So here is the thing. I want to post on Stickpage more but things have changed, usernames, people, topics and shit I cant really keep up with all you young whippersnappers. I do love telling my stories however and boy do I have a good bunch of them.

So here is how this thread is gonna work. Ill pick 2 stories, but not really give the full details on them and just describe them with a few words. You guys pick which one you want to hear and I'll type the story out in full with details. So if you're all in a reading mood/want to know what I've been up to on my long hiatuses away from here, this thread is just PERFECT for you isnt it?

So the first two.

1. "Hey guys do I look like the chick from Titanic?"
2. "THIS IS HOW I FUCK"

CHOOSE WISELY.

Oh and whenever one gets picked, I'll bring the "losing" story back again in the choices so dont worry your pretty little head about not hearing a story you want to hear.

"this is how I fuck"

THIS IS HOW l FUCK

THIS IS HOW I LOOK LIKE THE CHICK FROM TITANIC

only possible choice

So, both combined.

I agree with "this is how I fuck"

THIS IS HOW I LOOK LIKE THE CHICK FROM TITANIC

Cause I thought we already knew how he fucked.

"This is how I fuck"
It sounds like a story that'll having you laughing.

THIS IS HOW I fuck

this is how i fuck

.kcuf I woh si sihT

i'm all for this is how i fuck

And by a large margin THIS IS HOW I FUCK has won!

Alright then, some small back story. I was cranking and we were underway (NOTE: "Cranking" is a term used for working on the messdecks, basically being a busboy. Everyone has to do it eventually) and I worked the night shift where we hardly do shit besides bullshit work since only one meal is served at night. So one night were scrubbing the decks, really tedious, bullshit and boring work. We decided to have some fun, so I lay on top of the mop bucket and someone else grabs my ankles and pushes me around while I hold the scrub brush. Apparently a chief saw this and by the grace of fuck he didnt chew our asses out. A girl who worked with us told us this and we were all "Why did you not warn us!?" to which she replied "What am I supposed to say!?" the guy who was pushing me retorted with "Oh I dont know how about hey guys theres a FUCKING CHIEF BEHIND YOU!?"

Fast forward to another night. Were scrubbing the decks as usual and I have a scrub brush with a really tiny stick on it, this thing comes up to my belly button maybe and if you think my name is just random THINK AGAIN. I am vertically challenged. So to really get into the deck and do a good job im holding this thing at such an akward way and going at it. Here is a poorly drawn MS Paint image to demonstrate.



So I exclaim to the group "HEY GUYS THIS IS HOW I FUCK!" and go at it like an animal looking retarded as fuck. Well, unknown to me there happened to be a senior chief behind me watching me make a fool of myself. So the guy from before who was pushing me on the mop bucket said "Hey, theres a FUCKING CHIEF BEHIND YOU" I didnt hear this at all. But the scrubber slipped from me and I kinda stumbled. It looked like I had hit myself in the genitals. The senior chief, again by the almighty grace of fuck doesnt chew out hides out. Instead once I slip he just laughs his ass off and walks away. Oh and yes, he was there to hear me say THIS IS HOW I FUCK...pretty loud...on the messdecks...in the middle of the night...which is located DIRECTLY above a berthing where chiefs sleep. (NOTE: "Berthing" is an area where you sleep. Usually holding a large amount of people in a small space)

And that ladies and germs, is HOW I FUCK.

NEXT TWO CHOICES!

1. "Hey guys do I look like the chick from Titanic?"
2. My very first shot of spiritus. Aka the devils very own sweat, semen and every other bodily fluid he can create.

Devil's sweet semen, seaman.

I know you want to tell the titanic story, but dammit if there's a story about your first shot of spiritus then I want to hear it.

My...aka...semen..fluid