Subject: Has anyone here been tortured in any way? Emotional or Physical.
My brother's been torturing me lately. He tortured me when I was 11 when he attacked me, and at 14 when he left for his 3rd rehab. He is in my dreams. He's been haunting my thoughts. My family is hurt terribly, and I feel actually depressed for the first time in my entire life. I refused to go to the therapist, as my mom suggested after the wake. I can't stand being in a therapist's or psychiatrist's office.
The stale nonliving face I saw in the frame I've seen too often is constantly in the background of my thoughts whenever the name Jon, or the word brother, or Klopp or drugs come up. I am feeling I should go to a therapist's office, because it's been unbearable lately.
My mom just came up to me with tears in her eyes asking if she wants me to place his ashes in zip-lock baggies to spread them everywhere, and asked if I wanted a section of the ashes. I still can't look at the ashes. They would be the 9 year old child in the midpoint of his life playing baseball's ashes I would be looking at. I can't take it. Now she's in her room, doing this alone, and I feel like an ass.
By the way: If anyone noticed I've been a tad moody on the forums lately, that's why. I go on here to escape earth and chat with people who don't have any problems on the internet (not in real life, of course) I don't care if you call me an attention whore, because I think I would be if I would have posted it when he overdosed. I tried not to in case I was heckled, but now that I'm feeling as though the occurrence is now acid inside me, I can bring it up in a public related subject so that you guys have more to do with this thread is sympathize and make fun of me, and bring up your own instances of torture.
Discuss.
:(
