What's the difference between life and a cock?
None, they're both hard and short.
Law history teacher told us that.
tHE JOKE THREAD
Started by: ßub | Replies: 135 | Views: 7,713
Jan 25, 2009 9:43 PM #345586
Jan 25, 2009 9:45 PM #345587
Quote from ManthaWhat's the difference between life and a cock?
None, they're both hard and short.
Law history teacher told us that.
your law history teacher has not visted the internet.
Jan 25, 2009 9:46 PM #345588
a man gets in a car accident and passes out. when he wakes up, he is still lying on the sidewalk where he was hit, and he asks his friend "did you call me an ambulance yet?" he asks his friend. "not yet, but okay." the friend starts to point and yells "you're an ambulance! you're an ambulance!"
Jan 25, 2009 9:47 PM #345589
Three men were playing a game of golf.
The first man goes and hits the ball into the lake, then walks up to the water, splits the water into a passageway, and hits the ball into the hole.
The second man goes and hits the ball into the lake, then walks on the water, hits the ball out of the water, and into the hole.
The thrid man goes and hits the ball. It's about to go into the lake, but a fish jumps out and catches the ball in its mouth, then a bird flies and snatches the fish and right when the bird flies over the hole, the fish drops it into the hole, giving him a hole-in-one.
Moses then leans over to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."
One of my missionaries told me that one at church a few weeks ago.
The first man goes and hits the ball into the lake, then walks up to the water, splits the water into a passageway, and hits the ball into the hole.
The second man goes and hits the ball into the lake, then walks on the water, hits the ball out of the water, and into the hole.
The thrid man goes and hits the ball. It's about to go into the lake, but a fish jumps out and catches the ball in its mouth, then a bird flies and snatches the fish and right when the bird flies over the hole, the fish drops it into the hole, giving him a hole-in-one.
Moses then leans over to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."
One of my missionaries told me that one at church a few weeks ago.
Jan 25, 2009 9:50 PM #345591
Quote from Deathbat.your law history teacher has not visted the internet.
What's your point?
Jan 25, 2009 9:51 PM #345594
Maybe that was the joke?
Jan 25, 2009 9:52 PM #345595
Quote from MiasmaThere's a buisness man, and he's going on a buisness trip without his wife. They sat down for dinner and the wife said "I'm going to be awful lonley with you away all day". The man dwelled on this, and the next day he went to a sex shop. He said to the sexshop man "Look mate, i'm going to a buisness trip, and the wife is going to be stuck in the house all day with nothing to do. Have you got anything to, you know, entertain her?" The sexshop man nodded, and said "I have exactly what she needs, but I warn you, it can be as much as a pain as it can be a pleasure.." Buisness man didn't really hear that but, and asked to look at the thing. The sexshop man reached underneath the counter and pulled out a box, probably 2 feet long. Buisness man was stunned at the length of this thing, and asked the man to take it out of the box. The sexshop man grinned, and said "VOODOO DICK! OUT OF THE BOX!" Suddenly this whopping great dildo shot out of the box, hovering in mid air. Buisness man was stunned, and asked for his price. Buisness man payed the amount needed and hurried home, just as the sexshop man said "Remember! You have to tell it to go back in the box!" The next day the Wife woke up to see a box on the bed, with instructions on it. She held them quizzickly, and read one the instructions. Pessemistic, she said "Voodoo dick, my pussy." Suddenly the huge thing zoomed straight up her cunt, ****ing like a thing possessed. Wife was having multiple orgasms every 3 minutes, and was really aching after a while. She managed to stagger over to the instructions with the huge dildo still ****ing her repeatedly. As she just got onto the bed she squirted out all over the instructions. "OH GOD" She screamed, 30 minutes had passed. Then Wife thought she needed to get help, so she crawled over on her back to the car, the massive dildo still ****ing like mad. As she was driving down the motorway, she had an orgasm and started swerving. A cop notices and walks over.
"Is there a problem, miss?"
She says,"i bought a voodoo dildo at a sex shop, and it won't stop now"
"right. well, you stay safe."
He walks away and says to himself,"Voodoo dildo? **** Me, that's odd."
----------------------
Miasma Delivers.
holy shit i told that joke in the last joke thread, except i cut it off at the end to be a dick on purpose.
Jan 26, 2009 3:44 AM #345820
This isn't mine, give no creds.
Three men were sleeping in a tent.
They all hear a really loud noise.
The man on the left says, "Why did I have to wake up, I had a dream that I was getting a handjob."
The man on the right says, "Hey, I was having the same dream."
The man in the middle says, "I had a dream that I was skiing!!!"
Three men were sleeping in a tent.
They all hear a really loud noise.
The man on the left says, "Why did I have to wake up, I had a dream that I was getting a handjob."
The man on the right says, "Hey, I was having the same dream."
The man in the middle says, "I had a dream that I was skiing!!!"
Jan 26, 2009 3:47 AM #345823
Quote from Teh_Onea man gets in a car accident and passes out. when he wakes up, he is still lying on the sidewalk where he was hit, and he asks his friend "did you call me an ambulance yet?" he asks his friend. "not yet, but okay." the friend starts to point and yells "you're an ambulance! you're an ambulance!"
Man, that one is so old Eddsworld made a video about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9H8joWHvk4
Jan 26, 2009 7:22 PM #346166
a doctor asks a patient for a sperm sample, he tells him to put it in a small tub, then hands him the tub
so the man goes home and tries
but he cant do it
he asks his wife for help, she uses a towel, but she cant do it
so they go next door and asks his wifes friend, she tries to use a rubber glove but it still wont work.
so she asks her husband, he tries using his teeth, but he still cant do it
a week later the man goes back to the doctor and hands him the tub back, the doctor asks why there isnt any sperm there, the man replies.....
....
...
...
..
i couldn't get the lid off!
bad-dum-dsh
xD
edit: W00T #100 post =D
so the man goes home and tries
but he cant do it
he asks his wife for help, she uses a towel, but she cant do it
so they go next door and asks his wifes friend, she tries to use a rubber glove but it still wont work.
so she asks her husband, he tries using his teeth, but he still cant do it
a week later the man goes back to the doctor and hands him the tub back, the doctor asks why there isnt any sperm there, the man replies.....
....
...
...
..
i couldn't get the lid off!
bad-dum-dsh
xD
edit: W00T #100 post =D
Jan 27, 2009 3:22 AM #346438
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your entire family was killed by a drunk driver.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Who's there?
The police. Your entire family was killed by a drunk driver.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Jan 27, 2009 3:51 AM #346452
A man walks into a bar
his alcoholism is tearing his family apart
his alcoholism is tearing his family apart
Jan 27, 2009 4:46 PM #346655
Isn't this like the thread that was made ages a go, where you start to make a joke, and then finish it off with something completely realistic and not funny? There was a name for those types of jokes, but I can't remember it.
Jan 27, 2009 4:48 PM #346657
Anti-jokes ?
Jan 27, 2009 4:53 PM #346659
yes, yes that was the one. God I'm simple.