7:55 AM #1454112
Quote from Alphaeus
First of all, Welcome to wRHG! We're glad to have you.

Secondly, you've got some bones of a great char in there.

Thirdly, ditch the "God" (invulnerable, omniscient, super-edgelord-I'm-a-special-snowflake) stuff. At least read how I executed my first wRHG, Altaer (at the bottom of my current wRHG char page), for an idea of how to make wRHG from the supernatural that is still reasonable IRL.

Fourthly, ditch the omniscience. Like, that trashes plot. Period. And the WRITER's lounge kinda requires plot in their stories. Otherwise they are just 1 dimensional smut.

Fifthly, ditch a couple of the "eyes" -- a bit too much. The Eye of Terror has to go, period.

Sixth, trim down your walls of text into readable lists that don't make me dizzy trying to decode them. Be concise.


If you take the about six suggestions, You'll have a wonderful char. I legit like this girl. She just needs to be tuned down a bit. If you leave her like she is, the only thing you are going to do is what is already happening behind the scenes (including me) -- the better writers read it, laugh at the "I'm the fucking Hero of Hero Mountain so Fuck You" God-moding, and then figure out funny ways to totally annihilate your char in ways you didn't think possible, despite her ultra-OP-ness.

Let me give you a lesson: if you soup up a car too much, you will blow the engine when you try to drive it.

Moral: Balance that can be wielded tactically is far better than just straight-up sickeningly overdone attempts at badassness.


I look forward to seeing what kind of work you can put out, because I think you can go far here, if you are willing to take the advice of those you call LORD. :D

It feels like I have explained everything the wrong way. First off, I can't ditch the god thing, cuz that is kinda the main point. But she still DOESN'T use it at any point during a fight or something similar. That is kinda a thing. Second, the eyes thing. Everyone is like "Oh no, eye of terror is an insta-win." Right ok, so generally, this will freak out most people, because they are perfectly normal humans. All the eye of terror does is show off what her actual power is. So yeah, its overwhelming, but not gibbering wreck-level on... actually all the wRHG's. It just reveals that she is op. however she doesn't do this, except on people with big egos. And extradimensional beings (demons, spirits, gods etc.). As for the wall of text, kay that makes sense. The whole "Hero of Hero Mountain" thing is straight up wrong. Like, my char uses her full power about this much of the time
never (Click to Show)
So it would be helpful if you took this into account. Also the Eye of Knowledge is her only source of "omniscience", and that just makes her learn some backstory. If the opponent has a disciplined mind, it takes like 3 days, so she doesn't really bother. If the opponent has any psychic defence, it doesn't work. But she can figure out things like, "oh they're a demon. so I can talk to them about it. That is about as much as she knows w/out the Eye. What species they are. But other than that, I would agree to most of this.
But it is mainly about the Mary Sue thing, which is the worst part.
The Mary Sue thing (Click to Show)

I realise I had to do a lot of defending, and will make some changes. But you kind of misinterpreted my char. Including you, LORD MALACAL. It is kind of annoying.
Alphaeus
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Jul 13, 2016 2:40 AM #1454205
I will wait to see your editing.

But perhaps I should be more blunt --

The wRHG community PROBABLY won't accept a char that is more or less GOD. Being MEANT to be a Mary Sue or not doesn't really matter. Here's the way things are going to run, if you insist upon not changing:


One of the better writers gets around to challenging you because they are bored. They use tons of strategy to wipe the floor with your decimated remains before totally wiping the remembrance of your char from the face of the entire universe and history permanently.


And then you never get another challenge.


See, even if your char doesn't break the rules, you've created something that simply isn't fun to write against.

Don't get me wrong, I understand what you're going for. BUT the mark of a good writer is that they take advice. Whether or not they happen to like their "editors," they take advice, and improve on their work that way. Sure, it might be a bit offending to have someone tell you that you're idea isn't great, but remember that what you think are stones being thrown at you might be diamonds in the rough.

We love new talent here, and seriously enjoy cultivating it, and would love to welcome you into the community. But two of the seasoned writers here have given you pretty much the same advice, and all the rest are saying the same things behind the scenes. If she doesn't use her full power at all, then it is none-essential, and should be removed. Removing non-essential parts is one of the core foundations of refining writing.


I do hope you learn and grow here, because I think you have potential. If you don't though, and insist upon using a char that several people have told you is overly edgy and OP (I'm not even going to talk about your clan and its NPC), it is not going to end up giving a good impression of yourself as one that works well with others.


Please take my comments in the best possible sense, because, again, I seriously just want to help you.

Best of Wishes, dude.
Crank
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Jul 13, 2016 3:33 AM #1454215
I think the point of this character, is that (s?)he specifically wants her to be a god. Alex is a sandbox character, someone to screw around and have fun with. She's not an exploration in grit or a haunting gorefest, and going by how I brought up the mass power, Malical brought up the mass power, you brought up the mass power, and she still wants to keep it, I think it's safe to assume that she wants a character like that. We've had overpowered characters before, and a lot of times after a trial stage, they're replaced by new, less overpowered characters, such as what happened with these two, as well as those of us with characters in our past that were up there as well.

What I'm saying, is that by now, it's clear that she wants this. If you don't want to deal with it, just don't fight her. Let her seek our her battles and if she wants to change as a result, let her. We're here because we like to write, and if Alex makes her want to write, let's give her a shot. No need to make someone who was eager to be here have to curl up into an even tighter ball.
Vern
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Jul 13, 2016 4:05 AM #1454217
Alright I think it's about time I throw my two cents here, regardless of how long I've held off of doing that.

Now I haven't really read through any of the abilities myself ; Others have given me enough of a rundown to get a clue as to how it all works and frankly I don't think I wouldn't tell ya anything others haven't told you yet, so let's just skip that whole part.

I appreciate what Crank tries to do here but that does not take away that I rather agree with Alphaeus. As Alph said most people here are really just trying to help you out and their advice could pretty much be a diamond in the rough. Now I completely get trying to do your own thing but it's as simple as this ; If you're character is not fun to battle against, nobody will ever bother battling with you.

Crank says people should get off of your back and I agree with that notion, but he also tries to tell us off by telling us we kinda did same things. While that's true to some degree he forgets to mention that none of us were really told off the way you were. Nobody came in and went like "Yo, your shit's too overpowered for this here debacle yo." He is definitely right about the creative process but battles need to happen before that process takes place, and the way your character is as it is it is unlikely that you will get any sort of battle that isn't a joke. This seems reminiscent Murphy Gray, who was also reluctant to alter his idea in the slightest.

Right, now that we have had that avenue covered let's move on to the next ; Most of the people here might be a bit too eager to try and fit the new stuff into certain 'boxes' so to speak. I mean this place was in the first instance meant for fun and I still support that idea, even though I myself take it far more seriously than I should. Perhaps others should consider that they might take it a bit too seriously too and that, as Crank said, we all go crazy sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that but you must understand, Druid, that the main reason all these people throw this CnC at ya is because they're eager to see new people and they're concerned that you won't get to see any sort of action because you're so reluctant to make some accommodations.

Honestly I don't think you should be fighting any of the people commenting on your profile yet since those have been in the game quite longer than you have and we're seeing some other new faces out there and I think you guys should really just go ahead and bash each other. Just take into consideration that your character mustn't only be fun for yourself, it must also be fun for others. It's not about making the most complicated, strongest character, far from. It's about making a fun and interesting one and even the weakest or simplest of characters can sometimes be the most fun to toy around with.

So just take that all into consideration mkay? We all just want peeps to have fun and they're afraid that you might not get any because nobody would wanna fight your character. I'm not gonna make any judgments because I have my own shit to deal with but perhaps you should listen to some of their advice, even if it's purely for your own sake!

Right, that's it. I hope it helps and I wish you good luck in the future, regardless of what you decide to do.
Chromium7

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Jul 13, 2016 1:21 PM #1454241
So I've thought about this a good bit, and... well... here's a quick outline showing what a story where Dante and Alex meet would end up looking like, if I were to write it. You seemed to be really keen on having Alex meet one of the members of Nehushtan, so I tried to give you an idea of what that would actually... look like.

Let's Say (Click to Show)


Now, let's look at what that would translate to, assuming this were all canon, and not any sort of dream.

But This Would Mean (Click to Show)


These are things that can be worked around, addressed, and resolved, but I mean… that's asking us to work around you, while also inviting you to be a part of us and do what we do. We'd need a reason for that. If your character is basically a more annoying God, don’t have them be so stingy with the miracles. Like- if you wanted to do a story with Crank, try and think about what his character would want versus what yours is currently offering. Is he even into vaguely teenage demonlings of “indeterminable age,” or is there more to... whatever is supposedly supposed to be going on? And I mean- truly I dunno what the laws are in New Salem, or what Serif would be into or looking for in this scenario, but like... do you? You might want to find out, or change things, expand on things, just something I guess... because I feel I’ve shown you that while there’s certainly room for a story here, I mean- you’re going to have to focus on making that story work with the people you’re looking to start writing with. If you’re really serious about pursuing this, seek out the writers you’re looking to work with, and let them show you what would need to happen to make it work- if anything could be done for it at all.

But yeah, I mean... good luck with... whatever, and sorry if I missed anything or called you out on anything you’ve already addressed or were looking to edit. Take care.
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Jul 15, 2016 9:50 PM #1454597
You know, she IS meant to be annoying. I thank you for noticing. But you know how I said she doesn't use her godmode Mary Sue? Welp, there may be the small problem with your first spoiler, that she wouldn't go around being omniscient or omnipotent. Like, she doesn't do that. It was basically designed to be an out. Like as in the thing CASSANDRA does, where her characters come back to life after they "die". She just doesn't, but is undetectable. And unlike gamers, she doesn't reset in order to beat them. If they beat her, she just chills with that. But I'm busy, so can people stop telling me my char. is shit and I should get rid of the things which make Alex Alex until I get around to changing her... slightly.
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