Okay so, there is this 65 year old woman, and she is starting to get depressed with her life. Her life is dull, empty, her friends have started passing away. She starts contemplating suicide. So she go's to a counseler because she knows there is a problem with her, and the counseler says, "Why don't you try to spice up your love life with your husband? Do something wild and new. Ninety-five percent of the time this will put your life on a positive course." She replied, "I'll think of something." She gets home with her wild and crazy idea; then sstarts to prepare it for her husband when he gets home. When he finally gets home she jumps infront of the doorway wearing nothing but a bed sheet as a cape shouting, "SUPER PUSSY!!!1!one!"

Her husband says, "I'll take the soup."



Studies show senior citizens are more likely to commit scuicide. Why?



All their friends are dieing.

hahaha .

Whats the difference between Sarah Palin's Mouth, and her vagina?

Only ONE of the things that came out her vagina was retarded. HIGHLIGHT.


What do you call a nigger sat in a tree with a briefcase?

Branch Manager.

Quote from -Hawk-

http://www.stickpageportal.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92281

NEWS FLASH

Who remembers this?

There's a buisness man, and he's going on a buisness trip without his wife. They sat down for dinner and the wife said "I'm going to be awful lonley with you away all day". The man dwelled on this, and the next day he went to a sex shop. He said to the sexshop man "Look mate, i'm going to a buisness trip, and the wife is going to be stuck in the house all day with nothing to do. Have you got anything to, you know, entertain her?" The sexshop man nodded, and said "I have exactly what she needs, but I warn you, it can be as much as a pain as it can be a pleasure.." Buisness man didn't really hear that but, and asked to look at the thing. The sexshop man reached underneath the counter and pulled out a box, probably 2 feet long. Buisness man was stunned at the length of this thing, and asked the man to take it out of the box. The sexshop man grinned, and said "VOODOO DICK! OUT OF THE BOX!" Suddenly this whopping great dildo shot out of the box, hovering in mid air. Buisness man was stunned, and asked for his price. Buisness man payed the amount needed and hurried home, just as the sexshop man said "Remember! You have to tell it to go back in the box!" The next day the Wife woke up to see a box on the bed, with instructions on it. She held them quizzickly, and read one the instructions. Pessemistic, she said "Voodoo dick, my pussy." Suddenly the huge thing zoomed straight up her cunt, ****ing like a thing possessed. Wife was having multiple orgasms every 3 minutes, and was really aching after a while. She managed to stagger over to the instructions with the huge dildo still ****ing her repeatedly. As she just got onto the bed she squirted out all over the instructions. "OH GOD" She screamed, 30 minutes had passed. Then Wife thought she needed to get help, so she crawled over on her back to the car, the massive dildo still ****ing like mad. As she was driving down the motorway, she had an orgasm and started swerving. A cop notices and walks over.

"Is there a problem, miss?"
She says,"i bought a voodoo dildo at a sex shop, and it won't stop now"
"right. well, you stay safe."
He walks away and says to himself,"Voodoo dildo? **** Me, that's odd."

----------------------
Miasma Delivers.

Theres a dog and a cat.

Quote from Fluxinator

George Bush

HA HA HA HA... I dont get it .

A horse walks into a bar.
And the bartender asks
why the long face?

Who is the new superstar of the Serie "Lost"?
Maddie Mccanne

There's this man who walks into a bar. The tender of said bar notices that his clothes are torn up and ragged. So he asks the fella "Are you okay? You seem like you've been in trouble." So the guy replies, "Yeah, I've been stuck on an island for three months, and now that I'm back I would like to have myself a beer. The problem, though, is that I don't have any money." "Oh man, I guess your out of luck; I can't give you a beer for free because it would be bad for business." The ragged man replied, "Oh, but if I show you something extraordinary could I then get a free beer?" The bartender felt generous, so he said "Yeah, but only if it's something I've never seen before." Hearing this, the man took out a tiny piano. The bartender was confused, a small piano is nothing special. Then the stranger pulled a small, foot long man out of his pocket and set him on the piano bench. As the little man started to play, the bartender exclaimed "My God, I've never seen such an amazing sight. Where did you ever find such a man?" The ragged man replied, "Oh, well on the island I found a bottle with a GENIE inside, and he granted me one wish." "So you wished for this?" "No, the stupid genie thought I wished for a twelve inch Pianist."

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put a doorknob on the wall.

what do you call a haunted potatoe?
monster mash!

What does a cat sleep on?


A catterpillow!

Two rednecks were doing there thing and one fell out of a tree, so his friend goes and calls the police.
"Hello, ma'm, my friend just fell out of a tree and I don't know what to do."
"Well, first, you should make sure he's dead"
And right after the police-woman said that, she heard *pow pow* *pow pow*
The redneck guy then says
"Okay he's definitely dead, now what do I do?"