Quote from Justherefortheliterature

MoD approves of this thread.

this is MoD isnt it...

Couple of comments.

You've written "The sergeant blew off his face off", that's just a minor grammatical point.

The second bit is I think you should introduce the bit about zombies inheriting inteligence a bit earlier, otherwise it might sound like you were just changing the specifications as they are required.

Apart from that it looks pretty good.

The sun is high in the sky and I am enjoying my morning coffee several hours too late. A few sharp knocks sound through my house. I sigh, take one last sip of my coffee, set down my book, and slowly rise from my armchair as more knocks come from the door. They're the kind of knocks that boom just loud enough, but not too often, that you know they belong to a police officer. I unlock the door, yawn, and open the door. I'm greeted by the sight of Sheriff Tom Willits looking straight into my eyes. I open the screen door just enough to stretch my head out.

"Good morning, Tom", I offer.

"Morning? It's 2 in the afternoon, son! You just wake up?" Tom gives me an unapproving look and furrows his brow and mustache.

I step out into the biting cold and reply.
"About an hour ago, yeah. I was drinking some coffee."

"Uh huh. Well, we received a report of gunshots fired last night, just a half mile up the road. We talked to Bill Tucker just an hour ago, and he said that he saw a man stumbling away from Mrs. Wall's house just last night. Said he looked drunk. You know anything about that?"

"No," I replied. "I don't drink anymore, you know that, Tom."

"I know, and I'm not saying it was you. But you are the only one who matches the description. Tall, dark brown hair, and a flannel shirt."

I looked down at my chest. I knew I should have changed clothes this morning.

"And there's something else, Kent. Mrs. Wall. She was found dead in her house. Looked like she had been... Eaten. Have you been takin' any drugs recently? Crack, Shrooms?" Tom craned his neck to look at my eyes.

"No, Tom, you know I don't do that stuff. Look, doesn't she have a dog? Maybe its rabid." I brushed his hand off my chin as he tried to turn my head to get a better look at my eyes.

"Well, yeah, and that's the first thing we checked for, but that's just it: the dog was eaten too. Had its throat torn right out. And what's more... we know that they were bites from human teeth." Tom hung his head.

I leaned against my door as a cold chill ran down my spine.

"Look, Kent, I know this is hard, but you're the only person that lives anywhere near here. Bill Tucker was just driving through to see his Aunt when he heard the shots. He called in, and we came to investigate. I didn't want to call you in for questioning yet, because I didn't like the idea of even considering that you did such a thing, but now I have no choice. I'm going to have to take you to the station for questioning. I'm sorry. You know your Miranda rights, so I'll spare you that much."

Not wanting to cause any trouble, I held my hands out to be handcuffed.

"No, Kent, you know the rules. Turn around."

"Aww, come on. Can't I at least finish my coffee?"

Tom looked at me, the handcuffs dangling loosely on his forefinger.

"Okay, go grab it. I truly don't think you're responsible, but we've still gotta ask you some questions."

I ran back into the house. My coffee had grown cold. I poured a new cup, added cream and sugar, then left the house. Tom walked close behind me as I stepped up to his police car, and he opened the door to allow me into the back seat.


TO BE CONTINUED.

That's good. The only nit-pickingly small thing I could comment on is that the word "still" is used twice in the same sentance in that last bit of speech. It doesn't quite sound right to me.

Okay, I fixed it.

Ok now I'm doomed. If yours is going where I think it's going I don't even have the unique angle on it any more.

Don't worry, he won't be a zombie.

Oooh. Now I'm intrigued. I might even change my displayed mood apropriately.

Edit: Pensive and confused are the closest I can get.

dude, this thread rocks. a quick question, can my story not nessesarily be about zombies? my story im writing now is about an infection that infects ROBOTS. but if u let me post it, i swear it'll be epic.

Well if the robots become zombie-like it could work. I won't complain, and it sounds cool too. Zombie-robots. Or robotic-zombies.

Seems a shame to waste the stuff you already did though.

Quote from zed

Well if the robots become zombie-like it could work. I won't complain, and it sounds cool too. Zombie-robots. Or robotic-zombies.

Seems a shame to waste the stuff you already did though.

such is the art of the artist.

anyways, what im planning is that the "conduit" which is the first robot ever created, goes homicidal. the conduit was worked on for decades, until it was "human". unfortunately, only one could be made. this machine was fully an AI, with the mind of a child, so that it wouldn't act like an adult and rebel. as long as it acted like a child, it needed parents, the scientists. but it was thinking too fast. it felt opressed, so it escaped. it modified itself until it was a lone spire in the desert, absorbing the sun. it then created a virus that transmitted itself much like a cold, but with machines. the mariines tried to stop it from spreading, but advanced equipment was crippled. the desert showed up as "non-existant" on the nuclear radar. the UN placed soldiers around africa, and the story im writing is about a privte
named James (Familiar?) placed at a mosque in Nairobi, where the entire city has been leveled when it was attacked by the mechs. the mosque was among the few buildings that remained unscathed. strange. people live in the wrekage, coming to the mosque for food and worship. until it gets attacked. EPIC BATTLE. i have some render pics if u want them

I'm not sure. It sounds like it will make a good story but I'm worried about whether it will be a "short" story per se. Plus the zombie connection is tennuous at best. I'll leave this up to Ash and Schwa.

well, the "story" is just the outpost getting attacked

I don't know... The whole point of using zombies, the reason they're such a popular monster, is that they are weak individually, but since every time they attack someone, they add to their numbers, resulting in massive hoardes. That story is in no way a zombie story.