I went to my dark place. Ooooo, I so lov
e it there. The most... interesting ideas come from the depths of my mind.
This utopia is one of extraordinary beau
ty. Every house is a palace while every street is paved in gemstones of all shapes and colours. The variety of food is outstanding and never decays while the finest wine and water is served by humble servants who are always there at a moment’s notice.
The inhabitants are always happy, always singing, always dancing. There is no strife, no violence, no discord. Everything is in pure harmony. Above the inhabitants, great humanoid creatures with pure white wings look down upon these people and smile, for they have created a place where everybody can be at peace.
The festivities wear on and on for eternity and over time more people join in. Those who were worthy and most deserving are handpicked by the great creatures and brought there to enjoy the fun. However nobody notices those who disappear.
It happens without anybody noticing; a few people would arrive and everybody would happily invite them in and help them get settled within the perfect community, while others would disappear out of sight and existence. Everybody is so preoccupied with their own happiness that this is never seen or confirmed.
And why would anybody notice? If you get everything you could possibly want, why care about what happens to others?
One man in particular had this experience.
He walked upon the gemstones and gave a little twirl; he was dancing with a redhead woman that seemed to be gorgeous and glowing, having so much fun they both laughed. The man closed his eyes and looked upwards and sees a being descend down towards him, for a second he is quite curious as to why, but he quickly gets back to dancing; except the woman was gone.
She has moved on to dancing among another crowd. Actually, most of the people around him have paced off and he becomes quite isolated. As he thought why, his gaze turns towards the clouds again and the being grabs him by the shoulder. The touch of this angelic being was filled with ecstasy and joy. It overwhelms the man. It is as if every happy thought climaxed within him and he feels all of it at once.
Suddenly there’s pain. He became blind and all that he hears is the screams of other people. He felt something eating away at his legs. Something else is cutting his arms. Another pain came from somebody tearing his hair out. He struggles, but it turns out he is completely helpless. Panic took him in seconds, while his life starts draining from him. He feels light headed, in agony, in fear.
Everything stops.
He opened his eyes and sees he is above the great utopia. The people are all still having the time of their life, but what they cannot see was the hell fire surrounding the place. They can’t see the beautiful beings swooping down and bringing them above the clouds. They can’t see the torture chambers above the clouds. The hell hounds eating the people, just for those same people to reappear and have a mad woman chop them up.
Everything made sense strangely. It wasn’t heaven or a utopia. It was a lie and a clever one. A very ingenious mirage of happiness and joy, just to make the terror that lays hidden beyond the more terrifying.
Something tapped the man on his shoulder. He was too afraid to turn around, but something compelled him to do so. Before him stood an obese man who was sweaty, dirty and hairy. The ugliest human being he has ever seen.
“Dinner time,” Was all the fat man said. The other man didn’t even have time to scream.
[/spoiler][/QUOTE]
This is a pretty neat idea. The concept is wonderfu
l and creepy, but it could have been pulled off better. Why is the utopia there in the first place? A reason for it would have made things all the more dark. The way that events were described could flow more smoothly, too. As it was, it made me kind of feel disconnected from the story rather than being able to be immersed in it.
Spoilers need titles, man. Like
as the first tag.
Edit: Like this:
"What-" The interrogator fumbled for wor
ds. "What's going on? You can move?"
The Mannequin nodded.
"And- wait. The door!"
The man swivelled around and dashed towards the door. There was nothing outside of it, just the room viewing into the chamber via a one-way window.
"So," the man pieced together, "it's not just limited to your reflection?" He closed the door and turned to the mannequin, who casually shrugged.
The Interrogator had been given strict instructions to not take anything seen in the mannequin's face as truth, but now it seems to have some sort of control over the world and its own body. What the hell was this thing?
"I'd like to ask you to sit back down," the interrogator tried to keep calm. He's dealt with some weird characters before, but this one had some tricks up its sleeves. He strolled back over to his seat and tried to keep his eyes off the mirror, though his concentration was quickly halted when he felt a tap on the shoulder.
When he turned around, he saw the reflection in the one-way mirror. The room was full of mannequins.
-----
A bomb went off in John's ears as he was jolted from his desk, drool dried to the side of his face. He slowly rose himself up and wiped the crust from his eyes. His nametag slightly caught at the table's lip as he rose, but it bounced back to his chest soon enough.
"Character Investigator: John Thompson"
He took a gaze at folders open around him, one of which was open. It was about a curious character that popped up recently. A mirror-faced suit-wearing mannequin, found sitting on the bench at the FA Memorial Park in wRHG City.
The profile told all sorts about the character. The profile picture showed him as just a white mannequin- the kind you'd find on display in a clothes shop draped in all sorts of expensive fabrics- yet with the front of its head cut off and replaced with a mirror. The mirror wasn't attached or anything, it just sat inside of the face's contours.
He rose up and strolled out the open door of his office. He needed coffee. When he managed to reach the coffee machine, he was just met with a white sheet of paper saying "OUT OF SERVICE."
"Fuck," he muttered. He slapped the machine in hope that it would spring to life, but it just stayed dead. "Well, the Mirror guy's waiting for me."
John walked down the hallway towards the interrogation chamber. He remembered to unclip his name tag and put it in his pocket since this character likes to use people against themselves.
For some reason, John didn't realise that there was an alarm going off. He stared at the red light spinning around on the ceiling, but couldn't hear anything. Actually, he couldn't hear anything at all.
"What the fuck?" he said out loud, yet all he felt of the speech was the vibrations in his neck.
He had to go check the chamber. The Mannequin probably still is in there, he had to keep it secured.
He opened the room door, but only found the viewing chamber emtpy. The actual chamber could still have the mannequin inside, it was an inanimate object after all, not like it'd run off.
When John opened the door to the chamber, he had to have a double-take. The mannequin was there, but... he was there, too? John closed the door quickly and stared through the glass. He saw his other self turn around quickly, as if he had heard the door shut.
What was going on? John walked up and down the hallway trying to make sense of what he had just saw. Not only did he see himself in that chair, but the mannequin seemed to stare right back at him. What the fuck? He had to go back in there, see what was what.
He opened the door once more and walked right in there. The other him didn't seem to notice it this time. John walked around the table to try and look at his own face, to see if it was really him sitting there. But he found out quite the opposite. His eyes caught the reflection of the one-way interrogation window, and instead saw himself in a suit, his face a mirror. What? This made no sense at all.
In a quick second, the real John looked away towards the door, and the mannequin stood up.
"Deja Vu," said the Mannequin John. Something was up, he had lived this moment already. The real John went up to close the now-open door, silent words escaping his mouth.
Mannequin John remembered what happened next. The mannequins, the room became full of them! It happened right after-
It happened right then. They seemed to appear out of nowhere, and they all stared at the real John. Mannequin John felt something different, though. Each of these mannequins, they were- they felt like people. Just what was this Mirror character, anyway?
Real John froze at the sight. And then the Mirror mannequin reached over and simply touched the back of John's neck, before calmly sitting back down his chair, assumbing the same position he took when the interrogation started. And then it all faded out for Mannequin John.
----
"Hm," John Thompson muttered to himself. He glanced at the mirror-faced mannequin behind him. "I'll come back soon. I can't wear these things for too long." He waved playfully behind him as he left the room, singing "Wait for me, darlings!"
"I have a day's worth of life in me now. What to do, what to do?" John almost skipped down the hallway. "Oh, I have this feeling in me! Ooh, what is it? Ooh..." he trailed off in thought, trying to discern what the sensation in his lower body was. "Oh! Bathroom." As it turns out, several days' worth of no sleep and all coffee could affect a man's system.
John's eyes danced from room to room, trying to find that little skirtless stickman that indicated the lavatory. He found it just fine, it was right next to the break room. How awfully convenient! These people have it easy.
He strolled in just fine, but caught himself before entering the toilet stall. A mirror. Huh. He turned to it, examining his own face. Fingers danced all across the contours of his cheeks and the angles of his jaw. "I dare say, I'll never get used to having a face that sticks out like this. And this mouth!" A waggle of the tongue and a stretch of the cheeks. "What fun!"
The stall door was opened for the mannequin king by one of his loyal subjects. "Tut tut, friend! You know you're not allowed to serve me in this world, especially not when people could see! Thank you anyway, chum!"
The stall door was closed and the toilet cover lifted. He sat down, but after a few minutes, he furrowed his brow. "Damn. Could never get a hang of this excretion thing."
This is just freestyled with no plot intention at all. It goes as it goes.
I
like the revelation that the stuff that this guy reacted to in the 1st part actually happened. It's a nice little mindfuck. But with the personality change, he's coming off as a bit too corny and cheery, and it hurts the atmoshphere that you've built up. It's also usually a good idea to introduce at least a vague idea of what the plot of this story is going to be centered around, even if you're not entirely sure what it is yet. Right now I'm quite lost to what's going on.
[QUOTE=Munisylc;1354475]Here's another one. ~786 words.
Kelsey yawned. She and Harry had been w
aiting for about an hour for the meteor shower to start. Harry had heard that it would happen around 7:40 that night, and insisted on coming here early, in case of traffic. Fortunately (or unfortunately), traffic was surprisingly light, and they made it to the lookout spot a bit too early.
"Is it about time yet?" she called out to Harry. "Just a few more minutes," he replied, adjusting the angle of his tripod-mounted camera. "Oh man, this is going to be awesome!" He looked positively giddy with anticipation. "I heard that this was going to be the biggest meteor storm in history!" "Do you think any of them'll hit us?" Kelsey joked. "Nah. The odds of that happening are..." Harry paused for a moment. "One in... seven hundred thousand... Yeah," he confirmed, "One in seven hundred thousand. Those are your odds of getting hit by one." *If only the Powerball had odds that low.* Kelsey mused. *But then again,* she frowned. *I probably wouldn't win much either. Maybe.*
A brief flash lit up the sky, snapping Kelsey out of her musings. "It's starting!" Harry cried out. He quickly turned on the camera and double checked to see if it was positioned correctly. "Ohboyohboyohboy..." Satisfied that it was finished, he stepped back and sat down next to Kelsey to enjoy the show. At first, there were only a few barely noticable strands of light that came and went at almost the blink of an eye. Then, as if someone suddenly twisted open a celestial faucet, hundreds, thousands of meteorites suddenly started streamed from the sky. Kelsey and Harry stared in awe. "Wow," Kelsey breathed. Never had she seen anything like this. "I know, right?" Harry answered, almost at a whisper. Kelsey didn't reply, too enraptured by the sight before her. They just sat there together, silently staring at the night sky. After a while, Harry spoke.
"Thanks again for taking the time to bring me here, Kelse." "It wasn't any problem, really," Kelsey replied. "Besides, I get to see a once-in-a-lifetime event." "Actually, meteor showers are a pretty common occurance," Harry corrected. "It's just that this one's more spectacular, is all." Kelsey chuckled. "Way to ruin the mood." Harry slumped a bit. "O-oh. S-sorry," he mumbled. "Oh, it's all right," Kelsey said, waving it off. "I know how much you love astronomy. I wish I had your level of dedication with my work." Harry didn't answer, but he seemed to straighten up and gave her a faint smile.
"Oh, look at that one!" He pointed to a particularly bright meteorite. "It looks like it's coming this way!" Kelsey squinted. "Yeah, it does look like that, doesn't it?"
KRA-KOOM
They jumped as the meteorite slammed into- and through- a nearby tree, toppling it. Harry hopped to his feet and ran towards the crash zone, Kelsey not too far behind. The meteor was a short distance away from the tree, in a relatively small crater. It was round, almost sperical, and looked to be about the size of a basketball. Surprisingly, Kelsey didn't see any fires, nor did she feel any excessive heat radiating from the meteorite.
"I thought that there would be more fire," Kelsey stated. "Oh, that's mostly Hollywood, making it fancy," Harry answered, approaching the meteorite. "In truth, a meteorite actually tends to be warm, or even cool upon impact." With a grunt, he picked it up. "Whoa," he groaned,"this thing's pretty heavy." He looked at it closely before handing it to Kelsey. "It looks to me like it's most likely a chondrite" Kelsey studied the round stone in her hands. It certainly was quite weighty. Possibly about thirty or so pounds, and it looked to be composed of hundreds of smaller sperical pebbles and stones.
Harry spoke as Kelsey set down the meteorite. "You know, an interesting thing about chondrites: they're known to contain small bits of organic matter." Kelsey snorted, "What, you mean like aliens?" "Yep," he replied. At that moment, the meteorite split open with a loud CRACK. "What the-!" Before Harry could finish, a cloud of smoke burst out of the meteorite and enveloped both of them.
Kelsey tried to hold her breath, but she had already inhaled a bit of the smoke, which began to severely irritate her lungs, and caused her to cough involuntarily. The pain was excruciating, making her collapse in a shudderi