First, you say that he sensed that his opponent was strong, and have him comment on it. Yet you later have him belittling Marcus as a one-armed weakling unworthy of Shado’s abilities. Did his sense of strength just up and leave him?

Second, you have them fighting for an hour, yet his profile specifically states that he will do whatever possible to get out of a primarily close-range comflict as soon as he is able.

Third, the only skills you have him use are 1) coating a single arm (though you later do hint at full armor) in steel, 2) a vague reference to steel columns coming from the ground, and 3) a thin metal wall. You make no use of the techniques I specifically list as his favorites (besides columns), nor of the overall creativity I credit to him.

Fourth (though this is slightly out of order), Shado does NOT have the “earth sense” that you attribute to him. He has no need of ore, since he generates it himself.

Fifth, you have him reaching for the gladius when it destroys his arm. If Shado wanted to destroy it (which is the only thing you indicate), then he would have done it from any distance he pleased, not bothering to take the time to touch it. This would have also told him that it still had active runes, even if he did plan on touching it later (to use to, presumably).

Lastly, you have him pinned against the wall, struggling with “unholy strength.” You seem to have forgotten about his terrible fangs and claws, which would have been tungsten coated and doing their best to rip out Marcus’s guts and bite off his head. Even without these, you initially say that he could probably snap Marcus in two (again, see point one), yet why can Marcus so easily overpower him in the end?

I have already taken back my statement about bad grammar in the first paragraph.

Sin Tally I:
"The Shadowolf prided himself on simplicity, as any true Highlander should, and was not particularly fond of automated match-ups, touchscreen displays, and secretaries surrounded by a score of computers...although the pretty brunette that had helped him select his battle did alleviate some of his irritation"
Okay, that's kinda odd, I don't know if it's something you did or your choice of document, but at the end of every line there's a line break as though the Enter button was hit. If it's your fault, stop XD. If it's the Docs fault then that's unfortunate and is going to make CnC take longer (ugh).
Now for the actual sin... this is one sentence. This is what it should look like:

The Shadowolf prided himself on simplicity, as any true Highlander should, and was not particularly fond of automated match-ups, touchscreen displays, and secretaries surrounded by a score of computers. Although, the pretty brunette that had helped him select his battle did alleviate some of his irritation.

And ta-dah! Two different sentences. Also, ellipses (...) should only be used for pauses in speech or the omission of info when quoting.

Sin Tally II:
Ow, my eyes. Your formatting isn't the same throughout, fool.
So, you didn't hit enter twice between certain paragraphs and for others you did? Keep some consistency, son.

Sin Tally III:
"'Well now, when my RHG supervisor told me you looked like a wolf, he was
meaning it literally....' It would have been nice if he had mentioned that badass spear
too.."
Heh, hahahaha, no.
I'm sorry but this feels like you writing about how awesome your character is. I don't think Marcus would've said the word 'Badass.' Use dialog that makes sense for the character to say.

Sin Tally IV:
"Shado yawned as only a canid can do"
I sincerely hope you meant canine.

Sin Tally V:
"Heat had little effect on him as long as it was for short periods of time"
Um, this was worded poorly

The heat, having barely any contact with him, didn't hurt him.

This is the best I can do, but what do I know about writing?

Sin Tally VI:
"dousing the whole area in the sodden [yes, I mean sodden, not sudden] darkness of a moonless night."
bzteghjvvvbuh. This is just, no. We're writers. If we don't know what sodden means we have google.

Sin Tally VII:
"Behaving like an utter Lothian [Lowlander: For Highlanders, this term was not necessarily one of derision, but conveyed a distinct tone of weakness and dull-mindedness with it.]."
Here's a better way to approach this.
Behaving like an utter Lothian, a weakling!
That's a way to define unusual terms. Remember, commas are your friend.

Sin Tally VIII:
New Record! This is the first time I've given someone 8 sin tallies. Don't worry though, Sin Tallies are a recent innovation of mine that I plagiarized.
"Boy, you're a tough one to kill, aren't you?" Marcus snatched up his gladius from the ground, and sprinted over to him. "Now, do you want to surrender, or do I have to kill you?" Shado smirked, "Funny, I was just going to ask you the same thing."
Each line of dialog should have it's own paragraph.

Sin Tally IX:
Shado felt the concussion of the nuclear blast as the tip of his spear detonated."
NUCLEAR? DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LIIIIIIITLE EXTREME?

Sin Tally X:
Your thing is so sinful it's X-rated now :P
"It worked, and Shado found himself -- yet again -- flying through the air. "T' 'e Deil wi' 'e an' 'e runes!" [This translates: "To the Devil with you and your runes!"] he yelled, only to be caught by another blast. "Mowe 'e, 'e unco bairn o' a bogle!" [This translates: "F--k you, you strange witch's brat!"] "
Just say Shado was incoherently cursing, or something.

Sin Tally I:
You have frequent character interjections that sort of take away from the story. I understand that it's from Aric's perspective but... it kinda takes away from the story.
Especially the one part with The Runist being on a motorcycle (all this Maxar and Marcus stuff is confusing me, they're too similar.) That part would've sounded much better like so:

What beheld his sight was most surprising. Maxar began analyzing the scene and came to the realization that there was a man on a motorcycle driving towards; said man had only one arm.

Something like that... personally I'm not grand at improving upon work. If I want to "Revise" something I bulldoze it and lay down a new foundation. Needless to say, I will not work in construction simply placing new tile on the roof would lead to removing the second floor.

Sin Tally II:
Agh, I can't copy/paste. This will make CnC more tedious.
Okay, so at towards the end of the conversation with Paul, the dialog is just back and forth words. This just feels... awkward. If there's one thing I hate it's dialog done with only dialog. People do things while they talk usually, they aren't statues that trade words. You did well in the beginning of the conversation, but at the end it fell apart.

Sin Tally III:
You didn't allow copying and pasting on your Doc, making CnC more difficult.
(This is meant to be a joke sin, but please allow it next time.)

Sin Tally IV:
While not really important, MacGuffin's Mechanical Supply should be Italicized, not bolded. Or you could just have the name with capital letters at the beginning of each word and people would understand nonetheless.

Sin Tally V:
The accent is a bit extreme. Shadowolf is a Highland Celt and all but... this is just a little ridiculous. I could understand a few apostrophes but not "wulnae."

Sin Tally VI:
You change perspectives quite frequently, almost every paragraph it seems.I would suggest making switches in perspective only at drastic moments in combat or if you have a very slow fight going on. Also, I need you to whip me for my sin of using the word "very."

Sin Tally VII:
I know you've already gotten crap for the "and then an hour went by" stuff. In your defense you almost did it right.
Your timing of saying an hour went by is actually what killed this. If you want the eternal combat feel then you need to throw the descriptors in first. Say that every pillar that came he destroyed and the numerous protection runes served to drag the fight into a tiring eternal dance, soon to be fated to whoever makes the first mistake or collapses of exhaustion. THEN, when something different happens and there is a breathing point, comment on how the sun has moved so drastically.

He ignores the cry of pain and struggles with all of his might to hold back the unholy strength of Shado’s complete arm.
“Hold still, damnit!” Regulus grits his teeth, prepared to make use of his Runed stump.
“Why should I do that? So you can make a mockery of me and leave me like you? Disgraced with one arm?”
“Oh fuck off. If you declare defeat, I’ll save your arm, but if you keep resisting, I’ll blow it clean off, and your head will follow.”
The look in his eyes was plain enough. Maxar knew there was no lie to be found, for even if he could focus well enough to kill this man, his arm would not be fixable by normal means.

"Back and forth the two opponents trade blows, their fight lasting well over an hour..."

Okay, so first, I have been having trouble with my doc system, so those formatting errors are not my fault.

Secondly, the extra spaces were to indicate when I switched chars, instead of making everything uniform, so that my readers could easily tell when I switched. I have read plenty of books by major authors that do the same.

Also, some of my sentence structure is odd (like my use of "..." in normal writing) because I make use of "stream-of-consciousness" often. You are essentially following Shado's thoughts in third-person. (The Lighthouse being an excellent book to read as an example of this). Only when he talks to himself is it in italics, though.

Marcus could use "badass," particularly if he is only talking to himself. The spear is oversized, by mere human standards. Also, he uses "Oh fuck off" in his for Marcus, so I don't think "badass" (esp since he shows up on a motorcycle in his) is all that far off. Aric would have the final word on this, though.

I copied this from a Dictionary:
"Origin of canid -- 1885-90; < New Latin Canidae, equivalent to Can (is) a genus, including the dog and wolf ( Latin: dog) + -idae"
Canid is the scientific (and more precise) term used to refer to canines. You need to brush up on your technical lingo.

"Heat had little..." I meant this as a narrator's interjection (stolen from Sir Walter Scott's wiriting method). A simple statement about Shado, not a desciption of action, as your correction would have it.

Lothian is not exactly a weakling. It is a complex connotation that really does not have a dictionary definition, aside from a geographical reference. I will, however, be using either footnotes or perhaps a glossary format for later works.

Two lines of dialogue by the same speaker, interrupted only by a parenthetical description of action by the same character, can be in the same paragraph. Only when they extend to more than one sentence apiece, or are interrupted by dialogue or action by a different character, do they need to have separate paragraphs. Many reputable authors do this.

Nuclear....YEP. The metals for such are well within the "dense" category to which I limited his powers, and secondly, that was in his original profile, and still is today. Didn't you read about the WWII shoulder-launched micro-nukes? Only difference is that Shado can generate his own bomb shelter. We aren't talking Hiroshima here, ya know...

Again, one of the defining attributes of Shado's char is that he is a Highlander. Thus, he will often speak as such. If you say "incoherently," you are insulting the works of R.L.S. (Robert Louis Stevenson), Sir Walter Scott, and Robert Burns (the national poet of Scotland), all of which extensively used brogue (and even full on Gaelic) in many or all of their works, and THEY weren't kind enough to include translations like I did. That is a no-no, Malacal...

The first thing I want to open with is you might want to shy away from spelling things out too much for your readers. Unfortunately there's a fine line between showing how things are and talking down to the people reading your story.

This is gonna be too easy. It's unfortunate for him that he is only my second battle, because I have a huge stock of precharged runes with me. At this rate I will be able to run him to death.

Again, it's good to show how characters work, but if me myself were in his shoes, there's no way I'd be thinking all that. I already know this is my second fight, it's a given for me and even if I know its why I have so much ammunition, so to speak, it wouldn't make it to my internal monologue. I just feels forced, and because these are the details in question, it comes off like we lack the intelligence to understand he'd come prepared to a fight without being told specifically. It'd be almost like having a protagonist with a gun, and then specify that he's got a full clip when he knows he's going to be shooting people. He kinda needs to.

This is gonna be too easy, at this rate I will be able to run him to death.

If you really do want to mention that he can be careless you can throw that in as well, but at least in my mind if I'm not going to be conservative with what I've got, ammo will be a distant memory until I start to feel my bullets run low.


This is gonna be too easy, at this rate I will be able to run him to death even if I am reckless.

Next thing is that if something hurts, show it.

As it was, the shots had still cracked his ribs, though the healing runes were beginning their work to remedy that.

Now I haven't been shot (yet) but I'd imagine it would suck to at least a mild degree. I got a paper cut from a card board box today (Mad skill, right?) and even though it didn't bring me to my knees, quaking in the searing anguish of a thousand burning suns, it still caught a reaction. I made a quick grunt and retracted my finger to my palm before balling a fist around it. When I unclenched my hand I came to the discovery that the box had unfortunately done critical damage and even though I was several levels higher than it, the digit was bleeding significantly more than expected, leaving a thumb sized, rough circle of blood where it had rested. I could feel my heartbeat through the tiny extension on my hand and as it retained a dull stinging feeling I discovered touching it to things would agitate and amplify the negative feelings.

If you can get that much out of a paper cut, how much goes into the damage done by the sniper? Did his knees buckle as his bones snapped, did he cough blood as they pierced his lungs before the healing powers began to take effect? This a turning point for the wolf, which makes it something especially important to really dive into.

This however, is a better example of where you did that:

He never saw the rune on his foe's right palm begin to shine until the hand was suddenly thrust at his chest. The world swam as his body hurtled into the dingy brick walls, boxes splintering beneath him. He coughed, and his mouth filled with something coppery and hot.

If you treated all of your turning points like that, it'd do you some real good, be them for or against your hero.

Also, you might not need your bracket explanations either. If someone's glaring into your eyes as they call you a Punta you don't really need to know Spanish to know it's not a compliment.

All in all though, I think you did quite well in your first fight! Keep it up!

I just want to begin by saying double spacing between paragraph makes my eyes smile. While there's nothing wrong with a full single space, the break up does make it look cleaner. Also, it appears you've taken away my ability to copy paste things. Dammit.

And that leads us straight into the first thing!

If you're writing third person, make sure there's some kind of differentiation between narrator and character. Unfortunately we can't all be the Rock, but a lot of people get around this by placing a character's thoughts in italics. Fancy!

Alright, so I'm a little deeper and apparently you do do this most of the time, but the single word ones like "Damn." And "Wait." Still seemed to be missed. If it's a direct quote of what the character's thinking, slant it. It's a similar deal with the commentary, like "Except... ouch" If you can't make it a character's line or thought, it may be something you'd want to omit. Having said that, I feel like you might like First Person. It has a lot more of that kind of exposition and you can get away with a lot more of that sort of thing.

That last main thing I want to touch on is the ending, or at least of the fight. I assume you know what a Fatality is? Mortal Kombat has been pop culture forever because it knows they way things end stick with you. Now my main man and I don't play 1V1 fighting games with each other, but I promise uppercutting that son of a bitch's head off and then slicing his body in half would be way more satisfying then landing a shin kick and have KO pop up on my screen.

Now, I'm not saying you had a shin kick equivalent when you did pull off a finishing move, but it did kinda have that aaaaaand done sorta feel to it. Similarly, I'm not going to imply I'd still be fighting after I lost a limb, but you need to show that he's unable to proceed at that point. What precise feelings are rendering him unable to fight, how exactly did that happen and by all means slow down the big shots. The way things end stick with your characters the most, and again, while losing an arm is devastating, that final shot pretty much just comes down to "And then he lost his arm". Expanding on these kinds of things would do you some real good!

Like Shadowolf though, very nice first fight!