In the last episode, Devour just killed a corpse again and again and a genie fell into a replicating human landmine that he himself created.
Now, the thrilling continuation.
I want the power of Hewitt.
Devour decides to leave his sword behind, as it has involuntarily decided to masticate on TDGuy's corpse. On his way home, he looked up to see that the door to his apartment had been left ajar. There were also shadows lurking by his window. Sneaking behind the backdoor, Devour was shocked to find a man with a baseball bat waiting to ambush him had he come through. The man was so obssessed with his implied invincibility that Devour was able to catch him by surprise with a BIG BOOT TO THE FACE. The blow knocks the stranger out cold as Devour pins for the 3-count.
DING DING DING!
The doorbell rang...
I want the legendary power of the almighty banhammer.
[20 years later]
Exile took another swig as he sauntered on towards the cold hard cobblestoned slums of sticksville. Memories began to trigger every which way. Old dilapidated communes spark into life as All-American households like some monochrome daymare. No matter how much he tried to forget, the bottle would never let him go. It was suppose to be another ordinary night; a report was made, a domestic disturbance or a break-in. Maybe it was the fact that he was on his last mortgage or maybe it was the 3rd wife having another kid on his way, but on that night he snapped.
"I'll use it." he recalled. "I'll use THE HAMMER." And so he took this hammer. And he took a swing. It smashed a glass that read "DO NOT BREAK UNLESS EMERGENCY" and grabbed the REAL hammer. Then he used that hammer to bash a lock on a gate that housed Ze Banhammer. Stickpage had really stupid policies back then.
It was a quarter mile around the block when a still-virile Exile dragged the massive mallet of malice. He lifted the almighty handle over his shoulder as other hand reached for the doorbell ding dong.
Three seconds, he thought. I gave him the requisite time to respond.
He's not responding. I am authorized to use force.
Exile gave out a huff as the weight over his shoulder came down and----a makeshift shiv from the glass window rammed straight down his throat. Exile dropped to the ground and rolled violently down the stoop until his body was contorted every which way. The hammer lay still, resting on its owner's chest cavity while a blood pool formed.
Devour stood over him, bloody shiv in hand. His face was in utter shock. Time had slowed and Exile's fingertips had gone numb. He was reeling back and regressing. Back to the bar that started it all.
20 years. 10 years. 5 years. It doesn't matter how long or how far you can drink yourself to death. A dying dream is always infinite in beauty.
I want the power to reverse any attack.
Devour was distraught. He just sent a mod into an irreversible coma. He ran out into the streets of his suburb, across central park, and over Bauer Bay Bridge which overlooked a very busy intersection. Without a moment's respite, he vaults over the railing and jumps. The fall was short-lived, landing just a few feet in the middle of it all. But because of the angle of the ledge it was very hard for vehicles to swerve in that area. The last thing Devour saw was a red Sedan hurtling towards him at unmistakable velocity.
But lo and behold, it does swerve. Straight into a shady man with a trechcoat. Straight into his lifeless body as he slams into the pavement.
Devour picked himself up and ran towards the accident. He couldn't help but feel responsible as he tried prying away the loose bricks that held his crimeless victim hostage. The villain coughed up some blood on Devour's good shoes, as he tried to sputter some nonsense through his toothy grin.
"You're quite clever...a reverse suicide..."
Devour ignored the man's babbling and patted him down for his information. Instead he found a badge sewn inside an intentionally hidden flap. He recognized the symbol immediately...
"They're coming for you, Devour-senpai. Watch your back." the man said, falling lifelessly into the rubble.
The power to revive Anyone in this thread including me.
Meanwhile in a location completely separate from the current plot, a cheeky Boltz is planning his next move. Dreams of grandeur enlightened him as he thought up all the possibilities of using Deadpool Bowser or the Boomstick guy to his advantage. But just as he tried to work his magic on their proverbial gravestones, his head explodes into a million pieces and so does his body. In fact, it was like a Michael Bay festival and nothing was left soon after.
Maybe he should've read the first post before doing anything so silly as summoning minions.
grant be the ability to become an omnipotent being
And now back to the story.
Devour stood back in horror. The badge said it all: it was the insignia of the MAS, the Mod Assassination Squad. When a Mod is proven to be too uncontrollable, this secret cabal is sent in to do the job no one dares try, using abilities far beyond comprehension. They were bred as test tube babies and raised in Jeffrian Youth Camps to indoctrinate them into the order as quick as possible. They were then wiped of their identities and forced into mundane jobs all over the city, only awakening from a silent secret signal emanating from Parts Unknown. It was the perfect anti-mod failsafe.
"It's over, Devour." said a man in robes who had apparently just been standing there the whole time. Father Lamitrov had forseen the events that come to pass, he manipulated all this to happen: the juggling bears, the kyubey mask, ass-licking self-killers, and car crashes by proxy. He controlled all that and he was there in all those times. He knew. He knew how it was going to end.
"It's over for us. You're just too awesome."
Before Devour could say anything, Father Lami took out his jeweled dagger and eviscerated his own throat.
I want to let it go.
Devour kept running. He didn't stop. Every which way he looked, the civilians looked back. Perplexed. Suspicious. It could be either one of those things. The MAS hid in plain sight; he needed to go someplace alone.
As he turned a corner, a huge shadow grew beneath him as he dodge rolled out of the way to the cacophony of a falling piano. Up above, was Ai, bawling his eyes out. He didn't want to let go of the rope holding his favorite instrument, but that slimy bitch of his had her fingers all over those ivory keys. It was as good as tainted. His girlfriend had just left him for another man. His rage reached no limits. Who knew that the exact moment he decided to get on the roof to throw away his girlfriend's stuff, his MAS programming began to kick in.
Devour weaved past the alleyways as Ai continued chasing him on the rooftops. He let go of a bowling ball, a jar of lubricant, snakes, and the 2nd world's largest potato but Devour remained lithe and serpentine in his movements, eventually disappearing into a streetcorner.
Ai searched in vain as the penthouse door swung open and Devour tackled the destructive boyfriend, throwing him all his balance as both men rolled down and fell hanging over a precarious ledge. His girlfriend's mementos tumbled over the streets below as Devour hung on to Ai's hand for dear life.
And then he let go.
I'll take the power to talk to and manipulate squirrels.
Azure, one of the lieutenants of the MAS and a mod himself sat quaintly by the park bench. His spies, the squirrels were able to move all over the city and act as his eyes and ears. As soon as the kill order was sent to hunt down Devour, he got into position. His MAS agents should've come back by now.
"What's that? Ai has failed??" Azure said, as a squirrel mentally whispered into this ear.
"What? Falling? Oh, you mean Ai has fallen. As in defeated?"
The squirrel rubs his face very hard as if doing quick succession of facepalms. The joke is lost on an ever-so-attentive Azure.
"You mean he's actually
still falling? Where?!"
Ai's body crashed on top of Azure, as a plastic bulldozer, some plates, pidgeon droppings, an ant farm, a rock guitar, a manhole cover, and a couple of trophies followed suit and crushed the pair killing them instantly. After which Ai's unsent love letters fluttered into place like an icing on cake.
I absorb the Annoying Dog, and become one with the World.
Devour looked below in shock. He had killed TWO mods now. He wondered who was next.
TheLordSavant looked on from a perch, ready to strike until he realizes that Hewitt has never played Undertale nor would he care to do the research for such a spoiler-laden game since he had planned to play it on some unspecified future date.
His head explodes.
Devour continued on the move.
I arm myself with FLLFFL's sword which I am fully capable of using like a pro.
Devour stopped a rooftop short of his own as he came face to face with his greatest challenge yet. He'd only heard of rumors of the elite MAS unit; bred from the DNA of imaginary stick figures, they were proficient in the craft of tomfoolery.
"Surrender or die, senpai." McPerson beamed, waving the jet sword around like a pro. "I am the MAS' greatest living weapon. I am---"
"A joke." Devour ran onwards, head first into the fray. For years, the animation ring proclaimed his name out loud. For years he watched the killer's moves and memorized them down to a single centimeter. For years he was touted as invincible and incorruptible. But even so, Devour knew the Jet Sword's weakness. He knew the thought behind what the school of fallafel taught. He knew.
But he didn't know how to perform a bare handed block.
The blade sliced hard, wedged deep into Devour's left stomach. Devour yelled in pain as he flailed, getting his bloody hands all over McPerson but the man simply kicked him down, unwedging the blade as Devoured stumbled backward into an open glass window and fell to his doom. McPerson had won.
The cocky celebration was cut short when McPerson noticed that his Jet sword began to shake violently. Looking downwards, a piece of window glass shard had embedded itself on the console that controlled his jet fire.
"Son of a biiiii----" the sword rocketed erratically and uncontrollably, crashing McPerson into a few rowhouses until spiralling into the sky and exploding over the sunset.
Devour smiled, paralyzed from the waste down. Nobody ever goes for the sword controls, he muttered, proud of his achievement. He lay beneath the house just across his own, wondering what would've happened had his home invasion just went smoothly.
