Quote from PivotMasterXDfan

A guy went to go skydiving, and asked the instructor what to do if his parachute doesn't work, the instructor responded, you must pull your emergency tab, and if that fails, there is a second emergency tab(I doubt its really like that, but oh well)and if the second emergency fails, pray to Allah. So, the guy went skydiving, his parachute doesnt work, and either of his emergency tabs, so he prays to Allah. All of a sudden, a giant hand comes out of the sky and places the man gently down on the ground. The man was relieved and said, "Thank GOD!" and then "Allah" picked up the guy, and smashed him on the ground. :)

Why did the chicken cross the road... so we would stop joking about it.

[insert joke here pl0x]

That first one was terrible.

A white guy, a Chinese guy, and a dumb Polock all go skydiving. So they get into the air the instructor says, "Ok, when you're ready, jump out of the plane, yell, "GERONIMO!", count to ten, and pull your shoot cord." The white guy steps up. He jumps out and says, "GERONIMO!" Falls. 10 seconds later, shoot opens. The Chinese guy steps up. He jumps out and say, "GERONIMO!" Falls. 10 seconds later, shoot opens. So finally, the dumb Polock steps up. He jumps out, and the instructor closes the door. Instructor heads to the cockpit to sit with the pilot. A couple minutes pass by and they hear what sounds like beating on the top of the plane. The two dismiss it and continue with their talking and flying. Five minutes later, they hear the beating again. The instructor decides to see what's up. He opens the hatch and the dumb Polock is laying on the top of the plane and he says, "What was that Indian's name again?!"

there was once a donkey, who wanted to change his name. He gathered the jungle members and told them that he doesn't like his name "donkey" cause people call him an ass.
so everyone agreed and asked what was his name, the donkey said I'll think about it, but they needed to know, so he told them FISh is my new name.

afew weeks later, the monkey, who didn't attend the meeting, was calling the donkey . "Donkey, yo donkey..yo ass man", the donkey refused to talk but suddenly the monkey hops infront of him " you ass, why are you dissing me man ?" donkey says "my nama is not donkey any more" the monkey asks " well what is it" the donkey says" Fish" monkey " heh, ha..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, ha hehe, your fish/" "yeah"
"do you know how to swim ?" "no" "well that's why your an ass"!

Really old joke.

Quote from ultimate stickman

there was once a donkey, who wanted to change his name. He gathered the jungle members and told them that he doesn't like his name "donkey" cause people call him an ass.
so everyone agreed and asked what was his name, the donkey said I'll think about it, but they needed to know, so he told them FISh is my new name.

afew weeks later, the monkey, who didn't attend the meeting, was calling the donkey . "Donkey, yo donkey..yo ass man", the donkey refused to talk but suddenly the monkey hops infront of him " you ass, why are you dissing me man ?" donkey says "my nama is not donkey any more" the monkey asks " well what is it" the donkey says" Fish" monkey " heh, ha..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, ha hehe, your fish/" "yeah"
"do you know how to swim ?" "no" "well that's why your an ass"!

Really old joke.

That absolutely sucked
Kill your family
Kill everyone who you have imposed yourself upon
Kill yourself

Please

that was... THE BEST JOKE EVER.

So there were three explorers who landed on an island full of savages. The savages were going to kill the explorers, but before that, they told the three explorers to go out and find three of the same fruit. The explorers headed out and explorer 1 came back with three apples. The natives told him to stuff the apples up his ass and if he does it without making a sound, he gets to live. Halfway sticking the second apple up his asshole, he screams and is instantly killed. The second explorer returns with three blueberries and is told to do the same. He sticks the first two in with no problem, but upon the third one, he laughs unexpectedly and is killed immediately.

Later in heaven, the first explorer asked the second one why he laughed when he was almost done and he replied, "Because I saw the third explorer coming back with three pineapples."

Quote from madhatter

@Body
I'm trying to see the humor and that one, but I'm struggling.

That's the point. Notice how it blends in?

Quote from Stuff

So there were three explorers who landed on an island full of savages. The savages were going to kill the explorers, but before that, they told the three explorers to go out and find three of the same fruit. The explorers headed out and explorer 1 came back with three apples. The natives told him to stuff the apples up his ass and if he does it without making a sound, he gets to live. Halfway sticking the second apple up his asshole, he screams and is instantly killed. The second explorer returns with three blueberries and is told to do the same. He sticks the first two in with no problem, but upon the third one, he laughs unexpectedly and is killed immediately.

Later in heaven, the first explorer asked the second one why he laughed when he was almost done and he replied, "Because I saw the third explorer coming back with three pineapples."

lol that ones the best

That reminds me of one.

There once were 3 people who get stranded on an island. An Englishman, a French person, and a gangster. They're quickly caught by the cannibals of the island and are taken to their camp. The chief says, "You will die inevitably, but we will let you pick what weapon you will use to kill yourself. After that, we will use your bones as weapons and your skin for a canoe." The Englishman is first to die, and he picks a gun. He points it at his head, then shouts, "LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!" and blows a hole in his head. THe Frenchy is up next, and he requests a vial of the most lethal poison on the island. He drinks it, and right before the effects of the poison start, he shouts, "VIVA LA FRANCE!" and dies after vomiting blood. Then the gangster asks for a sword, which the cannibals hand him. He then proceeds to stab himself repeatedly in the groin. "What are you doing?!" shouts the chief, and the gangster says, "So much for your stupid canoe you sick ****s!"

that joke is better when its an american and he stabs holes in his skin with a fork

Quote from drocksta

that joke is better when its an american and he stabs holes in his skin with a fork

Yeah, well, holes made by a fork can be patched easily. :/