Quote from Devour

My mom once walked in on me when I was going down on my ex. She's a strong Christian and didn't take it well at all :(

Strong christian? Like, she has huge muscles?

I suck.

Quote from Smile

Strong christian? Like, she has huge muscles?

I suck.

you're a terrible person.

lol i found like a browser that never saves history and shit like that its called tella2.8 and the description of the browser is fly like a bird lol

i was looking for like the fastest browser cuz my labtop really sucks and i still dont have my pc back

As a "Prank" I stuck my dick in pudding before giving it to my friend. But he didn't ask me to get it for him, he asked me to get it for his little 6 year old sister.
She ate it. There were hairs in it.
I can't eat pudding now. I never told him.

my mom caught me fapping to star trek while simultaneously eating grapes.

Quote from Sadko

my mom caught me fapping to star trek while simultaneously eating grapes.

That's some serious shit going on.

When I was a teenager, my sister locked me out of the house once in the summer. I went to knock on the porch door, the upper section being glass, to get her attention and let me in. I hadn't meant to hit it hard, but I managed to put my whole hand through it. Glass everywhere, my hand's bleeding, but I'm let inside to deal with it myself, because my mother and step father was out of the house. My sister calls them explaining what's happened, meanwhile I'm looking to make sure I don't have any glass in my hand. They arrive home, and immediately I'm scolded for my fit of rage and punching the window. Wait... I punched the window? According to how my sister explained it, that's what happened and now I'm not only grounded for the summer but have to spend part of my summer earnings paying for a stupid porch door replacement.

Once when i was texting a girl i know about some... Sexual stuff, (no, no relationships. Just friends.) and my mom suddenly went into the room. I have a goddarned iPhone 4 with iOS7 on it, so ppl with that setting should know what's it like going to the multitasking menu and deleting the process. So i couldnt, and my mom took my phone, with that goddamn chat on the main screen, and put it away without looking at it... I almost started believing in God after dat.

God cares about you and your sext.

Quote from Sadko

God cares about you and your sext.

YEAH BUT HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE STARVING KIDS IN AFRICA

CHECKMATE, RASTAFARIANS!

I slipped on a banana peel.

I thought that only happens in cartoons.

Quote from Zero

I slipped on a banana peel.

I thought that only happens in cartoons.

Maybe we are the cartoons...

I once was in bed with a girl and she told me that if I'm uncomfortable I could take off my pants.

I proceeded to say, "Nah I'm not uncomfortable. :)"

Quote from Sacred

I once was in bed with a girl and she told me that if I'm uncomfortable I could take off my pants.

I proceeded to say, "Nah I'm not uncomfortable. :)"

so did it really just go over your head or you didn't want to have sex with her?

Totally went over my head. Hahaha I still look back on it as like a symbol of how clueless I used to be.

Quote from Sacred

I once was in bed with a girl and she told me that if I'm uncomfortable I could take off my pants.

I proceeded to say, "Nah I'm not uncomfortable. :)"

Wait... U were in bed with a girl and didn't get it when she asked u to... Lol
How old were u? :P